Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Listen to bluesmurf, he is a man in the know here, I'm not saying don't love them and do what's right, but be braced for the nasty Shit too.

Bluesmurf wrote:

At some point, they will get to the point where they become so confused by their own mind that they retreat into it. What they feel and what they sometimes think don't coincide and 6 months is an awful long time especially when you can trust yourself and you don't really know who else you can trust. At the moment, they are able to put their trust in you. That may not always be the case because they know that you only want to get them well because you think that that will change how they feel about you. Don't sweat it to much, just be able to recognize the retreat and try not to get angry about it. Anger pushes them away as does indifference. They need constant support and attention. They will eventually emerge, but they don't need distractions like hookups with other people if it can be avoided. You now know of the other person and if he decides to go back to her it will crush you. He only has limited abilities to make good judgements so for his own good, the less contact with other people the better.

This is hugely helpful. Thank you.

X-RAY wrote:

<quoted text>
I will tell you how, on the drugs they went nuts but at least they had no emotions, coming off they are every bit as nuts but now there is a bombardment of emotion too, all except of course any emotion for you or your feelings.

This isn't the case for everyone. Some people experience extreme remorse rather quickly and suddenly realize what they have done. The emotions that come back can be strong guilt and shame and cause uncontrollable crying.

I am not seeking revenge...I just am so amazed and saddened to see such a loving person who was affectionate and loving and when I say that, I had no doubt about her love...turn into such a cold hearted mean person...full of hate...full of rage...full of anger...so, I hope that she gets off the drugs and her true self returns...these drugs so changed her and I don't know how her family doesn't see it...yet, I am moving on because I had no choice...I am starting to date again...what else can I do..she divorced me...but I always have this nagging feeling that I am going to have to relive this hell again because her feelings will come back if she stops the meds....I don't want the pain...but I feel as though she is stuck exactly frozen in time at the exact minute she popped a pill into her mouth....she is so different and if she gets her feelings back?...you are talking about a woman who talked about growing old together and would never even say the D word....seriously...I just am so sad by all of this....what is a man to do if and when they get off the drugs..because right now, I wouldn't even open the door to talking with her after what has happened...I am sad, but I do have pride.

Lost,

Get over your pride. I don't think that your story is over yet.

The above site is closed.
The withdrawal reaction were added by the FDA in March of 2000 nobody said a word to me. I started taking E in 2000.
http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs...
At the FDA site I did a search for withdrawal dated 2000 and this page hit first it is of course from 2005. Not sure why the date I searched does not come up.
This pdf is 48 pages long if you want to see the side effects listed in 2005 check it out.
I am going to keep looking for this Steve Whiting maybe I can talk to him to see what went on with this petition. If it was effective and how they managed it.

Damaged wrote:

<quoted text> This isn't the case for everyone. Some people experience extreme remorse rather quickly and suddenly realize what they have done. The emotions that come back can be strong guilt and shame and cause uncontrollable crying.

That is what happened with my wife depresion waking up with panic attacks and having them thnroughout the day as she slowly let me know what she did (drugs sexting then i finaly got it out of her about her affair) she has been a very loving woman again now if i could just get past what happened we would be doing great. it will just take time i cant wait to beable to spend a day without the thought of her and another man.GOD I CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY THIS IS ALL BEHIND ME!!!!!

effexor321sucks wrote:

Here is an email that I recived from the fda I incurage all of us to flood them with reports!!!!
Thank you for your message to the Division of Drug Information at the Center for Drug Evaluation and Research (CDER), within the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).
We are very sorry to learn of your wife's experience with Effexor.
The FDA is interested in learning of any adverse experiences or product problems that patients encounter and to do so has implemented the MedWatch program. This program is a voluntary system of reporting to FDA adverse effects and product problems and we view this reporting system as a source for signaling trends in these areas. Should a trend emerge, the FDA will work with the sponsor of the product to address the problem. Actions may include changes in the labeling information or product packaging, enhanced warnings in the labeling, or communications to health care professionals. As such, we encourage you or your wife to submit a MedWatch report. You can complete the form and submit online (remember to print a copy for yourself before submitting) or you can download the forms, complete them manually and mail them to the address on the form. Forms can be accessed from our website: https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/medwat...
Best regards,
Drug Information BLS
Division of Drug Information
Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
Food and Drug Administration

I have been thinking about this and wonder how you described it to the FDA?
A problem in terminology could screw this up and make 100 reports about the same thing seem like they are unrelated. The more I think about it the more bewildered I become as I do not have one word that covers this set of personality changes that seem so alike when they are discussed here. WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL IT? Labels are important in this instance as much as I hate them in other instances for clarity's sake we need a descriptive label.
Ideas please....

