Relentless stalkers | The Columbus Dispatch

Misters Smith & Wesson could quickly fix Kristi's problem.

Bill, exactly!

To the Editor:
I take issue with Karen Days, who in this story, says there are very few licensed social workers who understand domestic violence issues. That may be her experience, but there are many licensed social workers and professional counselors who do understand the issues, including the justice system. I have worked with them and I am one of them. Maybe the system needs to advertise specifically for these positions and pay a fair wage.

Bill wrote:

Misters Smith & Wesson could quickly fix Kristi's problem.

IF she could get the drop on this guy. If not, she could wind up on the wrong end of her own gun. But, yeah, something needs to be done to make this dirtbag see the error of his ways.

You get something like six months for a 3rd DUI and we can;t or won't through these loser in jail???? I have to ask. Why doesn't this women move? Does she need help getting a new start somewhere far far away. These women must have no parental support.

Good article (series) these things need to be revealed. CPOs, TPOs, CSPOs are not ballistic vests. They don't work if the system is flawed.

In short, they say to police ~ the violator will be arrested, regardless of how much physical evidence or witness verification there is. Sadly, this rarely happens.

On the other hand - Allot and I mean allot of victims go back to the offender and the cycle refreshes.

Stalking is not about love, or admiration, or sex, or anything else but CONTROL. Those that take a strong stand on "day one" usually persevere.

Journey wrote:

Good article (series) these things need to be revealed. CPOs, TPOs, CSPOs are not ballistic vests. They don't work if the system is flawed.
In short, they say to police ~ the violator will be arrested, regardless of how much physical evidence or witness verification there is. Sadly, this rarely happens.
On the other hand - Allot and I mean allot of victims go back to the offender and the cycle refreshes.
Stalking is not about love, or admiration, or sex, or anything else but CONTROL. Those that take a strong stand on "day one" usually persevere.

Yes, too many abused stay with the abuser. Sadly, too many women have believe that they can change the abuser or don't understand that violence is not love. Even when women do want to leave, they don't know where to go or how to take care of themselves. They don't think they have a place to turn, which is terrible.

I served for three years (until a serious injury cut my career short) as a Paramedic with a Fire/Rescue unit. Sadly, I saw firsthand far too often the cycle described in the article: woman is beaten by her husband/boyfriend, she becomes angry (rightfully so) and seeks protection, he sweet talks her, making a tearful apology and saying "I'll change", woman drops the restraining order and/or declines to press charges, and the whole cycle starts over again.

In my personal experience, there was one case where either my unit or one of our other units responded to this scenario no less than six separate times. Then came the seventh, and the last: she was dead because her boyfriend had beaten her to death in a drunken rage.

Also, while I agree somewhat with C-bus-man's comment of "Why doesn't this woman move?" and I am not going to criticize the valid statement, it is often more difficult than that. For the record, I am not a stalker and have never been a stalker, but my experience has taught me much of how they work, and frankly, it is not that difficult to track down a person after they move (especially with the aid of the Internet).

Any one ever heard of GLOCK....that will teach him!

The resources devoted to combating domestic violence far far away outweigh the actual problem.

Laws should be changed to require prosecution when domestic violence is reported instead of allowing women to drop charges. Penalties for violating orders need to be tougher, as well.

Journey wrote:

Good article (series) these things need to be revealed. CPOs, TPOs, CSPOs are not ballistic vests. They don't work if the system is flawed.
In short, they say to police ~ the violator will be arrested, regardless of how much physical evidence or witness verification there is. Sadly, this rarely happens.
On the other hand - Allot and I mean allot of victims go back to the offender and the cycle refreshes.
Stalking is not about love, or admiration, or sex, or anything else but CONTROL. Those that take a strong stand on "day one" usually persevere.

Please do not confuse the court system's failure to sentence the violators to hefty jail terms with how the police respond to calls for service related to domestic violence and/or a violation of a protection order. Several years ago I wrote the Columbus Police Division's domestic violence directive, and can assure you the police have a "preferred arrest" policy concerning those matters. That means if an arrest is not made, the responding officer better be able to explain to his/her supervisors why the violator wasn't told to pack his toothbrush because he was going to be sleeping in new digs.

Psychologist Lenore Walker explained the phenomenon of women returning to their abusers. The cycle of violence includes a tension-building period lasting days to months, an acute incident of violence lasting hours to days, and the "honeymoon" period that can last days to weeks. In my experience as an advocate for battered women, most women don't recognize that cycle even though they are living it--they think they have done something wrong each time the violence happens. Also, a huge part of abusive relationships is psychological violence where the abuser tells the victim she is incompetent, ugly, no good, etc. The abuser frequently alienates the victim's family. The result of all this is that it is extremely difficult for victims to leave the abusive relationship (and even more so when there are children involved) since the victim may not believe she is able to leave and since she may have no familial support. Finally, women don't get into abusive relationships by choice but they also frequently don't recognize the signs of disrespect that always precede physical violence or they don't have the self-esteem to end the relationship when disrespect first begins to happen. The bottom line is that while a CPO is only a piece of paper, the least the criminal justice system can do is to enforce its own orders keeping in mind batterers are frequently relentless.

