O ai e i ai gi aga 'JOKES' malie

Make it fun n snappy...sole/suga be nice

Chinese proverb:...Man who goes to bed with sex
problem on mind wake up with
solution in hand..

What do u call a deer with no eyes?

NO IDEA!

hahaha, well i thought it was funny :-/

The phone rang at the Chinese Laundry:

"Can i speak to Half-in?"
"No Half-in's out"
"Is that half out?"
"No Half-out's not in"
"Who's that?"
"Im Half-up the secretary."
"Sorry i'll call back when you're not busy"

Awolah...my mums gonna ka mai ulu..shes part Chinese hahaha

Sam put a sign on his door

"Knock firmly. I like firm knockers"

SANTA doesnt have any children of his own.He only comes once a year, and then it is down a chimney.

Fred said 2 his mate,"Did u know my wife is a wresler?"
"No why do u ask?"
"I thought u might have seen her wrestle."
"No but Ive seen her 'box' a few times"

Hahaha...thats my 2cents 4 the day...ua ova foi le amio valea...hope all is well whereever u are.

God bless Samoa

Proud Hamo wrote:

The phone rang at the Chinese Laundry:
"Can i speak to Half-in?"
"No Half-in's out"
"Is that half out?"
"No Half-out's not in"
"Who's that?"
"Im Half-up the secretary."
"Sorry i'll call back when you're not busy"
Awolah...my mums gonna ka mai ulu..shes part Chinese hahaha

haha, that's gold!
Well done Proud Hamo 8-)

Irish maidens prayer....."And now dear lord, please have Murphy on me."

Mr Wong rushed his wife 2 the hospital where Mrs Wong gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. All WHITE. "It must have been the milkman,"said Mr Wong sadly, "Two Wongs dont make a white." The doctor console him "Occidents do happen"

Why dont rabbits make a noise when they root?
Because they have cotton balls.

haha...better get back to work

Manuia le aso Samoa

'ia se'i ou alu 'e saili ni jokes malie...se 'ua fai sina livaliva o aso...hahaha, se'i toe taumafai 'e fa'a'i'ila le taleni...ae manaia fo'i i le faitau ma ata...laughter is the best medicine!
our samoan people are down to earth and naturally humorous!

"HOT DOGGYY"

A couple of days after his arrival in Auckland from the islands, for the first time, Manu decided to venture outside and explore his new surroundings. His suburb is known as Onehunga. It is an eclectic mix of different races and nationalities.

After exploring for half the day, Manu is hungry. He comes by a Korean Takeaway and notices a sign advertising Hot Dogs for $1.00. This plays havoc with his stomach, gurgling and making all kinds of hungry noises. He steps up to the counter and orders himself a hot dog and starts to reminicse about home in Tonga. He could almost taste the dog just from thinking about it. His senses were heightened, he could smell the aroma, his mouth was watering in anticipation of his Hot Dog. And for a dollar! Crazy Asian. Typical, they always so cheap.

"Order for one Hot Dog!" yelled the the shopkeeper.

Manu steps up to receive his order but he immediately becomes suspicious when he sees the size of the package. It wasn't even big enough to fit a puppy! Maybe they were trying to trick him with a rat! Without leaving he opens the paperbag and his eyes widened in shock and disgust.

"Oh egsguze me," he challenged the shopkeeper. "What you call dis, eh?"

The shopkeeper looks inside the bag,"One Hot Dog" replied the Asian.

"What! I'm soulie, but where I gum from, we don't eat dat bart ot da tog!"

i ma half tongan n haf samoan..so yes i got da best of bouf weods..eniweis..mah mahm was lyk sooo pizd off at mah fwen hu sent this to meh..kos she TONGAN(mah mum)..
but mah wit dad(samoan)..he was lyk lafing his head off.but he stopped wen mah mum stared at him..lols..so yeah...

The village Matai tells the story of Sione to the kitz.

One days Sione was cudding da grass with his sapelu(macheti), when all of asutten
da ampulance went going by.

Sione straight aways drop his sapelu and run afta da ampulance. Da
ampulance tryfer look to his side mirror and see a man in a lafalafa(lavalava)
running after him.

