Man jailed when daughter fails to get diploma

Dog wrote:

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And, amazingly, we (mom and I) did not have to keep reminding her of the terms of the deal. Obviously this meant alot in terms of freedom and image.
Note: This agreement was for driving to school, not all over hade's half acre. I put 20 bucks in the tank each week and that was it. Run low on gas for the week, walk or ride the bus. She learned how to conserve very quickly.
I know that I have upped the ante for college. But we quickly found that a student with straight A's, perfect attendance and musically inclined gets many scholarships. We were simply amazed. Child included. As the scholarships came in, I noticed a renewed effort to maintain the grades at all costs. Then, when she was notified that she could skip all the final tests with perfect attendance, the effort to get up and get moving every morning was much easier.
I will admit that I had a sixteen year old witch. I never slapped her but the thought came to the surface many times. I was tired of the jet black hair, black t-shirts and God-awful black makeup. I caught her and a friend smoking pot. They were stealing mom's frozen margarita drinks at night, then deny doing it. I couldn't trust her out of my sight. She was constantly on some kind of restrictions, whether it was computer time, phone time or the ability to go to movies or the mall with her friends.
I never believed for one moment that she would make such a drastic turn-around. She changed her friends on her own. Her hair color is now back to natural. No more hideous makeup. No more petty lies. She is actually a pleasant child to be around.
Needless to say, I am a proud parent of a high school graduate. I was a dropout at her age. This is bittersweet. I wish all of you all the luck and patience in the world.

There are several of the teenage years that make you realize why some eat their young.

My oldest has progressed past that stage finally and amazingly enough I became smarter. Life is different for her and more and more of what I "preached" is now gospel so to speak.

Far too many judges are pompous, arrogant, clueless bastards. This black robed clown was pumping his worm while court was in session.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-08-1...

Taxed Out wrote:

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There are several of the teenage years that make you realize why some eat their young.
My oldest has progressed past that stage finally and amazingly enough I became smarter. Life is different for her and more and more of what I "preached" is now gospel so to speak.

It's great when they finally get a clue. I was hoping that mine wouldn't wait till she was thirty or so.
A guy I work with is 31, high school dropout, lazy, and still living with and off mom just signed up for the GED test. I've been telling him to do that for 10 years now. Something finally turned the lights on in his head. So sometimes it does take awhile but they eventually grow up.
Wish you continued success with yours.

Taxed Out wrote:

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It makes it difficult when the parent is trying to help out and the child knows the law. Whereas I know that is the law first hand, I don't necessarily agree with it totally.
If my child is brought to school and they decide to ditch after they are dropped off...I am accountable. You know?
I know there are many parents that just can't be bothered, but for those of us that do struggle to ensure our children do the right thing it can truly be an uphill battle at times.

Great point. That's why we're on the phone immediately after 2d period absences are turned in. Sometimes, 1st period is only a tardy by mistake. It must be documented nowadays that the parent was contacted to keep the school from being lible. But it also helps to have an old war horse JP who takes away their drivers license when their skipping school!!

I have a 20 year old mentally disabled son -- the younges of four. God knew what he was doing cuz if he were able to go about with his friend, with me being so old fashioned, he'd be dead. I just expected one thing of my kids and that was to finish high school. I didn't push college. There were no late nights till they were seniors, and then it was only on Fridays and Saturdays. Had to be home by 11:00. Of course, this was over 20 years ago (they're all in their 30's with the exception of the youngest). Had to know where and with whom they were with and God help them if they didn't do their chorse when they got home from school. Anyway, they all realized more than a h.s. diploma was needed and went on to further their education. As was state, you can only lead the horse to water. When he's thirsty enough, he'll drink.

Posting at the risk of being told I'm a bad parent, it's my fault, etc.

My middle child, daughter, started running away when she turned 13. I was devastated and scared to death. We would 'hold her accountable' every few months when she was eventually picked up by the police. She spent time at detention and I eventually had to ask the judge to incarcerate her, which he did, until she turned 18.(I paid for this, it cost as much each month as my mortgage) It was gut-wrenching to put her in the juvenile justice system, but she was gang raped, ran away to Compton CA, etc. while on the run and we were more afraid of her body being found in a ditch somewhere.

It was disheartening to learn during all of this that at the age of 13 in WA state, you have no right to your child's personal information, you cannot make them get mental health treatment (she is bipolar)- you basically cannot make them do anything,yet if they hurt someone or cause property damage, you are still responsible. It does seem out of balance to me.

She is now 19 and just got her GED.

My other 2 kids never had any of these types of problems. I've got a son in the Army and my youngest graduates next year.

