Jack Bauer Facts

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're farked.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

local man wrote:

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

I want Jack Bauer pajamas too!

three more facts about jack:

jack bauer's tears cure cancer. too bad he has never cried.

there is no theory of evolution, only a list of organisms jack bauer has allowed to survive.

jack bauer frequently donates blood to the red cross. just not his own.

jack bauer is my hero

some of these are jsut ripped form chuck norris fact, be original...

~If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus
~Santa was real until he forgot a present for Jack Bauer.
~"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm screwed."
~If there is a will, there is a way. And if that way is through Jack Bauer, you are Dead.
~If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars
~Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
~The Europeans found out that the world is round because Jack Bauer said so.
~Why did 9/11 happen? Because Jack Bauer was on his day off.
~Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer
~The Japanese surrendered during World War II because it was rumored that President Truman would give Jack Bauer 48 hours to complete the downfall of Japan