PaulDenstay Profile

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I'm looking for couples or single parents who want to ado...

I'm not sure a birth mother is required to seek out those services. It'd be nice but I doubt very much they can be forced into those services. And why should they? This might be an unpopular view here but if you can afford to provide these services why should the state shoulder the burden? State housing? The birth mom is given a voucher and goes out and finds an apartment to live in, what do you think that gets her? Tell you what, drive to some undesirable part of a large city. Someplace you would never live. Guess what? That is what your voucher gets you. Think what the neighbor next door smoking or cooking meth could do to your unborn child. A nice neighborhood doesn't guarantee anything but it betters the odds. Faith based housing? Sure if they're down with it, not every birth mother is going to feel comfortable with a church. It is usually a dorm or a small apartment and I've heard some stories about their counseling and over zealousness to convince these impressionable young girls to keep their babies, as is their right to. So unless it is Podunkville in the midwest you may wish to change your stance on that. I could probably make a similar horrific statement regarding medical assistance, but that'd be less likely but who knows in the inner city. A young girl might refuse these services if she has been suspected of or proven to have committed welfare fraud and will ultimately be denied. She might be embarrassed to reveal that to the new parents for fear of the light it may cast her in. Easier for her to move on than lose face perhaps. I don't think refusing any of that makes someone a scammer now the girl you mention might be but I am talking in general now. Put yourself in her shoes. She wants the best for her child. Best care. Best school. Best food. Best clothes. Best everything. And you are going to do what? Suggest welfare? I never talk expenses with the birth mom. Let the lawyer do it. It just has too much potential to make the situation go sour real fast. Make that lawyer earn some of that money.  (Jul 31, 2012 | post #3206)

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I'm looking for couples or single parents who want to ado...

You have that other option which I'm against but is legal in this country. However adoption can be a rewarding experience for all involved and I'm no expert but maybe all of your expenses can be legally covered. This one couple the birth mother they were matched with spun a story about the landlord knowing her father who she was not very close with and did not want him to find out. Since it was winter she was able to wear coats and sweaters to hide the fact she was with child yet she worried what suspicions would be raised with someone paying her rent. So they were able to pay her $950/mo for her rent. Ninth month comes around and they're in town with her constantly and during a conversation it comes up she was getting some sort of assistance and her actual out of pocket expense for rent was only like $150 so she was pocketing the rest. They ran right to their lawyer and he told them "You probably misunderstood her and we have done all that is necessary on our end as far as the legalities" and that was that. 2 weeks later they had their daughter and never once felt like they did anything illegal or immoral. I'd have a problem with it but they were fine. Turns out she was getting food stamps too and $500 for food from them. Quite the clever angle on expenses. So get informed and talk to someone and hopefully get some assistance with your finances.  (Jul 30, 2012 | post #3186)

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I'm looking for couples or single parents who want to ado...

Oh boy! You think the medical expenses go to you? Docs get paid directly. Expenses are from like and this can vary from state to state to about month 6 to around 1 month after. So safe to subtract 1 stage? I just saved some jail bird $16,500! Guess what? Most people will want to pay your expenses direct as well. Get gift cards for grocery stores etc. All of a sudden that cash flow is down to a trickle Better send her to a free adoption counseling service and they will tell you exactly what to expect and when to expect it. Better bring a detailed expense report and realize some states put caps on some expenses. If you want to be legal you better educate yourself. Because what I quoted above could land you in hot water and won't make you many friends here.  (Jul 28, 2012 | post #3152)

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I'm looking for couples or single parents who want to ado...

I just went back a few pages to read and you sir ((I'm assuming you are a guy do not deny it)) are a twisted depraved individual. To come in here and try and prey upon the emotions of desperate people is despicable. You should be ashamed of yourself. Having feel I have fully admonished you I must sadly admit I chuckled fairly hard at it. I feel I have to reward this imaginative endeavor. Being from Wisconsin I enjoy the staple foods. Beer. Cheese. And the bratwurst. To excess probably. I think you'll enjoy. BIE  (Jul 26, 2012 | post #3131)

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I'm looking for couples or single parents who want to ado...

Hey Missy. I'd agree that most of these are jokes or scams. You can often tell immediately if they are bogus. The comment up by Barefooted seems legit. My partner and I talked to her for about 2hrs the other day. Was very well spoken and seemed very sure about going the adoption route. Money or gifts never even came up once. Just a nice get to know you talk. Informed us that we were not a good match sadly. I guess she could be runnin' some sort of a long con but she clearly was not going to be stringing us along. I didn't get the vibe she was a scammer. Might be an attention seeker. Im confident enough in handing her email out to some other couples at this waiting parents support group we are involved with. As long as they proceed cautiously I don't see the harm. Just never let your desire to become a parent trump your common sense. If your instincts tell you something is up then trust in that. There are plenty of ways to protect yourself. PM me and I can give you some tips if you wish. We share your agony almost 3 years for us. God Bless and Good Luck  (Jul 24, 2012 | post #3112)