Relationship problems? Sometimes it's all about the sex

Dec 30, 2009 Full story: KansasCity.com 146

People walk into Barry McCarthys office, often after a stint in couples therapy.

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Guy

Lindsay, CA

#1 Dec 31, 2009
It is very important that girls take care of boy's penises, especially with younger guys.
hardon

United States

#2 Dec 31, 2009
what do you do when wife is boring in bed and her sister wants to share you with her best friend

“guess who Lois?”

Since: Dec 06

A little hole in the wall.

#3 Jan 1, 2010
ONe of the most telling comments in this article is when he mentions that, when the sex life goes well, "it is not such a big deal" .. but when it is not going well, then it becomes a very big deal .. often enough to be a "deal breaker" and can lead to a broken marraige.

I think that men understand this but women often do NOT understand this .... instead of "rising to the occasion" and doing something to improve the intimacy in the marraige, many women feel pressured and distance themselves even further .. the exact opposite of what they should do.

“guess who Lois?”

Since: Dec 06

A little hole in the wall.

#4 Jan 1, 2010
I like the way he put it .. a poor sex life "destabalizes" an otherwise good marraige.

“guess who Lois?”

Since: Dec 06

A little hole in the wall.

#5 Jan 1, 2010
another improtnat quote from this article "

"Couples are often locked in a power struggle when they come to see McCarthy.“The man says,‘Why don’t we have more sex?’ And the woman says,‘Why don’t we have more intimacy?’ "

Again, there is often an innapropriate response going on.

Women seem to equate that when a man acts more "intimatley" she presumes he wants it to lead to sex. Since she is not in the mood for sex, she rebuffs the intimacy as well .. so she goes against her own comment that she wants it to be more about the intimacy.

Couples need to get on the same page ... a man needs to accept that sometimes the intimacy should not be expected to lead to sex. And the women should trust that them an accepts this .. then they can act more intimatley without the pressure.

