Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Meredith, Terri speaks much sense! Our past trains our bahaviour. If you grew up trying to fix someone it is what you know.... but you cannot fix him it is something we all have to do for ourselves. My husband is still on meds but reducing - his behaviour is improving but he is still nowhere near the man he was. I have done so much research now and although I an SURE most of this is the drugs I am also aware that just depression causes people to question the person they are in a relationship with... becuase the depression causes a lack of feeling and it can be common for the depressed person to look for happiness elsewhere. It might be worth checking out the depression fallout forum. This has really helped me because it helped me to understand that for my own sanity I needed to set boundaries on his behaviour... deciding what I was and wasnt willing to accept and making those boundaries clear (if only to myself as he is still on drugs and I may as well reason with a chair). It is not appropriate for my husband to be in a relationship with me and someone else. It is not acceptable for him to speak to me like I am worthless. I reinforce these boundaries by reacting calmly, quietly and assertively. In your situation I would take the space for you. If love and loyalty worked your H would be in fine form, it doesnt, he needs to understand that his behaviour has consequences.... and for me the consequences of being with someone else (or trying to be) means that he wouldnt be able to be with me. If he is behaving this way and you are telling him that you still love him then it is ok, what does he learn from that? I was desperate for my husband to return but I got to the point where I am willing to give him up rather than accept the way he treats me (whether this is down to the drugs or not). If this is making you feel suicidal you need to start thinking about you, what you need and putting some boundaries in place. Remember you did not cause this, cannot cure it and cannot control it. You can still be there for your husband but you need to put yourself first.... you know when there is a plane crash, the parent has to put on their oxygen mask first? To make sure they are still there to look after the child? You need to grab your mask. If you decide to continue with your husband you will be better placed to do so, if you decide to let him go, you will have things in place to help you.

btd wrote:

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A small constant does of cocaine I think would be very much like extended release effexor. Long term use of any of these drugs change our brains they do not function the same period. One year post withdrawal is still a short time he did a fast taper I bet it is still the drug...

He is all over the map and it is to be expected... he is in withdrawal. We do not all experience it the same way. Different fallout different brains. I was a mess the first two years could have gone either way several times I still had psychotic episode at his timeline... WAVES baby WAVES they come they go.

Couldn't agree more with these statements. Memories and realizations still popped up out of nowhere after 2 years.

Damaged wrote:

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Couldn't agree more with these statements. Memories and realizations still popped up out of nowhere after 2 years.

I am 4 plus years off I get blips of things that happened in strip clubs they just drop in... this can happen today. Today I am further along in my understanding of this huge mess[ because I have applied myself across various forms of understanding this mess....worked my ass off as this is defining my life and the other thing that defines me is I am a fighter I came in fighting and I am going out fighting... I can accept too but general nature from birth like all humans we will fight to survive.]

...because of the struggle I can deal with it generally or pack it here or there and work on it later because I have learned the hard way... all it is NOT WHAT IT APPEARS OR FEELS!!! THIS IS PARMOUNT! TO HEALING.
The ability is a like a psychological no that is not the right word as it encompasses much more ...metaphysical intelligence. A hovering over the accident scene of the fallout ...of the tragedy of this experience. Global view... is needed... step back do not let this consume you as once consumed your done. To get to this place has taken 10 years of therapy 18 years of being drugged and shrinks... a complete dance out side my own existance in altered states. I have buried many friends and loved ones and watch others fall lose and reinvent themselves... it comes it goes. I am still here... there is a global something going on here if you can step back... I see something I cannot yet define....it is coming together.
If this sounds crazy to you well that is fine. I realize I am pushing the boundaries. Again perhaps I am mad or perhaps only folks that have done the same dance will get it.
There are some losses that cannot be helped. Even if they could be we would have to subjugate ourselves to other insane ideas or concepts to save them ... which is really asking too much. For most... lots of things are lost...most things are lost but a the end of the day something strong and valuable is also defined and uncovered from it's hidden place. Is it peace? more...hey I know how crazy it sounds still here it is.:)

