Thoughts about Love.

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“Grrrrr”

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#24
Jul 21, 2012
 

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Richard Barlow wrote:
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And that is what I don't understand. Why is it so rare? What happened to it? When did it become just another word? A person could go crazy trying to figure it out. How can someone fall out of love with their partner? I cannot imagine ever not loving my wife. No matter what. Even when we had our arguments,(and there were a few) I never stopped loving her. In fact, it made it stronger. Have times changed so much, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
Well, there sure aren't any clear answers because this topic can be as simple or complex as we want to make it.
I don't think anything has happened to any of the levels of love because it's programmed in us to love, mate and reproduce. At risk is the lifelong committment, and I think that's what you mean, right?
The problem is, in my opinion, relationships have become too easily disposable.
Back to my original thoughts, people are not willing to put the work into loving another. The majority of young people today have had no role models. They have unrealistic expectations, are unable to recognize a potential partner, have little tolerance for imperfections, are selfish due to their "ME" mentality, and are confused about their roles.
This is just a few of the problems I see.
There are shallow, selfish individuals in every age group and it's been going on since our society became greedy for "things."
Now we have a helluva mess of mixed up children who haven't been taught how to extend themselves to another human being. They have an unrealistic image, an ideal, of what to expect in their "relationship" and turn away from anyone who doesn't fit into the mold of their model mate. I've seen this time and again.
Lots of immaturity out there and it's not limited to the younger generation, either.
I never believed one could fall out of love, but I do believe relationships can be destroyed. If there is abuse in a relationship, it can most certainly be gutted. But once you've loved, that remains, somewhere, in your soul.

“Grrrrr”

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#25
Jul 21, 2012
 
Richard Barlow wrote:
<quoted text>
I told my daughters, that in order to find the right man, there is a simple test that they could do to find out if the one they were dating might be the right one. At the end of the second date, ask him, without looking at him, what color your eyes are. If he can't answer that one simple question, walk away. You'll save yourself a lot of time and heartache. My oldest came home one evening crying and angry. She said that the boy that she was dating couldn't tell her what color her eyes were, but he new, when she asked, which of her breasts he thought was bigger.(she asked while her back was toward him). She is married now to a good man. Don't give up your search for the right partner just yet. And don't ever go into a relationship with the thought of it being 50/50. There is no such thing. A good relationship is 200%. Each putting in 100% and willing to pick up the others 100% when needed. A good relationship is all or nothing. Ms Patricia may be right. You might just be looking in the wrong place.
That's funny.
My dad told me, "If he doesn't open your car door for you, don't date him again."
I told my daughter the same thing.
Huh. Leads me to another thought. I ran into a man, 35ish, the other day in the deli and he was clearly ahead of me but insisted I give my order first, "ladies first," he said. He was quite gallant, and I told him how rare that is these days.
He rolled his eyes and said he had just gone through a breakup and one of her major complaints - ready for this?- is he opened doors for her.
"Do you think I can't do that myself?!" she'd shriek, he told me. Men do NOT like women who can kill their owns snakes.

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#26
Jul 21, 2012
 
Barbi A wrote:
<quoted text>That's funny.
My dad told me, "If he doesn't open your car door for you, don't date him again."
I told my daughter the same thing.
Huh. Leads me to another thought. I ran into a man, 35ish, the other day in the deli and he was clearly ahead of me but insisted I give my order first, "ladies first," he said. He was quite gallant, and I told him how rare that is these days.
He rolled his eyes and said he had just gone through a breakup and one of her major complaints - ready for this?- is he opened doors for her.
"Do you think I can't do that myself?!" she'd shriek, he told me. Men do NOT like women who can kill their owns snakes.
If my wife had to open her own door when I was with her, well, let's just say, I'd be speaking a few notes higher than I do now. ;) I'll take care of snakes (thankfully we don't have them) but when it comes to spiders, I run away screaming like a little girl. I have no problem letting her take the lead on that one. As I said, I'm probably over thinking the whole thing. I'll just continue to be me and not worry about others so much.

“Grrrrr”

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#27
Jul 21, 2012
 
Richard Barlow wrote:
<quoted text>
If my wife had to open her own door when I was with her, well, let's just say, I'd be speaking a few notes higher than I do now. ;) I'll take care of snakes (thankfully we don't have them) but when it comes to spiders, I run away screaming like a little girl. I have no problem letting her take the lead on that one. As I said, I'm probably over thinking the whole thing. I'll just continue to be me and not worry about others so much.
lol...somehow, Richard, I cannot envision you running and screaming from anything. Oh, and I can easily handle a snake, too, but spiders horrify me.
It's impossible not to think about because these young people are now leading or poised to lead our country, and as we watch our traditions and our values increasingly snubbed or altogether forgotten, don't we need to take some responsibility for what is, in reality, the possibility that in our lifetime we may be faced with individuals leading our world who are total bereft of any spiritual and moral values?
Are you a boomer? I am. We shouldn't shrug off what we see right before our eyes, and accept that it is just the evolving of traditions and lifestyles, as happens through the ages.
Our children and grandchildren are not growing and becoming better than we were; they are not growing at all.
Their inability to participate in a loving relationship is a huge disability, in my opinion, and that's only the beginning. Their work ethic is poor. They're impatient, materialistic and they're very greedy. They're spiritually uncharitable.
So I ask myself: what did I do? What did I do to contribute to this? And what can I do, now, to rectify the damage, if it's even possible.

