Letter from Renee Stephens

Dear Clients, Colleagues, Friends and the interested public.


I deeply appreciate the compassionate outpouring of support many of you have shown as I struggle through this most difficult time.


Now that I have had a few days to gather the courage, I would like to share with you where I truly stand. I too am utterly appalled by my husband's behavior during the swap. I had not see the footage until Friday night, so didn't fully know how incredibly badly he had behaved until I saw it on national TV. I knew he was not proud of his behavior and that he had many misgivings. I did not know he had been aggressively cruel and insulting on so many levels. This has been impossible for me to comprehend.


While I completely condemn his behavior I feel confused because he has been a loving and dedicated husband and father for many years. This in no way can rationalize his inexcusable behavior. It is simply an explanation of why it has taken me this long to make a statement. I have asked Stephen to get professional help.


Finally, I know that I created offense as well. When I made the statement about the parents not having advanced degrees, I was responding to direct and probing questions from the director about what level of education I thought the Long's had. I certainly don't think people need college degrees to live intelligent and valuable lives, and was not passing any kind of judgment with my comment. My edited comment regarding being an American was actually an acknowledgement that being born here isn't enough of a reason to be proud. We each need to make meaningful contributions that we are proud of and acknowledge other's contributions as well. We create community and we try to live honorably and that is what makes us proud but it's not our birthright. I am grateful to be a part of this country.

Again, thank you for your heartfelt comments.

Blessings,
Renee

I find it slightly unbelievable that Ms. Stevens had no idea her husband could be as cruel as he was on Wife Swap. Really? Out of nowhere, suddenly, a man starts to act in a way and express attitudes that he has never expressed before, saving all of this ugliness for his one moment on national TV?

Hard to believe. Further hard to believe because neither of them expressed any remorse at the very end of the show and, in fact, both Renee and her husband continued to express distain for the visiting wife.

I wonder if there was no public outrage would Ms. Stephens and her husband continue on their merry way, smug in their arrogance and their utter belief in their superiority?

Their behavior - in its meanness, arrogance, and smugness - has forever been captured on TV. They now have a lifetime to show that, like the other family who showed more diginity and class without the fancy education or money, they can be open and grow from this.

Dear Renee, gain 20 pounds and you will see what you married forsthand. If I were you I would get a divorce because you can do better...

not to mention the fact your safety is in jepordy now since the world knows what a a$$ you have for a husband and your personal safety could be in jepordy as other jerks will come to challenge your husband.

If you have not noted what an a$$ your husband is, you are maybe so into yourself and your life you have not noticed. I only say this because you can't stand being around your kids too long as you pointed out in the show.

ps......... yes being born here is a birthright. You should know this since your husband wasn't and needed you to give him the rights to be american.
Now that you know what your married to... the real question is what will you do?
Your foolish to think he is anything but what he showed himself to be, an arrogent, critical, snob.
Gain some weight or get sick and you will see, he will show you who he really is firsthand.
Most women would not stay to find out the hard way.

fowlers emotional IQ = zero

(both of them)

Hello Renee,

Chances are you aren't reading this, but just in case you are let me share a few thoughts.

I am not a psychologist, but, nevertheless, I believe you husband manifests the traits of a malignant narcissist as outlined in the DSM-IV. Malignant narcissism is a personality disorder in the same group with borderline personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, and sociopathy. In fact, narcissism and malignant narcissism are lesser forms of sociopathy.

Here is my main point: people with personality disorders are notoriously resistant to treatment. Even if Stephen goes to a psychologist, he'll only go to appease you, because losing his trophy wife and trophy kids is bad for his image--that, and he needs someone to control. It will only be a matter of time before he manifest his real, cruel, ugly self. He won't change. It's that simple.

I don't normally encourage someone to break up a marriage, but that's what I'm doing here. Divorce him, Renee. One thing was immediately clear along with Stephen's relentless cruelty: your two children are miserable. Divorce him and get your children away from that monster before they're more damaged than they already are.

One more thing: Sure your children tire you. Children do that. But, being the beautiful, tender children that they are, they need their mother to be physically present for them before 5:30 PM every day and not just when it's convenient for their self-absorbed, New Agey, California flake of a mother. Speaking as a father, when we bring children into the world, our lives stop in many ways and our children's lives move through ours. When they are grown, our lives start up again. That's the way it is. That's life.

So nurture your children, damn you!