The previous in relation to your loss Meredith is that is what it is to be. The time it takes for him to figure this out and the chance he may not... is a risk. There are many other ways he can turn to deny the drug problem maybe he and you together will be one of the scapegoats. Many things are lost. I hope you are not lost. I urge you to feel the pain yes but do not allow it to consume you. Do not give in. Blame on the past experienced traumas is just a reawakening of old wounds that feel familiar don't get stuck there either it is done leave alone. Try you best to focus you consciousness on the here and now on the task at hand. Which in my view is caring for yourself. Protect yourself love yourself defend yourself and comfort yourself. He may have a swing in a few months but do you really want to subject yourself to anymore of his wild phrases that break you heart. Stay or leave make room for your own space and care for you.
I am ill antibiotics and steroids still wind me up but I do need to breath so taking one in the gut to get what I need...life is about compromise. To get stuck too long is not good.

Hi all,

I definitely understand about the patterns of abuse. For years I sought relationships with alcoholics or drug addicts or anyone broken enough...I realized that I was doing this and stopped. When I met my husband, he was different. He was good, he was not abusive or cruel or addicted to anything. He had a good heart, a caring soul, and he treated me like a queen. He didn't start to have problems until 4 years after we met, he was in Grad school and suffered from anxiety when he had to get up in front of the class. It made him so nervous that he was missing classes, that is why he was put on the Citalopram. That is when it all changed. So know, I recognize the mental abuse...but know he is a good person. I married a man I trusted and loved and felt safe with forever...he was perfect the way he was and I didn't want to change a thing about him. That's how I knew he was "THE ONE". He had faults, of course, we all do...but he was everything I needed, wanted, or dreamed of in a partner. So now...knowing this man exists inside of him, how can I give up on him? I'm really working hard to take my focus off of him right now. Today I went out and did something for myself, I got my hair completely re-done. I feel good about myself because I feel pretty today. I haven't felt attractive in a long time. I don't care if he doesn't like my hair, or if men notice me, I feel good for me.

I pray a lot, I am making God number one in my life, not my husband. I asked God, begged God the other day...SHOW ME A SIGN, TALK TO ME...should I keep fighting or let him go. God answered me, but not in the way I expected. I understand now to trust God, focus on myself right now and let God take care of my husband....no answer to fighting or giving up. I think right now the answer is neither.

Maybe my relationship with my husband needs a break right now, maybe God has blocked it for a reason. I am no innocent person here...the sicker my husband became...the more obsessed I became with "fixing" him. I became sick in the process...addicted to his acceptance. My fear of rejection was overwhelming...I went above and beyond to seek his approval. I wouldn't even let him throw his own trash away...I was right next to him waiting for him to need me for anything...a foot rub, a back scratch, a glass of water, a midnight snack...I made it my DUTY to be as good to him as I could so he could see how much I want to make him happy. This approach backfired...I lost myself completely. He feeds off my fear, and I lose my identity and become someone HE DOESN"T KNOW.
I mean...who could love a person like that? A smothering, scared girl who never disagrees and does whatever you want? That wasn't the person I was before all this. Now...that doesn't mean I didn't take care of my man. He had a home-cooked meal every night....but damn it he could get his own glass of water and I could have time for me and he could have time for him.
This drug, it doesn't just change the user, it changes the spouse too. It changes our behavior too. I think Ive learned this...and now, as hard as it is I am trying to break this behavior. If he doesn't love me for me, he is not going to love me because I devote every waking minute to him.

Right now, I have decided to back off of him....with ground rules of course. I have to let God work in both our lives before we can come together. I suffer now, but God isn't going to let me suffer forever. I feel that if I need to leave God will make that path for me...he will push me onto that path. God is teaching me something here...I need to find out what the lesson is.

Damaged wrote:

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Couldn't agree more with these statements. Memories and realizations still popped up out of nowhere after 2 years.

Damaged I recently read on pp a statement Laurie made the ads were not approved for treatment of menopause please pass this on to her she is likely to hear much more about this yet.

Desvenlafaxine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desvenlafaxine
It is being targeted as the first non-hormonal based treatment for menopause.... The FDA approved the drug for antidepressant use in February 2008, and was to ...

I have talked to a great number of women given E for menopause.

