Offense - We wear defenses out by moving the ball down the field as slow as possible. There is no other team in the NCAA that does this. We don't believe in quick offenses b/c we'd rather take as much time off that as possible.. You see... most of our games are night games and many of our boys eat 7 to 12 meals per day, so we try to get them home to mama so they can eat before she goes to bed. We have a QB that looks cool and doesn't make mistakes (mainly b/c he wants the clock to continue to tick). He is a strong believer in throwing spirals and only spirals. We have a RB that likes to run at least two people over every play but has been noted to run over 7 to 8 players in one play. He hasn't fumbled or even came close since middle school.
Defense - Opponents receivers will catch a few pass's (usually in the 1st quarter). But once one of our linebackers or DB's hit a receiver, they will no longer catch any balls. We believe in knocking the snot out of our opponents face every play. So, after we hit them once they will learn to drop them so they don't get hit again (even though most of the time we will hit them anyway out of respect for Saban). In some of our bigger games, you will occasionally see a receiver try to go for a "second" catch. After attempting this, the receiver will lay there for a few minutes after we hit them. At Bama, we call this period of time from when a player falls to the ground up until the time he limps off the field a "dixie-land delight." Dixie-land delight is a 5 minute period of time or longer when fans and students can refill their cups with whiskey hidden in their boots. It also allows tv watchers time to make a quick trip to the fridge to grab a cold one and do a few push-ups next to the recliner before the next play.. As for the running game.... Well, lets just skip this one because we all know nobody will ever be able to run against us again as long as Saban is coaching there. So with that said, the only way a team can score against us is with a lucky big play. If you can't consistently produce lucky big plays, you will not be able to beat us.
In conclusion, at the University of Alabama we believe in three things - feeding our players well, dixie-land delights, and beating our opponents. For those reasons, you can expect us to play our final game of the season on January 9th.
Thank you for your time.