Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

So in missing the stories, you also must have missed the criteria that comes with a forum that is titled “Marriages destroyed by SSRIs”. The most of us were in long 10, 20, 30+ year marriages where we have evidence of healthy loving relationships. Many of us were “that couple” you would have never expected to fall apart. In the previous 3 yrs we had gotten married, an she had come to me and said she was ready to have a child. We were best friends. You didn’t see one of us without the other somewhere near. Showing up someplace without the other prompted the immediate question. Never so much as a raised voice argument. A kind hearted woman, strong, loving, and great wife and mother. After 12 yrs, within 3 months of taking these drugs, she was threatening to “shake the baby”. She had taken up drinking a lot more and consorting with criminals and less morale people. Wanted nothing to do with her child beyond using her to get the attention she craved. She was facing domestic violence charges after assaulting me in front of a few police officers. And of course she had filed for divorce. There are obviously a string of irrational decision being made in these cases that play out much the same. These personality changes brought much harm and much pain. You chose to read and post on a forum where these cases are outline. I detect the presence of a guilty consciences. There really would be no benefit otherwise. I can tell you from experience that this isn’t easy to find, unless somebody pointed it out to you. If you are free from guilt, then go. Leave us to our misery. We are not hurting anybody here. We are only seeking to commiserate and find our own happiness. You take a drug, we talk amongst ourselves and share our experiences.
Thanks for your input.

Terri wrote:

This blahblah person is the "other woman" in a case where the drugged man has left his wife and has fallen in love with another woman. She is defending the drugged version of the man that loves her. That's why she's here, and that's why she is so determined to convince everyone that the drugs don't cause people to leave their mates. I get it now. At first I couldn't understand why someone would seek out this thread, but because the ex-wife is posting on here, she feels the need to convince the ex-wife and all of us that his love for her is genuine, not drug induced, and we are all crazy for believing otherwise. Probably the wife tried to enlighten the husband by telling him about this site which he in turn told the new lover about, and though our stories make sense, she is fighting to justify that his love for her is real. Makes perfect sense now.

I am a 48 year old male, married 11 years with a 6 and an 8 year old who is currently dealing with a wife who has moved out, has a spending addiction and takes 20 mg of lexapro for GAD. I just met with her and her doctor this morning to see if the Lex could have any impact on her irratic behavior lately and/or her spending addiction that we've been dealing with for years. Of course he states emphatically that there is no way the drug has anything to do with her actions or the fact that she has no feelings towards me (and claims she hasn't for 6 years at least). He states it only evens out her levels of serotonin and if it did have an impact I would have noticed right away when first prescribed. Unfortunately she didn't tell me when she started taking it and I only really noticed major changes the past 6 months, which by the way was when he upped her dosage to 20mg? Go figure. She is broke but has moved out into a rental house, so we still have all the regular bills and she has more. Her individual account is overdrawn with 10 NSF's since she moved out only 3 weeks ago...rational behavior? Nah? It will all work out is her response...I want to scream but it does no good. Her family and friends have been alienated and ask me what's up? I have no answer other than the lexapro but she adamantly refuses to accept it could be a factor and now with her doctors support has reason to believe it. I'm typing this for my own therapy as I've had it...she can sink her own ship. I love her but my head hurts from banging against a brick wall named LEXAPRO!!!! If you are taking SSRI's please make sure you let your family members know to contact the dr at the earliest signs of issues. Good Luck.

TEK wrote:

<quoted text>I am a 48 year old male, married 11 years with a 6 and an 8 year old who is currently dealing with a wife who has moved out, has a spending addiction and takes 20 mg of lexapro for GAD. I just met with her and her doctor this morning to see if the Lex could have any impact on her irratic behavior lately and/or her spending addiction that we've been dealing with for years. Of course he states emphatically that there is no way the drug has anything to do with her actions or the fact that she has no feelings towards me (and claims she hasn't for 6 years at least). He states it only evens out her levels of serotonin and if it did have an impact I would have noticed right away when first prescribed. Unfortunately she didn't tell me when she started taking it and I only really noticed major changes the past 6 months, which by the way was when he upped her dosage to 20mg? Go figure. She is broke but has moved out into a rental house, so we still have all the regular bills and she has more. Her individual account is overdrawn with 10 NSF's since she moved out only 3 weeks ago...rational behavior? Nah? It will all work out is her response...I want to scream but it does no good. Her family and friends have been alienated and ask me what's up? I have no answer other than the lexapro but she adamantly refuses to accept it could be a factor and now with her doctors support has reason to believe it. I'm typing this for my own therapy as I've had it...she can sink her own ship. I love her but my head hurts from banging against a brick wall named LEXAPRO!!!! If you are taking SSRI's please make sure you let your family members know to contact the dr at the earliest signs of issues. Good Luck.