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#28
Jul 21, 2012
 
Richard Barlow wrote:
<quoted text>
I can tell you see it also. I guess I'm just trying to get a sense of when love became obsolete. If that is the word I'm looking for. You here people saying that they knew it was love at first sight. How can it be love before you know anything about the other person? Guess I just need to quit thinking so much and accept the fact that times change and so do people. Still bugs me though.
Pardon my intrusion. Jumping in ... I think physical attraction (lust) is often mistaken for love. Depends on your definition of that word. I believe that with a good combination of lust, trust and oh yes, the big "c" word - commitment - what starts off as super heated never completely fizzles out - there's something that takes it's place - I'm thinking it's like - okay bear with me - I can fancy a new pair of shoes. But they aren't comfortable and they hurt - so I kick them off and I get into my tried and true and ...

I always, always want my old ones. They never let me down. Sure they're a little scuffed, showing mileage and sometimes I get upset with them for being so ... predictable. But darn it - mine, so mine. Love them. Will never stop loving them. No new shoes could ever be better. Never.

Am I making sense?

“I'm the short one”

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#29
Jul 21, 2012
 
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
Pardon my intrusion. Jumping in ... I think physical attraction (lust) is often mistaken for love. Depends on your definition of that word. I believe that with a good combination of lust, trust and oh yes, the big "c" word - commitment - what starts off as super heated never completely fizzles out - there's something that takes it's place - I'm thinking it's like - okay bear with me - I can fancy a new pair of shoes. But they aren't comfortable and they hurt - so I kick them off and I get into my tried and true and ...
I always, always want my old ones. They never let me down. Sure they're a little scuffed, showing mileage and sometimes I get upset with them for being so ... predictable. But darn it - mine, so mine. Love them. Will never stop loving them. No new shoes could ever be better. Never.
Am I making sense?
Absolutely! The largest compliment my mom gave me about my husband was that he was as comfortable to have around as a pair of well-worn slippers. High praise, indeed! And he is just that comfortable. And there's still the love after being married 26 years and having been in a relationship together for over 35 years. It was "love at first sight" for me, although I think he's a little more cautious than that. No matter--it's worked for us and been through many trials, tribulations and of course more good times than not!

“Powerpuff!”

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#30
Jul 21, 2012
 
You are right Richard. But every black guy i date is a huge disappointment.

“Grrrrr”

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#31
Jul 21, 2012
 
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
Pardon my intrusion. Jumping in ... I think physical attraction (lust) is often mistaken for love. Depends on your definition of that word. I believe that with a good combination of lust, trust and oh yes, the big "c" word - commitment - what starts off as super heated never completely fizzles out - there's something that takes it's place - I'm thinking it's like - okay bear with me - I can fancy a new pair of shoes. But they aren't comfortable and they hurt - so I kick them off and I get into my tried and true and ...
I always, always want my old ones. They never let me down. Sure they're a little scuffed, showing mileage and sometimes I get upset with them for being so ... predictable. But darn it - mine, so mine. Love them. Will never stop loving them. No new shoes could ever be better. Never.
Am I making sense?
To me, you are. That's a very good analogy.

I'll add to that by saying it's a shame that so many toss the old shoes for newer, trendier ones, only to later regret the expense? Or maybe they're settling for cheap shoes with a short life instead of investing in decent ones (I'll stop here 'cause I can see you can go a long way with this)!

I may be repeating myself here, but I saw on FB recently a photo of an elderly couple walking across the bridge, and they were asked the secret of their long marriage. The woman said, "We come from a time when something broke, we didn't throw it away. We fixed it."
The love bug

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#32
Jul 21, 2012
 
All i know is that i'm in love with my covcas and i'll do anything to make her happy. True love to me is holding cov in my arms, kissing her and making love to her. That's true love. Barbara is also my girl.

