Man's insistence on not being alone with girl, 5, makes sense

Shave my coin purse wrote:

The frequent typo thing, OK....

Wow. Who pissed in your cheerios?

Shave my coin purse wrote:

The frequent typo thing, OK. Whatever! Now in a day that is as sick and twisted as it is you have to be able to have a dicriminating eye. As I am sure you keep up with the news on a somewhat consistant basis, I wil once more bring you up to speed. As far as the Kool-aid thing with drugs think back to the Michael Jackson incident. Jesus Juice ring a bell? Ok. That freak of nature is still out on the street when the only place he really needs to be right is on a tip in San Quinton. As far as this person who wrote in about this incident to the columnist, well forced sterilization comes to mind right there. If as a mother she cannot carry on her life without sharing these useless events then force sterilization. If she is looking to a columnist for answers or whatever to help her make a decision, forced sterilization!!! I dream of a day when parents air on the side of the childs best interest while using good 'ol fashioned common sense. I am tired of parents not taking responsibility for rearing thier chidren in a fashion that teaches the child discipline, honesty, and self reliance. That all has to be done by setting an example. If she is that concerned about the child being punched in the nose or whatever the child's verbalizations are about, She should dump that chump. If she knows her child like any parent should, then she should be able to have a strong intuitive feeling if what the child is saying is a product of an overactive imagination. The unfortunate part again everybody wants to blame. When something does happen, people want to "take it easy" on the criminal. We need to be there for the real victim and work over the criminal in the most unpleasant way as possible. So if there is STILL any doubt. again please refer to my request about the action you should take with your liscence. Rest assured it was purely sarcasm.
Now that I got that finished I am very proud of my father for raising me with enough common sense and education to distinguish fact from fiction and right from wrong. SO Take Care C U Next Tuesday!!! I had to take that low road just to see what it was like on your level. PLEASE GIVE THE STATE BACK YOUR LISCENCE. YOU REALLY WONT HURT THE NURSING SHORTAGE. You will probrably help it!!!!!!!!!!

The truth must have hurt. You tried to get personal and attack myself and my license. News or not, to use something like that for sarcasm is wrong especially coming from somebody who is suppossed to be compassionate and caring. Child abuse is never funny. To find sarcasm in it is sick and wrong. But unlike you just because you find it ok to find sarcasm in something like this I would not attack your license. Because inspite of your dark humor you might be a good nurse. So go ahead and stoop at any level you are comfortably in, because you definetly will never reach my level for I would never find humor in child abuse, my level is to high for you. The sad thing in all this is that I agree with many of your points, and you would never see that because you were to quick to personally attack me. The question I originally asked was a legitamate one. And I didn't accuse you I actually asked.

By the way Jesus Juice was wine and coke. Not kool aid and valiums. Maybe that's why it didn't ring a bell to me. And I still don't get the giving the child a cookie to shut them up. Regardless, he got away with destroying peoples lives by paying them off. It should have never been allowed. He should have went to prison then and still should have been in.

We completely agree with "Mother of 4" and others who have commented similarly here. The boyfriend has to protect himself and knows enough to do so. Pity the younger/more naive boyfriend under similar circumstances, he may find himself in jail.
As many others have mentioned, I do wonder if Amy has serious issues in general or with men specifically. She should definitely address the overwhelming (and I think appropriate) negative response to this column in a subsequent column...and maybe reconsider her career choice. I'm afraid (as I've suspected for a while based on her responses) that she is not capable of providing helpful, balanced guidance to those in need of it.

Regarding Helpless & Clueless' boyfriend being alone with a 5 year old: Boyfriend is entirely correct not to want to be alone with the child, and are dead wrong in labelling him as immature for it.

I say this both as a parent of a 5 year old and as a former Marine officer (not a cop, but the exact same rigidly hierarchical, by-the-book type of organization where he-said-she-said can cost someone a career).

When I went through Officer Candidate Scool, it was drilled into me never ever to be alone, behind closed doors, with a female Marine of lesser rank - for her protection and for mine. I was the officer, the one with all the power in any "relationship" - without witnesses, how could she say no to me should I decide to cross some boundaries? And on the flip side: without credible witnesses, how could I prove that I had not tried to cross those boundaries?

Boyfriend The Cop faces a similar situation. Without witnesses, who is to say he did not do something untoward if the child tells her mother he touched her in her private places? In this day and age, and after all the scandals amongst what we thought were respectable institutions, who would believe him?

