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Against Male OB-GYNs

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#1
Apr 18, 2010
 

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I encourage men who are upset about the thought of male gynecologist examining the private parts of their wives to considering joining the Yahoo group, How Husbands Feel About Gyn Exams at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howhusbandsfeel . You will get a lot of support. Don't let people tell you that you are crazy. This group is also open to women. If you are a woman and you just don't understand why your husband has a problem with you going to a male ob/gyn, you could get some good insights from this group.
Many Men who don't want their wives to not go to a male gynecologist are not crazy. Many men just love their wives so much that they don't want another man to access and see the private parts of their wives. Some women and their husbands want to protect their intimacy and they feel like their intimacy is violated when the women are treated by male gynecologists. The bond between a husband and a wife is very special when they never expose their private parts to another person of the opposite sex.
Not with my lady you dont

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#2
Apr 19, 2010
 

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Against Male OB-GYNs wrote:
I encourage men who are upset about the thought of male gynecologist examining the private parts of their wives to considering joining the Yahoo group, How Husbands Feel About Gyn Exams at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howhusbandsfeel . You will get a lot of support. Don't let people tell you that you are crazy. This group is also open to women. If you are a woman and you just don't understand why your husband has a problem with you going to a male ob/gyn, you could get some good insights from this group.
Many Men who don't want their wives to not go to a male gynecologist are not crazy. Many men just love their wives so much that they don't want another man to access and see the private parts of their wives. Some women and their husbands want to protect their intimacy and they feel like their intimacy is violated when the women are treated by male gynecologists. The bond between a husband and a wife is very special when they never expose their private parts to another person of the opposite sex.
I seem to recognize the sentiment,, Misty? I couldn't agree more! I have had to end budding relationships with a woman or 2 because of their unwillingness to even try understand my position on this sensitive subject. If I can't find someone with like thinking, understanding, and that can provide an absolute assurance that she will not subject herself to this exploitation by a stranger, then I'd rather be alone than suffer the anxiety that this produces in me.(Actually, as of this writing, I do think I've found THE one! Time will tell) Keep up the good work Misty. You're a beautiful person.

Of course there is finally a beautifully PRIVATE alternative:

http://selfpapdiagnostics.com/index.html
Homer

Warrenton, VA

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#3
Apr 24, 2010
 

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From a Male husband perspective and father of 3 who has had a lot of experience with this issue, I feel that it is improper for a woman to recieve intimate care from a male ob/gyn when it can be avoided. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with being insecure or maturity, it has more to do with being "protective", and about "what's proper", and about "respect" for the relationship or marriage.

Way too many male ob/gyn doctors have crossed-the-line, and once a spouse has been violated, you can't take it back, so why take the chance? If a woman truly loves her SO or husband, then she would 1.) try to be as modest as possible, 2.) be respectful of his feelings, 3.) not expect him to endure such pain and disrespect. Now, if there were to ever be a "life threatening emergency", by all means 1st doctor available then please.

Fortunately, my wife shares the same convictions as I do, and has way to much respect for herself and also for me to ever electively expose herself in such an intimate way. Male doctors don't even have the same plumbing that women do, so it would be like going to a mechanic who has never owned a car. While my wife has other male doctors such as dentists, and eye doctors, she would never electively go to see a male gyn doctor. Being a male, I just don't think you can ever take the "male" out of being a "male".

A lot of women say that the process is simply "clinical", which I find hard to believe. Some women have been known to become aroused during these types of exams, and have also referred to their male ob/gyn's as being "cute", whereby making it improper. Who cares if a male doctor see's 20 women a day, it still doesn't make it "right" or "proper". I just wish that more women would follow their instincts.

