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KGT
Chicago, IL
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is anyone still out there? I've just read many of these posts. I'm right where most folks were. Afraid to stop-- and can't -- but more afraid I'll lose my job and husband, whom I love immensely. Tried "AA", too depressing and too many uppity moaners. I really have no reason for this, my life is good. Any normal folks have an explanation?
thanks for any help
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mickey
Saint Catharines, Canada
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KGT wrote: is anyone still out there? I've just read many of these posts. I'm right where most folks were. Afraid to stop-- and can't -- but more afraid I'll lose my job and husband, whom I love immensely. Tried "AA", too depressing and too many uppity moaners. I really have no reason for this, my life is good. Any normal folks have an explanation?
thanks for any help Hi KGT, So what do you consider "Normal" LOL just kidding. Why are you afraid to stop? What are you looking for? Do you want to drink moderately? stop all together? Are you depressed? Do you have anxiety problems? So many questions need to be answered by you, because this is about you.
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drowningboy
San Jose, CA
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KGT
Homewood, IL
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Mickey:
yeah..."normal"!
I probably should have stated not "afraid", but it's been so long since I've gone a night without a few, not sure I'll like myself. Yes I have major anxiety problems, panic attacks and endless sleepless nights. I know the drinking can't possibly help at all! Tonight I'm cleaning the house and doing chores to stay occupied, will really make a focused effort to start being healthier and moderate. I scared myself this weekend, and know it's time to get serious.
thanks
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mickey
Saint Catharines, Canada
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yeah..."normal"!
OK, so “NORMAL” is really hard to define; if you ask a hundred people what normal is you will get a hundred different answers. So let’s look at it as functional and dysfunctional and see if it makes it easier for you, I know it did for me.
I probably should have stated not "afraid", but it's been so long since I've gone a night without a few, not sure I'll like myself.
So is it possible that maybe you started drinking more because you didn’t like yourself because you can’t control how the anxiety and panic attacks make you feel? I am asking because I suffered from both most of my life and when I finally got help it made all the difference in the world for me.
Yes I have major anxiety problems, panic attacks and endless sleepless nights. I know the drinking can't possibly help at all!
There are drugs on the market that work well for anxiety and panic disorders and they are not addictive and they don’t fog up your mind when you take them. Best discussed with your doctor and some counseling would help tremendously. One other thing, you can drink moderately on some of them, but drinking does counter the effectiveness so it would be wise not to drink at all until you solve these problems first. You may even find when you get them under control that you won’t want to drink at all anyway.
Tonight I'm cleaning the house and doing chores to stay occupied, will really make a focused effort to start being healthier and moderate.
I have nothing against moderation and it has been proven to work for some. I suggest before you work on moderation you abstain until you get the anxiety and panic attacks under control.
I scared myself this weekend, and know it's time to get serious.
One thing I can tell you is that fear will only keep you sober for so long. You see a problem and now is the time to do something about it. Drinking will not help the anxiety it will make it worse so see your doctor and get help with the medical problem first.
Does any of this sound functional to you?
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“look up and laugh”
Since: Jun 08
guess, where
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Please wait...
KGT, good luck to you. Staying occupied is a good way to not take the first drink, I know that only way to well! Do not think about not drinking this week end only think about not drinking for the next 24 hours.
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rachel
Walpole, MA
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how do you just stop drinking when you have been doing it everyday for so long? Can you slowly stop?
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Celtbrita
UK
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I'm 62, I have been a heavy drinker for all of my adult life. I have had periods of sobriety that have lasted from weeks to a full year, but I alawys 'come back' to the bottle.
It used to be just beer, then it was wine, now it has morphed into 2-3 bottles of vodka each week
I went back to University to get the degree that I missed out on as a young woman, two years ago: I am poised between success and failure, at the moment, to be honest, failure seems more likely.
I can't seem to stay sober long enough to complete my assignments...recently during a sober moment I gave a great presentation that got me an'A'...the following day I was drunk again.
I'm on my own now after divorcing 12 years ago, I am so lonely and wonder if I am using the vodka to fill the void that is inside me?
I am dyslexic and ADD also...sometimes I think that I am going mad...
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Hawaii50
Honolulu, HI
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I know I have a drinking problem. I am 23 years old, but NEED to have some kind of alcohol on a daily basis or else i get headaches. I usually drink beer or wine, but will drink hards. Luckily it hasn't gotten to a stage yet where I need hards on a daily basis. My husband hardly ever drinks, but totally supports me. I am scared that I am going to keep drinking and will have a hard time stopping. I quit using cocaine and ecstasy 3 years ago after being addicted for a few years. But ever since then have been drinking every day. I feel like I can't truly have an enjoyable time out unless I have a drink in my hand. I feel empowered and my self esteem goes up. But when I am not drinking I feel lame even if no one else is drinking. I don't know if I want to stop drinking, but I think I needed to type this out, because I'll never honestly admit to anyone around me that I have a drinking problem. It's just too hard.
