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Overseas houseguest fears dropping conversational ball
DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old male with major dental issues to take care of. Because I have no insurance, and dental work is costly, I plan to have my treatment overseas.
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LW1: Because you are going overseas, you will have several things to do that will get you out of the house aside from your visits to the dentist. You can visit a museum, sit at a cafe, take a tour of the city, etc. Not only will you learn about the city you are in but give you something to talk to your hosts about and ask questions. Hopefully you will find something quiet enough so that you aren't in too much pain while healing.
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Re LW1: The writer never said anything about language being an issue between him and his friend's parents, so why would he need a dictionary? He could be going to England. Or, as in most European citizens, even if it's not the native language, the parents and other citizens could speak fluent English. They could all speak the same language and still have trouble making conversations.
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Wow... I didn't know that actual "grown-ups" gave promise rings. It seems very high school to me. I do think after a year of serious dating, it's normal to talk about long term relationship potential. But a promise ring? If you know you want to marry her, just ask her straight up. Or, if you feel it's too soon, say "Hey, this is really going well for me, and I can see us getting engaged in a couple years. What do you think?"
A promise ring basically means, "I might love you enough to someday ask you to spend the rest of our lives together". If you're not ready to ask, there's no need to make a promise you might not be able to keep down the road. |
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Here's a tip someone gave me, and it's priceless. When you can't think of anything to say, ask a question. Most people love to talk about themselves. Express interest in your hosts' lives, homes, workplaces, home towns. Listen with interest, even if you can't understand everything. They will appreciate your efforts.
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I don't get the promise ring concept either. A promise of what? One of my old boyfriends wanted to give me a "pre-engagement" ring. "This lets you know I might want to get engaged to you someday," he said.
Yes, we were straight out of high school. Which is the only excuse I can think of for this type of logic. |
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Exactly! I'm not the world's best conversationalist, but when I meet someone new and there's a lull in the conversation, I ask a question: "Where did you grow up?" "How did you meet your wife?" etc And I am AMAZED at the number of people who answer and then let the conversation die, not bothering to ask ME any questions in return. I ended up alone in a room with my cousin's new husband at our family reunion last year. Me: So how did you and Kris meet? Todd: At a bar. silence Me: Where do you work? Todd: At an insurance company silence Me: Oh? That sounds interesting. What's it like? Todd: It's all right. silence Me:(drinking quickly) Well, I'm gonna get another drink. Nice meeting you. I felt bad leaving the guy alone but I get more conversation talking to my cat. |
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Good morning, EEE.
I think I met Todd (or his clone) at a party this spring. Jeez, what's up with these people? And I thought I was dull! |
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“Originator of TTD ”
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Comments: 2561
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You: So how did you and Kris meet?
Todd: At a bar. silence You: So she's a bar pick-up, huh? Hee, hee. No, just kidding. What bar? I used to go to Cheers down the street to play darts and have a drink with my girlfriends once in awhile. You play darts? Todd: Not really. You: Oh, good, because then I have a chance to beat you. So, where do you work when you're not at the bar? Todd: Insurance company. silence You: Insurance. What type? Commercial, residential, auto.... Todd: Commercial. Silence You: Wow. I worked in commercial insurance and handled claims. You wouldn't believe the stuff people found in Mogan David wine. It was a long time ago. You: You're kind of the shy, quiet type aren't you? Todd: Yep. Silence. Huh. Well, EEE, I couldn't get anything out of him either. |
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“Originator of TTD ”
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Comments: 2561
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My first thought when I read about he dictionary was, "did I miss something -- I didn't think they said anything about language problems". The guy is just nervous. Between dental work and new people, who wouldn't be!
About the promise ring -- that is very strange. Is that kind of like in high school when they give you their class ring and you're going steady and you can show it to your girlfriends? |
Good advice! And actually I think the same advice should apply to LW2 (the young guy w/the patch of gray hair). Abby always seems to advise people to respond to a rude comment/question with a "smile" and a polite reply. WHY? Rudeness shouldn't be rewarded in this manner! If people ask questions or make comments about this guy's hair he should be civil but ask: why does this interest you? and then wait for their reply (maybe, just maybe, this might embarrass them a bit, and deservedly so). Abby's advice to say "it will happen to you too" is off the mark. First, it implies there's something WRONG about having a gray patch; secondly, it may NOT happen to them! |
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That was my thought. It sounds like Ernie is trolling for a future wife at the local junior high. Or maybe they're part of that religious group that just had all the kids taken away and then returned here in Texas. |
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Good morning, J-kat.:-) |
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LW3, what is a promise ring? I think it is what my male friends call a "wolf ring" or a ring that is worn on the same finger as a wedding or engagement ring but that is just meant to keep other males off the scent.
Your feelings about this guy aside, about you he feels he needs to mark his territory. Yuk. |
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“Originator of TTD ”
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Comments: 2561
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Wolf Ring. I like that. I have to remember that one. |
I first heard it when I was having drinks with two business associates, one male and the other female. The man asked the other woman if she was seeing anyone and she said "no." He said: "Well, I see you wear a wolf ring." I asked what that meant and he said: "She wears it to keep guys like me from asking her out because she's secretly got someone." She said: "I am seeing someone, but we're keeping our relationship really private right now." Turned out her wolf ring was given to her by her married boyfriend. Her status hasn't changed in the 8 years I've known her except that she's 40 pounds heavier, drinks a lot more, and doesn't really need the wolf ring anymore. No matter where you see them or on whom, it alaways seems like the backstory on wolf rings is icky. |
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let me get this straight: lw1 doesn't have money for dental work in the US, but he has money to fly overseas and pop for a hotel (if needed)? uh, why not take that $1000 ticket and apply it to dental work? seems weird to me.
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ps: i call fake letter.
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Rational... where's my wolf ring?:D
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AOL
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#2 - My 17-year-old son has had two patches of gray hair since he was age 13. This bothers him very much so he uses Grecian formula every night. He has more confidence and no longer has to be bothered by rude questions such as, "Hey, did you know you have gray hair?" Such brilliant people.
#3 A promise ring? Never. That is too stupid for words. If a man loves a woman, she will have an engagement ring on her finger with a wedding DATE on the calendar. You know why? Because, that is how love works. |
Because the charges could be up to $2000 per tooth. Major dental work is enormously expensive in the US, and he might be able get away with paying 30% of the total US cost by flying to a different country. I know this from personal experience. Saving $1000 is nothing compared to the many thousands needed for "major" dental work in the US. |
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Judge it!
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