Talking on Critical Issues before Getting Married

I read interesting news about a pastor from Grapevine Texas encouraging Christian to discuss on some issues before their marriage vows - and one of the most important issues is about intimacy. For me, I absolutely agree with this, how about you?

Of course I agree. You cant marry a person without talking or knowing them first. And that most important issue you mentioned should be talked a lot first. :)

adrianalarate wrote:

Of course I agree. You cant marry a person without talking or knowing them first. And that most important issue you mentioned should be talked a lot first.:)

Isn't it awkward to talk about it?:) But this still make sense, If you want to marry your partner you should be open to each other first in any ways.

I really agree to that before two person will take a vow of marriage they should be open to each other. So that they will lessen fights. Is the Pastor you are talking about is Pastor Ed Young? By the way I found his facebook account http://www.facebook.com/pastor.ed.young . Hope it will help all of you about the discussion.

ERRRRR? I guess I'm on the fence on this one. I asked my first wife to marry me on our first date. We were quite young, me just 21, she 19. We learned from each other as we went along. We were married for 40 years before she died from cancer.

MPMARTIN wrote:

ERRRRR? I guess I'm on the fence on this one. I asked my first wife to marry me on our first date. We were quite young, me just 21, she 19. We learned from each other as we went along. We were married for 40 years before she died from cancer.

compatibility plays a big part i guess.

bridgettdoyel wrote:

I read interesting news about a pastor from Grapevine Texas encouraging Christian to discuss on some issues before their marriage vows - and one of the most important issues is about intimacy. For me, I absolutely agree with this, how about you?

I've heard about it too, I almost laugh but I realized in the end that it do makes sense. A very important matter indeed before exchanging vow with your partner.

MPMARTIN wrote:

ERRRRR? I guess I'm on the fence on this one. I asked my first wife to marry me on our first date. We were quite young, me just 21, she 19. We learned from each other as we went along. We were married for 40 years before she died from cancer.

I think you and your wife really understand each other and love each other. I think the greatest value to have if you are in a relationship is trust and understanding.

karriegullixson wrote:

<quoted text>
I think you and your wife really understand each other and love each other. I think the greatest value to have if you are in a relationship is trust and understanding.

Looking back on it now I can't say there was "trust and understanding", but we were committed to each and felt that those traits would come as we grew together. It wasn't easy by any means, but we worked through those difficult times, and as we confronted our differentses our bond became stronger. Several of my friends made comments like " Martin finaly knocked somebody up", but that wasn't the case at all, our first child came two years after we were married. She died from cancer shortly after our 40th ann.

Just dive in and never consider divorce as an option. You'll be fine.

bridgettdoyel wrote:

I read interesting news about a pastor from Grapevine Texas encouraging Christian to discuss on some issues before their marriage vows - and one of the most important issues is about intimacy. For me, I absolutely agree with this, how about you?

Actually, discussing critical issues long before marriage is a good precaution for ALL women and men. Common sense isn't restricted to christians only. There are several other things I'd want to know about a man before marriage, such as:

1. Is he a religious person?(dealbreaker if he is)

2. Does he want any or more kids?(dealbreaker if he does, as I'm DONE with the whole procreation thing)

3. Does he have a "traditional" attitude about women and housework, ie "housework is women's work?" (dealbreaker if he does)

4. Is he a substance abuser or gambler?(dealbreaker if he is either or both)

5. Is he working or trying to get work?(dealbreaker if he isn't)

So for me, there are at least five critical issues BESIDES "intimacy" to be talked about. I'd be asking about these first.

Ocean56,

I read your post several times so that I could get an understanding of your beliefs, and I have come to one conclusion; you choose your partner the same way you would buy a new car; it has to have all these features or it's a "deal-breaker".

I wish you lots of luck with your relationships.

Before we were married my wife & I kind of wrote a contract that every evening we'd have 1/2hr together no distractions just to talk about our day. 17 years & 2 kids later we still do it.

We were both virgins when we married so talking about what we wanted sex wise would have been very awkward.

bridgettdoyel wrote:

I read interesting news about a pastor from Grapevine Texas encouraging Christian to discuss on some issues before their marriage vows - and one of the most important issues is about intimacy. For me, I absolutely agree with this, how about you?

Absolutely yes! They must discuss some issues before their marriage vows, I agree of that because when you have take that vow and live in one place there are no secrets to hide anymore.

karriegullixson wrote:

<quoted text>
I think you and your wife really understand each other and love each other. I think the greatest value to have if you are in a relationship is trust and understanding.

Yes I agree, that trust and understanding is one of the factors in making a good relationship and have a healthy married life. To know about Ed Young Ministry just visit this page http://www.winningwalk.org/ww/default.aspx .

MPMARTIN wrote:

Ocean56,
I read your post several times so that I could get an understanding of your beliefs, and I have come to one conclusion; you choose your partner the same way you would buy a new car; it has to have all these features or it's a "deal-breaker".
I wish you lots of luck with your relationships.

Actually, MP, I think those who have successful marriages, who DON'T end up getting divorced, are the men and women who know exactly what they do and DON'T want in a partner. Personally, I'd much rather know exactly what I don't want in a partner beforehand. That way, I eliminate the ones who don't fit my needs. Works for me, at least.

As to your new car analogy, I've noticed that many people put far more thought into buying that new car than they do about what qualities they want in a future spouse. That's why many couples end up GETTING a divorce, because they didn't think hard enough before marriage.

Ocean56

I read your last post and I respect your opinion, even though I feel differently. My late wife and I had "been around the block" a few times with relationships (if you know what I mean). I know it was impulsive, but we were committed to each other. Sometimes we fought like cats and dogs, but we always made up, and in doing so we learned and grew. She came from an abusive family, she was beaten and raped by her stepdad and ignored by her mother. I was more laid back and had a "WTF" attitude, complete opposites, a perfect match.

And for those that think that "online relationships don't work", here's an update.

I was planning a trip to Russia, she was living in the UK. I logged on to a website "Date UK" (Ukraine?) We hit it off instantly. We have been married for several years now.

Problems in a relationship is a very natural situation but if you have an option to avoid this, then why not. I think Pastor Ed Young shows that it is better to have a difficult conversation before getting married and talk about awkward issues to at least settle things up.

MPMARTIN wrote:

And for those that think that "online relationships don't work", here's an update.
I was planning a trip to Russia, she was living in the UK. I logged on to a website "Date UK" (Ukraine?) We hit it off instantly. We have been married for several years now.

Wow! That's great bud! There should be a right person for everyone and I think you found it. For the thread, very nice,interesting and helpful. I read all the comments and it really makes something good .