Pope declares evolution is not proven fact

oral roberts wrote:

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Thank you

Oral Roberts!! My goodness, is it really you?

I must criticize you about something's that's bothered me for years, my dear Sage.

Remember when that nasty old devil wrestled with you in your bedroom and threatened to kill you if your congregants didn't send you a boatload of money ASAP for one of your projects?

Don't you see how you could have won over a ton of converts if you'd let him do you in? You could have shown the world a MIRACLE and people would be running in droves from their former churches to join YOURS. How could you pass up such a wonderful opportunity to serve your Maker by letting the devil kill you? You're a selfish person, Mr. Roberts. I think you can rectify this by sending Diablo an invitation to come back to finish you off. You owe it to the world! Wouldn't that make you happy?

I wuv you. Even more than I wuv Jimmy ("Cry-on-Cue") Swaggart.

oral roberts wrote:

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Well my dear I did in fact wrestle the devil on the floor in my office at ORU. I was drinking heavily and had just booted up some dancing panda heroin. When there he was in my office I screamed"I rebuke you oh Satan of the really hot place with pokers and shit". Then he threw himself on be and sodomized me for three hours after that we of course smoke a lucky strike then the lord boomed out thru my anus. Get me 7 million or you are going to roll a seven. So with bleeding anus I dialed the worlds greatest journalists to cover my hallucination of truth. Well the dunces bought it and I got the 7 million. We spent six night with Haitian prostitutes and Chinese acrobats gays. It was a time before intelligence and reason. Wait a minute we still aren't there yet. I better schedule the next match.

Before we go on, you do realize I'm black, right? I don't know how "religious" people react to that. Some are truly fine but some are not really "religious" about it and fear my color may rub off on them. THEN they spend hours in the sun to get a little darker like me (I'm a light black). Actually, it's my mermaid fish scales that can harm them, the fools.

Your story is amazing, dear Oral. You actually fought with old Lucifer, huh? Is it true he strongly resembles Howard Stern, the radio jackas...I mean jock? It doesn't sound like your romantic interlude was a pleasant experience for you, but then the devil can't do anything right, can he? Which brings me to another subtopic - why does everyone automatically assume the devil is a man? You think a woman can't do the job? Some here really believe I'M Satan, but if I were, a lot of these posters would wake up every morning with a crocodile in heat.

Haitian prostitutes too? Well, I've never been a prostitute but I'm probably at least part Haitian. Haitians are nice people. Why? Because I said so! So if YOU don't want to wake up with a horny crocodile in the morning, don't argue with me!

I'm also an old woman, you know. Going on 67 this summer! I use a wheelchair much of the time but chiefly for its sexual appeal. Doesn't every red-blooded man lust after old ladies who need wheelchairs 'cause they have a hard time walking? And - there's more. I actually have a JAZZY! As the commercial says, it didn't cost me a penny out of pocket. I know I'm in a joking mood (I usually am) but there's truly nothing funny about needing a wheelchair. I have a muscle disease called PMR. Not going to kill me, but I have a few other serious problems also. Not easy to grow old, but I appreciate all the blessings I have every single day.

I think you're hilarious! Now I'm gonna depend on you for side-splitting laughter. Get to it! I gotta get into bed for now, but I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

By the way, my husband, the love of my life, is not a merman. He's Italian. Same thing I guess :)

Goodnight and sweet dreams!

oral roberts wrote:

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I'll tell you what i do some stand up and I am glad I made you laugh. I don't care where you are from or if you are black or sick. I do hope you get better and there is nothing funny about a wheelchair. You have the right attitude have a good laugh at it all. So at some point tomorrow I'll post a few things for you and let you know of some other posts. It won't be until a little later in the day.

Thanks - you're very kind! As usual, I didn't sleep well so I'm going to lie down now. I'll most likely be a nightowl again tonight! You really were funny last night, and I hope you've been having a pleasant day :)

Sheryl wrote:

Catholics are supposed to take Genesis literally? I agree evolution is not proven, but neither is Adam and Eve, talking serpents, people returning from the dead, etc. I can't believe Benedict thinks people are that stupid.

So you believe that humans are just colonies of bacteria?

Shubee wrote:

<quoted text>So you believe that humans are just colonies of bacteria?

You're talking to another sheryl-wannabe.

You can always tell us apart, as the wannabe is nearly as smart as I am :)

typo - NOT nearly as smart as I am :)

..the ''real''preacher''Name,here... . is very ...insulted,here....you are the FAKE,a FALSE GOD...pretending....no one believes a fake-prophet,and not even dHat..!!....(-

Shubee wrote:

<quoted text>So you believe that humans are just colonies of bacteria?

Not just bacteria, cells are a different type of single celled animal, though we do have several colonies of actual bacteria in our bodies. Each cell, though, is specialized animal that works in unison with several others. You need to learn more about evolution and biology as a whole.

Sheryl wrote:

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LOL!

Shallow-minded? This forum was CREATED for shallow minds! The talking serpent told me that!

KittenKoder wrote:

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Not just bacteria, cells are a different type of single celled animal, though we do have several colonies of actual bacteria in our bodies. Each cell, though, is specialized animal that works in unison with several others. You need to learn more about evolution and biology as a whole.

I congratulate you - YOU'RE a THINKER!!