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sick bhoy
Houston, TX
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I was an alcoholic :)
Good luck guys
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Catherine
Clarkston, MI
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debk wrote: <quoted text>
Jeanie,
It could be worse. I've been married to my husband for 17 years and have NOT wanted to be married to him for the past 13. We have 2 teenagers, full time jobs, etc. The stress of everything pushed me into a vodka bottle every day. The day before Mother's Day I was involved in an accident (no injuries, Thank God) & charged with DWI & careless driving. I am looking at losing my license for 7 months. Right now I should be ready to kill myself, but I am looking at this as a life-saving eye-opener. I am scheduled for counseling. I plan to ask my husband if we can begin divorce mediation. I am going to have to change everything in my life in order to save it. Sweets, its all about the children. Don't mistake this. This is all we have an I waish you soooo much luck and love. The drinking has to stop. Please get to know them before its too late ... you know they'll be gone so quick. Hange on girl, until they are gone and then work on yourself as you deserve it.
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Catherine
Clarkston, MI
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Jeanie, hon. Coming from a loving place . . . sweets, its all about the children. Don't mistake this. This is all we have an I wish you soooo much luck and love. The drinking has to stop. Please get to know them before its too late ... you know they'll be gone so quick. Hang (if momentarily) on girl, until they are gone and then work on yourself as you deserve it. Smile, life is so short :)
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Dawn
London, KY
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I have only been married for a couple of years. I have been in a lot of abusive relationships with people who drank and then abused me emotionally mentally and verbally. I have drank for a while. I dont drink all the time. I guess some could call me a weekend drinker. I only get drunk enough to be sincere which is hard for me sober. I have had a couple of times in my life where i have gotten so drunk iv been raped, been abusive, or even blacked out {cant remember what i did or said}. but since then i stopped drinking liquor. My husband knew i drank when he asked me to marry him but now that we are married he cant stand it. He tells me that if I dont stop he will leave me. Iv stopped drinking liquor and only have beer or wine once a month or less and still havent had any blackouts or bad moments or anything like that. He says that im a different person when I drink wether im drunk or not even still. I understand his concern if im being abusive to him or if I cheated on him but Im not. Iv stoped drinking all together now even though it is a pleasure of mine I dont feel like I should have to give up. Im not addicted to drinking and I have given up other things for him as well. He wont ask me to stop drinking because he knows its not right. But when I have a few beers he says it makes him feel like Im cheating on him. He still wont ask me to stop. I dont want to stop having a few beers now and then. I understand his concern because of the things that have happened in my past but I dont know what to do about this. If i give up a beer with my dinner im going to resent him and he knows that. So he refuses to ask me to never drink again. And If I stop drinking it never matters because he always thinks its because of him. I dont know what to do in this win for losing situation.
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Dolcey
Seattle, WA
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Dawn wrote: I have only been married for a couple of years. I have been in a lot of abusive relationships with people who drank and then abused me emotionally mentally and verbally. I have drank for a while. I dont drink all the time. I guess some could call me a weekend drinker. I only get drunk enough to be sincere which is hard for me sober. I have had a couple of times in my life where i have gotten so drunk iv been raped, been abusive, or even blacked out {cant remember what i did or said}. but since then i stopped drinking liquor. My husband knew i drank when he asked me to marry him but now that we are married he cant stand it. He tells me that if I dont stop he will leave me.--------- He still wont ask me to stop. I dont want to stop having a few beers now and then. I understand his concern because of the things that have happened in my past but I dont know what to do about this. If i give up a beer with my dinner im going to resent him and he knows that. So he refuses to ask me to never drink again. And If I stop drinking it never matters because he always thinks its because of him. I dont know what to do in this win for losing situation. You have a tough situation in certain ways. It is hard to understand exactly how someone reacts when drinking. He might see things that you don't. He also just might be a raging prude and a control freak. One question-is he an AA member? If so-these people are basically taught that anyone that drinks is a bad person (a "normy"_) and then are basically told that they can't be around that person. It is BS I know. If he isn't-and he has honest concerns you have to at least listen. You are in a partnership. If your drinking makes him uncomfortable maybe you could come to a middle point. Maybe he can have drinks with you-or you have certain days times when you are going to drink and he knows these times. Then he can have an option of doing something else-or whatever it takes. The best might be to seek a personal counselor (NON-AA_) for yourself. There might be issues that you need to address. Drinking is one thing-drinking heavy could mean that there are certain things you are trying to deal with. It sounds like you have had some issues in the past caused by drinking too much. With that in mind-I am not stating that "alcohol is a disease" or "you will die without help". That is complete BS! Alcoholism is not a disease and you are NOT powerless over it. Take a look at your personal situation and take inventory. There may be things you are doing that you yourself can make minor adjustments too. Try to find that medium point maybe and see if you can have your own "private times" when you are going to have a few beers. And maybe other times you don't. Your husband might appreciate this compromise. In short though-its hard to type something on a blog about what could be a very personal problem of your own. I speak from the experience of being forced to go to AA meetings and AA counseling by the courts do to a stupid DUI (yes drinking and driving is wrong). I find that these programs simply call you a weak worthless alcoholic with a disease. Nothing could be further from the truth. Empower yourself. See if maybe counseling will help you find what triggers you to drink too much (if you do). Do things yourself that make YOU feel that things are in check. Maybe cut down for a while-just drink on weekends or whatever. The main thing is it sounds like you are soul searching. Stay positive in the idea that you are a good person and can overcome amazing obstacles. If indeed you are drinking to much YOU have to be the one who answers that question. Noone can answer that for you!