Debra27 wrote:

Posting at the risk of being told I'm a bad parent, it's my fault, etc.
My middle child, daughter, started running away when she turned 13. I was devastated and scared to death. We would 'hold her accountable' every few months when she was eventually picked up by the police. She spent time at detention and I eventually had to ask the judge to incarcerate her, which he did, until she turned 18.(I paid for this, it cost as much each month as my mortgage) It was gut-wrenching to put her in the juvenile justice system, but she was gang raped, ran away to Compton CA, etc. while on the run and we were more afraid of her body being found in a ditch somewhere.
It was disheartening to learn during all of this that at the age of 13 in WA state, you have no right to your child's personal information, you cannot make them get mental health treatment (she is bipolar)- you basically cannot make them do anything,yet if they hurt someone or cause property damage, you are still responsible. It does seem out of balance to me.
She is now 19 and just got her GED.
My other 2 kids never had any of these types of problems. I've got a son in the Army and my youngest graduates next year.

God speed, ma'am. If we "suggest" a student might be bipolar, we are subject to lawsuit! A lot of very good teachers can spot it, but can't say anything. There are more and more treatments coming though. Hope all kids get some help.

Often times when analyzing behavioral issues it's easy to leap at the issue in front of us without looking at all the mitigating factors involved that brought both the parent and the child to where they are at.

I am a divorced parent and have dealt with the struggles of co-parenting a child with my former spouse. Regardless of the issues that she and I have, we've always worked...HARD...to keep focused on the needs of our son. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it takes both sets of parents (steps as well) involved, focused and both in accord as to what direction we feel the child should be lead and how to deal effectively with behavioral issues as they presented themselves. And YES...they did present themselves.

Consequences are controllable at an early age. When our son strayed from the proper and socially acceptable path we did NOT rescue him from the consequences of his actions. He was confronted with them and forced to begin building his reasoning skill set on how to deal with the issue as well as how to avoid future repeats of the issue. When he was young, we had full control over what those consequences were. As he grows older we lose that control because society starts imparting consequences. If dealt with at an early age the child can learn and grow. Shielding a child from the reprocussions and consequences denies them the much needed life skills they need to master before we relinquish our control and set them out on the world.

Dont get me wrong. Its hard work and often times hurtful emotionally. I genuinely believe that a loving, though strict up-bringing helped place my son where he is today. He was given no quarter by either my ex wife or myself...no refuge to hide himself from responsibility. He faced the same consequences at her home that he faced at mine. When one of us experienced an issue with his behavior the other parent was immediately notified and included in the remediation.

I can recommend a resource known as "Love and Logic". It aided both myself and my ex wife in formulating strategies to deal with the inevitable hiccups in beahvior that all children experience.

Austin wrote:

Often times when analyzing behavioral issues it's easy to leap at the issue in front of us without looking at all the mitigating factors involved that brought both the parent and the child to where they are at.
I am a divorced parent and have dealt with the struggles of co-parenting a child with my former spouse. Regardless of the issues that she and I have, we've always worked...HARD...to keep focused on the needs of our son. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it takes both sets of parents (steps as well) involved, focused and both in accord as to what direction we feel the child should be lead and how to deal effectively with behavioral issues as they presented themselves. And YES...they did present themselves.
Consequences are controllable at an early age. When our son strayed from the proper and socially acceptable path we did NOT rescue him from the consequences of his actions. He was confronted with them and forced to begin building his reasoning skill set on how to deal with the issue as well as how to avoid future repeats of the issue. When he was young, we had full control over what those consequences were. As he grows older we lose that control because society starts imparting consequences. If dealt with at an early age the child can learn and grow. Shielding a child from the reprocussions and consequences denies them the much needed life skills they need to master before we relinquish our control and set them out on the world.
Dont get me wrong. Its hard work and often times hurtful emotionally. I genuinely believe that a loving, though strict up-bringing helped place my son where he is today. He was given no quarter by either my ex wife or myself...no refuge to hide himself from responsibility. He faced the same consequences at her home that he faced at mine. When one of us experienced an issue with his behavior the other parent was immediately notified and included in the remediation.
I can recommend a resource known as "Love and Logic". It aided both myself and my ex wife in formulating strategies to deal with the inevitable hiccups in beahvior that all children experience.

Unfortunatly, not all divorced parents look at life like you do.

It is hard raising a child on your own, especially when the absent parent likes to just walk in on occasion and look like a hero.

I have always stuck to my guns with my children about the differences between right and wrong, as well as the consequences. I have been lucky and have only had very minor issues.