freedom of expression

Hello Ladies

Is Mimi here, I know I said I’m not coming back, but right now I am in a really bad mood, so I thought I better pop in and say hello to you all.

My boyfriend a.k.a ASSHOLE upset me today. I am absolutely fxxking furious right now! Don't worry, I am not going to answer his phone calls or speak to him for the next three days, let him fxxking suffers a bit!!!! Arghhhhhh......

Seer, I am sorry, because I'm not doing well with this “self-journey” thing at the moment. I am fxxking sick of everything in my life! But, thank you for your kind words at “the mind thread” and same to you too Andromeda and SimplyJane.

Quantum, if by chance you read this, please excuse some of the words here, I know you hate people that are rude, but I can’t help it man, I am not a nun, so everything that come out from my mouth can’t be all fxxking pure throughout the year!

“I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not ~Kurt Cobain

So please everybody, don’t go mad with me for being rude in Keanu forum.

To all the secret readers, who got nothing better to do but coming here to give people negative judgements, well don't you dare try to give me one again, unless you are having a big bad haemorrhoid in real life then help yourself, because I know you need to stop the itch somewhere!

Andromeda, I am sorry for being rude again! I'm so angry at the moment, so I can’t be good and wise gal for you.

LOL... be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.(Dr. Seuss)

Sorry to hear about your bad day, Mimi. Things always look better after a good night's sleep. Letting it out is much better than keep it all in.

xo

Mimi,
Personally, I think venting is good. Anger is like a poison, it should not linger too long in our system. I sorry your day is not going well. I don't know if you like piano music, but this helps clear my mind - http://www.youtube.com/watch...

That's so pretty, Jane! What a sentimental melody.:0)

Andromeda,
If you can't sleep like me, here is another one I enjoy -http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=CFM2XLBDF74
I love to listen to Yiruma piano music especially when I am alone. Beautiful music....

Ah Mimi, I know you'll be tired of hearing it, but time really does take care of a lot - the trick is to manage to hang on through the rough places - so don't worry about the 'time' part, just hang on to the 'hang on' part ;). Always know that things change, and often for the better - if you'll just ride it out.

SIMPLYJANE wrote:

Mimi,
Personally, I think venting is good. Anger is like a poison, it should not linger too long in our system. I sorry your day is not going well. I don't know if you like piano music, but this helps clear my mind - http://www.youtube.com/watch...

Thanks for this. It sounds wonderful. I was in Munich few months ago and a pianist was playing on the street (yes, on the street). People were so captivated, that we did hear him hours long, sitting on the basement...Hope, someone will discover his talent once a day. It was of these moments I will never forget.

Andromeda-1 wrote:

LOL... be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.(Dr. Seuss)
Sorry to hear about your bad day, Mimi. Things always look better after a good night's sleep. Letting it out is much better than keep it all in.
xo

Ya, I feel this is the best place for me to blow off some steam. I know I always seem to be miserable in here, but I am not happy in real life. I'm sorry I can't make people happy in here.

Mimi

SIMPLYJANE wrote:

Mimi,
Personally, I think venting is good. Anger is like a poison, it should not linger too long in our system. I sorry your day is not going well. I don't know if you like piano music, but this helps clear my mind - http://www.youtube.com/watch...

I love piano music, in fact I love all type of music. When I was little my mum wanted me to be a ballet dancer, so she took me to a ballet class, but I didn't enjoy it, so I told my dad and my dad took me to a karate class and I absolutely love it, because through the lessons I learnt how to kick people ass.

Ballet was bloody boring in my opinion, but I don't mind watching people doing ballet, because is beautiful to watch.:-)

Seer wrote:

Ah Mimi, I know you'll be tired of hearing it, but time really does take care of a lot - the trick is to manage to hang on through the rough places - so don't worry about the 'time' part, just hang on to the 'hang on' part ;). Always know that things change, and often for the better - if you'll just ride it out.

