Why do women stay with abusive men?

Doubt it...she's just giving her opinion based on what she would do in an abusive situation. Until she's lives it she has no idea..and I hope she doesn't.

gingie wrote:

<quoted text>
have you ever been abused?

I was in an abusive relationship for 11yrs. Verbally and we had 3 physical altercations in which I stood my ground.

Had two kids and made all the previously stated excuses for the man. Living thru and leaving def. made me a stronger and HAPPIER woman.

girlbinbad wrote:

I was in an abusive relationship for 11yrs. Verbally and we had 3 physical altercations in which I stood my ground.
Had two kids and made all the previously stated excuses for the man. Living thru and leaving def. made me a stronger and HAPPIER woman.

i was a child
my father was the abuser
it is what happened to me
i AM strong
there has been no abuse in my adult life

A few talking harsh on here could be abuse survivors. Some are as obnoxious as former smokers who want everyone to quit like they did. They may sort of "forget" their pain and how bad they have it and take it out on victims and blame them. You would expect compassion from surviving victims for victims.

Quinteshia wrote:

A few talking harsh on here could be abuse survivors. Some are as obnoxious as former smokers who want everyone to quit like they did. They may sort of "forget" their pain and how bad they have it and take it out on victims and blame them. You would expect compassion from surviving victims for victims.

How can you compare women who were abused as children to smokers who voluntarily spend money on cigarettes?

PoolShark wrote:

<quoted text>How can you compare women who were abused as children to smokers who voluntarily spend money on cigarettes?

I don't. That is where the analogy starts to break down. There is no choice to get into it nor live it in your childhood. I was referring to the leaving part. Some people who quit smoking have this self-righteous attitude. And some who leave abuse have this attitude that they are better than those who see no way out and blame them for staying. We all have our reasons and every abuse case is different. Sure, the general dynamics are the same, but the situations are so different.

By dynamics, I am referring to things like insecurity, immaturity, aggression, codependency, the "honeymoon phase," etc. Insecurity is the problem for both the abuser and the victim. One uses their insecurity to emotionally cripple others, and the other is crippled to fear by their own insecurity. And it is immature for the abuser to demand "respect" without earning it, and to punish others for a perceived lack of respect, and it is immature of the abused to not take responsibility for their own well-being, as well as expecting others to take care of them. And there are those who leave oppressive parents only to get into a more oppressive situation such as a bad marriage. And there is codependency, martyrdom, and the rescuer mentality.

Returning to the alcoholism metaphor, the dynamics in an alcoholic home may be very similar to the dynamics of an abusive home. Whether someone abuses their spouse, abuses the bottle, or both, the impact is often just as great on the children. The codependency, smothering love, nagging, shame, and other things are still there, even if the physical violence is not. Both sets of children are subjected to unpredictibity, shame, neglect, having to do without, and poor role models. And there may be secondary abuse since dysfunctional families are vulnerable to people who would somehow take advantage of the situation, either was codependent helpers, or as additional abusers. Siblings and extended relatives may add to the abuse.

Girlonthebeach wrote:

I was very afraid for a long time..but I am in no way going to call my self stupid because of it.
<quoted text>

If you left,you're not stupid anymore.

Quinteshia wrote:

A few talking harsh on here could be abuse survivors. Some are as obnoxious as former smokers who want everyone to quit like they did. They may sort of "forget" their pain and how bad they have it and take it out on victims and blame them. You would expect compassion from surviving victims for victims.

Not when you consider how stupid they were to get into that situation to begin with.
Everyone is a goddamned victim.
Nut it up,people ,this is life.

The REAL Deal wrote:

<quoted text>
Not when you consider how stupid they were to get into that situation to begin with.
Everyone is a goddamned victim.
Nut it up,people ,this is life.

Yes, they were stupid to let their fathers beat and rape them, and stupid enough to get into arranged marriages. Sure. And I would like to sell you a bridge.

Quinteshia wrote:

<quoted text>
Yes, they were stupid to let their fathers beat and rape them, and stupid enough to get into arranged marriages. Sure. And I would like to sell you a bridge.

No, I'm not stupid OR afraid.But you know WHERE to put the bridge.Daddy showed you,right?
I'm sick of phoney victims.Let's get some REAL victims.
In case you are to stupid to read, it's NOT parental abuse,it's woman abuse by boy/girlfriend. Keep up.

Low self-esteem along with the intimidation fear factor and lets not forget sole control over the victims life and everything she does. Cutting her off from family and friends making her solely dependent on her abuser.

PoolShark wrote:

<quoted text>I get mad even reading your story. How dare a parent abuse a child like that. And being a step - dad, not even his birth children makes it even worse. And takes away your heritage? This guy doesn't deserve to be walking around in the streets. You seem like you have a level head. Congratulations for breaking the cycle of violence and hopefully starting a long chain of good, happy families.

No this is my adopted dad. My step dad is wonderful. He is the only father I know. My adopted dad stop away my heritage because he was ashamed of his. My son learns spanish from Dora. Lol! Maybe he could teach me. U considered Karl to be my real father and will always be. My dad does not get to have contact with myself or Tristan. Heck ya break the violence. I would not be alive if I hurt Tristan.
I deal with him in a non physical way. Taking away the computer, toys and tv is enough It actually really ticks him off. Lol!

The REAL Deal wrote:

<quoted text>
No, I'm not stupid OR afraid.But you know WHERE to put the bridge.Daddy showed you,right?
I'm sick of phoney victims.Let's get some REAL victims.
In case you are to stupid to read, it's NOT parental abuse,it's woman abuse by boy/girlfriend. Keep up.

Women who are abuse by their fathers sometimes or usually go towards bad mean when they get older. So yeah, any kind of abuse matter numnutt.

This was my best friend and sister. Her last words to the police was how are my kids and dont let them see me like this. She was beat then stabed over 52 times with a screw driver in front of her four children. I adopted them and raised them as my own.

gingie wrote:

<quoted text>
the fear is why they stay
then it often ends this way
it is so sad i have no words

Beetle63 wrote:

This was my best friend and sister. Her last words to the police was how are my kids and dont let them see me like this. She was beat then stabed over 52 times with a screw driver in front of her four children. I adopted them and raised them as my own.<quoted text>

That is really sad. But all too often does this happen. I am sorry for your sister and her children. Good for u raising them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

http://home.cybergrrl.com/dv/stat/statbwkill....

BATTERED WOMEN WHO KILL

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

http://www.youtube.com/watch...