Bluesmurf wrote:

At some point, they will get to the point where they become so confused by their own mind that they retreat into it. What they feel and what they sometimes think don't coincide and 6 months is an awful long time especially when you can trust yourself and you don't really know who else you can trust. At the moment, they are able to put their trust in you. That may not always be the case because they know that you only want to get them well because you think that that will change how they feel about you. Don't sweat it to much, just be able to recognize the retreat and try not to get angry about it. Anger pushes them away as does indifference. They need constant support and attention. They will eventually emerge, but they don't need distractions like hookups with other people if it can be avoided. You now know of the other person and if he decides to go back to her it will crush you. He only has limited abilities to make good judgements so for his own good, the less contact with other people the better.

This makes a lot of sense as for the limiting social interaction. May I suggest limiting violence on tv ect, spa type music warm baths are good. I don't know a lot about the relationship side of this I went thru withdrawal at my adult child's home. I can't even begin to tell you how he dealt with it as he speaks few words. The most he says is you were really a mess then you are much better now. We really don't talk about it I do what I can to make myself well and we both wait to see as I have had many health problems during this not to mention the mental emotional upheaval. It seems like there is little rest as there is always impending doom from one health issue or another. I am unsure if these health issues are E fallout. Still I hold my ground best I can we both wonder if I will ever move out of his house and regain some sense of adult independence like getting a job. I have been here almost 5 years.
Again I did not taper so my experience will not be the same as your spouses I hope they are tapering. Cold turkey makes withdrawal longer and harder.
I can say that with my ct there were times I was off the wall if I had told what was in my head I would and should have been locked up. So give some space you don't know what hell is going on inside the brain have some faith- know they are going thru some very unreal experiences. Putting the pieces back together is almost impossible. I could not do it all at once and don't think I have finished yet I take small bites and digest it a bit at a time. Things that were done while drug seem unreal tho I know they are true I cannot justify the as they make no sense to who and what I am. I may at the end of it all just have to say I cannot integrate it into who I am it is too unlike me I don't understand. Chalk it up to a crazy drugged time in my life and carry on. I have no one I have to justify myself to as most people don't know of this reaction to E tho I tell them ALL. I feel they just pat me on the head and say it is ok your doing better that is all that matters.:) nice and maddening at the same time. Mostly it is maddening because I know this was a bad drug reaction for way too long. What I don't truly know is if I will ever get back my life on any decent level. Tho I am healing for sure I am not the same person this experience changes people. I am at a completely different status - dependent so not me.
Sorry I forgot what I started to say and got lost in my own thoughts.
The intensity is still very high when I think about how this has changed me I get lost I still cannot get my head around it five years later.
To think the first antidepressant I was given was for leg pain it is insane what has happened. The trick I guess is to maintain some semblance of sanity while dealing with an insane situation. I didn't say I could do it just that it was the trick. Fake till you make it comes to mind.

effexor321sucks wrote:

<quoted text>That is what happened with my wife depresion waking up with panic attacks and having them thnroughout the day as she slowly let me know what she did (drugs sexting then i finaly got it out of her about her affair) she has been a very loving woman again now if i could just get past what happened we would be doing great. it will just take time i cant wait to beable to spend a day without the thought of her and another man.GOD I CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY THIS IS ALL BEHIND ME!!!!!

I know it must be hard for you. In my case I have no one to justify my actions to maybe family but that is not the same and they are not asking. I struggle with what went on while drugged it is hard for her. Try to imagine being in her situation? If you are not already crazy it would make you crazy it is that strange and other worldly an experience. There is nothing she can do to change it.
I would like to pass on a word from this book I am using called the power of now.
If you had a choice between pain and no pain what would you choose?
To start it is just that simple... you choose.
You choose to forgive her to believe her to forget it because it was not her to trust her and to love her. You choose all this because you can because you live in the NOW not the past not the future but NOW.
Now is the only time where anything actually happens. Live for now. That is my advice and what I am trying to do myself because the rest is too painful and I choose not to suffer any more.

The ex is having a brief moment of clarity and left Mr. New, again. She is still a month off from being over the worst of the celexa, but she has increased her tramadol use to near therapeutic doses. She is currently trying to limit use of this because she is aware that she is about to run out. Despite having left him, she is already showing signs that she will go back despite knowing that he is an asshole. I am strong enough, I think, to help her in this transition and I get the distinct feeling that I am supposed to say or do something for her benefit. Because I have my doubts about whether or not she will go back to him, I am cautious and am reserving all effort to be spent by her, not me. The rest, I am leaving in God's capable hands. I am continuing to listen to Him, but she is the one who must decide for herself what life she wants to lead and she is the one who must choose to fight for herself. I have told her that for as long as she chooses to work on getting better, I am her for her. But, if she chose to continue to make the same stupid decisions all the time, I would stop accepting her calls. I want her to get healthy so that she can be happy and this recurring nightmare to end. I don't know how many more times she can do this and still be okay when it is over. Each cycle seems to run her further and further toward the black hole. She has options at this point, but next round is homelessness. Hopefully, with each round, she is slowly coming to the truth about the drugs. Only time will tell. I wish her the best and I hope she has the strength and courage to pull through this time.