It's a pity that the doctor has no clue about how these drugs work and has essentially cosigned her bahavior. I am so sorry for your loss but am glad you found this site to confirm what you know to be true. We all know it too, my friend, so you can vent and get all the therapy you need here. We are listening.

Tek. It is the drug.

I too took lexapro. I have cats that I love dearly along with my hubby. About 4 years or a little more, the same damn thing happened. I just decided suddenly I didn't love him or the cats anymore which was completely out of character for me. I called a friend one day and said I am a new and completely different person. It was sudden and drastic. My hubby was so devastated he attempted suicide...and other horrible things happened. One day, I just stopped taking the drug and very soon the old me returned. I called my friend and told her the old me was back. My hubby works out of town so that had given me time to realize what my life would have been without him. Thank god we did not divorce, I once again love,everybody but I am so ashamed about things that I did, I am disgusted by my actions. I didn't know the reason why but I do now. Mi wish the rest of you luck...I know how devastating this can be for people. This rx needs to be taken off the market no doubt. I hope this helps.

It's been 3 months since I've posted. I'm doing so now to give someone hope. My wife has been off Effexor for 6 weeks. The Love has completely returned.We hold hands, kiss, laugh, and gush over each other like we had our entire marriage. It came back little by little as she was decreasing her dose. I never pushed or pointed anything out, just enjoyed when she was affectionate and pulled back when she wasn't.The love came more often and stronger till it was constant.We are doing better then we have in years.We both have learned a lot during this torturous year.One thing I think helped us the most. I didn't push or expect anything. When she was affectionate, i was. I didn't expect it to continue or push for it. I just was. I let it be. She felt no presure from me. That helped her move forward. She knew she could back up any time she needed and I would understand.I didn't ask for an explanation. I asked her to let me know when she needed space so I could give it to her, and not find out after she was already mad. Mind you I constantly told her I was there for her and I would not abandon her.She still will not admit the effexor had anything to do with her love, and i don't care. I don't need her to see things my way, or say I was right. I need my wife safe and in love with me again. The rest we will figure out together. Now is not the time to dig up hurtfull feelings. Now is the time to give support and unconditional Love. We are in a very good place with each other. Everything else is touch and go on a daily baisis. The withdrawl symptoms and new meds side effects are hard to deal with, but we deal with it every day as it comes. Ask any questions and I will share what I can.

Lost wrote:

All I had to do was watch the most wonderful person I ever knew turn into someone I despise. Someone who changed so drastically that I feel as though the pre citalopram person is dead. Killed by a pill.

Exactly How I feel

THT wrote:

It's been 3 months since I've posted. I'm doing so now to give someone hope. My wife has been off Effexor for 6 weeks. The Love has completely returned.We hold hands, kiss, laugh, and gush over each other like we had our entire marriage. It came back little by little as she was decreasing her dose. I never pushed or pointed anything out, just enjoyed when she was affectionate and pulled back when she wasn't.The love came more often and stronger till it was constant.We are doing better then we have in years.We both have learned a lot during this torturous year.One thing I think helped us the most. I didn't push or expect anything. When she was affectionate, i was. I didn't expect it to continue or push for it. I just was. I let it be. She felt no presure from me. That helped her move forward. She knew she could back up any time she needed and I would understand.I didn't ask for an explanation. I asked her to let me know when she needed space so I could give it to her, and not find out after she was already mad. Mind you I constantly told her I was there for her and I would not abandon her.She still will not admit the effexor had anything to do with her love, and i don't care. I don't need her to see things my way, or say I was right. I need my wife safe and in love with me again. The rest we will figure out together. Now is not the time to dig up hurtfull feelings. Now is the time to give support and unconditional Love. We are in a very good place with each other. Everything else is touch and go on a daily baisis. The withdrawl symptoms and new meds side effects are hard to deal with, but we deal with it every day as it comes. Ask any questions and I will share what I can.