Having heard the very fluid way my own child recalls events, I know she can't really distinguish between what actually occurred and what she felt happened. I know I can't count on her memory to be anywhere near accurate. Despite that ..... I guarantee you that, as the father of a five year old girl, my first inclination would be to burn him at the stake immediately and ask my daughter if she was really sure about what happened after.

Just to be safe.

You owe Boyfriend The Cop an apology.

Amy, you're overly harsh on the law-enforcement-boyfriend (LEB) and overgeneralizing the notion that all kids are angels. Kids are sponges, and they sop up knowledge from sources all around them. I'm not saying that this particular 5-year-old girl is like this, but many kids today grow up surrounded by parents and other adults whose sole purpose in life seems to be screwing the system. That includes teaching their kids, by words or their own actions and behavior, that respect for adult authority figures is no longer necessary, and in fact, showing disrespect is preferable.

There are many documented cases of kids who cry wolf about abuse, and your idea that everything a kid says has some basis in truth is off the mark. In many schools, kids openly curse at teachers, saying, among other things, "I don't have to listen to no fucking teachers," and "shut up, bitch." Students often resort to calling teachers racist names because they have not been taught at home to communicative constructively. How did they learn this? They watch their parents. Ineffective parents will chalk up this behavior to their kids asserting their independence. What a rude awakening they will have when they find that they can't talk that way and expect to hold a job.

Now, of course, not all parents are like that, and certainly not all kids. But many kids, even 5-year-olds, know that if they get angry at an adult, all they have to do is make some sort of accusation. The system bends over backward to believe the kids, and the kids know it.

LEB is being smart by removing himself from the situation. There are kids, not much older than the child in question, who are so sexually inappropriate that they cannot be left with any adult without another adult or even a child as a witness in case the kid makes a false accusation of sexual misconduct. The system is so overloaded with bogus claims by kids who simply don't want to get in trouble or take responsibility for their own bad behavior that there aren't enough investigators left to help the kids who really are being abused.

LEB is doing the right thing. He's protecting himself. Why should he put his own life and career on the line to babysit this kid? You don't know all the sides of the story so your response should have covered all possible aspects instead of automatically taking the position that the kid was telling some sort of truth.

Once again, the parents of the kid are WRONG to allow an nonrelated, unaccountable man to care for their daughter alone. This is serious flaw within society, ecspecially in today's world.

To say a child will not lie is completely false. She may have said something because of jealousy,or because she doesn't want the boyfriend around her aunt. Some kids are so bratty and would just say things to say it. To automatically condemn the man is awful and everlastingly attached to his reputation. It's not immature to be offended by what a five year old accuses you of doing. everyone, no matter what gender should be careful in this regard.

Usama wrote:

Once again, the parents of the kid are WRONG to allow an nonrelated, unaccountable man to care for their daughter alone. This is serious flaw within society, ecspecially in today's world.

"nonrelated"??? most sexual assault is BY a relative!

Wrong, smart.

Most sexual assaults are by people who KNOW the victim: a friend, an acquaintance, a friend of a friend, or a friend of a relative, such as this case.

Usama wrote:

Wrong, smart.
Most sexual assaults are by people who KNOW the victim: a friend, an acquaintance, a friend of a friend, or a friend of a relative, such as this case.

But, there was no assault. It is a man wishing to avoid being accused of something that he didn't do, and I think he's right. I wouldn't watch that little girl for any amount of money.
Of course, I won't watch any kid for any amount of money that I wouldn't be willing to watch for nothing, but I've refused to care for kids like that. Lying little manipulators some of them, and it spoils things for the good kids. Don't flame, I said SOME, not all or even most. SOME are not to be trusted.

I am stunned at Amy's advice to the man not wanting to watch the niece by himself.

He's uncomfortable and for good reason.

If this is a relationship breaker for this woman, then there must be some other issues.

Amy says he is immature, I think he's smart.

I changed the diaper of a co-worker's song while babysitting once - he was 3 or 4...can't remember. He went to her and told her I "touched his pee-pee."

Well...yeah! I did!! He cr@pped all over himself. He should've said thank you...lol

It's a difficult message (albeit very important obviously) about "touching" and then a very precarious line for adult friends/acquaintances to walk with a child of a certain age.

The child made him feel uncomfortable. It happens.

I think he's right on.

Amy got this one wrong.

Amy's an a** quite often. This is another one of the occasions. My girlfriend has two kids; 3 year old daughter, 7 year old son. No problem cuddling on the couch, laying in bed watching TV, but I still have an issue with them climbing into bed at any time during the night unannounced. I also lock the bathroom door (obviously), but the kids think it's ok to walk in anytime since that's they way their mom does things.