Close the bank on mooching siblings

I'm so glad I read this column! I thought I was the only one taken advantage of in this manner! All my life, I have been very careful with my money, but when my parents died and I became the sole survivor of my immediate family, my mother's sorry spendthrift relatives started really working me over emotionally, ie, "if you love us and want to be part of our family you'll do X, Y and Z for us." Feeling lonely, I ended up giving my mother's valuable Shirley Temple doll to one cousin, who had me on a guilt trip; letting their dad (my mother's brother, I refuse to call him an uncle anymore) have valuables my grandmother did not want him to have and left to us in her will; bailing the other sister out with money to replace an air conditioner -- and when I did this, instead of saying "thank you," she immediate wanted more money to convert from a septic tank to the new city sewer that had just been installed in her neighborhood.(At the time she had a job and I didn't!)There were several more incidents. I kept being conned out of money, guns, heirlooms and other items of value. What jerks!
When I moved to Florida, the "septic tank" sister came over and "helped" me pack. She then took bunches of stuff for herself, and her kids, some of which was not offered -- ie, she stole it!
Their mother then cooked dinner for me and kept asking "when are you leaving?" She wasn't being a dotty old lady -- she got the exact time out of me and within an hour, she, the "Shirley Temple" daughter and the daughter's husband had broken in to my house to cart off the items I'd left for the rental manager to put into storage for me! The latter two relatives traveled from out of town to do this.They had no business even setting foot on the property uninvited! Needless to say, that ended our relationship for all time.
I thought I was the only relative being victimized by such vultures and am relieved to know others have been duped as well. Maybe I'm not so stupid after all if it happens to others.
Word of warning to others reading this: just because someone is a relative, doesn't mean they have your best interest at heart. If someone abuses you monetarily, cut your losses and cut them off at once! People like that are hazardous to your wealth.
(PS -- I'm not a bit lonely now that these con artists are out of my life; I have cultivated friendships with other, nicer people and other relatives who are supportive and helpful and have never once taken advantage of me!)

I have one word for Sole Survivor - Police!

A word to all, just because you are related to them, that doesn't mean you have to like them or be nice to them. Blood entitles people to NOTHING!
My friends are my REAL family.

My husband's brother and wife are like this. My husband ONCE got a loan in his name to help his brother out. His brother had promised before the loan was made that he would pay my husband back weekly. THEN when it came to it the brother said "YOu got the loan in YOUR name and it is not my responsibility"

He and his wife work, but expect his parents to pay for their children's school supplies and clothes. The expect people to spend hundreds of dollars on their kids at Christmas time and their birthdays.

They expect the parents to help them pay their bills, yet go out to eat every day (several times a day), go to amusement parks, concerts, buy tickets for US Nationals, etc....

My husband was laid off last year and they were telling us to buy a $80 doll for their daughter.

We just had our first child and his parents told us that they think they should give us the same amount like they do for his brother and wife. I told them no we pay our own way and that what the other two do is backmail since they will not be able to see the children unless they give out money.

People like that are losers and will never amount to anything in life.

We will never lend money nor help these moochers out.
I personally don't care if we don't see them and my husband thinks the same way.

We were asked if we would ever help them out money wise. I was like no why should we when my husband is the only one working.
We manage to pay all the bills on one check. They do not pay rent. They get their phone, cell phone and TV dish turned off all of the time.

Why should we help them out.

Laura -

The same thing happened to me with my sister and her husband (I am single and, according to her, should have enough money to help them out)- I even had her sign a promissory note, but she refused to pay me one single cent, and I would take her to court, but my elderly father has begged me not to. Every birthday (hers and her children's) and Christmas, I present her with a note detailing the amount I would have spent on gifts and have deducted that amount from the amount due under the promissory note. I have also convinced my father to do the same and give me a check for the amount he would have spent (instead of me filing suit against her). I am almost paid off (including interest!) and she has hinted that once I've essentially paid myself off, she expects gifts - fat chance. My father has also become so disgusted with her behavior that he has changed the locks on his house (she no longer has a key), installed an alarm and rewritten his will to exclude her and her family. She has ripped them off for so long, he has informed his attorney and written a letter to explain his decision, in case she decides to contest the will.

It has obviously caused a lot of tension in the family, and it was hard for a while when my dad was looking at me like I was the bad guy, but I am proud I stood up for myself. And when my dad is gone, I will never have to deal with her and her family again. Her kids have learned their lessons at their mother's knee - they have the most ridiculous sense of entitlement. My will leaves everything to my friends' children and to charity.

