I view men as predators

Silly-Nena20 wrote:

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No...that was mean.

You like the mean talk. haha

What is this what this thread has become. I wonder whatever happened to frigid girl?

Queue wrote:

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Well, you do talk alot..........

I actually talk to 1 person!! So leave me alone. lol

Ronnnie wrote:

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You like the mean talk. haha
What is this what this thread has become. I wonder whatever happened to frigid girl?

Says who?

Okay, I've read the first 40 posts and decided that I needed to comment.

#1. Your self-esteem is terribly low and it will get worse if you don't change your thinking. Only you can do that.

#2. Maybe you need to understand that you aren't the only one that feels certain ways, i.e. I am 25 and have actually dealt with males as predators all my life. It doesn't exactly scare me, but I have accumulated anxiety...I have learned from it and look for the same "tell-signs," and use the POWER of being able to spot those things, to my advantage. Which in itself, gives a heightened self-esteem.

#3. Most people aren't very nice, because they have self-esteem issues, as well. So, if they feel rejected (because you are frigid, or whatever), they will lash at you hatefully. You have to understand that it really isn't personal; it's like when you were young and would get mad at your parents and yell at them "I HATE YOU!" just to hurt them, but you didn't really hate them. Take their words with a grain of salt. People have defense mechanisms. You shouldn't allow yourself to be so vulnerable to their words.

#4. Take from a situation that, even if it is negative, you KNOW how an encounter will turn out. This is more prophecy than they have, which gives you a lot of power when dealing with them.

#5. Don't get hooked up with guys by friends. You are at a dangerous age for predators, especially given your lack of experience. And eventhough you are lonely, you don't want to feed yourself to the wolves, so...I am going to give you advice from a girl that struggles with her own peculiarities, one that hasn't been to a psychiatrist or spoken it over with her parents...

You need to find someone similar to you (and believe me, there are more guys that share your problems than there are females, at least that I've observed)-- someone who really has never dated, maybe been picked on a bit through school, is more on the shy-side, and probably younger (lets say around 20). BUT...this is the important part:

You two need to JUST be FRIENDS. You will get a male perspective from the same anxiety-coin. Be each other's crutch. Don't be dishonest with one another -- be extremely open (even moreso than "normal people", because to understand someone else gives a person a lot of insight within themselves, and that is the dance in a mating ritual -- to find out "who we are;" it's why we seek others, self-discovery, a bond in similarities.)

Having this friend will benefit the both of you with your self-esteems -- having around a person feeling the same that you do.

Don't DATE guys. Hangout. I have never actually "dated" anyone, but I'm also never single, and I'm as strange as they come (there hasn't been one person in my life that hasn't labelled me as such, but don't necessarily take it negatively. You should take the word WEIRD as something that describes you and be proud of it, because the WEIRD GIRLS are the ones that the guys never forget -- trust me on that. If you can fix your confidence, it may be what gains you the affections of others. Feel comfortable in yourself, in your identity.)

Weird is so much more interesting than normal. Feel good about who you are, and then you will probably be a girl most capable to find a happy and committed relationship, someone who is eternally into you, an obsession, because of your unique personality.

WEIRD=INTERESTING
NORMAL=BORING

So, are you weird or normal? You can't be both.

Don't go to bars or clubs or any of those things that people your age do. You aren't made for those places. Those are for those normal-folk that probably won't understand a girl like you, or at least, why you are there. I feel uncomfortable in places where sex is the prime-objective. You may be lonely and even looking for sexual relations, but the most important thing is to find someone you trust, because most young guys, given their libido, will drop their pants to hit-up any chick, and if you partake in this game before actually knowing and befriending that individual, you will probably end up feeling hurt and used.

Take it in small steps. I don't get involved with partiers, but I usually date people that once were the "party-type" (experimenting with drugs and alcohol in youth, maybe a bit "reckless"), because that is how I was. I stay away from those that are like that presently, because that life of mine ended so long ago.