Carlito Carpentero wrote:

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After 4 yr. on effexor.....today is my first functional day off effexer.......I was married 25 yr. and left my wife. Do I still love my wife? yes
What happened...right now I could not begin to give you an intelligent answer
Does it hurt....you bet it hurts
Will we get back together....no.. she has found another....yes, that hurts too
I am 56 yr. and standing at the crossroads...I do not have a clue as to what I am going to do with my life. Among numerous diagnoses for me....genetically depressed...ocd....add
At the present time i am not taking any meds....I expect there are others here my age that have reached the same point.....It is not that i do not respect...therapy...science... etc. It is just such an inexact science...will little follow up
It is one of those illnesses....where money talks and bullshit walks....

I am 41 and did the same thing. I just walked out on my loving and supportive boyfriend after 4 years during which I was medicated and don't think I ever really felt consistent love for him.
Now he's found someone else, which I can't blame him for. I feel bad that he had to deal with a crazy person for all those years. It must have been so difficult for him. So now he found someone who I hope does not suffer from depression, need medication, or suffer from alcoholism or drug abuse, which I do as well.
So now that I walked out of the relationship for who knows why "I just wasn't happy and didn't love him", I'm homeless, jobless, and wound up going back on Effexor because I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and was seriously considering suicide.

Fortunately I'm not suicidal anymore, and who knows which of my "feelings" or lack there of were "real" or not over the past... well, actually, 17 years (I was first put on Effexor in 1995), but here I am.

To the original person who asked this question, I too went through a period during which I was not very good about taking my medication and my boyfriend at the time noticed the pattern of the relationship between wanting to break up with him every time I'd run out, or re-start, I don't remember.
I would be curious to find out what you have been able to organize on this topic.

I can be reached at thebalance@yahoo.com

Before taking Effexor I was a loving mother of two young children in a happy marriage. 9 years ago I suffered from post-partum depression and was prescribed Effexor. Using Effexor created a loss of feelings and memory loss, lack of mental acuity and increased sex drive resulting in bizarre behavior bordering on criminal. I over compensated the effects of the drug with alcohol abuse. As a result, I ruined my marriage by outlandish sexual behavior, lost my job, lost primary custody of my children and lost the love and support of family and friends. I weened off the drug by lowering the dosage to 37.5 mg daily and then taking apart the capsules and lowering the number of beads per day. Ignoring the side effects I continued this regime until I was off the drug completely. I thought of this idea myself, my doctor did not condone this idea, but I did it anyway and it worked - this was two years ago. Although these symptoms have decreased slowly over the past two years I continue to suffer from insomnia, tics, dizziness, nightmares, feelings of "electrocution" in my brain, headaches, memory loss, bad temper and loss of mental acuity. I continue to suffer from flashbacks from the things I did while on Effexor, but refuse to take another anti-depressant. I no longer feel the need to drink alcohol and have a normal sexual libido. Message to everyone who reads this, I'm so glad I am no longer taking this drug. Every day is struggle just to go on, but I am working on rebuilding my life and it is slowly getting better. Ween yourself off like I did, it was hard, but it worked and I'm so thankful it did.

I posted the above on the main page about a week ago. I was directed to this thread by btd of Ottawa - thank you.

Now that I know I'm not crazy, that there are others out there like me - I wish there weren't because I don't wish this fate on anyone, but I am glad for my own sanity.

One thing I am struggling with and hoping you can help me with is how do I get friends and family (the ones I used to have) understand that my behavior was caused by this drug? That that person was NOT me. How do I convince them?

Becky2012 wrote:

Before taking Effexor I was a loving mother of two young children in a happy marriage. 9 years ago I suffered from post-partum depression and was prescribed Effexor. Using Effexor created a loss of feelings and memory loss, lack of mental acuity and increased sex drive resulting in bizarre behavior bordering on criminal. I over compensated the effects of the drug with alcohol abuse. As a result, I ruined my marriage by outlandish sexual behavior, lost my job, lost primary custody of my children and lost the love and support of family and friends. I weened off the drug by lowering the dosage to 37.5 mg daily and then taking apart the capsules and lowering the number of beads per day. Ignoring the side effects I continued this regime until I was off the drug completely. I thought of this idea myself, my doctor did not condone this idea, but I did it anyway and it worked - this was two years ago. Although these symptoms have decreased slowly over the past two years I continue to suffer from insomnia, tics, dizziness, nightmares, feelings of "electrocution" in my brain, headaches, memory loss, bad temper and loss of mental acuity. I continue to suffer from flashbacks from the things I did while on Effexor, but refuse to take another anti-depressant. I no longer feel the need to drink alcohol and have a normal sexual libido. Message to everyone who reads this, I'm so glad I am no longer taking this drug. Every day is struggle just to go on, but I am working on rebuilding my life and it is slowly getting better. Ween yourself off like I did, it was hard, but it worked and I'm so thankful it did.