new drug name/

can u find his
Uninformed Consent is a documentary by sheacarney/
help i wan i lol

GSK : Licence To (K) ill | Seroxat : The Mental Health Thalidomide
truthman30.wordpress.com/10 Jul 2012 – There is a new Seroxat/Paxil documentary just hitting the film festival circuit in the U.S.. Keep an eye out for it. It's called 'uninformed consent”...
nneed o see.

much here
http://truthman30.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/bl...

Do you accept at that some people who are or have been on ads may have fallen out of love with their partner or do you think it is allways down to the ads?

Confused,

The term "falling out of love" is a bogus and deceptive term. Doesn't mater if there are drugs involved with it or not. What it means is that enough negativity has built up and perceptions have changed that you no longer trust that person to fulfill that roll as main protector. This happens in marriages all the time where the attentiveness and understanding of needs has tapered off. That often happen in response to taking care of other more pressing needs such as children, work, or social status for example. Too often today people A) get married when they were never in love. They were in lust. They never bridged that "honeymoon period", awash with serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine, and the bonded period where oxytocin and prolactin and many we aren't sure about yet which creates a "bonded" feeling that more closely resemble the child parent family member bond then the "stranger in the night" bond. B) Have a Pavlovian trigger associated with that "bonded" stage. You would recognize this is "Daddy" and/ or "Mommy issues". Where you were not properly prepared for being in a relationship by having a strong role model to show you what that looks like. A neglected, absent, or abusive relationship with the parent of the opposite sex will cause this personality to forever feel the "they are going to leave me" or "they are going to abuse me" so I should do it first.(Fight or flight mechanism at its most basic sense.) This is often reflecteced in nervous feelings to an extreme every time an event that forces that relationship to be "stuck" together. Things like buying a house, moving away from roots, or "cold feet" as they call a nervous bride.

We all feel these things on some mild low level. It is a natural part of keeping ourselves "secure". This is true even if we are one of the few in our culture who grew up with great role models of how a happy, healthy, forever relationship looks like. What SSRIs and other ADs do is diminishes our minds ability to reason away negative input by causing us to instead irrationally seek only positive stimulus. This turns those mild feelings of fear into extreme terrorizing propositions that must be avoided at all cost. "I don't want to be the one who is abandoned, so I am going to flee the situation. Meanwhile this other person is saying things that makes me feel very secure and positive." The partner unaware of the drastic perspective change(because in the relationship itself nothing has changed), continues as he/ she was and is blindsided by the new, seemingly out of nowhere feelings and fears. In the mind of the drugged, they have always been there or been there for a long time. And in a way they have. The drug just allows those fears to become irrational.

Can this happen naturally? Not only "yes" but "yes, quite often". Couple start treating each other like crap, assume the relationship, and stop communicating and romancing each other. That is why understanding the criteria for this forum is important. We are spouses who never stopped romancing our loved ones throughout the decades. Combined with things like being told we are loved, buying houses, getting married, and having children in the previous year, months, weeks prior to getting on the drugs, things that should affirm our commitment, only to have them deny they ever said or willingly did it. The irony is those very activities may have been what sparked the anxiety or depression that allowed a doctor that pathway into selling them the drugs. Being loving spouses unaware, we welcomed relief promised for our loves ones. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled on humanity is convincing them he doesn't exist." Peace all. I am going sailing for a few days.

Oh, BTW, anybody who was once "in love" with you, you can make fall in love again. But at what cost? Me, I would never want my then 3 yr old to see me getting treated like a carpet and think that it is A) alright to let yourself be treated that way and B) It is alright to treat people that way. She was too young to understand or remember how things were before she was born. A sad truth less common then other stories.