Bluesmurf wrote:

The ex is having a brief moment of clarity and left Mr. New, again. She is still a month off from being over the worst of the celexa, but she has increased her tramadol use to near therapeutic doses. She is currently trying to limit use of this because she is aware that she is about to run out. Despite having left him, she is already showing signs that she will go back despite knowing that he is an asshole. I am strong enough, I think, to help her in this transition and I get the distinct feeling that I am supposed to say or do something for her benefit. Because I have my doubts about whether or not she will go back to him, I am cautious and am reserving all effort to be spent by her, not me. The rest, I am leaving in God's capable hands. I am continuing to listen to Him, but she is the one who must decide for herself what life she wants to lead and she is the one who must choose to fight for herself. I have told her that for as long as she chooses to work on getting better, I am her for her. But, if she chose to continue to make the same stupid decisions all the time, I would stop accepting her calls. I want her to get healthy so that she can be happy and this recurring nightmare to end. I don't know how many more times she can do this and still be okay when it is over. Each cycle seems to run her further and further toward the black hole. She has options at this point, but next round is homelessness. Hopefully, with each round, she is slowly coming to the truth about the drugs. Only time will tell. I wish her the best and I hope she has the strength and courage to pull through this time.

I did HOMELESSNESS before I quit e. The last year I was on it I lost my home moved in with my son then could not get along with his room mate so I moved out to a shelter.
I kept thinking this has to be the bottom for me but nope I had further to fall don't kid yourself she can fall a long way. Of course anything can be redeemed as long as she is alive.
If this is pride again and you love her you may want to rethink how far you are willing to let her fall cause it is a long way down and she may not have what it takes to break the fall. Letting her go may really be letting her go. It is not so much "her stupid choices" cause she is not really herself so it is not really her choosing. I can't make you believe it nobody can. It takes time it takes getting med free it takes a miracle some times I hope you and her get one.

There is nothing that I can do for her. Every time I talk to her, I tell her what I see. I cannot force her to do something that is not her will, medicated or not. God has her. All I can hope for is that He opens her ears to let her hear. I have offered her shelter several times, but I cannot make her see or come here. She knows that her mind deceives her, and she can be reasonable at times, but emotionally, she does as she chooses. I will build on what I have and continue to try to keep her options open through me, but.... I still think that kidnapping is against the law and even if I did kidnap her, there is only so long that I can hold her. SHE has to choose. I continue to do all that I can but I am limited by the law as to what I can do.

btdt wrote:

<quoted text>
I have been thinking about this and wonder how you described it to the FDA?
A problem in terminology could screw this up and make 100 reports about the same thing seem like they are unrelated. The more I think about it the more bewildered I become as I do not have one word that covers this set of personality changes that seem so alike when they are discussed here. WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL IT? Labels are important in this instance as much as I hate them in other instances for clarity's sake we need a descriptive label.
Ideas please....

The more I thought about it the more it seems to me that I was living in an altered state of consciousness so looked up drug induced altered states of consciousness.
there are a lot of links about this and a few books may be worth a look.

http://www.google.ca/search...

Bluesmurf wrote:

There is nothing that I can do for her. Every time I talk to her, I tell her what I see. I cannot force her to do something that is not her will, medicated or not. God has her. All I can hope for is that He opens her ears to let her hear. I have offered her shelter several times, but I cannot make her see or come here. She knows that her mind deceives her, and she can be reasonable at times, but emotionally, she does as she chooses. I will build on what I have and continue to try to keep her options open through me, but.... I still think that kidnapping is against the law and even if I did kidnap her, there is only so long that I can hold her. SHE has to choose. I continue to do all that I can but I am limited by the law as to what I can do.

Sadly I KNOW at the end of the day all you say is true. I just hope that even with her altered mind state some attempt to get the idea of the drug induced altered state to her forebrain. I realize it may well be a waste of time and very painful for you. We are all victims here as much as I hate the word it does fit.
Take care of yourself and try to heal what you can of your own pain. I know talk is cheap and the ill affects are deep so I will just shut up now.

I have been thinking about this and wonder how you described it to the FDA?
A problem in terminology could screw this up and make 100 reports about the same thing seem like they are unrelated. The more I think about it the more bewildered I become as I do not have one word that covers this set of personality changes that seem so alike when they are discussed here. WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL IT? Labels are important in this instance as much as I hate them in other instances for clarity's sake we need a descriptive label.
Ideas please....

How do you describe a drug that makes your heart and soul unable to cry or feel love?...you got me?

