Mall wants Manilow music to drive out unruly teens

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Kurtz wrote:

Spray the little bastards with DDT.

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Kurtz wrote:

Spray the little bastards with DDT.

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john wrote:

<quoted text>Where are these children's parents?

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Tony Clifton Impersonator wrote:

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The parents are probably at home playing Barry Manilow music, which is why the kids flee to the mall for sanctuary. Maybe there can be a compromise; the kids will come home if the parents play something a little more hip.
Learning of the coming "Manilow crackdown", New Zealand kids are building up their tolerance for Barry music. Kids start by giving themselves just a taste of Barry music on occasion so they get used to it. After several days, they are able to listen to a Barry double-live album straight through. "It's the equivalent of drinking a gallon of white wine spritzer through a funnel," bragged one plucky lad.
The authorities' battle with the mallrats could escalate to another level. Authorities are not ruling out playing Dan Folgelberg or Air Supply music. "Everything is on the table," said one anonymous official.

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john wrote:

<quoted text>Where are these children's parents?

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Gutsfull wrote:

How about playing talkback radio....maybe a Christian talkback station...or a constant news feed (then we'd have something to listen to)? We could chuck in some subliminal messaging too - like "Stop texting" or "get a part time job" for good measure!

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skeleton christ wrote:

This is stupid.
So here's the problem: teens making trouble. Here's the mall's solution: try and drive out all teens? Something doesn't add up.

Beatlesinthebog wrote:

<quoted text>Listening to AC/DC!

Tony Clifton Impersonator wrote:

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The Manilow crackdown may move beyond New Zealand, as some experts are predicting "mission creep." Australian kids are rowdier than New Zealand kids, so they may be next. Then European and US urban centers could be in play as Operation Barry goes global.
Barry is taking advantage of the increased demand by releasing a new album with overt messages for the mallrats. "It's a lot of fun," says Barry, "And kids just may learn something."
New songs include:
Nice Haircut ("I know a lot of girls are getting those slutty haircuts/ But you're a beautiful girl/ And you should let people should see your pretty face")
Fill Up The Empty Space ("When you borrow your Dad's car/ Fill up the tank/ It doesn't just magically fill itself you know")
Summertime ("I love having a summer job/ With all that extra mullah/ Now I can get that special album and rock t-shirt I want so damned much)
Late Night Serenade ("I like to stay out all hours of the night/ Just as long as I call mom and dad/ I mean, what does it take?)
Easy Come, Easy Go ("You take things for granted too/ But that will end soon")

Gutsfull wrote:

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Here's a thought...ALL malls drive out ALL teenagers for a month, let 'em return, and at the slightest hint of trouble kick their butts out again. Can't see too many cycles of this continuing as the kids today seem to need the malls almost as much as the malls need their spend.
Only problem would be the periods of reduced turnover during the "outages". Although there might be some positive side effects like a more relaxed, spend conducive atmosphere or other intangible benefits that could help offset the losses? Hell, who knows, maybe we'd even end up with more families going to a mall...as families! Wouldn't that be a pleasant change?

john wrote:

<quoted text>While driving on the hiway to hell to do dirty deeds done dirt cheap, I hope!