Reading all your comments has been so helpful to me. I also have the mooching older sis (why is that so common). The mooching went on for about 20yrs- she took from me, mom, and innumerable friends. For years she had us believing that it was our job to pay her rent and bills, feed her kids, buy their toys, etc. Even though she has 3 kids, my sis works part-time at a low pay job. She won't look for other work because she'd rather diagnose herself with various ailments in the hope of qualifying for disability. Her oldest is 25 and has 2 kids of her own. She's learned from mommy not to work or finish school believing someone will take care of her. But its not going to be me! At this time sis is facing yet another eviction and if I did have the $3,000 for back-rent I wouldn't give it. I am done carrying people on my back. I do love her but she's got to learn to work hard and pay bills.

I have a moocher step daughter that has been doing this for over twenty years. We don't see her unless she has no were else to go or no one else will give her any money. She just left our life again today. Thank God,Good Riddens,I don't want to ever see you again!

I have a moocher brother in law too and he`s the worst kind. My dear hubby works with him and sure, I understand he`s got 3 kids and we haven`t gotten any as to today, but is it me or ist just plain unfair for him to take 3/4 of all the money when there are 3 partners? and I try to make hubby understand, but he tells me that if he doesn`t cash it, then his nephews won`t be able to go to private school (which is ironic cause the 3 of them are plain dumb and keep flunking out and stuff). Meanwhile we have no furniture in our house (even though we`ve been married for almost a year now).

My husband and I have the same problems with our single siblings. My younger brother is the biggest moocher & husband's older sister is a total money pit! My in-laws are always giving his sister money and she never manages to hang on to any of it. Sometimes they pay her car payment and they already paid her mortgage. My brother manages to emit a needy persona and women often give him money. My Dad admits to giving my brother extra money. Does my brother even bother to call my Dad on my Dad's b-day? Nope. He could care less. My brother is so ticked off at me right now because I stopped playing along, especially when he became controlling. It took him getting mean and threatening for me to realize how unhealthy our relationship was. I WAS an enabler, but no more.

I have two brother in law and sister in law they came to stay with us because they lived together and worked but never had any money my husband paid thier rent helped them move bought various things over the years for them they manipulate him over his parents that died years ago. I have found my stuff in sis law bedroom she has lived here for almost three years and in need of a dentist quick while brother in law lived here she gave him her money to get him new dentures and her teeth are keeping her from getting a job she doesnt pay rent buy groceries I was paying for toothpaste shampoo and helped her with her cigarettes for a time .. now I dont even buy groceries anymore her time lime to leave is 8 days we gave her 6 months notice she has said that we are kicking her out I told her if we were kicking her out her things would of been gone. Now she is playing games telling my husband I am snooping in her room opening mail etc which I have not done she is the snoop I finally told her to quit opening my husband mail he my husband constantly defends her and refuses to see her for what she is .. a woman with no life of her own she hasnt had a boyfriend in the ten yrs I have know her ... brother in law moved back to Vegas but he ripped sis in law off for the dentures and then stole money on my husband credit card to gamble then put him self in the hospital ..I am so disgusted ,, my family has a wayward adult drugs we finally let him go and let him do what he has to do but My husband enables his family to lie manipulate and cheat all the time.. I cannot stand even being in the same room with her. She pushed me into a door and told my husband I hit her!!! I want out of this family for sure I am not perfect I have lost my temper many times with both of them but I am at my wits end... total disgust I dont believe anything either one of them says and now I feel the same way about my husband.. I feel like I am in a trashy family

I have a step-son (22 yrs old)and he aand I are both in the military. My wife does not work due to her sickness so we only have one income. We pay rent, child support and all the house bills plus a car payment out of one pay. My son has more disposable income / month than I have and we only charge him $200/month for his room and board. Because our bills have gotten higher due to raising gas prices we have asked him to pay $300/month to help with finances. He refused to pay this yet he drinks away $300/weekend. My wife is torn because she doesn't want to kick him out and he knows this. He still has a room on base in the barracks but lives, eats, showers and does laundry at our house. He has been in the military for over two years and has not saved a cent and has nothing to show for the $40K that he has spent. I just want to balance my budget every month and put a little aside for a rainy day. Right now, we are going in debt trying to pay the bills for three adults while he gets to drink his money away. Any suggestions?