I was replying to btdt

btdt wrote:

<quoted text>
I have been thinking about this and wonder how you described it to the FDA?
A problem in terminology could screw this up and make 100 reports about the same thing seem like they are unrelated. The more I think about it the more bewildered I become as I do not have one word that covers this set of personality changes that seem so alike when they are discussed here. WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL IT? Labels are important in this instance as much as I hate them in other instances for clarity's sake we need a descriptive label.
Ideas please....

Very good point I didn’t put that much thought into it. I am not sure how to write this up as well. I got my wife to write out a page about what she went through to send to the FDA, very hard for me to read. I have been looking for some help about your point but when I talk to friends they are all dumb founded as to what to call it as well. The counselor that my wife and I are going to probably wouldn’t be of any help ether when we talked to him about what happened he was ready to blame it on the drugs she started after the effexor stopped working. I am not giving up though! I hope that all others on this forum are willing to help, if we all stand together we could be one strong and determined voice and send this message to the right people to get the FDA to look at the dangers of what these drugs do to individuals and worse how it tears apart families. I have been in contact with a family member who has some contacts in the pharmaceutical companies about what should be done, when I get that info I will share it with all. In the mean time, we all have different contacts I encourage everyone to reach out to them and start being heard!! Like I stated in an earlier post after the attempted suicide call I went on last week, I am more determined to get the word out about this growing problem! Please everyone stand up be heard!! If you don’t like the results you get, keep pushing keep sending letters making phone calls remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease!! Don’t let another family be broken because of this problem!!!

This is my wifes rendition of events that happened to her while on 75 mg effexor

When I was suffering from depression and had a suicide attempt, my psychiatrist had prescribed 75 ml of effexor xr. IT had worked for a few months. I was beginning to feel better, and then it completely changed my life when it no longer worked at all and I started having all the horrific side effects that made me an emotional ticking time bomb.
Not only did my depression come back ten fold, it left me with no emotions what so ever. I could no longer feel any happiness, sadness, or any loving or caring emotion. Not for my children, my husband or towards myself. I was so empty inside that I hated every day that I woke up and had to continue my life. Suicide was a daily fantasy that I played in my head over and over .I didn’t want to see anyone or hear anyone’s voice. When I say anyone, I'm referring to my own family.
As if suicidal thoughts aren’t horrible enough, I also began to have psychotic thoughts that would scare the living hell out of me but began to excite me at the same time. Not just thoughts but fantasies of really hurting complete strangers in violent ways. Now I would never act on these thoughts of malice but the point being, why the hell am I having these thoughts to begin with.
Now with all that being said let me begin to tell you about the worst part of my effexor experience. My husband is without a doubt in my mind, the most important person in my life. He is my everything, the air that I breathe, my soul mate and my best friend. He truly does complete me and without him I am lost.
Yet after awhile all those feelings for him faded away into darkness. It was like he was more of a bothersome and was really good for a live in babysitter. And if he would just shut up, quit complaining and leave me the hell alone, things would be just fine.
Because now the only things that were going through my mind was me, myself and I. You see, with this emptiness and feeling like there is a hole in me, began to be filled by my urges to do reckless things. I began behaving out of control and out of character. I began using meth, flirting, sexting, and then after all the excitement and rush from all these things weren’t enough. I had an affair. For seven years we were happily married and deeply in love. Never once has flirting with other men or cheating ever crossed my mind. I was living two different lives. I neglected my children who mean everything to me. They are my life right along next to my husband. I lied, and deceived and destroyed that special once in a lifetime bond with my husband.

the second part of my wifes event.

My husband says that it was divine intervention that brought the next chain of events into effect. And I have never been religious but I believe in my heart that there was someone looking out for me and our family. On the floor in my room behind a locked door I loaded our .45 with one single hollow point shell. I sent my husband and one other a txt message saying goodbye and pressed send. Cocked it and put it to the side of my head. When my husband busted through the door and went for the gun I tried pulling the trigger. Just as he grabbed the gun the clip fell out and no bullet in chamber. He has taught me allot about guns and shooting. I know how to load a gun and shoot.
After this my husband looked up the effects of effexor and oh my god, was it ever scary reading these peoples stories. I was looking into a mirror that I was sharing with hundreds of other people. It was so sad and heart wrenching reading how many lives were destroyed because of these medications they were on. Mainly effexor.
Shortly after my puppies had chewed up my bottle of effexor, I decided then that that was it. I was not going to renew my meds. My husband and I prepared my self for the withdrawal with fish oil and lots of Tylenol pms.
After about a month I literally woke up and everything that I had been doing and feeling made me so sick to my stomach and scared the shit out of me. I had panic attacks every day as soon as I woke up until I feel asleep .That is if I slept because now I’m getting all my feelings and emotions back and realizing what I have done to our family. Now I can feel again and this is what I get to live with for the rest of my life. A year later and I have told my husband everything. He has chosen to stay and work this out and get on with our lives.