In my life, I am either completely occupied with work or school and have no time for anything else, so I find it easier to bond with people who share those things incommon, usually guys I have class with (or see everyday at school) or work with. But don't jump into romantics with these guys, because it may end up causing trouble when it falls apart (and it ALWAYS falls apart -- the cycle of life is to be born, grow, wither, to die, and be revitalized anew)

Learn to speak to a guy like you would your chick friends. Yeah, sex is on their mind -- hormones are always there (you will probably be thinking it at times, too), but keep the communication from crossing that barrier until you are BOTH ready. And then start slow with conversations on certain topics.

Look, trust me when I say that weird is definitely a good thing, and some girls envy it in those who are. Embrace it, get comfortable with yourself, shrug off jerks. Learn to be mentally familiar with males. Observe them, not only with other females, but with other guys and by themselves. Analyze their actions -- watch everyone, because we aren't really that different from one another. Work on being able to figure out how to predict how someone would respond to a question -- the way they would move when responding and the words they would use in explaining. Once you can do this, you can learn to use this ability when communicating with others (by working on how you move and the words you choose -- to effect the outcome); it's like playing chess, observing your opponents moves in advance.

Seriously, if you TRULY want help, I could give you advice that will help if you use it. I have empathy, but the only thing different between us concerning this...the one thing that changes the whole picture, is confidence level. The smaller you shrink within yourself, the harder it will be to ever swim back to the surface, the longer you will be alone with only yourself for companionship.

Everyone manipulates situations, but usually its inadvertant -- they are not consciously aware, which leads to lacking control. If you are aware of what you are doing, you can choose the outcome. It sounds twisted, but truly, we all just play with each other's heads. Become a master at it, don't do it to harm, do it to deepen your knowledge, learn from every conversation you have with someone. Be aware of yourself. Maybe if everyone calls you weird and you actually want to fit in better, identify specifically what they are refering to, and make it an experiment -- test situations with altering those specific qualities and see what works best for you, what gives you the results you would prefer to see.

If you are still around, you can respond to let me know that my words aren't falling upon deaf ears.

Galatea wrote:

WEIRD=INTERESTING
NORMAL=BORING

This is patently false as a generalization.

Lou Flippo wrote:

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This is patently false as a generalization.

well, wouldn't "normal" be boring, because it's so common? desensitization. And the strange things in life attract attention (whether good or bad), the things that aren't as common leave us curious to discover more. This is relating the terms on a broad scope. Humans are a curious species...what we do not understand attracts us, the eternal children.

Even the most traditional/conservative of us, seek stimulation from the unfamiliar, so that it may become familiar, and then we move onto the "next thing"...take cinema and the intensified violence/gore/sex -- we are bored with what may have been shocking 30 years ago.

I will state it this way, when it comes to people...those you remember distinctly, the ones who stand out, are the ones who were "different" not the "same"...normalcy is sameness. Being another face in the crowd can be applied just as easily to personality. And yes, it is subjective; what is normal is determined by the individual, but you can also look to society, ingeneral, to identify what is considered normal by popular concensus.

I'm trying to make the girl feel better, and my "this=this" is just personal opinion based on experience and observation.

Galatea wrote:

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well, wouldn't "normal" be boring, because it's so common? desensitization. And the strange things in life attract attention (whether good or bad), the things that aren't as common leave us curious to discover more. This is relating the terms on a broad scope. Humans are a curious species...what we do not understand attracts us, the eternal children.
Even the most traditional/conservative of us, seek stimulation from the unfamiliar, so that it may become familiar, and then we move onto the "next thing"...take cinema and the intensified violence/gore/sex -- we are bored with what may have been shocking 30 years ago.
I will state it this way, when it comes to people...those you remember distinctly, the ones who stand out, are the ones who were "different" not the "same"...normalcy is sameness. Being another face in the crowd can be applied just as easily to personality. And yes, it is subjective; what is normal is determined by the individual, but you can also look to society, ingeneral, to identify what is considered normal by popular concensus.
I'm trying to make the girl feel better, and my "this=this" is just personal opinion based on experience and observation.

No, normal would not be boring. Normalcy represents stability, another equally significant aspect of human desire. One may remember the people who stand out, but not always favourably. And, generally, the people who "stand out" that people remember do not always make the best partners or help-mates because of that very aspect of their personality that makes them stand out, to wit, their desire to be the center of attention.