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Since: Jan 11
United States
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Please wait...
If you think that you may be an alcoholic you probably are.
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recovering alcoholic
Paducah, KY
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Judged:
1
Best cure in the world is to get on your knee's and pray and ask god to take it away. Whomever your god is. I choose to call mine Jesus. I struggled with alcohol for many years, I'm 35 now and have not drank in a year. I tried everything rehabs, jail, and nothing was the cure. I found that it was a faith problem. It's easy to drink all your problems away but hard to deal with them. Oh and you have to change just about everything. Alcohol will take you down trust me. Don't be ashamed of it stand up and hit those curve balls. Do it with faith and belief. Nothing to be ashamed of our former president even had trouble, even a DUI. Read the first chapter of his new book it's very interesting.
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Sheena
Kirkcaldy, UK
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Charlie A wrote: Catherine, you DID admit you have a problem, which is a great place to start. Admitting it to YOU is the most important part. Changing habits like excessive drinking may be difficult, but its not impossible... especially when you have someone close to you that's supportive of your CHOICE to quit drinking.
It is all about choices... and choosing what you truly believe about your excessive drinking is the most important part. Learn to look at this (and other things in your life) rationally by writing it out... journaling it... challenging your thoughts with questions like "Is this really true?", "Where is the evidence?" and thoughtfully weighing out the positive and negatives of your choices.
Excessive drinking is a behavior.. and not something dark and unknown, although some people like to give it some sort of medical or even mystical quality. Learn to stop judging yourself and others, and learn to place values on your behaviors by looking at what they have and will bring you in life.
Start looking at your personal semantics and learn to stop labeling and damning others. Eliminate absolute terms like Must and Should. Pick up a book on rational living. Yes, putting an end to your excessive drinking may be difficult... but nothing says it will *ever* get easier. The longer you wait, the more work you'll likely have to do.
I would advise against getting involved in a group unless all else fails. Groups either tell you you're diseased or try flip your life upside down to accomodate them. You don't need to do any of that... you're not diseased: you simply are developing poor habits, have a lack of coping skills, and probably lack tolerance for frustration and discomfort. Learn to accept delays, foul-ups, gossipy people, and other things in life you cannot change.
Your mission is to stop damning yourself and the world... and start accepting life and what you control... and you control you, your beliefs about you and the world, and ultimately your own emotional health and behaviors.
Don't seek magic.. it doesn't exist in this world. Accept the past and learn to think differently about it and the people in it. Don't be 'mad at' people... but learn to simply disapprove of what they *did*. Carrying anger makes no sense... it does nothing to others and only affects *you*. Learn that forgiveness is for *you* and not for *them*. Life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean you have to be miserable.. that is your own choice.
Stop trying to please others and care so much about what they think of you. You will never be able to control them, but you can make yourself a doormat by trying.
Lastly, as you seek change it may not feel comfortable... but that's OK. Any change worth making will bring some level of discomfort to your life.
Best of luck to you. Your advice is a work of art Charlie, wish I could get to know you!
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robert
Taylor, TX
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Judged:
1
You should know if your an alcholic. If you sit around and wonder about it your probly ok. I know i've never thought about it i just sit around wondering when will i get a drink. kinda pisses me off that people will sit around and wonder if the are. dont you have better things to do. but then again I've never had that problem I know damn well Im a alcholic i wish i could wonder if i was.
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minnie
Bradenton, FL
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Sagittarius