MY RESPONSE TO RENEE'S NEW STATEMENT
(I've left several comments in the last few days and she keeps taking them down) whitetrashbodhisattva said,
February 5, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
What about *my* heartfelt perspective, Renee? Or are you only grateful for the heartfelt perspectives that kiss your behind and salute you with high fives?
Do you think that I am a bad person, Renee? You think that I just go around harassing people on the internet for no good reason? I don’t harass people. I love people.
My feedback on your site is because of my heartfelt desire to see a wrong made right. I geniunely think you are a fraud and a con. I honestly believe that your clients and yahoo group members are being manipulated into thinking that you have their best interests at heart, rather than your own. Do you respect *this* heartfelt perspective? I doubt you do, for the reasons I just named.
(it's the word 'disclose' that makes me think she took down the apologies for litigious reasons.)www.stephenfowlersucks.com

WEIGHT WATCHERS issues a statement about Renee Stephens. To read this statement, go to:

www.stephenfowlersucks.com

ATTENTION! NEW CONTACT INFO:

Physical Location that appears on google maps for TERRANOVA BIOENERGY (Stephen Fowler's Company, of which he is a Partner).

agland@aglandinvest.com
Agland Investment Services, Inc.

William P. Mott :
wmott@aglandinvest.com

William E. Scott :
wscott@aglandinvest.com

Pat McDonnell
Partner
pmcdonnell@terranovabio.com


www.stephenfowlersucks.com

Renee. Again, you are placing the blame, ultimately, on the Director who asked you "direct" and "probing" questions as to what level of education you thought the people in the home had. And YOU responded in a judgemental and elitist way with giggle and, "I'm betting they don't have 'advanced' degrees." (Like YOU do? Come on, a few cheap as dirt 'certifications' in neurolinguistic psycho-babble and "life coaching". Please.)
Then, you go on to place the blame on the editors. Those unfair editors who made it look like you said what you said, the way you said it.
We can see right through you, dear. You and your husband are reptilian elitists who use wordy prose to deceive and manipulate well-meaning people. According to your own friends, you were all "laughing hysterically" when the calls started coming in the night of the airing of the show with people wanting to know why Stephen was so mean. You're just sorry you got caught.
www.stephenfowlersucks.com

Are you nuts?? You married this jerk who insults almost EVERYONE in this country and then make excuses for him? He exhibits characteristics of a sociopath and somehow, you never noticed this before? You and your husband are educated but ignorant, smart but loveless, and have squandered the gifts you were born with. What a shame for you...and a tragedy for your children. I expect your finances will also suffer a reversal of fortune as you underestimate the power of the masses of Americans you are forced to live with. At least those considering any investing and life coaching were spared throwing away their money! You may want to try moving to France. Poor France - I don't think they'll like you either!

Renee, honey. I've been where you are. Married to a psychopath, not seeing him for what he is, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I misunderstood all his vile, hateful attitudes and that, perhaps, he was good for me.

I have a PhD in Bioenergetic Medicine so I feel you and I are on the same level and it's ok for me to talk to you girl to girl (please forgive the fact I was born and raise in the midwest. Just an accident of birth). Honey? Run. Run fast. And while you're running (with your precious babes under each arm), stop doubting what you already know. Your husband didn't change for the show, you just (finally) saw him for who he is.

And if you don't run? Well, don't be surprised when others run from you. Take a good, hard look at those who have already run from you, beg their forgiveness, and make THEM your guiding light. They know something important, and if you listen, they'll guide you, too.

But before you're done, go back to that lovely woman and her paintballing, ATV loving family and thank them for the grace they have given you in showing you there is a better way. Not their way, necessarily, but the 'kind' way. It's ok to admit you're smart AND you made a terrible mistake. I did it. It hurt for a long time, but it feels wonderful now.

I wish that for you and your children, too.

Your "apology" was a mere excuse to defend your image. It wasn't heartfelt and felt as fake as a Louis Vuitton bought in Chinatown.

Looks like you do more preaching than practicing.

I hope this lets others realize what a bunch of bullcrap your "lessons" really are.

Helena wrote:

Dear Clients, Colleagues, Friends and the interested public.
I deeply appreciate the compassionate outpouring of support many of you have shown as I struggle through this most difficult time.
Now that I have had a few days to gather the courage, I would like to share with you where I truly stand. I too am utterly appalled by my husband's behavior during the swap. I had not see the footage until Friday night, so didn't fully know how incredibly badly he had behaved until I saw it on national TV. I knew he was not proud of his behavior and that he had many misgivings. I did not know he had been aggressively cruel and insulting on so many levels. This has been impossible for me to comprehend.
While I completely condemn his behavior I feel confused because he has been a loving and dedicated husband and father for many years. This in no way can rationalize his inexcusable behavior. It is simply an explanation of why it has taken me this long to make a statement. I have asked Stephen to get professional help.
Finally, I know that I created offense as well. When I made the statement about the parents not having advanced degrees, I was responding to direct and probing questions from the director about what level of education I thought the Long's had. I certainly don't think people need college degrees to live intelligent and valuable lives, and was not passing any kind of judgment with my comment. My edited comment regarding being an American was actually an acknowledgement that being born here isn't enough of a reason to be proud. We each need to make meaningful contributions that we are proud of and acknowledge other's contributions as well. We create community and we try to live honorably and that is what makes us proud but it's not our birthright. I am grateful to be a part of this country.
Again, thank you for your heartfelt comments.
Blessings,
Renee