This is not to say not to get any prenatal care, but to seek the right moral care, for both you and your spouse. What good is having "good health", when your husband or SO starts to resent you, and starts to lose interest in the process, or wants a divorce because he feels that you didn't do "everything" possible on your part to protect the intimacy of the marriage or relationship. In what better way could a woman show her man love and respect then to say "I go to women doctors for all of my intimate medical care and treatment".
Not with my lady you dont

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#4
Apr 24, 2010
 

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Homer wrote:
From a Male husband perspective and father of 3 who has had a lot of experience with this issue, I feel that it is improper for a woman to recieve intimate care from a male ob/gyn when it can be avoided. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with being insecure or maturity, it has more to do with being "protective", and about "what's proper", and about "respect" for the relationship or marriage.
Way too many male ob/gyn doctors have crossed-the-line, and once a spouse has been violated, you can't take it back, so why take the chance? If a woman truly loves her SO or husband, then she would 1.) try to be as modest as possible, 2.) be respectful of his feelings, 3.) not expect him to endure such pain and disrespect. Now, if there were to ever be a "life threatening emergency", by all means 1st doctor available then please.
Fortunately, my wife shares the same convictions as I do, and has way to much respect for herself and also for me to ever electively expose herself in such an intimate way. Male doctors don't even have the same plumbing that women do, so it would be like going to a mechanic who has never owned a car. While my wife has other male doctors such as dentists, and eye doctors, she would never electively go to see a male gyn doctor. Being a male, I just don't think you can ever take the "male" out of being a "male".
A lot of women say that the process is simply "clinical", which I find hard to believe. Some women have been known to become aroused during these types of exams, and have also referred to their male ob/gyn's as being "cute", whereby making it improper. Who cares if a male doctor see's 20 women a day, it still doesn't make it "right" or "proper". I just wish that more women would follow their instincts.
This is not to say not to get any prenatal care, but to seek the right moral care, for both you and your spouse. What good is having "good health", when your husband or SO starts to resent you, and starts to lose interest in the process, or wants a divorce because he feels that you didn't do "everything" possible on your part to protect the intimacy of the marriage or relationship. In what better way could a woman show her man love and respect then to say "I go to women doctors for all of my intimate medical care and treatment".
Homer! Great post. I agree with the possible exception that there isn't much in this area of medicine (that I know of) that's really an 'emergency' like when someone has a heart attack, or is choking/not breathing for example.

I also saw your post over on that newsvine site. I don't understand women with their thinking, honestly. It seems that they couldn't care less how their husbands feel regarding the intimacy of this kind of exam. I hope they are in the minority! I'd like to think that MOST women are more compassionate than they are.

I see that your wife agrees with you.....I don't know if you'd like to tell me how you found her, but I'd sure be interested. I don't think I'm long for that site. It stinks when you can't post your opinion without the post getting deleted. that's what happened to by first post because I posted the link to a self pap test, and the moderator didn't like it. I mean, come on! Most everybody has a different opinion on something or another. Doesn't mean you have to delete their posting!! sheeeesh

Hey, if you and your better half are interested....have a peek at the self pap site on the bottom of my post #2 of this thread! I think it's pretty ingenious myself. In fact, I've sent an email to the company requesting product info AND if they are a publicly traded company! I think they will do real well with this, and I want in!!
Not with my lady you dont

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#6
May 16, 2010
 

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Looking back on it now, I would agree about the making fun. Yes, I did notice the reference to a Muslim country. It was a cheap attack on decent people that have some dignity. They obviously don't.
What a bunch they are! I never realized women could be that vicious.

I know that it is sometimes needed, but it just emotionally upsets me. If the victim, oops, patient could be covered and just have an ultrasound (NOT TRANS-VAGINAL), I think that would be ideal. But this stirrups and speculum stuff, not to mention the bi manual, is just more than this guy can put up with! By the way, is this Misty?
Brave New world

San Diego, CA

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#7
Jul 28, 2010
 

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I think muslims are right about male gynecologists. It makes me sick that these medical perverts are being forced on muslim women.(See a really nasty forum in ebaum's world.) It's the western tolerance for male gynecologists that is completely odd and against nature.
Western acceptance of it among both men and women, and the obvious relationship damage it causes, is merely the result of brainwashing.(BTW, the rest of the first world, outside of the US and Canada, sees the gynecological industry, for the most part, as a perverted scam-and they have lower rates of female cancers.

