Do Gay Men Fall in Love With Women

Are there gay men who fall in love with women but only want to have sex with men? That is, are there people who just want to keep their romantic love separate from their sex?

I believe that phenomenon occurs occasionally regardless if the person is gay or not, male or not.

Almost certainly.

I believe that it's quite possible for someone to "fall in love" romantically with someone outside of their sexual orientation.

Who knows what causes a person to fall in love that way. It's not all about sex, but more about a "soul-connection". However, people also seem to be hardwired to include sex in with romantic love. A large part of the purpose of sex seems to be to bond a couple closer together, after all, so that makes sense.

I haven't seen it happen that often, and most of the time, it seems to turn into friendship, once the "romance" fades a bit.

Perhaps without some measure of true sexual attraction, a romantic relationship can't be maintained on that level. You see that "fading" happen in a lot of straight marriages as well.

Quest wrote:

I believe that it's quite possible for someone to "fall in love" romantically with someone outside of their sexual orientation.
Who knows what causes a person to fall in love that way. It's not all about sex, but more about a "soul-connection". However, people also seem to be hardwired to include sex in with romantic love. A large part of the purpose of sex seems to be to bond a couple closer together, after all, so that makes sense.
I haven't seen it happen that often, and most of the time, it seems to turn into friendship, once the "romance" fades a bit.
Perhaps without some measure of true sexual attraction, a romantic relationship can't be maintained on that level. You see that "fading" happen in a lot of straight marriages as well.

Are you saying that gay relationships don't fade?

I've never had the experience of falling "IN" love with a woman, although many possess very charming and loving characteristics etc., nothing EVER was sexual or held any desire or remote "feeling" of romance. Not even a kiss... I can certainly "LOVE" them as a person as I do many of my woman friends, but thats as far as it goes.

Question hinges on what one considers love, one would think...

Lee wrote:

<quoted text>Are you saying that gay relationships don't fade?

Nope. That would be silly.

Some partnerships last through life and burn brightly from beginning to end. Some turn into comfortable friendships, and some fade away completely, just like the natural progressions in straight marriages.

Those of us who are lucky find the right person, have enough flexibility and empathy to grow with them through the years, and have enough common sense to appreciate what we have.

That's the basic recipe for lifelong commitments.

Absolutely. My straight boyfriend is in love with me (last night my neighbor told me he thought my sbf "liked" me). It can lead to sex but it's just like sex can lead to love. Sex and love are two totally different things.

Leslie wrote:

Are there gay men who fall in love with women but only want to have sex with men? That is, are there people who just want to keep their romantic love separate from their sex?

What I meant was this: Love and sex are really two separate things. Do some gay men just want to only have sex with men, but not fall into romantic love with them? Are there any "gay" men whose romantic feelings fall to women, but only want to have sex with men?

There is a huge difference between loving someone and being IN love with them. have loved a few girls over the years. They are very dear and special people to me. We share a connection that runs very deep and just enjoy everything about each other's company. I would call that love, but I am not IN love with them. Perhaps in the beginning there was an intensity and newness that some could construe as being romantic, but it wasn't that at all.

Being IN love holds a different connotation to it. That is where the romanticism comes to play, as well as the sexual interest. These were totally different, naturally.

I couldn't be romantically attracted to a woman. I could probably physically perform with one, but I could never be "in love" with her. Which I believe is what happens when gay men marry straight women.

I have had so many gay men become infatuated with me that I'm getting tired of it. I could've had better relationships with these guys if they hadn't gone sexual with it. Some gay guys out there tell me about this phenomenon, because I've had gay guys getting infatuated with me since the age of 16 and then dumping me once they realize I'm still just a woman ... should I be flattered or angry?

Quest wrote:

I believe that it's quite possible for someone to "fall in love" romantically with someone outside of their sexual orientation.
Who knows what causes a person to fall in love that way. It's not all about sex, but more about a "soul-connection". However, people also seem to be hardwired to include sex in with romantic love. A large part of the purpose of sex seems to be to bond a couple closer together, after all, so that makes sense.
I haven't seen it happen that often, and most of the time, it seems to turn into friendship, once the "romance" fades a bit.
Perhaps without some measure of true sexual attraction, a romantic relationship can't be maintained on that level. You see that "fading" happen in a lot of straight marriages as well.

So very true. Happened to me.

Leslie wrote:

<quoted text>What I meant was this: Love and sex are really two separate things. Do some gay men just want to only have sex with men, but not fall into romantic love with them? Are there any "gay" men whose romantic feelings fall to women, but only want to have sex with men?

I would have to say no. A man who is sexually interested in men but unable to form a romantic attachment with one is not something I would classify as 'gay', since orientation encompasses more than just the sexual aspect of a relationship.

I don't know of any word or phrase that describes the situation of sexual atrraction exclusively being directed at one sex while romantic attachment is directed exclusively toward the other.

If you had asked me this question a year ago, I probably would have said: yes, it is possible for a gay man to "fall in love" - by this I mean have a strong affectional relationship - with a straight (and in my case, married)woman. But last September, after an 18 year friendship with an openly gay man who once called me his "soul mate" (and we are not kids - he is 70 and I am 64) he told me that he felt he was "living a lie" for the entire relationship. Now I have to wonder. Was this whole relationship a narcissistic charade on his part to gain access to resources I have that he doesn't (e.g., money, hospitality in a resort environment, free post-operative care-giving, etc.)?

I am debating the same question about gay men loving women. I am a women and in a situation where my gay friend (who is not convinced he is gay, by the way) is in love with me and sexually attracted to me but confused because this is the first time he has felt like this about a woman. He said he wants to marry me and have children with me but is concerned about the fact that he still looks at men. But I am interested to know the same answer..Is it possible? I suppose it depends on so many factors.. As far as the separation of sex and love, that is possible regardless of sexual orientation. There are people, due to life experiences, personality, whatever who just have a hard time combing the two. Personally, its often easier for me to have sex with someone I don't care about but when I really care for someone, incorporating sex is often difficult. There are the men I love and then I sleep with. The two don't often go hand in hand. I would imagine this separation of sex and love is common, it just happens to seem more dramatic when the sexual orientations differ.

You are assuming that gay and straight is 100% that way. And, that's not true in a great many people. There are varying degrees - hence bisexuals. But, if a man is 100% gay, then, no, I don't believe he could fall "in love" with a woman and only want sex with men. It would be more that he may ALSO want to have sex with men.

And, there are some straight men out there who prefer "strange" sex, ie prostitutes, vs their loved one. Human sexuality is a complex process and it can't be reduced to a simple one-line question.

Also, my gut tells me this was posted by "Will" just to try to find another negative aspect to gay men.

I have a gay friend, we've been friends for almost 6 years now. We are very close and open to each other but sometimes I notice that our emotions start to become active. We always kiss and hug each other just before and after we leave each other. One night, we were walking and he held my hand because it was too dark for me to walk but it seems that we found it very hard to leave each other's hands. He always says that he wants a man who truly loves him and that he currently wants alot of cuddling and love. Is he trying to tell me something? I'm really confused!! Thanks

One of my best friends is a married woman, and I love her dearly, but, I could never be in love with her. I do consider myself 100% gay, so that kind of love towards her isn't even an issue. I have had many friends who are women, and most of them have told me that they are in love with me, I had to explain to them that I do not feel the same way about them and our friendship will go no farther than it already has. The problem is that most of these women wanted to "change" me. NO woman has EVER been able to change me, nor do I want to change. Diana, you are the one confused, not your friend. My married friend and I always hug and kiss eachother when we say hello, and goodbye. We've held hands, but that was to keep her from falling, don't read into something that isn't there.