(This may get posted twice. Dang topix forums.)

Confused,

The term "falling out of love" is a bogus and deceptive term. Doesn't mater if there are drugs involved with it or not. What it means is that enough negativity has built up and perceptions have changed that you no longer trust that person to fulfill that roll as main protector. This happens in marriages all the time where the attentiveness and understanding of needs has tapered off. That often happen in response to taking care of other more pressing needs such as children, work, or social status for example. Too often today people A) get married when they were never in love. They were in lust. They never bridged that "honeymoon period", awash with serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine, and the bonded period where oxytocin and prolactin and many we aren't sure about yet which creates a "bonded" feeling that more closely resemble the child parent family member bond then the "stranger in the night" bond. B) Have a Pavlovian trigger associated with that "bonded" stage. You would recognize this is "Daddy" and/ or "Mommy issues". Where you were not properly prepared for being in a relationship by having a strong role model to show you what that looks like. A neglected, absent, or abusive relationship with the parent of the opposite sex will cause this personality to forever feel the "they are going to leave me" or "they are going to abuse me" so I should do it first.(Fight or flight mechanism at its most basic sense.) This is often reflecteced in nervous feelings to an extreme every time an event that forces that relationship to be "stuck" together. Things like buying a house, moving away from roots, or "cold feet" as they call a nervous bride.

We all feel these things on some mild low level. It is a natural part of keeping ourselves "secure". This is true even if we are one of the few in our culture who grew up with great role models of how a happy, healthy, forever relationship looks like. What SSRIs and other ADs do is diminishes our minds ability to reason away negative input by causing us to instead irrationally seek only positive stimulus. This turns those mild feelings of fear into extreme terrorizing propositions that must be avoided at all cost. "I don't want to be the one who is abandoned, so I am going to flee the situation. Meanwhile this other person is saying things that makes me feel very secure and positive." The partner unaware of the drastic perspective change(because in the relationship itself nothing has changed), continues as he/ she was and is blindsided by the new, seemingly out of nowhere feelings and fears. In the mind of the drugged, they have always been there or been there for a long time. And in a way they have. The drug just allows those fears to become irrational.

Can this happen naturally? Not only "yes" but "yes, quite often". Couple start treating each other like crap, assume the relationship, and stop communicating and romancing each other. That is why understanding the criteria for this forum is important. We are spouses who never stopped romancing our loved ones throughout the decades. Combined with things like being told we are loved, buying houses, getting married, and having children in the previous year, months, weeks prior to getting on the drugs, things that should affirm our commitment, only to have them deny they ever said or willingly did it. The irony is those very activities may have been what sparked the anxiety or depression that allowed a doctor that pathway into selling them the drugs. Being loving spouses unaware, we welcomed relief promised for our loves ones. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled on humanity is convincing them he doesn't exist." Peace all. I am going sailing for a few days.

So my wife was loving, kind, spiritual, loved me, loved our life together, told me everyday, showed me every day until she took Citalopram, then she had no feelings for me, felt trapped, wanted to leave, had not loved me for a long time, we were just 'best friends'.
She came off the drugs for me because she knew she had no feelings, I thought everything would be ok. She was worse coming off them, she became more uncaring, behaved badly, dismissed me from her life, started going out without me, partying (this is not how she has ever behaved).
She wanted her freedom and independence, wanted to be free and not in a relationship. She stayed for 5 months, she was off the Citalopram for 3 of these months but I saw no change. She left, she is still off Citalopram, she speaks to me occasionally, she is normal by all appearances now, is working, living on her own, but still has no emotion towards me, she is not the same but seems ok, she has been drug free 15 months, she has not had a window and seems to have no feelings or memories of us, she treats me like an old friend that she does not have feelings for.
It has hurt me so much and I am still in shock and disbelief and it seems that she will never be her old self ever again. Citalopram has killed my wife.