Generally I endorse another taper method that can be found at this thread "effexor taper schedule" here on topix. Reason I like this taper method is that it is proven by other people who have been thru effexor tapering... as a rule many if not most of them tried to go cold turkey or did a too fast taper before finding the taper information. I found the taper information at paxilprogress.org byt the time I found it I was in my 8th month of cold turkey withdrawal it too me till then to be able to focus my eyes and read a bit. While there I watched others have a successful taper experience with the schedule I have posted on these pages. There is another thread called "reasons to taper slowly" I suggest anyone who wants off effexor read that thread first so then the effexor schedule thread.
I suspect the reason you are still having problems may well be caused by the way you tapered off Effexor. A fast taper without the wait time between drops seems to be cause the same protracted withdrawal as cold turkey and fast taper. There is of course yet another thread on here called "protracted withdrawal" where you can learn about that if you wish.
It is not as if there is not information out there about all this there is it is just very difficult to find. When I found paxilprogress.org I read threads on there night and day to get an understanding of what I was up against. From that reading and my own talking with people there and on other sites I have put together my understanding of taper - quitting E pitfalls and protracted withdrawal. That is the understanding you will find in the threads mentioned above. Anyone can go to paxilprogress.org and read all the posts it is an open to read site. I have gleaned information from many other sites and while I do agree 100% with the taper method on pp it is because I have watched it be successful I do not agree with ALL they say there. I have added my efforts in order to spare others the fallout of withdrawal. I did not go back on and taper as by the time I learned how to do it the window to reinstate had closed. I am a long time user of antidepressants and went cold turkey after reaching tolerance and having serious side effects... I have lived to tell about it but it is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Becky2012 wrote:

I posted the above on the main page about a week ago. I was directed to this thread by btd of Ottawa - thank you.
Now that I know I'm not crazy, that there are others out there like me - I wish there weren't because I don't wish this fate on anyone, but I am glad for my own sanity.
One thing I am struggling with and hoping you can help me with is how do I get friends and family (the ones I used to have) understand that my behavior was caused by this drug? That that person was NOT me. How do I convince them?

I for one will be interested in seeing the replies to this one. I have not convinced anyone myself. Odd thing is by the time it even hit my head that the drug could cause this I had lost about all I was going to. It was a done deal with friends family and everything and everyone else. I was very low at the time a suggestion was made by a member at pp named Charlie. I was talking on the pp site about being completely changed I was like I said above 8 months in to withdrawal or more by this time. I could not join the dots of my life. I was recall the name of the thread it was "some things I have noticed" I sent a lot people to that thread ... maybe too many as the moderators at pp deleted all my posts some time long after I left.:)
I think that thread showed the gradual dawning of what these drugs could cause as in complete personality changes. Too bad it is gone as it was useful. I have a printed copy of it some place as it was a very big deal to my life and my soul...I needed a copy.
In that thread other people were talking about getting off the drugs all different types of ssri/snri ... some were completely off I think most were. They were looking back to when they were drugged. Some had odd clothing choices things they would never were not drugged things like that. I posted something like they were lucky that is all they changed that I had changed from a daycare worker to a stripper in a blink of an eye. I was 42 when I started to dance.. can you imagine. Charlie wrote back it was the drug...:) I told him that people these days were not being accountable for their actions and it was bad enough I put my family and loved ones thru all that... but I was not going to cop out and blame it on a drug. I was going to stand there take the shit and work my ass off to gain their respect... whatever it took. But the seed was planted and I recall posting some place in there that my soul leaped at a chance of understanding of freedom as I was in hell not only from withdrawal but all the other fallout. Charlie freed me that day and I owe him a great thanks. I am sure he knew not what he did :) Like everything else in the healing it was a slow process. I have not tried to convince my family of this fact I have come to know. You see by the time the freedom came those who were going to love and support me were already there loving and supporting me :) they had never stopped. I had tested them they had passed. Why bother. I am also very sure that this fact is going to hit the main stream media so hard some day they will all look back and KNOW I will not have to say a word. Most important in this equation is for YOU to know not other people. You are still feeling a bad taper all this takes time but time is your friend any day your still here your healing. I cannot help you with the convincing others as I did not do it... thought it would just come across as me making excuses.. I did not want to bow down to that level. At the time it seemed lower to me than the stripping. I could not do that to them still haven't.
Pushing the truth in the media and any place else people will listen is what I do some day it will break wide open and everybody will know.

