What money can buy...

Toker John's latest floozy was seen to be flopping around on the lawn last night like a fish out of water. She was in jail a few nights ago after having a knock-down, drag out, rock & roll party in the street with her old man. A restraining order issued by the courts will keep those two apart. While Toker John continues to offer a port for his stable of wayward lush, we can expect more entertainment funded by tax payers and entitlement programs that have enabled many idle hands. You may recall past episodes featuring luminaries such as Sot Beth, Carol the Transient, Luscious Pam the Psychotic Blackout Witch, and more. Despite a popular vote for family values, Toker John maintains fresh connections with his underground commerce and a history that predicts the future. With several casual humps under his belt, his oldest son is a murderous fugitive. Where he might be hiding out, no one knows. Another son is currently in jail on a rape charge and his youngest daughter who had plans to visit this summer has been caught in her own life managed with drugs and alcohol. She can write about her summer vacation while curtsying to the courts with re-hab, community service, and other particulars assigned by the judge. The other daughters are noted for pushing baby carriages and juggling vouchers from WIC, also known as the Single Mothers on Food Stamps program.