My Teen Verbally Abuses Me

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“Trying to Cope”

Since: Feb 09

Redwood City, CA

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#1
Feb 21, 2009
 

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So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.
concerned

Concord, CA

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#2
Feb 23, 2009
 

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You need to find a professional to speak with - you and your daughter. This is not meant to be harsh, but there is certainly something painful happening that needs to be addressed...
jmc

Hicksville, OH

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#3
Mar 9, 2009
 
i am in the same boat my son mentally abuses me all the time and seems to find joy in it he gets really physically any more also i am to the point of being fed up
LucysMom

Palo Alto, CA

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#4
Mar 11, 2009
 

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Depressed5675 wrote:
So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.
So, I'm sure everyone says it's going to get better- but I believe it will. First off, why is she calling you names? Clearly your daughter is really unhappy, and lashing out at you seems to give her some sort of vindication. I think you need to have a talk together- I know it's like adding salt to a wound, but something has got to give. I remember calling my mother names when I was about 15 and going through some rough times- but it was short-lived and she solved the issue by shipping me off to her aunt for a summer. I lived on a tiny houseboat with my elderly aunt and uncle and after two months, I swore I would never take my mother for granted ever again.... and I haven't.
Now, I'm not sure if you can go carting off your daughter to a relative to make her appreciate what she has- but perhaps giving her a dose of what life could be like without a loving mother would make things a bit better?
I can honestly say that I'm sorry for what you're experiencing, but if you have any faith in your mothering skills and all the good things you have instilled in her- just hang in there, something will make her turn around.
Perhaps she has too much time on her hands? Maybe a job would be a good way to learn some appreciation & respect? Or volunteering at a children's hospital, battered women's shelter? Something to make your daughter see that it's not okay to treat anyone the way she treats you.
Good luck!
Michelle

Bentleigh, Australia

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#5
Mar 14, 2009
 
My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???
Offroad Toy

Bend, OR

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#6
Mar 14, 2009
 

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Michelle wrote:
My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???
Wait for an apology from her. Let her think about it, she caused it, not you!
Jenna

Albuquerque, NM

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#7
Jul 27, 2009
 

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I am sorry for you, and know all to well how you feel. My 16 year old son abuses me everyday in the same ways. Everyday I wonder when is he going to snap. I wonder what did I do wrong etc. I divorced his father a long time ago and have been remarried to a great man for 15 years now. My son has even started calling him his step father. I think talking to a perfessional is the only way to go at this point. I know I am headed for a nervous break down. If you every want to chat here is my email erth_angl@comcast.net
Depressed5675 wrote:
So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.
Ellen

Sayreville, NJ

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#8
Sep 6, 2009
 

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Michelle wrote:
My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???
You do not deserve to be called harsh hames nor sworn at and although you reacted in a strong way - it is understandable. As a mom you love and have taken such good care of your daughter, Im sure. When teens do this, they know its wrong, you know its wrong, everyone knows its wrong - and I would stick to my guns on this and let her go her way and think about it, even if that means that it isnt easy for you. In fact, I think one of the worst things to do is when the abused tries to make ammends right away with the abuser. When she has cooled down - she should tap into her memory of her loving mom and how all you can have is one mom, so she certainly shouldnt abuse her like this. Im tired of hearing psychologists saying - try to find out whats wrong - Ill tell them whats wrong - they think its okay to spew their anger on people who they know love them, and they dont have to impress, and they wouldnt dare do it to others they are trying to impress. You and your husband need to go to some kind of counseling though - the problem lies with him too- your daughter is using you, him and the grandparents like a ping pong game. Whenever something gets a little tough, dad pulls her out and brings her to grandmas house?? What kind of message is that!
jjj4

Campbell, CA

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#9
Sep 10, 2009
 

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send your kids to boot camp
lisa

Johannesburg, South Africa

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#10
Sep 29, 2009
 
i have 3 daughters and they all have their days when they cheek me, but my eldest says the most unkind things to me, calls me names and is rude and impatient with me in public. She is 21 and graduated frm college a year ago yet she refuses to work. She hates my boyfriend of ten years and jala makes a point of letting hm know. Im at my wits end. She punishes me by leaving and staying with others. I nd help. Its making me very depressed
Unhappy Mother