My mother inlaw is like this, we cut her off 7 years go! best thing we ever did! We were asked for cars, tvs, clothes, a sense of entitlement I guess. The motherinlaw works and so do the others who did this, sister inlaw. I have no use for them. I feel sorry for my husband they tried to use us like an atm machine. He and I worked overtime and they mooched from us! If any of you get to a small town in Central Illinois watch out for a redhaired old bat...

I'm a single widowed mom who raised my son completely alone. My older brother quit his job over a year and a half ago and sat around doing nothing. Now he's losing his house, self diagnoses himself as having cancer and begs for money from me. All the while he's mooching off neighbors and doing NOTHING. He's tried manipulating me but I have cut him off. Guilt sets in as I feel an obligation because he's my brother but after reading all of your posts I know I can't let that happen. I've got to cut him off completely!

my girlfriend and i decided too get a fairly large house with a mothernlaw attached apartment,her idea,1600 a month,her parents put there house up for rent to pay 600 of our rent.they were also suppose to help with utilities,but like a retard i put in my name,well the people who were renting there house moved out so say goodbye to that 600,we have lived together 9 months and they have not helped with any utilities,which wouldnt be that big of a deal if our light bill wasnt 600 a month,thats not even including water. so now its winter and we have no heat in our part of the house because we cant afford to get our gas turned on because im paying so much for the other utilities,but they have central heat in there part so there nice and cozy,oh did i mention the dad is a complete drunk and he sits outside in the uninsulated garage with there door open letting all that central heat in but yet our part of the house is freezing,i hate them ,they are suppose to be moving back to there old house which 2 months ago they had there gas heat turned on but yet left us in the cold, they are suppose to be getting some money for refinancing there house and have promised to give us some ,so my girlfriend is telling me to be nice to them or we want get any money,but yet when they got there income tax refund they went on a shopping spree and came home with bags of new cloths and didnt offer us anything,i have really just had enough,so today i went and disconnected there heat and we are pretending its broke ,told them to use a space heater like we have to do hopeing to make them as uncomfortable as possible so they will move out trying to think of other things to do need suggestions,oh did i mention her mom is doing laundry non stop whos laundry im not sure , which i know is running up the utilities also,im so stressed out i dont know why they wont just move they have heat in there house why wont they leave??

they have lived for free for nine months while all of both of our checks pays rent and utilities ,and we are freezing which they are too now haha!!!

I have a mooch brother in law who A) moved in with us without really asking us and B) has such a sense of entitlement that he feels the 10 months we've allowed him to live with us (where he has spent most of his time in front of the TV playing video games, smoking pot, watching porn, you name it he's done it.)he doesn't feel the need to pitch in, pick up after himself or pay me back for the money he borrowed. I can't wait till June comes around when we move out of this place and tell him he's not coming with us to our next apartment.
At first I didn't understand why my husband had such an issue with him, but sadly I've seen the light and quite frankly it's dim as hell. He's a pig, he doesn't follow house rules, he's selfish and after all the time and money I put in to helping us all survive (for a long period of time I was the sole breadwinner working two jobs, going to school).
Now that he's making decent money he feels no remorse for the tension he's caused between my husband and I, nor does it matter that I have fallen into a hole of debt (of which he helped dig me into through all his "borrowing"-- I say giving since I don't expect much from him anymore). Worse of all he's so daggone comfortable here that our warnings have just slipped by the wayside and I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realizes that he'll have to handle everything on his own without getting help from us ever again.
Sorry for the rant.. as you can see I'm still relatively upset about this situation. I have to admit however messed up it is; I no longer care what shenanigans he's up to and I can't wait to give him the kick out the door.

It makes me sick how people are so apt to take advantage of other people's generosity. All the other anecdotes here have reaffirmed my position on the matter of mooching relatives. Good people done wrong by family, its sad and infuriating. I strongly believe in karma and I hope each and every person that victimizes a relative gets whats coming to them and same goes for the kind and generous people willing to help a person in need.

I too have an older sister that has taken advantage of me. She went bankrupt, I paid off her attorney. I let her stay with me. She was supposed to pay me back, plus pay some utilities. Did not happen. I am now taking over her finances. She has SS coming in. I am putting her on an allowance. I told her she has no choice because nobody else will have her which is the truth. She has drunk that money up. I told her I will not support her drinking. And if she acts like a child with money I will treat her like a child. I told her to get a job, pay the folks back she owes like a respectable person does. You do not need a person in your life like this, it is very draining. My advice to folks in this same position is get the blood suckers off you. No good will come of them.