Really? Time really does take care of a lot????:-(

Mimi

You know Mimi, when I quit smoking and was "agitated" I took out a gym membership and took the heavy duty aerobic classes they had on the schedule. Nothing like a good kick boxing class to make you feel better.(Although if I took one today I probably put my back out, LOLOL) Dance classes can put a smile on your face. I took a latin medley for ladies class last winter.(Didn't need a partner.) That was so much fun. Winter sucks (Jan/Feb) It was the only thing that go me through the short and bitter cold days.:0)

Shameless wrote:

<quoted text>
Really? Time really does take care of a lot????:-(
Mimi

It absolutely does. Trust us. Diversions help to get you through rough times. How do you feel about really digging into your painting again? Maybe get into still life (out of the house in calm environments). Sitting in museums and sketching.

Just a some suggestions. Not sure if you need to beat the crap out of a bag or meditate, though. Maybe both?

Hugs

No class today ladies. I am slightly better mood than last night.

Honestly, I can’t wait for 2009 to be end, because it has been such a bad year for me, I mean not just a normal bad year, a real fxxking bad year for me and because of what happened the last thing I want is to have problem with my boyfriend.

Sigh....maybe I should become a lesbian, at least female can understand other female much better, but I am not a homosexual gal, so it will be weird for me to kiss a gal or having any kind of intimacy. Sigh....everything is suck for me these days!

Honestly, I wish I was never born, then I wouldn’t have to go through all kind of emotional shits.

I can’t leave my boyfriend though, because I really care for him and I don’t want him to back to his old self where he did nothing except having trouble with the authority. But sometime I really feel that he can be really immature, I thought we both same age, so we should think alike, but I guess this isn’t the case, I think guy do takes longer to be mature when it comes to their "thought", do you agree ladies?

He hasn’t cheated on me ladies, but he did something stupid that really pissed me off and I can’t discuss it with anyone in real life, because I don’t want them to start saying to me “I told you so, he’s no good”. Every fucker that cares about me thinks that our relationship will not last, so I can’t let them know that I’m having problem with him at the moment. Sigh...

My life is suck for me! Maybe I should swallow some poison and kill myself, so I don’t give all the mature people in my family unnecessary headache.

I know I should be fxxking thankful for what I have in my life, but still I can’t stop being unhappy all the times these days.

Ladies, I bet any of you here must be nice and calm, when you were my age. I swear I used to be really good gal as well, but I changed these days. I don’t believe we should do everything what people tell us to do anymore or what people think we should behave, I can’t just follow them without analyse it, I am not a lamb anymore. I am a human being and I have my own mind, I know sometime I can be pretty stupid, but I can’t help it man, mistake or failure it just part of life (I guess).

Sigh...I am getting old, wish I was still a kid, at least toys can keep me happy when I’m down.

What do you think of this ladies,“Writes "failure'' on a paper, and pronounce it ''Experiences''

Mimi

Andromeda-1 wrote:

<quoted text>
It absolutely does. Trust us. Diversions help to get you through rough times. How do you feel about really digging into your painting again? Maybe get into still life (out of the house in calm environments). Sitting in museums and sketching.
Just a some suggestions. Not sure if you need to beat the crap out of a bag or meditate, though. Maybe both?
Hugs

I can't really paint properly these days (ever since my dad passed away). Meditate? Maybe I should, because there are so much anger inside me at the moment!:-(

Wow, Mimi I wish there was something I could say or do to help you feel better. Would it help for you to sit and chat with a counsellor at school? Here in Canada they have on-site counsellors through the student unions. What about there? Someone like that could help you through your grief and you wouldn't have to sensor your anger, etc. And if you were having problems with your boyfriend you could get your anger off your chest without him (or you) being judged.

If you can't paint, maybe clay sculpting would be good therapy. Pounding out the clay, digging into it, pinching it, etc. It might make you feel good.:0)

You are who you are and you a just right.:0)

Should've read: You are who you are and you ARE just right.:0)

I have a busy day ahead, Mimi. So I have to go. Take care, hon. I'll check in on you later on when I get home.