Since: Aug 10

Ashland, KY

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#8
Aug 10, 2010
 

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I asked my wife not to use a man and she did it anyway. Almost caused a divorce. Lost a lot of respect for her.
brave new world

Placentia, CA

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#9
Aug 13, 2010
 

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1994you, I can't imagine doing that to my man, barring an emergency. I also think men shouldn't have to put up w/female nurses either. None of us got a vote about this forced gender neutrality in medical care, and I'm sick of putting up with it.
bnw

United States

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#11
Aug 14, 2010
 

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I wish I had $. Are there other ways to help besides challenging this medical est. Brainwashing on blogs? Oh btw, are there such directories fo CA?
Homer

Winchester, VA

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#12
Aug 16, 2010
 
1994you wrote:
I asked my wife not to use a man and she did it anyway. Almost caused a divorce. Lost a lot of respect for her.
I did a generic search, and came back accross this blog, and saw where you chimed in. Sorry to hear about your dilemma. How long ago did this happen, and has she been back to this man since? A lot of here can relate...
Not With My Lady You Dont

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#13
Aug 17, 2010
 

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Brave New world wrote:
I think muslims are right about male gynecologists. It makes me sick that these medical perverts are being forced on muslim women.(See a really nasty forum in ebaum's world.) It's the western tolerance for male gynecologists that is completely odd and against nature.
Western acceptance of it among both men and women, and the obvious relationship damage it causes, is merely the result of brainwashing.(BTW, the rest of the first world, outside of the US and Canada, sees the gynecological industry, for the most part, as a perverted scam-and they have lower rates of female cancers.
Brave, they have lower rates of female cancers because they don't OVERSCREEN like here in the U.S. and Canada.

I asked a friend who has an oncologist (due to having cancer 5 years ago) if she would ask her Dr. a question during her appointment which was 2 weeks ago.

Question being "Is it easier for a damaged cell to mutate into cancer during the bodys healing process than for a healthy cell to mutate?" The answer that came back was "YES".

So any women who are thinking they are doing themselves some kind of favor by getting their cervix scraped in the name of good health, are just kidding themselves because the scraping for the purpose of collecting cell samples CAUSES DAMAGE to the remaining cells!!

Of course after many years of continual scraping when she does come up with pre-cancerous or cancerous cells, the doc that caused the problem by all the overscreening is likely going to say something like 'good thing you've kept up with your yearly or we wouldn't have been able to catch this in time.' This practice is a fraud. It's also a vile degradation and an assault on women.

And to further lend credence to this post, the question was posed to Dr. Sandra Foote of Milford, Delaware (Google her if you like). I would encourage anyone male or female to ask the same question of your own Dr. in the exact same manner so as to not provide bias. I would expect the answer would coincide.
Not With My Lady You Dont

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#14
Aug 17, 2010
 

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1994you wrote:
I asked my wife not to use a man and she did it anyway. Almost caused a divorce. Lost a lot of respect for her.
That's unfortunate 1994. She apparently doesn't understand/appreciate the emotional upset/anxiety it can cause for some husbands. Personally, I couldn't have put up with it.
Not With My Lady You Dont

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#15
Aug 17, 2010
 

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brave new world wrote:
1994you, I can't imagine doing that to my man, barring an emergency. I also think men shouldn't have to put up w/female nurses either. None of us got a vote about this forced gender neutrality in medical care, and I'm sick of putting up with it.
I hope your man knows how lucky he is to have you.
1994you

Ashland, KY

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#16
Aug 23, 2010
 

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She believe the same way I do until she got pregnent. I asked her to find a women but she was going to him no matter what I had to say. Her friends said he was the best. So she ran with it. Never looking into realy finding the best dr. After 6yrs of seeing him and our last child was born I asked again. All I got was a"I don't care who does it as long as it is done". She was a virgin when we met. I was the only one to see or touch her. When she first thought about birth control I told her I didn't care who she saw just try to go to a women. She did. She believed the same as I did for 10yrs. Her thinking hurts more then the actual act it's self.
Not With My Lady You Dont