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#33
Jul 21, 2012
 
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
Pardon my intrusion. Jumping in ... I think physical attraction (lust) is often mistaken for love. Depends on your definition of that word. I believe that with a good combination of lust, trust and oh yes, the big "c" word - commitment - what starts off as super heated never completely fizzles out - there's something that takes it's place - I'm thinking it's like - okay bear with me - I can fancy a new pair of shoes. But they aren't comfortable and they hurt - so I kick them off and I get into my tried and true and ...
I always, always want my old ones. They never let me down. Sure they're a little scuffed, showing mileage and sometimes I get upset with them for being so ... predictable. But darn it - mine, so mine. Love them. Will never stop loving them. No new shoes could ever be better. Never.
Am I making sense?
You most certainly are not intruding Ms Junket. This thread was started for the sole purpose of hearing ones personal opinions on love. All are welcome and encouraged to participate. My only hope is that some of our younger people might happen upon this and learn a thing or two. You made perfect sense. As has everyone else that has commented here.

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#34
Jul 21, 2012
 
_naomi_ wrote:
You are right Richard. But every black guy i date is a huge disappointment.
But you have yet too date every guy out there. Color plays no role (as I see it) in how a man acts. This tends to raise the hackles of some but, a persons up bringing combined with who they see as a role model seems to determine how they will treat others in life. That is just a personal opinion on my part. Maybe you're trying too hard. You're wanting to find mr right so badly that your judgement is clouded. Try stepping back for a bit and see who comes looking for you. This will give you time to inspect the goods so to speak before letting things go too far.

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#35
Jul 21, 2012
 

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Barbi A wrote:
<quoted text>To me, you are. That's a very good analogy.
I'll add to that by saying it's a shame that so many toss the old shoes for newer, trendier ones, only to later regret the expense? Or maybe they're settling for cheap shoes with a short life instead of investing in decent ones (I'll stop here 'cause I can see you can go a long way with this)!
I may be repeating myself here, but I saw on FB recently a photo of an elderly couple walking across the bridge, and they were asked the secret of their long marriage. The woman said, "We come from a time when something broke, we didn't throw it away. We fixed it."
The secret to a long marriage is, not owning a gun.:D

“Powerpuff!”

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#36
Jul 22, 2012
 
Richard Barlow wrote:
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But you have yet too date every guy out there. Color plays no role (as I see it) in how a man acts. This tends to raise the hackles of some but, a persons up bringing combined with who they see as a role model seems to determine how they will treat others in life. That is just a personal opinion on my part. Maybe you're trying too hard. You're wanting to find mr right so badly that your judgement is clouded. Try stepping back for a bit and see who comes looking for you. This will give you time to inspect the goods so to speak before letting things go too far.
are u a pschologist or a relationship counsellor by any chance? You give very good advice :)

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#37
Jul 22, 2012
 
love doesn't always mean romance.

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#38
Jul 22, 2012
 
_naomi_ wrote:
<quoted text> are u a pschologist or a relationship counsellor by any chance? You give very good advice :)
Lol. Not hardly. I'm just an old truck driver from the high country of Montana. I just think that most people think that they 'need' a partner in their lives. I personally, do not 'need' another person in my life. What I do have however, is a 'want' for companionship and familiarity. Out of that grew comfort, respect, selflessness, romance etc, etc. From those grew love. A woman that I know very intimately once told me, "We can't build a mountain unless we both continue pouring sand on the pile". Not the most elegant of words mind you but, it is so very true.

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#39
Jul 22, 2012
 
itsmejd wrote:
love doesn't always mean romance.
If by romance you are meaning 'sexual intimacy' I will agree. Romance can be as simple as pulling over to the side of the road and picking her a wild flower just because she mentioned that it was pretty. Or after an especially trying day for her, you draw her a bath filled with her favorite ingredients, light candles around the room, put a bottle of her favorite wine along with some soothing music in there and "leave". Take any two legged, noise making, carpet staining munchkin with you and "leave". Stay gone at least two hours. She will thank you for it. Romance doesn't always come in the form of sexual contact.

“Powerpuff!”

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#40
Jul 22, 2012
 
itsmejd wrote:
love doesn't always mean romance.
really? Care to explain?

“Grrrrr”

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#41
Jul 23, 2012
 

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Richard Barlow wrote:
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If by romance you are meaning 'sexual intimacy' I will agree. Romance can be as simple as pulling over to the side of the road and picking her a wild flower just because she mentioned that it was pretty. Or after an especially trying day for her, you draw her a bath filled with her favorite ingredients, light candles around the room, put a bottle of her favorite wine along with some soothing music in there and "leave". Take any two legged, noise making, carpet staining munchkin with you and "leave". Stay gone at least two hours. She will thank you for it. Romance doesn't always come in the form of sexual contact.
When I think of the romance in my life, sex is never part of the memories (well, maybe with a few interesting exceptions)...I remember gestures like the flower by the side of the road, Richard or, "I love you," because of something stupid I said. Unplanned gestures that make me feel loved.
And planned ones, too, like a surprise picnic done just by him, with crystal champagne flutes. That happened to me once, and when I think about him I remember that picnic.

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