Hey Mimi
I am still here though many don't aknowledge it. I know what you are going through. I really do. Many here have given their response to your situation and they are very good responses - positive even. I just don't think they are helping you very much right now, except that the honest affection and concern probably helps.

Anger can be a very useful form of energy or tool when one is reeling from the difficulties of life surrounding you and all that seems to be visible is despair. Take that anger to energize you - temporarily. It will keep the despair at bay. Use this fuel to do something constructive, that will lead to tangible results, like your painting. Just because you painted one one before dosen't mean you always have to paint that way. Take Jackson Pollack for example - he is regarded as a master but many find his work emotionally disturbing and expressive. You can produce work that may help you to express the turmoil of emotions within you.

Suicide is a difficult word for many. There is also many kinds of it, and no I don't mean methods. There is emotional suicide or psychological suicide, spiritual suicide etc. I understand when someone uses that word the power of emotion behind it, but the actual meaning of it may in fact may not be true. You don't want to kill yourself, you just want the pain to stop. That is quite different. We all have moments like that. Some people are more sensitive and aware of their circumstances so it makes you both vulnerable and strong. Up and Down. But as you said it has been a really bad year so there has been a lot of down. Just don't confuse wanting the pain to end with wanting everything to end. There are too many people in your life that would miss you, just as you have missed others including your father.

Dwelling also doesn't help, so take a time out. Do something different that has no connection to what you have been doing. Learn something new, volunteer with a group that needs your help - make new connections. It will distract you enough that you could heal.

Now I don't know what happened with your boyfriend but one thing to me is very clear. You are a very proud young lady. You stick to your guns for what is right. So why do you care what others think of him? If he has done something you dislike or don't agree with - talk to him. He needs to know. He may not. If he is doing something deliberatly that upsets you that is a different matter. I am sure you know this as well because you are a smart lady. But consider your pride. That includes being proud of him - let him know this, that his mistakes change how others see him or perhaps as you said reaffirm that others think poorly of him.

Most men want to be the white knight for their lady. They want their lady to see them for their good qualities. Sometimes though when they come from difficult backgrounds they don't know how to get past that. They don't realize their behavior can change all that, that they need to "impress" or "win over" their ladies friends and family too. They don't realize that she(meaning you) has to carry that tension and constantly defend their man to family and friends because she loves him and believes in him. I really don't think they get that at all. Just let him know. Try to work through this, because as you have said in past you have a great deal of feelings for him, so it is worth trying to work out.

And above all else know and remember that you are loved. Even here many have shown both their concern and affection for you. We haven't made (or at least the majority) haven't made judgments of you. And yes everyone including you is entitled to their opinion. Listen to those opinions from those you trust, consider new ones and those that are damaging and intended to hurt - dismiss them.

Take Care

For our Dear Mimi,with all my heart.*i m singing for u,esp-ly*-Something whispers in my ear and says ,that youre NOT ALOne,For i am here with you. .Thoug ure far away,i m here too-o stay.Buut you are nooo-ot alone,i thought i heard u cry,asking me to come,just hold my arms,i can hear your prayers,FOR YOU im here,we are here. .we love u,Mimi.Have an amazing day.You are the best.Hugsnblessings.:)

That was beautiful Lizaird. <3

Mimi,
I think that Lizaird is very wise and thoughtful in her opinion. I hope her advice has helped you in some way or at least made you stop to think. I absolutely agree with the part about wanting to end the pain. You would not only end the pain you are in now but you would end all the beautiful aspects of your life - most importantly not seeing your mom. Life has it's up and down. I am sorry to know that you are having a bad year. I can completely sympathize with you. I am hoping the new year will begin soon, but in the mean time hold on. I didn't know you enjoy painting. I have always admired how people could express themself through artistic medium. This is a gift. I hope you could find joy in that. Hugs to you.