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#17
Aug 23, 2010
 

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1994you wrote:
She believe the same way I do until she got pregnent. I asked her to find a women but she was going to him no matter what I had to say. Her friends said he was the best. So she ran with it. Never looking into realy finding the best dr. After 6yrs of seeing him and our last child was born I asked again. All I got was a"I don't care who does it as long as it is done". She was a virgin when we met. I was the only one to see or touch her. When she first thought about birth control I told her I didn't care who she saw just try to go to a women. She did. She believed the same as I did for 10yrs. Her thinking hurts more then the actual act it's self.
I don't mean to add to your pain 1994, but I have to tell you that when a wife relies more on what her "friends" say than what her own HUSBAND says, there is a problem! Furthermore, if she doesn't "care who does it as long as it is done" then why can't she go to a woman? And besides that, what is she "having done"? Pap smear? Not good. I'll refer you to my post #662 on the thread below. It was in response to "saltydog". Read carefully. It's important!

http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TKGVGQD2J...

Good luck! Looks like you need it.
Medical Patient Modesty

Greenville, SC

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#18
Aug 23, 2010
 

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1994you wrote:
She believe the same way I do until she got pregnent. I asked her to find a women but she was going to him no matter what I had to say. Her friends said he was the best. So she ran with it. Never looking into realy finding the best dr. After 6yrs of seeing him and our last child was born I asked again. All I got was a"I don't care who does it as long as it is done". She was a virgin when we met. I was the only one to see or touch her. When she first thought about birth control I told her I didn't care who she saw just try to go to a women. She did. She believed the same as I did for 10yrs. Her thinking hurts more then the actual act it's self.
It is sad about how your wife gave in to her friends' suggestion. Sometimes, friends convince other women to go to a male gynecologist. The truth is that some of the male gynecologists friends have suggested to other women ended up being charged with sexual misconduct. You should check out http://www.sexualmisconductbydoctors.com . Look at the tips for women on how to prevent sexual misconduct by doctors at http://www.sexualmisconductbydoctors.com/fema... . You should show your wife some information on terrible things male doctors have done according to news. Please especially check out both OB/GYN and Gastroenterology at http://www.sexualmisconductbydoctors.com/misc... .

You definitely should join the "How Husbands Feel About Male Gynecologists" group. Many men in the group have had similar experiences as you.
1994you

Ashland, KY

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#19
Aug 24, 2010
 

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She went to him after we found out she was pregnent. I asked her to find a women, but she wanted to go to him. So I just took it. After the baby I asked again. She said she wanted him for our next child so she would have to have him do her yearly. She went to this man for the next 5yrs and all I could do was just eat it. She was using him know matter what I said. After our 2nd and last child was born I told her I wanted her to change dr. She agreed, but every female I told her about she had one reason or another to not use them. I said you won't go to these female dr. but you will go to this man? That's when she said "I don't care who does it as long as I have it done. I don't want to get cancer". I couldn't take it so I told her if she used a man again I would divorce her. Please understand in an emergency I could care less. If she has the choice, use a female. This has caused so many problems with me. I try not to show it when were intimate but the thought of her taking all her clothes of and laying the sameway she does for me for another man is just too much. Like I said I WAS the only one till she gave it away. I always thought she held our intimacy close. To know as long as she thinks it's not sexual she's cool with it has changed everything about her to me. I feel like I don't realy know her now. After 14yrs.
1994you

Ashland, KY

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#20
Aug 24, 2010
 

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People who don't agree with me please don't cast judgment on me. I don't think it is moral to use a male for that kind of dr. I'm not a big time church person, or controling type of guy. We all have things in our relationships we want to be respected. I have never cared what she did. I only asked her to not do two things, cheat on me or go to a male obgyn. For all thoughs years she would say I need to find a female dr. My yearly is coming up. She made it clear she didn't want a man to do that exam. Btw I know all about the pap test and things. How there not good for you. I think it's in one ear out the other when it comes to that with her. I work at the medical center this mans office is at. I see him all the time, it's a constent reminder. I love my wife and kids more then anything. It's such a problem. It seams like I will never get back that little part of our itnimacy.
Medical Patient Modesty

