i dont know what to do anymore. i am coming to the realization that i need serious help. i have been on an emotional roller coaster full of depression and maybe mania for a couple years. i think i may be bipolar. i used to self medicate with substances not to be named and that made everything a lot better. then i was sober and that is when my depression set in heavy. it was hard to be happy for the whole day and i would just sit in my room all day online. i think i did that so i would keep my mind off my depression and keep myself occupied. i am very critical of myself and dont think i am good at anything. i am always very irratable, especially to my parents. i try not to be but i cant help it and i lash out and say things i would have never thought i would have said a couple years ago. sometimes i used to think about jumping out my 5 story window when i was at school. i dont think i would ever go through with it, but i thought about it a lot. now my depression is still bad. somedays i wake up and just want to go back to sleep for the whole day, but i dont because i have priorities. usually when i am around people my mood gets better but thats not always the case. when i get stressed i have an image in my head of throwing furniture around the room. i used to never put down my guitar but lately i havent played much at all, instead i would rather do useless things on my computer. sometimes on long drives home i think about swerving off the highway purposely, and i wonder what would happen to me if i did. i also always stay up way later then i told myself i would doing useless stuff. i know it hurts me in the morning when i am so tired but it never stops me. i almost always forget where i put things 20 seconds after i put them somewhere. this has caused me to lose my keys at least 3 times since june.i am also severly OCD. i want to get my life back on track and not feel like everyday sucks. do i sound bipolar?