Afraids for his live, becos he was in Otara's, da ampulance tryver
stepped on da cass. His ampulance go very, very farce.

But Sione farce too. Sione loose one chandal, but he keep runnings,
Sione's lafalafa starting to falling downs but he keep runnings.

Da ampulance tryfer look in da side mirror and he is amaze dat da man
wiff da falling down lafalafa and one chandal is not giffing up.

Da ampulance tryfer is now concern finkings Sione chase him because he
need medical helps.

Sione, was please to see da ampulance was stoppings for him. About 3
minute later, Sione catch up to da ampulance.

The ampulance tryfer open da backs toor and say to Sione,

"What is da matters? You needs help??

Sione with his hands on his knees, buffing like hell. Wiff his preaths
back, Sione looks at da ampulance tryfer and say:-

"can i haf da one snow-cones wiff da chocolate flakes blese!"

okay..now i fink dat was dry..i dnt knw wat do yews fink???

"IN HELL"

theres 3 guys (1, 2, 3). a fijian, samoan, && the most handsome a tongan..lol..jk..anyways..thes e 3 guys all died && ended up in hell..
so the devil came to them && asked them...
DO U GUYS WANNA LIVE IN HELL??
and they all responded..
NO..
then the devil said..
OK..IN ORDER FOR ME TO SET U FREE U HAVE TO STICC A FRUIT OF YOUR CHOICE IN UR ANUS WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND OR ANY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!! OK?!!
the 3 were ready to do anything to get out of hell..
so the fijian chose a pear..
he tried so hard to stick that pear in his u kno what but
he couldnt help but squirm && make a ugly face..
so the devil told him
YOU LOSE! WAIT THERE FOR YOUR ETERNAL TORTURE!
then the tongan was up..he chose
a grape..and while he tried to sticc it in his u kno what he
began to smile && laugh..so the devil said...
YOU LOSE! WAIT THERE FOR YOUR ETERNAL TORTURE!
the fijian was baffled ..he said..
THAT WAS SO EASY!! WHAT HAPPENED??
and the tongan said...
I SEEN THE SAMOAN REACHING FOR THE WATERMELON!!
lol!!
..okay to all my samoan peeps yews knw dat witowt da samoan no joke wud beh funnih..eniweis...ia i hope i didnt offend eni1..but hei..im Samoan n tongan..mwuah

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

HUMBLE ISLANDER wrote:

"HOT DOGGYY"
A couple of days after his arrival in Auckland from the islands, for the first time, Manu decided to venture outside and explore his new surroundings. His suburb is known as Onehunga. It is an eclectic mix of different races and nationalities.
After exploring for half the day, Manu is hungry. He comes by a Korean Takeaway and notices a sign advertising Hot Dogs for $1.00. This plays havoc with his stomach, gurgling and making all kinds of hungry noises. He steps up to the counter and orders himself a hot dog and starts to reminicse about home in Tonga. He could almost taste the dog just from thinking about it. His senses were heightened, he could smell the aroma, his mouth was watering in anticipation of his Hot Dog. And for a dollar! Crazy Asian. Typical, they always so cheap.
"Order for one Hot Dog!" yelled the the shopkeeper.
Manu steps up to receive his order but he immediately becomes suspicious when he sees the size of the package. It wasn't even big enough to fit a puppy! Maybe they were trying to trick him with a rat! Without leaving he opens the paperbag and his eyes widened in shock and disgust.
"Oh egsguze me," he challenged the shopkeeper. "What you call dis, eh?"
The shopkeeper looks inside the bag,"One Hot Dog" replied the Asian.
"What! I'm soulie, but where I gum from, we don't eat dat bart ot da tog!"
i ma half tongan n haf samoan..so yes i got da best of bouf weods..eniweis..mah mahm was lyk sooo pizd off at mah fwen hu sent this to meh..kos she TONGAN(mah mum)..
but mah wit dad(samoan)..he was lyk lafing his head off.but he stopped wen mah mum stared at him..lols..so yeah...