Yes, humans, at least in the Western world, have always desired change, looking for that next new thing. That is what has largely forged Western society's progress. But it is the very normal people you deride as "boring" who ultimately decide if that which some find "interesting" has staying power.

I understand you are just trying to help this girl, but your generalization that "normal=boring," i.e. bad, negative, something to be shunned, while "weird=interesting," i.e. good, positive, something to which we should all aspire, was, to this normal person, highly offensive.

does boring mean bad, negative, something to be shunned? If I were to say a movie was boring, I wouldn't be saying that it was bad, just that it wasn't as memorable as others. And yeah, I fully agree that memorable does not necessarily equal GOOD. It is tendency to actually remember the negative in our lives over the positive, but boring is NEUTRAL. It's that everyday routine.

and I do not believe anyone should be something they are not. That is the point. If a person is weird, then...they shouldn't beat themselves up over being that way. I spent too many years of my youth trying to figure out how I could just blend in with the crowd and NOT stand out. This just led to more pain, because some things are meant a certain way and when you try to alter that, it just becomes worse.

If you are offended for the "normal" meaning boring, then I wonder how you came to the conclusion that you are normal. I mean, have you been described at that regularly? And if so, maybe you should be mad at those people who are personally labeling you as such, rather than myself.

Sorry to have offended, but really, if you think about it, nothing can be said without offending SOMEONE, especially in a digital domain where words are interpretted by the reader.

Another lesson that people should learn, if something isn't intended to be a personal slam, it shouldn't be taken as such. It causes undue grief.

And I definitely didn't place stable in the normal or weird category. Are you saying that a person who is "weird" cannot stable? I should take offense to that then, right?

An actor becomes famous for a certain strange quality that makes them distinct from others. They are not the normal, everyday folk. Their lives are definitely not what a person would consider normal everyday lives. Some may be more stable than others, mentally and financially. But, these iconic figures aren't "normal," which is how they got to where they are (plus things such as talent or beauty or whatever it may be); if we didn't find them so fascinating, our culture wouldn't spend so much time obsessing over them in the media.

What I do consider as normal, a person who leads a normal life, is a person who falls into census statistics. They make so much per year, stay married for so long, have so many children, own a house of such worth, drive a car of such worth, etc. etc. Something that is so extremely common, something that is typical, can be labeled as boring/uninteresting, because there is no mystery to uncover.

I will NOT state that a PERSON is boring, but the life they have can be described as boring. It doesn't make it a BAD life. It's just a normal, run-of-the-mill, mass-majority life. Some people do like that. They like to buy the latest trends, drive the top recommended vehicle for the year, watch the hit shows (that would be the reason they are hits, because normal is majority), work an 8-5 job, etc. etc. And yes, this can be stable, but stability doesn't have to be this, so stable isn't part of my evaluation.

just "interesting" and "boring"

So, like I was saying, BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND DON'T TRY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. You may have to make certain adjustments when communicating with others, but the person you are on the inside should remain true. Don't like things just because you want to share common interests with someone. Choose for yourself. Most people will respect that quality, that you are sincere and decisive and have your own unique opinions, even if they differ from whomever you are sharing them with.

She obviously is not a girl who is TRYING to be weird and stand-out, just as I am not. I prefer not to be the center of attention, and actually, that could be what gives me the attention, because that is a quality that does make me a bit weird...a girl who doesn't want all eyes on her.(Now, I know that comment will make some people mad, but it isn't a slam, because I don't personally know any of you, so someone that is upset with this would be labeling themselves)

Boring is a lack of variety deviating from the standard. Normal is defined as the "usual," which can also be called typical and the standard. So, the words match just fine. Nowhere is the term BAD or instable used. And I don't dislike normal people. I've been living with one for 3 years now, and we get along just fine.

predators?
rowwwr!
lol =]

Galatea wrote:

Okay, I've read the first 40 posts and decided that I needed to comment.
#1. Your self-esteem is terribly low and it will get worse if you don't change your thinking. Only you can do that.
#2. Maybe you need to understand that you aren't the only one that feels certain ways, i.e. I am 25 and have actually dealt with males as predators all my life. It doesn't exactly scare me, but I have accumulated anxiety...I have learned from it and look for the same "tell-signs," and use the POWER of being able to spot those things, to my advantage. Which in itself, gives a heightened self-esteem.
#3. Most people aren't very nice, because they have self-esteem issues, as well. So, if they feel rejected (because you are frigid, or whatever), they will lash at you hatefully. You have to understand that it really isn't personal; it's like when you were young and would get mad at your parents and yell at them "I HATE YOU!" just to hurt them, but you didn't really hate them. Take their words with a grain of salt. People have defense mechanisms. You shouldn't allow yourself to be so vulnerable to their words.
#4. Take from a situation that, even if it is negative, you KNOW how an encounter will turn out. This is more prophecy than they have, which gives you a lot of power when dealing with them.
#5. Don't get hooked up with guys by friends. You are at a dangerous age for predators, especially given your lack of experience. And eventhough you are lonely, you don't want to feed yourself to the wolves, so...I am going to give you advice from a girl that struggles with her own peculiarities, one that hasn't been to a psychiatrist or spoken it over with her parents...
You need to find someone similar to you (and believe me, there are more guys that share your problems than there are females, at least that I've observed)-- someone who really has never dated, maybe been picked on a bit through school, is more on the shy-side, and probably younger (lets say around 20). BUT...this is the important part:
You two need to JUST be FRIENDS. You will get a male perspective from the same anxiety-coin. Be each other's crutch. Don't be dishonest with one another -- be extremely open (even moreso than "normal people", because to understand someone else gives a person a lot of insight within themselves, and that is the dance in a mating ritual -- to find out "who we are;" it's why we seek others, self-discovery, a bond in similarities.)
Having this friend will benefit the both of you with your self-esteems -- having around a person feeling the same that you do.
Don't DATE guys. Hangout. I have never actually "dated" anyone, but I'm also never single, and I'm as strange as they come (there hasn't been one person in my life that hasn't labelled me as such, but don't necessarily take it negatively. You should take the word WEIRD as something that describes you and be proud of it, because the WEIRD GIRLS are the ones that the guys never forget -- trust me on that. If you can fix your confidence, it may be what gains you the affections of others. Feel comfortable in yourself, in your identity.)
Weird is so much more interesting than normal. Feel good about who you are, and then you will probably be a girl most capable to find a happy and committed relationship, someone who is eternally into you, an obsession, because of your unique personality.

^^The only one I've seen who could out-talk Josh and Nena put together^^

:-O

Galatea wrote:

I will NOT state that a PERSON is boring, but the life they have can be described as boring. It doesn't make it a BAD life. It's just a normal, run-of-the-mill, mass-majority life. Some people do like that. They like to buy the latest trends, drive the top recommended vehicle for the year, watch the hit shows (that would be the reason they are hits, because normal is majority), work an 8-5 job, etc. etc. And yes, this can be stable, but stability doesn't have to be this, so stable isn't part of my evaluation.
just "interesting" and "boring"
So, like I was saying, BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND DON'T TRY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. You may have to make certain adjustments when communicating with others, but the person you are on the inside should remain true. Don't like things just because you want to share common interests with someone. Choose for yourself. Most people will respect that quality, that you are sincere and decisive and have your own unique opinions, even if they differ from whomever you are sharing them with.
She obviously is not a girl who is TRYING to be weird and stand-out, just as I am not. I prefer not to be the center of attention, and actually, that could be what gives me the attention, because that is a quality that does make me a bit weird...a girl who doesn't want all eyes on her.(Now, I know that comment will make some people mad, but it isn't a slam, because I don't personally know any of you, so someone that is upset with this would be labeling themselves)
Boring is a lack of variety deviating from the standard. Normal is defined as the "usual," which can also be called typical and the standard. So, the words match just fine. Nowhere is the term BAD or instable used. And I don't dislike normal people. I've been living with one for 3 years now, and we get along just fine.

^^The only one who can out-talk Josh and Nena put together.^^

:-O

And once again we all appreciate your wonderful input Q...

But i wonder, are you feeling a little neglected maybe?

Silly-Nena20 wrote:

And once again we all appreciate your wonderful input Q...
But i wonder, are you feeling a little neglected maybe?

No, should I?

Did somebody say something after Nena?

:D