Becky2012 wrote:

Before taking Effexor I was a loving mother of two young children in a happy marriage. 9 years ago I suffered from post-partum depression and was prescribed Effexor. Using Effexor created a loss of feelings and memory loss, lack of mental acuity and increased sex drive resulting in bizarre behavior bordering on criminal. I over compensated the effects of the drug with alcohol abuse. As a result, I ruined my marriage by outlandish sexual behavior, lost my job, lost primary custody of my children and lost the love and support of family and friends. I weened off the drug by lowering the dosage to 37.5 mg daily and then taking apart the capsules and lowering the number of beads per day. Ignoring the side effects I continued this regime until I was off the drug completely. I thought of this idea myself, my doctor did not condone this idea, but I did it anyway and it worked - this was two years ago. Although these symptoms have decreased slowly over the past two years I continue to suffer from insomnia, tics, dizziness, nightmares, feelings of "electrocution" in my brain, headaches, memory loss, bad temper and loss of mental acuity. I continue to suffer from flashbacks from the things I did while on Effexor, but refuse to take another anti-depressant. I no longer feel the need to drink alcohol and have a normal sexual libido. Message to everyone who reads this, I'm so glad I am no longer taking this drug. Every day is struggle just to go on, but I am working on rebuilding my life and it is slowly getting better. Ween yourself off like I did, it was hard, but it worked and I'm so thankful it did.

This video could be a hint to them that all is not as it appears in tv adds... I seen an ad for cymbalta today on tv and laughed out loud it was being pushed to treat pain it is my opinion these drugs cause pain and pain syndromes in withdrawal... same old treat the withdrawal issues say they treat it so when you try to get off and get these withdrawal it will oh no the drug was preventing that lol so tired of this beening talking about this little pharma trick for a least three years ... conversation started at paxilprogress.org
watch the video I can only hope whoever made it has some follow up videos in mind...
Love this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch ...

what ways can you think of to tell the world?

Becky2012 wrote:

Before taking Effexor I was a loving mother of two young children in a happy marriage. 9 years ago I suffered from post-partum depression and was prescribed Effexor. Using Effexor created a loss of feelings and memory loss, lack of mental acuity and increased sex drive resulting in bizarre behavior bordering on criminal. I over compensated the effects of the drug with alcohol abuse. As a result, I ruined my marriage by outlandish sexual behavior, lost my job, lost primary custody of my children and lost the love and support of family and friends. I weened off the drug by lowering the dosage to 37.5 mg daily and then taking apart the capsules and lowering the number of beads per day. Ignoring the side effects I continued this regime until I was off the drug completely. I thought of this idea myself, my doctor did not condone this idea, but I did it anyway and it worked - this was two years ago. Although these symptoms have decreased slowly over the past two years I continue to suffer from insomnia, tics, dizziness, nightmares, feelings of "electrocution" in my brain, headaches, memory loss, bad temper and loss of mental acuity. I continue to suffer from flashbacks from the things I did while on Effexor, but refuse to take another anti-depressant. I no longer feel the need to drink alcohol and have a normal sexual libido. Message to everyone who reads this, I'm so glad I am no longer taking this drug. Every day is struggle just to go on, but I am working on rebuilding my life and it is slowly getting better. Ween yourself off like I did, it was hard, but it worked and I'm so thankful it did.