The S&W idea is great, but her daughter might be traumatized by it.

The solution to this problem is actually very simple.

Forget jails and prisons, we need to go back to the whip and the rope.

This is a war and the logic of war dictates that the longer the war continues, the more brutal the means which must be brought to bear in order to compel the capitulation of the aggressor.

In WWII, it was the slaughter of millions of German and Japanese civilians in fire-bombing raids led by Gen. Curtis LeMay. And proclaimed by FDR, the souls of Germany and Japan had to be scoured. Total war brings total peace.

Somebody beats the hell out of their wife, they get the hell beat out of them. They do it again, they get beat to death. If the woman objects, she gets told she has no say because she was the idiot who married him in the first place and it's now our problem to solve.

After a few brutes are whipped to death in front of large cheering crowds, with budding criminals forced to watch before their own whippings, this problem will largely disappear.

And maybe in the meantime, young women will learn to go to school, pursue their own careers, be self sufficient and be very, very picky about their men.

What total war against criminals cannot completely eliminate, natural selection ultimately will.

1.I have heard of police officers telling victims- protection orders will not do you any good because they are civil--NO- just a misnomer- a violation is a CRIMINAL OFFENSE- if law enforcement doesn't know and passes on incorrect information- we have more problems. 2. You don't have to "drop" the charges when the victim refuses to cooperate. It is just is really difficult to prosecute a case without a victim; however, that is what "evidence based prosecution" is all about. 3. The need for protection orders is on the rise but the state crime victim compensation program just cut the compensation a victim can be reimbursed to get assistance with obtaining an order -- remember it is not about paying the lawyers- it is about reimbursing the victim for the cost! 4. Why don't victims move? because they don't have money and there isn't any out there to help them. Ask the Attorney General's Office how many victims they help relocate? how long it takes to get for a claim to get processed and how long it takes for a victim to get help. Can these victims go to a shelter? Of course but they can't live there forever. Oh, and by the way, shelters are funded by the Attorney General's Office as well and if Senate Bill 77 passes, the fund will be bankrupt because no one put a funding provision outside of taking money from the victim's program-so no shelter and no crime victim compensation.
5. Many of the abusers are the sole income source- hence the cycle. Some state crime victim compensation statutes allow for reimbursement of the offender's lost wages so the victim and children can move on- not Ohio.
Great article. The writer " A crock" is right-simply not enough resources to stop such an overwhelming problem.

WOW, why am I having this conversation with a friend as i am reading this. Ohio has very flaexible gun laws. Not only should the victims file the orders and press the charges, but they need to take a self defense class to back it up. Depending on where you live, 911 or the police may not show up for a while, regardless,protect you and your family and home 1st....

Today, it's too easy to track anyone who runs, even to shelters...too much info available online, too many of the offenders friends willing to follow you, the victim. Too many PI's will do the hunting under their licenses - whether they know of a CPO or history is another matter. Use a debit card, and some PI will pick up where you got coffee that day, your groceries, your new patterns in 3 days, and the next 20 after that. You need to learn to go stealth and once moved, reinforce your home with the help of many free online sources or a professional overview. Don't tell everyone you know where you're going to live or go open shopping with known family members. That puts them in danger as well. Drop from the radar.
Armed with ample gun training and firing, personal defense classes offered all over, and as much anonymity as one can pull together quickly - there are classes and books aplenty to do that (one web site is: howtoliveinvisibly.com .)
You cannot count of the police for protection during an attack or break-in - they clean up afterwards and get you more forms to fill out then. And you need to be OUT of that toxic clutch with that person forever. No going back, no matter how many kids you have with them. Social services will help you patch the world together again, even if you have to quit your job. This is sheer survival, NOT reconciliation and romance.
CCW permit is necessary and the training to go along with it, if you have a clean record. You must be willing and prepared to kill anyone threatening you, or your children in your home, wherever that ends up being. And you must be very practiced at doing so before you have to...
Remember the movie "Enough"?
And remember Nicole Brown Simpson.

CPO - not worth the paper it's printed on. Shotgun under the bed offers more protection. Fell bad for Tiffany, but she failed to follow through 4 times?!? Cops and courts can't help you if you won't help yourself.

He's trespassing into her house, use the castle doctrine and blow his head off. She wakes up to see him standing in her bedroom, draw your weapon and fire...Mr .45 will put an end to this problem real quick

Make that the full web site address be this instead:

http://www.howtobeinvisible.com

or http://invisible-privacy.com