I love this post and am so happy to see that other people are in the same boat as me. I'm really sorry other people are, actually! However, it's nice to see that others could relate. My brother in law, whom I've nicknamed Sponge Bob, or America's Guest, is in his fifties and has never held down a job his whole adult life. He's educated and brilliant with two degrees but has a circle of people who give him money on a regular basis, so why go out and get a job? He is into "get rich quick" schemes and hounds my husband for money all the time. My husband gave him $30,000.00 to assist in a film he was working on. It never went anywhere and we never saw the money. He calls and wants money for his birthday, as if he's a child. My husband is overly compassionate and gets guilted into giving him money, then wants to kick himself afterward. Spongie plays on his guilt. Recently we've been having our own financial issues and can barely pay our own bills. When my husband told Spongie we don't have anything, he continued to call day in and day out, for months, until he got something. Whenever we go to dinner, we pay. We paid for them to fly out to our wedding and paid for their attire and gave them gifts. They never gave us a wedding gift or card and my brother in law complained that our wedding day was not a good day for him, because he was working on a new project. He complained about the Ralph Lauren suit we bought him and said he likes Joseph Aboud better. He also said he is throwing out the Cole Haan shoes we bought him, because "they're awful". They wanted to join us in Europe for a few days and we paid the airfare, hotel, tranfers and all meals. They didn't have to lay out a penny. They completely take advantage of us and my husband will not learn his lesson with his ungrateful brother.

To top it off, we're struggling to pay bills and I found out my husband is withdrawing money from our account and depositing it into Sponge Bob's account without telling me. Yeah, I was furious, and my husband will never learn. It's so pathetic. I'm doing what I have to do and prepare for the future and I won't feel guilty about having a nest egg on the side. Bottom line is, my husband is bullied into giving this guy money and it's caused deceit on his part along with bad credit!

I have a brother who mooched for awhile and I had to start saying no because it got out of control. He voluntarily quit his job, collects from the state and makes up stories about a bad marriage to get sympathy money from my parents. He doesn't ask me for money anymore.

I am so glad I found this coment board so I don't feel like I have lost my mind. My 59 year old brother on SSI came from up North to Fl and the agreement was that he would stay for a "few months" and save money for his own place... well... he gets about 2k a month on SSI and he sleeps all day and goes to the bar and plays poker all night, and was saving no money,, my husband and I fell into bad dire financial straits, and he was giving us about 250 a month to help out... we realized he was blowing all his money and not saving much of anything, and we were being put together like a jigsaw puzzle... the lies, the excuses, everything wrong with his life is everyone elses fault but his own, and then when i start asking what his game plan is he gets very verbally abusive to me, yells at me, yells at my dogs... getting very tense. I finally got an opportunity after being out of work for 2 years to work out of my home.. we have 2 bdrms and needed to set up an office, I told him and he flipped out... stating I was throwing him out on the street... after 5 months. refused to give me any more money for the one month left here... we had a huge fight today and he screamed and yelled at me, he left, and I do not want him back. Has caused a lot of damage to my marriage. I am ready to reconsider my marriage of 23 years and considering leaving for good. My husband does not defend me and my life has become a mess. I never knew what a sleazebag and a leech my brother was, until he was under my roof. All I tried to do was save him from being alone and being diabetic and dying alone. Obviously drinking is more important to him than buying his meds and his health. I learned that it is not worth it to care any longer. DOne.. I don't care what happens to him anymore. He has hurt me to the core of my very being. My two other brothers would not put up with this crap. Never put yourself out for anyone because they will just suck you dry until you put a stop to it!!!

Chelsea wrote:

I have a moocher brother in law too and he`s the worst kind. My dear hubby works with him and sure, I understand he`s got 3 kids and we haven`t gotten any as to today, but is it me or ist just plain unfair for him to take 3/4 of all the money when there are 3 partners? and I try to make hubby understand, but he tells me that if he doesn`t cash it, then his nephews won`t be able to go to private school (which is ironic cause the 3 of them are plain dumb and keep flunking out and stuff). Meanwhile we have no furniture in our house (even though we`ve been married for almost a year now).