More often than not, once there is a comfort level and less presure, it can make the woman feel more comfortable and the sexual desire will grow along with the comfort level.
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#6 Jan 4, 2010
My husband wanted it all the time and I did anthing he wanted, not that he would take no for answer,anyway.
He still managed to find time to cheat.
I asked him what the problem was, you know, like was I doing something wrong or if some women were just more desirable or what. His answer was so frustrating! He said that all women were the same to him sexually. Well, my response was then why did he feel the need to have them ALL?
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#7 Jan 4, 2010
That's terrible, are you still with him?
Sheila wrote:
My husband wanted it all the time and I did anthing he wanted, not that he would take no for answer,anyway.
He still managed to find time to cheat.
I asked him what the problem was, you know, like was I doing something wrong or if some women were just more desirable or what. His answer was so frustrating! He said that all women were the same to him sexually. Well, my response was then why did he feel the need to have them ALL?
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#8 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
That's terrible, are you still with him?
<quoted text>
No, the more I did what he wanted the worse he got. He wanted wild, but then he progressively got more demanding. Everything spiraled out of control, my control anyway. When he started being violent I decided it was time to get out.
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#9 Jan 4, 2010
So sorry, the girl I lost my v-card to had an abusive boyfriend for 4 years before I came in, i'm glad to hear your not in that situation anymore, ladies deserve to be treated better and correctly but men these days don't seem to care.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>No, the more I did what he wanted the worse he got. He wanted wild, but then he progressively got more demanding. Everything spiraled out of control, my control anyway. When he started being violent I decided it was time to get out.
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#10 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
So sorry, the girl I lost my v-card to had an abusive boyfriend for 4 years before I came in, i'm glad to hear your not in that situation anymore, ladies deserve to be treated better and correctly but men these days don't seem to care.
<quoted text>
I think being in the Marines did something to his mind. He would say he could kill me with his bare hands and not leave a mark! That was scary. Course I told him "Just because there wouldn't be any marks doesn't mean everybody wouldn't know who did it". He wasn't terribly bright, I guess, when he was mad.
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#11 Jan 4, 2010
Oh yeah, I hear the Marines changes people, That's a terrible thing to say to someone, anger problems are never good.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>I think being in the Marines did something to his mind. He would say he could kill me with his bare hands and not leave a mark! That was scary. Course I told him "Just because there wouldn't be any marks doesn't mean everybody wouldn't know who did it". He wasn't terribly bright, I guess, when he was mad.
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#12 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
Oh yeah, I hear the Marines changes people, That's a terrible thing to say to someone, anger problems are never good.
<quoted text>
I'm not saying the military ruins everybody, but it did something to him. He had that PTSD stuff. Rejection set him off every time. Trying to break up with him took way too long. Our last night together was almost my last night, once he realized I wasn't backing down. It's really hard running into him out in public places, he always acts so happy to see me and I'm just dumbstruck by him having the nerve to even speak to me, after what he did. It's like I'm mute and literally can't physically speak,at all. Like I'm paralyzed or something.
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#13 Jan 4, 2010
Aww i'm sorry hun, that sounds terrible, well here's one guy that would treat you right, and i'm a good listener too :P I've learned to leave the past where it's at, because the girl I mentioned earlier did me wrong, but no where near like that.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>I'm not saying the military ruins everybody, but it did something to him. He had that PTSD stuff. Rejection set him off every time. Trying to break up with him took way too long. Our last night together was almost my last night, once he realized I wasn't backing down. It's really hard running into him out in public places, he always acts so happy to see me and I'm just dumbstruck by him having the nerve to even speak to me, after what he did. It's like I'm mute and literally can't physically speak,at all. Like I'm paralyzed or something.
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#14 Jan 4, 2010
It's late for me here in cali so i'm going to hit the hay-sack that's been waiting for me all night, i'll check later on today to see if you posted anything back, sweet dreams and goodnight Sheila.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>I'm not saying the military ruins everybody, but it did something to him. He had that PTSD stuff. Rejection set him off every time. Trying to break up with him took way too long. Our last night together was almost my last night, once he realized I wasn't backing down. It's really hard running into him out in public places, he always acts so happy to see me and I'm just dumbstruck by him having the nerve to even speak to me, after what he did. It's like I'm mute and literally can't physically speak,at all. Like I'm paralyzed or something.
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#15 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
Aww i'm sorry hun, that sounds terrible, well here's one guy that would treat you right, and i'm a good listener too :P I've learned to leave the past where it's at, because the girl I mentioned earlier did me wrong, but no where near like that.
<quoted text>
The past does belong in the past, but it won't stay there when it affects how I feel. This is about sex/relationship problems , right?
Some of the things he did were sexually abusive, and now I'm scared of men, kinda, sexually. When things get friendly I panic.
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#16 Jan 4, 2010
Not every man is the same, I do understand where your comming from though, sounds the same as what that girl told me but she just ended up hating the guy, how it should be for the situation, I am myself am very friendly, romantic and a sucker for love, my mom raised me to treat women as a princess, if anything you could go to a doctor to vent it out to? Maybe they can help with getting over it.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>The past does belong in the past, but it won't stay there when it affects how I feel. This is about sex/relationship problems , right?
Some of the things he did were sexually abusive, and now I'm scared of men, kinda, sexually. When things get friendly I panic.
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#17 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
Not every man is the same, I do understand where your comming from though, sounds the same as what that girl told me but she just ended up hating the guy, how it should be for the situation, I am myself am very friendly, romantic and a sucker for love, my mom raised me to treat women as a princess, if anything you could go to a doctor to vent it out to? Maybe they can help with getting over it.
<quoted text>
I think if I could know for sure that I had met someone who wasn't going to be so bizarre I could get past it. There has been an exboyfriend calling, and I know he's not mean but he has become so promiscuous that I can't bring myself to dare that. I do miss it, bad. I've been trying to not think about it, and I do so well in the daytime but at night my subconscious or something torments me. I have these really hot dreams, some nights I wake up breathing really hard and my heart is racing. They seem so real! I can feel it... and I'm thinking "Dang, That was good"!
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#18 Jan 4, 2010
Oh yeah I understand, so you don't want to do nothing with this exboyfriend of yours? And yeah it's kinda the same with me and my problems, they really only bug at night time when your alone, hurts the most then, maybe you just need to find another guy to spend time with, someone whose gonna value you and appreciate the things you do for them, Haha, i've had some hot dreams but nothing like that, maybe because i'm a guy and your woman, not too sure.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>I think if I could know for sure that I had met someone who wasn't going to be so bizarre I could get past it. There has been an exboyfriend calling, and I know he's not mean but he has become so promiscuous that I can't bring myself to dare that. I do miss it, bad. I've been trying to not think about it, and I do so well in the daytime but at night my subconscious or something torments me. I have these really hot dreams, some nights I wake up breathing really hard and my heart is racing. They seem so real! I can feel it... and I'm thinking "Dang, That was good"!
Sheila

Sherman, TX

#20 Jan 4, 2010
Zel wrote:
Oh yeah I understand, so you don't want to do nothing with this exboyfriend of yours? And yeah it's kinda the same with me and my problems, they really only bug at night time when your alone, hurts the most then, maybe you just need to find another guy to spend time with, someone whose gonna value you and appreciate the things you do for them, Haha, i've had some hot dreams but nothing like that, maybe because i'm a guy and your woman, not too sure.
<quoted text>
My mouth, my lips, they feel all swollen and tingly just thinking about the last one! Mmmmm.....
Zel

Bakersfield, CA

#21 Jan 4, 2010
Mmmm.. indeed.
Sheila wrote:
<quoted text>My mouth, my lips, they feel all swollen and tingly just thinking about the last one! Mmmmm.....

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