Citalopram Kills wrote:

So my wife was loving, kind, spiritual, loved me, loved our life together, told me everyday, showed me every day until she took Citalopram, then she had no feelings for me, felt trapped, wanted to leave, had not loved me for a long time, we were just 'best friends'.
She came off the drugs for me because she knew she had no feelings, I thought everything would be ok. She was worse coming off them, she became more uncaring, behaved badly, dismissed me from her life, started going out without me, partying (this is not how she has ever behaved).
She wanted her freedom and independence, wanted to be free and not in a relationship. She stayed for 5 months, she was off the Citalopram for 3 of these months but I saw no change. She left, she is still off Citalopram, she speaks to me occasionally, she is normal by all appearances now, is working, living on her own, but still has no emotion towards me, she is not the same but seems ok, she has been drug free 15 months, she has not had a window and seems to have no feelings or memories of us, she treats me like an old friend that she does not have feelings for.
It has hurt me so much and I am still in shock and disbelief and it seems that she will never be her old self ever again. Citalopram has killed my wife.

Yep. Same story. Same drug. Different guy and citalopram story. Thanks for sharing my friend. Sorry. Been there. It is tough. F these meds. All I can say is treat it as if she is dead.

Citalopram Kills wrote:

So my wife was loving, kind, spiritual, loved me, loved our life together, told me everyday, showed me every day until she took Citalopram, then she had no feelings for me, felt trapped, wanted to leave, had not loved me for a long time, we were just 'best friends'.
She came off the drugs for me because she knew she had no feelings, I thought everything would be ok. She was worse coming off them, she became more uncaring, behaved badly, dismissed me from her life, started going out without me, partying (this is not how she has ever behaved).
She wanted her freedom and independence, wanted to be free and not in a relationship. She stayed for 5 months, she was off the Citalopram for 3 of these months but I saw no change. She left, she is still off Citalopram, she speaks to me occasionally, she is normal by all appearances now, is working, living on her own, but still has no emotion towards me, she is not the same but seems ok, she has been drug free 15 months, she has not had a window and seems to have no feelings or memories of us, she treats me like an old friend that she does not have feelings for.
It has hurt me so much and I am still in shock and disbelief and it seems that she will never be her old self ever again. Citalopram has killed my wife.

Would bet you my life savings she's still on citalopram and lying about being off it. They always do.

She's not lying about being off, she threw them away when she was with me, had bad withdrawals, terrible dissiness, nausea and mood swings. Said she would never put herself through that ever again. I can tell she is off them because she was so manic on them and was really high all the time. She has bouts of depression now, horrendous periods and pms, but does not accept its part of the withdrawal. As she can cry now, she thinks she has all her feelings back and so really believes she didn't love me the last 3 years of our 18 year relationship and that we were just best friends.
You can't win when they are on them or off. I can tell she is much less deluded off them and nearer to normal now, she is drinking but not wanting to party all the time, the difference is very noticeable, she did seem to improve at every 4 month mark so I was really hopefully but the improvements have been stable now and no improvements have been seen for the last 4 month period, I am just so disappointed that she has had no window, has no remorse for her behaviour other than a small sorry, and has not had her feelings for me return. I really believed she would return to her old self, but she is static now so I fear that this is as good as it gets.

I met some Americans in a hotel recently, they said they were in Harrogate for a conference and that they tested drugs for a living. Sometimes they know what they are testing sometimes they don't. When I questioned them about Citalopram and asked if it could change your personality they said yes, I asked lots of questions, one guy said it depends on the person and that the drugs react differently per individual. He said we all have different levels of chemicals its what makes some people laid back and others more irritable. When I asked if she could recover after a period of being off them he said yes. I asked if everybody on them would recover off them eventually. He said depends how long they were on them, how it affected them, how old they were and in women if they are menopausal. My wife was menopausal it's why she was put on the stuff in the first place. She was put on Citalopram for hot flushes. I am so ANGRY. He said they only test the drugs and write reports that is their job they have no influence on what is reported. There was an English guy in the group said he was in IT for the same company and that he had lost his wife 2 years ago after taking antidepressants so he said he knew what I was going through. He was not in contact with his Ex and was with some one else now and did not think she had come off the drugs.
Omg it's everywhere you turn it's so damn scary. I feel like It's far fetched and in a science fiction movie but it's not it's real and happening to someone everywhere every damn day.