Hello. I don't usually do this, but after seeing your clips from wifeswap on the net, i really can't help myself.
Without trying to sound as ignorant, insecure, and just plain rude as your husband...i would like to say that i found your husband so repulsive that it made me sick.
Just who does he think he is??? How could someone as intelligent as he claims to be, act so stupid on national television? He may know how to spell supercalafragalistexpialadocio us, but he has the common sense of a rock.
If I could say one thing to your sorry excuse for a man...I would tell him...What comes around goes around and that karma is a bitch.
Just who does he think he is? Talking about how much money he makes and what his IQ is?
Renee...that is insecurity at its best. Why does he feel the need to make sure that everyone knows how much he makes and how smart he is?
It's because he knows that he is a very unlikeable person, and by stating everything that he did, he hopes that those qualities will make up for all his other shortcomings in life.(ex. being a decent human being)
Cmon Renee, you seem like a smart girl...Miss NLP. If you were to imagine yourself seeing this man on television, acting the way he did, how would that make you feel?
It's not necessary to feel embarrased and distant from him...questioning why you are with such an arrogant asshole. But someday...say five years from now, you may find yourself looking back after kicking this man in the balls, thinking...that was the best decision i have ever made!
Anyhow, tell what's his face I said F you, and if I ever see him on the street... he better have some really big words to use in order to keep me from kicking his ass.
PS. You're a beautiful woman...you can do much better.

Renee,
Don't feel so bad. You and your family were victims of this horrible excuse for a show. I've been there with some friends. I've seen how the producers and directors carry out their agendas. Most viewers don't grasp just how this show works and that's how the producers would like it to stay.

Nearly everything participants do and say is filmed, sometimes up to 12-14 hours a day for about 5-6 days. That whole 2 week thing doesn't happen. There's a total of 10 days, but part of that time includes travel, etc. The actual swap only lasts for about 5-6 days.

Leading questions are asked in order to get certain statements that can later be edited and used to make you look however they wish to portray you. In many cases, the show is scripted and participants are told exactly what to say and how to act. If you don't do what you are told, you are threatened with a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

I feel sorry for people who participate in this show, thinking that they won't look bad as others have. If you participate on this show, you WILL be made to look like a horrible person.

I feel even sorrier for people who actually believe that the stuff they see on this show is real. Pro wrestling (or rasslin') has about as much reality to it as this show does.

If a husband behaves badly on this show, it's because he has been pushed, stressed, and hounded by producers into behaving that way. Had those idiots (producers) been in my house treating me the way I saw them treat my friends, I would have been in jail!}-)

yoda55 wrote:

fowlers emotional IQ = zero
(both of them)

Totally agree and he brings down the whole British nation. BTW, that was the second letter.

I think he proved that class and dignity have absolutely nothing to do with money and education.

AuroraMom wrote:

I think he proved that class and dignity have absolutely nothing to do with money and education.

Yes!

It's embarrassing to think Renee makes money off of "fat people". I don't buy it. She's only sorry that they got caught. Renee and her husband are both sorry examples of people with money. Hopefully, the show will make them more humble and less rich!

This couple thought they would make money off of this show and they are drowning in debt. I know this family personally, and regardless of how this episode of Wife Swap was edited, Stephen was being himself. Stephen comes from a nothing-land in England which is why he uses every opportunity he gets to brag about his accomplishments...it seems to have rubbed off on his wife Renee. They both live to brag about how many countries they have visited and what they have accomplished when no one actually cares. There are plenty of educated, well traveled, well read, etc. people in this world, they are nothing special. Renee is a business woman, her sympathy for fat people is actually just her drive to make money and her neighborhood in San Francisco happens to be filled with plenty of wealthy overweight women when she herself is not very stable, unless the Valium she takes is just to put up with that husband of hers. The sad part is that their kids are growing up to be just like them...

Has this woman had the good sense to dump her nasty, hatefilled pathetic husband yet?