Thank you for your post Becky am so sorry to hear your story and what the ads have done to you and your family. Yet another family destroyed. I don't know how you prove to people it was the drugs. Whilst my friends and family have sympathy for me and my situation they are not convinced its the drugs but just mid life crisis that made my wife leave me. I can only suggest you show them this site and tell them our stories! I am on the other side to you but because of this site I forgive my wife her terrible behaviour because knowing her and loving her for so long I could not believe she could act the way she did naturally and this side opened my eyes and explained her behaviour. My problem is not knowing if she will ever recover the feelings she used to have for me. A year off she is still convinced the life she has now is where she wants to be and that she no longer loves me. I live everyday hoping for her to change back and wanting her to be like you trying to get me to believe her that the pills changed her instead of the other way round! I can't convince her its the pills she thinks she fell out of love with me years ago and does not believe its the Citalopram! How long do I wait for her? A year feels like 5 already! Good luck and keep fighting x

Becky, I would send them a copy of "Medication Madness" by Dr. Peter Breggin.

Hi all,

Wow, there is some very good advice going on here all the way around. Some great observations of not just other, but hard ones about the self. To me that is a gage of productivity.

Meredith, this might sound sacrorilgious, mostly because it is. But instead of looking to God for the answers, look to Freud (and Jung, and Pavlov, and Milgram, and Zimbardo, and..) instead. Many here have mentioned a “rewiring” of the brain. It is more like a reorganizing. The best analogy I can think of would be this. When I was a kid, I got a robot from Radio Shack that responded to voice commands. Me and a friends would play a game where we would put it in the center of the room and both shout commands at it to get it to do things. The loudest voice registers. Our bodies are like that robot. Our brains are made up of two different elements. One is the one that knows the “right thing to do”. Every decision it makes is based on every life experience (both those we are conscious of but most importantly to this matter, those that we are not conscious of.) It considers not only our desires but the external consequences for our actions. Then there is the voice that is driven only by immediate gratification. We were born with that voice. Freud called this the “Id”. As we grow, so does our “Superego”(Angel on our shoulder if you will). We learn consequences and how to maximize our pleasure in the long run. Every decision you make is a debate between these two voices. Every desire exists inside of you because you are aware of it as a choice. Instinctively to eat, mate, strike/ kill, and find warmth are basic, primal, and within all of us. In the most of us, with a functional brain, those desires are squashed and never make it out of our subconscious to our conscious to even be further rationalized. Each voice speaks to the decision maker with different strengths at different times. Where these drugs (and it seems lobotomies if you read the reactions) is that they quiet and restrict the voice of the rational mind the “Superego” and instead lets the voice of the short term pleasure driven Id come through loud and clear. In cases of homicide and suicides, the voice of reason has been all but ripped out.

Meredith, when your husband says he will do it again and he can’t control it, he isn’t being cruel, he is being honest. You hear this kind of thing from child molesters and serial killers.“I know its wrong, I just can’t stop, its like I become an observer to my own body. I see myself doing this.” People with OCD are already exhibiting signs of a loss of control; giving them a drug that reduces it further makes no sense. It is scientifically reckless. Here is the conundrum. We know people do these things we are all reporting here even when not under the influence of drugs. Guilt and self disrespect can have the same affect on the internal communication as these drugs.(Children of abusive relationship for example can exhibit many of the same behaviors later in life.) So even as the drugs wear off, the pathways they have opened, remain so. What to do about it? I will tell you when I figure out myself. They should have never been opened in the first place.

I just picked up this book yesterday, pretty good advice. According to the author I was doing everything wrong.

http://www.davidclarkeseminars.com/apps/store...

Becky and hyper (and the countless other who have found there way to this page lately.)