Seki a oe...haha...ua uma upu...malo foi oukou across the ditch...thanks 4 the jokes,keep em coming

HAMO PRINCESS wrote:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

sowih darls...

wat?
hu?
wen?
meh hav no idea...ish dat a joke??..or yew tellin a real stowih???

A bloke carrying2 heavy suitcases is stopped by the Customs
"Whats in the bag sir?"
"Chook food," he says
When the bloke was asked to open the cases the customs agents found radios,culculators,cold wrist watches,miniature computers and a range of electrical gadgets.
"Okay" he says. "I feed it to the chooks
but if they dont like it I try to sell it"

Haha it sounds very familiar 2 me

HE: "Dont the stars look lovely tonight?"

SHE: "Cant tell Im in no position to say."

"What are you shaking for?" said the banana to the vibrator, "I'm the one she's going to eat."

HAMO PRINCESS wrote:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

You mean the one that had a minor 'strike'...and was cant move his whole left side, but his right side was 'alright'...lol

Binnoculars...I dont know to spell this but those big micro visual things you put to your eyes to see far far and beyond.....you guys use everyday lol.

Joke.

There was a Samoan lady who went to "Pake and Save" like the one in Kilbirnie?. She was so busy that she had to rush her shopping and rush back home to start the cooking aua le fa`amati of the Ladies mafutaga for church.
When she finished unpacking her fa`akau she remembered and said:

"Se ua galo na faatau se peanut oil mo le sapasui".

So she went to the lounge where Sione was looking out the window at his neighbours with binnoculars:

"Sioge,(she said) sau sei e kamo`e ile Dairy e fa`akau mai se fagu Peanut oil mo le sapasui ua galo oga faakau mai"...."SIOGE!!! "

Sione immediately payed attention to his mother took the money and ran out the door. Not long after Sione left the mother said:

"Eeeee, ua uma fo`i le butter"

She was too late to run out, by this time Sione was about 15 meters from the house. So she went to the lounge and saw the binnoculars and wondered "Whats this?" then she placed it to her face and said

" Auoi! Ka`i magaia le toy a si o`u baby"...

She looked out the curtain with the binnoculars and was amazed at how everything looked so close up. She turned to her left and could see a good view of Sione running down the road. Immediately she reaches out to Sione and whispers:

"E, dear, aua le galo e faakau mai ma se paka"

JaSan wrote:

Binnoculars...I dont know to spell this but those big micro visual things you put to your eyes to see far far and beyond.....you guys use everyday lol.
Joke.
There was a Samoan lady who went to "Pake and Save" like the one in Kilbirnie?. She was so busy that she had to rush her shopping and rush back home to start the cooking aua le fa`amati of the Ladies mafutaga for church.
When she finished unpacking her fa`akau she remembered and said:
"Se ua galo na faatau se peanut oil mo le sapasui".
So she went to the lounge where Sione was looking out the window at his neighbours with binnoculars:
"Sioge,(she said) sau sei e kamo`e ile Dairy e fa`akau mai se fagu Peanut oil mo le sapasui ua galo oga faakau mai"...."SIOGE!!! "
Sione immediately payed attention to his mother took the money and ran out the door. Not long after Sione left the mother said:
"Eeeee, ua uma fo`i le butter"
She was too late to run out, by this time Sione was about 15 meters from the house. So she went to the lounge and saw the binnoculars and wondered "Whats this?" then she placed it to her face and said
" Auoi! Ka`i magaia le toy a si o`u baby"...
She looked out the curtain with the binnoculars and was amazed at how everything looked so close up. She turned to her left and could see a good view of Sione running down the road. Immediately she reaches out to Sione and whispers:
"E, dear, aua le galo e faakau mai ma se paka"

Magaia le joke JaSan...haha...ua e ula foi i lo'u nana a ea?...ga a e lelei a lau faasamoa...10/10 4 that...youre way better than my cousins who only came 2 nz yesterday but have completely lost the plot...have 2 constantly repeat myself 4 em to get it...its getting on my nerves, its not as if we speak 2 them in english when they're home...kafefe e kiga ai le ulu anyway

Manuia le weekend