Greenville, SC

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#21
Aug 24, 2010
 

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1994you wrote:
People who don't agree with me please don't cast judgment on me. I don't think it is moral to use a male for that kind of dr. I'm not a big time church person, or controling type of guy. We all have things in our relationships we want to be respected. I have never cared what she did. I only asked her to not do two things, cheat on me or go to a male obgyn. For all thoughs years she would say I need to find a female dr. My yearly is coming up. She made it clear she didn't want a man to do that exam. Btw I know all about the pap test and things. How there not good for you. I think it's in one ear out the other when it comes to that with her. I work at the medical center this mans office is at. I see him all the time, it's a constent reminder. I love my wife and kids more then anything. It's such a problem. It seams like I will never get back that little part of our itnimacy.
You are not strange at all. There are so many husbands who feel the same way as you. There are so many good female ob/gyns. You are certainly not controlling at all because you are open to your wife going to a female ob/gyn for her female health issues.

I encourage you to tell your wife how much you love her and explain to her and how you feel. Tell her that you want to be the only man in the world who can see and touch certain parts of her body and it's a special privilege. Explain to her how male gynecologists are no different from other men. Maybe you can ask her how she would feel if you went to a beautiful female doctor for a male genital examination. Maybe that would help her to get a perspective on how you feel.
Not With My Lady You Dont

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#23
Aug 24, 2010
 

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1994you wrote:
She went to him after we found out she was pregnent. I asked her to find a women, but she wanted to go to him. So I just took it. After the baby I asked again. She said she wanted him for our next child so she would have to have him do her yearly. She went to this man for the next 5yrs and all I could do was just eat it. She was using him know matter what I said. After our 2nd and last child was born I told her I wanted her to change dr. She agreed, but every female I told her about she had one reason or another to not use them. I said you won't go to these female dr. but you will go to this man? That's when she said "I don't care who does it as long as I have it done. I don't want to get cancer". I couldn't take it so I told her if she used a man again I would divorce her. Please understand in an emergency I could care less. If she has the choice, use a female. This has caused so many problems with me. I try not to show it when were intimate but the thought of her taking all her clothes of and laying the sameway she does for me for another man is just too much. Like I said I WAS the only one till she gave it away. I always thought she held our intimacy close. To know as long as she thinks it's not sexual she's cool with it has changed everything about her to me. I feel like I don't realy know her now. After 14yrs.
1994 - I don't usually feel sympathic toward other men, but I think that you might be the exception to the rule! Early on (before your first child) did you make it very clear to her how you felt about this situation? Did you let her know how intensely you feel about it? I don't understand what using this pervert for your second child's birth has to do with the good 'ol useless yearly, which, by the way, is fraught with inaccuracies and error. Why could she not at LEAST appease you by using a female for the yearly, then the pervert that can't hold a real mans job for 5 minutes in a row for child #2? Wait....on second thought, disregard that. Like my father would have said "that's water under the bridge".

Just curious, is there anything that you feel that she can do to make this up to you? Also wondering if you've had any interest in examining her, and how she would feel about that? This is NOT a kinky question. I'm very serious. It's really not rocket science!
Most of what they (gyn's) do is a visual check. The only cytology involved is for the pap smear, and if you read that link I posted it's really NOT good to keep scraping the cervix and anybody that thinks so should go to a medical supply house, buy a package of these wooden "spatulas", take one out and scrape your eyeball with it until it bleeds, then come on back and let us know what you think (if you can still see your computer monitor, that is). If you have interest in this I have tutorial links that instruct how to insert a speculum, and even how to do the exam! Best part is they obviously were not written for Dr's. I determined this by the wording. So I have a feeling more and more couples are turning to this as an alternative to the demoralizing, vile degradation that is western gynecology. After all, you are the father of her 2 children. Who should she trust more than YOU ?? Answer = no one.

Here is a link for you. Check out the responses. Gets interesting starting with the first comment from "Maggie Commons" August 20, 2007 4:49 pm. It starts out with discussion about chaperons for these humiliating exams, then moves on to very good reasoning as to why they aren't even needed!! Many entries by what seems to me to be very intelligent women. You might want to read this with your better half ;o)

http://womenshealthnews.wordpress.com/2007/06...

I hope this helps. It's a damn shame when a doctor can drive a wedge between a couple where none existed before.

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