I am truly sad to hear of yet another experience, I hope you can find some solace in the fact that you are not alone. Becky, on the issue of your family, I would offer this. I would offer them this and a few other materials, get them to read the prescribing pamphlets if you can. Highlight the part about how the doctor is supposed to contact the family to ask about any “abnormal behaviors”.“Why would they put that on a drug label? Is the patient unable to report their own behavior?” Then, for now, don’t do anything. You can not convince somebody anything about the subconscious. More people believe in alien abductions then the existence of the subconscious. Make yourself the best you can with the tools you have. That is how you approach your family as a whole. Other then that, pick one person you really hope to get the respect and trust from. Sit down and write them a hand written letter (there are psychological reasons why hand written has more of an impact.) Accept some blame 9even though generally I hold those tricked into these drugs blameless), put some blame on the drugs, and say you are ready to move on chapter and want that person to be a part of it. Explain that person has had enough of an impact on your life, and it would be important part of moving forward if they remained. Then leave them with an open ended statement about not expecting a response, but if they would, you would accept open and honest criticism and some suggestion on what you could do to rebuild the trust and relationship. This is called “carving the pack” I which you find one sheep and concentrate on member. That person can not be too weak as to be susceptible to the brow beating and pressure from the rest, but can be so strong headed that they are unable to drop their own defenses. The first contact (or maybe two) if it is made will be to test your resolve. Maybe more heavily on the criticism then on rebuilding suggestion. You need to take those shots and respond back eloquently and humble. Find your place again once you have established yourself. That would not be the time.

This is a crazy man’s opinion from the internet. Where “you can find somebody who agrees with whatever you want to believe.” Man am I tired of hearing that.

Meredith,

There is a million of them out there. I bought 2 different version of the online stuff. I would send you them if you would like. This link generally includes all of the passive approaches. They do not however jibe with the removal of emotions that comes with SSRI's. There are 1000 & 1 psychological games you can play. Some books offer more aggressive, nearly deceitful approaches to re-engaging a partner. While they will work, they are a shortcut which can lead to more damaging relations in the long run.

http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section1/scenar...

May peace find you sooner then later. Keep fighting, and keep you chin up.

David Healy has a post up on his blog that gives advice to people taking/thinking of taking anti-depressants. He cuts through a lot of the nonsense that the psychiatric profession peddles:

http://davidhealy.org/wp-content/uploads/2012...

Meredith77 wrote:

...I feel good about myself because I feel pretty today. I haven't felt attractive in a long time. I don't care if he doesn't like my hair, or if men notice me, I feel good for me.
I pray a lot, I am making God number one in my life, not my husband. I asked God, begged God the other day...SHOW ME A SIGN, TALK TO ME...should I keep fighting or let him go. God answered me, but not in the way I expected. I understand now to trust God, focus on myself right now and let God take care of my husband....no answer to fighting or giving up. I think right now the answer is neither.
Maybe my relationship with my husband needs a break right now, maybe God has blocked it for a reason. I am no innocent person here...the sicker my husband became...the more obsessed I became with "fixing" him. I became sick in the process...addicted to his acceptance. My fear of rejection was overwhelming...I went above and beyond to seek his approval. I wouldn't even let him throw his own trash away...I was right next to him waiting for him to need me for anything...a foot rub, a back scratch, a glass of water, a midnight snack...I made it my DUTY to be as good to him as I could so he could see how much I want to make him happy. This approach backfired...I lost myself completely. He feeds off my fear, and I lose my identity and become someone HE DOESN"T KNOW.
I mean...who could love a person like that? A smothering, scared girl who never disagrees and does whatever you want? That wasn't the person I was before all this. Now...that doesn't mean I didn't take care of my man. He had a home-cooked meal every night....but damn it he could get his own glass of water and I could have time for me and he could have time for him.
This drug, it doesn't just change the user, it changes the spouse too. It changes our behavior too. I think Ive learned this...and now, as hard as it is I am trying to break this behavior. If he doesn't love me for me, he is not going to love me because I devote every waking minute to him.
Right now, I have decided to back off of him....with ground rules of course. I have to let God work in both our lives before we can come together. I suffer now, but God isn't going to let me suffer forever. I feel that if I need to leave God will make that path for me...he will push me onto that path. God is teaching me something here...I need to find out what the lesson is.

It is common to come out of abusive childhoods and be codependent, especially for women. I have suffered from codependency for years. I am only loved if you tell me you love me. Otherwise, I am a piece of doo doo in my mind. I think learning about codependency will shed some light on things for you also. It has for me.
I am so glad to hear you went out and did something for yourself! I am also so very happy to know you have a spiritual relationship with God, because frankly that's about the best comfort there is on earth I think. Knowing that He is always there beside us, carrying us at times, but always there as we go THROUGH things. He doesn't want to see us get stuck in the middle. I find comfort in remembering that "joy is not the absence of suffering but the presence of God."

There is much joy to come in your life as long as you walk through these times with God leading the way. Good for you!