Why do women stay with abusive men?

I think the only thing worse than an abusive man, is the women who stay with them.The roles could be switched-abusive women and men who stay.Do the abused have no self worth or what.Someone please help me understand-tired of same people crying the same song.

Absolutely Amazed wrote:

I think the only thing worse than an abusive man, is the women who stay with them.The roles could be switched-abusive women and men who stay.Do the abused have no self worth or what.Someone please help me understand-tired of same people crying the same song.

I have never been in that type of situation so I don't really know. But what does come to mind is that maybe they are afraid or don't really know how to go about getting help. I think if I had a friend in an abusive relationship, I would always be there to listen even if they were not ready to leave. And would try to find someone to help them get out of the situation.. Just my thoughts but sorry no answers.

The abuse doesn't just start with a fist. These women are beaten down emotionally first. They don't think there is any other way. If a woman or man is staying with an abuser its because they are insecure and scared. The abuser makes them think they won't be wanted by anyone else. Lots more mind games go along with it. Horrible situation to be in. Very hard to get the victim out of the mind set that they are in when being abused.

I agree with Sebastian's mom to a point, but one has to start out being insecure, with low self esteem and also feeling inferior to get trapped in this sort of demmeaning situation. A lot of it is feeling ashamed, and when you are threatened day in and day out, and told you will be killed if you leave, it is definately a mind game. Or the reverse, where the spouse claims they will kill themselves if the other one leaves. If you start out feeling worthless, and you get into that situation with a control freak, it can be explosive. That is why they have shelters for battered women, who are lucky enough to get out. For those who are not as lucky, this should serve as a reminder for those that can do something about their situation.

Often the spouse (man or woman) was raised in an abusive situation. They have a low self esteem from their youth and the situation is not comfortable, but expected.

True Vee, very true. These scumbag look for weak people.

An abuser is a Master at Brain Washing -&- a Master at Manipulation..

The abuse starts mentally, it can be a slow process.. its a form of Brain Washing and Twisted Manipulation..
And brain washing can happen to even the most brilliant of people.. not to just the weak..

The abuse grows worse..as the abuser gains confidence in his demented skills..

The abused person, the self-esteem and the confidence they once had, lowers drastically..as your called every degrading thing in the book an abuser can use to tear you down mentally..and physically..

Many even begin to believe they did something to bring the abuse..and deserve it..

One fear is, that they are scared of loosing medical benefits for their children, a home, food and etc.. for them.. and an abusive husband feeds o that fear..and uses it against you..

Your self-esteem and confidence is gone at that point.. You live by walking on egg shells, fearing that the least small thing you do out of line, or even by accident.. will cause them to come at you..

Your nerves are shot, period.! To the point you can no longer think rationally.. nor think anything you do is done right..

You have a fear leaving, because you serious do Not believe you can make it on your own.. and have been brain washed to believe this by an abuser.. a master at manipulation..

Its not easy overcoming Years of Brain Washing and Years of being Manipulated..
That is why this issue continue's to exist..

I know, because I've been there..

To make the other eye match.

Females by nature are far more nurturing than males.
This is very beneficial when it comes to child raising, but it can be a hindrance when it comes to living with an abusive man.

While people with low self esteem are certainly more vulnerable, they are not the only ones who end up in abusive relationships. For those who aren't familiar with the "red flags" of a potential abuser, it can be easy to fall into the trap. Especially when the mind games start out being so subtle.

As for staying, there are scads of reasons why an abused partner doesn't leave, that have nothing to do with being stupid or "liking the abuse". Google the phrase "why women stay".

As a side note, it's not just women who are abused by men. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by women against their male partners, and it also happens in same-sex relationships.

Frank Reynolds wrote:

To make the other eye match.

That's Not funny at all.. That was very twisted & demented.. and you should be ashamed of yourself for joking about it, and the many women that have been killed due to it..

And one reason why women being abused, is blamed on the woman.. because some men joke about it..

And why, some Police Depts. still don't take it seriously.. and will even threaten the woman with jail for calling them..

I know that too, because I was threatened with jail, when I called them on my now ExH..

I also found out, that this happened to some female co-workers that lived in the same city I did..

NiftyWitch wrote:

While people with low self esteem are certainly more vulnerable, they are not the only ones who end up in abusive relationships. For those who aren't familiar with the "red flags" of a potential abuser, it can be easy to fall into the trap. Especially when the mind games start out being so subtle.
As for staying, there are scads of reasons why an abused partner doesn't leave, that have nothing to do with being stupid or "liking the abuse". Google the phrase "why women stay".
As a side note, it's not just women who are abused by men. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by women against their male partners, and it also happens in same-sex relationships.

Thats very true, abuser's come in many forms.. male and female..

The first time u see them they are the kindest most polite person at tha party. they smile at everyone. know everyone there. you go on tha first date. they tell you you are the best looking thing they ever saw around this little town.find reasons to hang around your house your friends. two weeks dating and they love you so much you just have to marry them that weekend. you find a cute appartment. everything is going swell. you come in from work and they have gone through every personal thing you own. they were just looking for uncle bobs photo. the phone rings and you cant answer it because you are to buisy washing cloths. your mothers bracelet was missing after sunday diner at her house you get blamed. you are not alowed to talk to your mother now. one by one yout family and friends vanish from your world. two years later having the second child. you cant work. there is no phone. you have no money. you have no car. they are the only one who loves you in tha world. nobody else would want a lazy piece of trash like you. you are lucky they shown up when you were still cute to marry you. they tell you when to eat when to bathe when you want sex what you want to wear. the children are told to call you slave. the children are punished if the coffee is cold. the children r punished for talking or not talking. turmoil every moment of every day.

you trust no one
you fear for your childrens lives
you fear for your own life
there is no hope
if you tell you will die
if you leave you will be found and killed

gingie wrote:

The first time u see them they are the kindest most polite person at tha party. they smile at everyone. know everyone there. you go on tha first date. they tell you you are the best looking thing they ever saw around this little town.find reasons to hang around your house your friends. two weeks dating and they love you so much you just have to marry them that weekend. you find a cute appartment. everything is going swell. you come in from work and they have gone through every personal thing you own. they were just looking for uncle bobs photo. the phone rings and you cant answer it because you are to buisy washing cloths. your mothers bracelet was missing after sunday diner at her house you get blamed. you are not alowed to talk to your mother now. one by one yout family and friends vanish from your world. two years later having the second child. you cant work. there is no phone. you have no money. you have no car. they are the only one who loves you in tha world. nobody else would want a lazy piece of trash like you. you are lucky they shown up when you were still cute to marry you. they tell you when to eat when to bathe when you want sex what you want to wear. the children are told to call you slave. the children are punished if the coffee is cold. the children r punished for talking or not talking. turmoil every moment of every day.
you trust no one
you fear for your childrens lives
you fear for your own life
there is no hope
if you tell you will die
if you leave you will be found and killed

I have to say.. what you wrote brought back many ugly memories and I cried..

You described the persona of an abuser and the abused, perfectly.. and I'm sorry to see that you must have been threw this yourself, and so glad we both survived it.!

Basically, the only thing you have to go on for most abused women.. is someone else's opinion, telling you that you need to get away from your *ground zero*..
But by that time, your too mentally unstable and unable to trust them, anyone or yourself to make any decision,-period-..

And the fear.. its such a shrill and terrifying fear.. Just the thought of it back then still makes me cringe inside.. I'm so thankful our children never witnessed any of the physical abuse..

What still amazes me, is that I never bruised much or at all.. Even when slammed full force into a wall-hard enough to dent it, or when he almost broke my jaw..
Quote by my ExHusband-a 3rd Degree Black Belt: ""Your not bruised like one of those Abused and Battered Woman they show in the movies and in shelters.. Therefore your Not being abused..""

Many woman-people-&-children: Are brain washed into thinking this.. But just because there are No Bruises, does Not mean you are Not being physically abused..

Like many things that can happen to *anyone* at work, home, life, marriage or even an accident.. or even when a wife or husband cheats on their spouse..
You either just don't see coming.. the signs until its too late.. or you don't see it until your away from your *ground zero* and can sit back and reflect upon it all..

Its like one of those times, things, mistakes, or even something you said-that came out wrong.. That leaves you in awe, sayin to yourself later.. duh.! Once you have time to think about it..
Only then you can see, that it was happening all along..from the start..
----------

Has anyone ever really thought about some of the "I Love Lucy Show" episodes..

Where Dezi *spanks* Lucy..? or about his Anger Management Problem..?
And that a physical assault on a wife/woman/spouse, is seen as *OK*-*Normal* and *Acceptable* behavior.. Never was his behavior and
actions questioned or denounced..

Or ever wondered why Fred, never stopped him, nor said its wrong to hit your wife, a women/girl..?

gingie wrote:

The first time u see them they are the kindest most polite person at tha party. they smile at everyone. know everyone there. you go on tha first date. they tell you you are the best looking thing they ever saw around this little town.find reasons to hang around your house your friends. two weeks dating and they love you so much you just have to marry them that weekend. you find a cute appartment. everything is going swell. you come in from work and they have gone through every personal thing you own. they were just looking for uncle bobs photo. the phone rings and you cant answer it because you are to buisy washing cloths. your mothers bracelet was missing after sunday diner at her house you get blamed. you are not alowed to talk to your mother now. one by one yout family and friends vanish from your world. two years later having the second child. you cant work. there is no phone. you have no money. you have no car. they are the only one who loves you in tha world. nobody else would want a lazy piece of trash like you. you are lucky they shown up when you were still cute to marry you. they tell you when to eat when to bathe when you want sex what you want to wear. the children are told to call you slave. the children are punished if the coffee is cold. the children r punished for talking or not talking. turmoil every moment of every day.
you trust no one
you fear for your childrens lives
you fear for your own life
there is no hope
if you tell you will die
if you leave you will be found and killed

I'm looking for a girl just like you.

Women CHOOSE men like this because they love drama. They always say that they want a "nice" guy, but that's a lie! Ask any woman if she has ever gone out with a guy that was a "jerk". 90% of them will say "yes". And it's usually when they are young and hot. So the moral to the story is - Be that jerk and get hot girls to go with you.

PoolShark wrote:

Women CHOOSE men like this because they love drama. They always say that they want a "nice" guy, but that's a lie! Ask any woman if she has ever gone out with a guy that was a "jerk". 90% of them will say "yes". And it's usually when they are young and hot. So the moral to the story is - Be that jerk and get hot girls to go with you.

Well you definitely get the prize for the best idiot post!

Absolutely Amazed wrote:

I think the only thing worse than an abusive man, is the women who stay with them.The roles could be switched-abusive women and men who stay.Do the abused have no self worth or what.Someone please help me understand-tired of same people crying the same song.

depends ..if the woman is TOTALLY scalding ....drop jawed HOT !!! well then some abuse from her would , quite possibly be ...well..at least "Endureable" depending on her "drive" and willingness to alow you to move her to a remote wilderness area of GREENLAND !!!

Chatty Kathy wrote:

<quoted text>
Well you definitely get the prize for the best idiot post!

Too bad that it's true.

PoolShark wrote:

<quoted text>Too bad that it's true.

Not sure why you really feel that women like being treated like crap and being abused but well you have the right to your opinion even though I think it is a load of BS. Sorry but just stating my opinion now. So this is how you see women and are you saying that they deserve to be treated like that?