AOL

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#11
Jan 13, 2010
 
I have a 14 year old step son who is very difficult to deal with. He doesn't care about school and currently flunking 5 out of 6 classes. All he wants to do is hangout, go online, play games and talk on the phone with his girlfriend all night long. He called me a fuckin bitch yesterday and broke two of his brother trophies out of anger beacuse I cut off his phone at 9pm so that he can study of his finals. He also told me that I am not his mom and for me to get the fuck out of his room. This is a child I helped raised for 12 years. What should I do? My husband is afraid of loosing him so he hasn't done much to discipline him.
fed up

Adelaide, Australia

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#12
Jan 24, 2010
 
i also have a 16 year old daughter who is very abusive ive had her in councelling for 2 years now and her behavious is getting worse my ex( her father) was and still is very abusive towards me (mentally now) and has destroyed my reputation beyond belief the biggest problem im having is i have rules and morals he goes against every decision i make on my children i say no he says yes to them, as he told me years ago when we broke up he would make sure my children hated me, so he buys there love with money. i have no family support and have just asked my daughter to leave if she doent want to live by my rules (my rules are not harsh)as she is so abusive that i am becoming so depressed. We will talk abt whats happeneing and she will say im sorry for how i treat you but if u say no of course im going to abuse u and go to dads as he will let me do anything i want even buying her alcohol to go to all night partys.the lastest incident was 2 days ago i had a call from the police to pick up my daughter as her and her father got into a physical altercation of pushing and shoving when i picked her up i told her the same story u have to abide by rules she said sure i will and said she understood she went to a friends house i had a curfew and she broke it by 12 hours to find she had gone to a party at a males home and stayed there and got drunk her father went and picked her up from a local mall and dropped her here i never answered the door as im sooooo angry and discusted by the lack of respect that i cant even look at her now she has now gone to her grandmothers (on the fathers side) who will reward her behaviour by taking her shopping for new clothes as they have done the same thing in the past i have reported this to her councellor and the police but they say unless they see it not alot they can do (shakes head). Im continually told to hang in there but am finding it impossible Im in the process of moving to a new state to get away from all the abuse from my ex and dont think i can take my daughter as i know ill end up ending it all as the abusive nature is never ending ( ive come from a very abusive home myself )and just need a relaxed life now the hardest thing im finding is as a parent i have limited rights where as the child has many and the law is in no way helpful in this situation so id like to know from anyone who has been in a similar situation how a positive outcome can be achieved as i love my daughter so much but cant take her abuse
abusivemomfl1158

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#13
Mar 8, 2010
 
my problem is w my 17 daughter, she has been abusing me mental and physically, hits me, gets in my face calls me many names,tells me her deadbeat dad is a better parents then I have ever been in 10 years, told me I would be better dead. threatend me many times. I dont eat food or drinks in my house when I do I get sick. I have called police alot. She spent 3 days in Juvie hall. and released to me for more abuse to me... WHy? where in St Pete florida can I get help for me or can I throw her butt out. X hubby could care less, he sees her 1 time in 4 months I need help really bad and FAST before she kills me I am scared to sleep at nite
just a note

Yuba City, CA

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#14
Mar 13, 2010
 
Depressed5675 wrote:
So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.
This is a sad feeling for you. It does bring you down to unbelievable depression. You say you try to not react and maybe she doesn't think it means much to you. I am not saying to react during her abuse (at the time it happens) but to talk with her about it after she calms down and make sure she knows that it is hurting you very much and find out ask her direct questions as to why she is verbally abusive to you. Talk, talk and talk and ask those questions directly. What are you feeling? Do you want to live here with me? Are you having problems at school? etc. etc....Professional help will do both of you good...don't wait any longer because it may only get worse if you cannot reach her. She may have noticed how your ex husband treated you and I know that some of us gals take it quietly so we don't cause a scene in front of our children and it is taken by the child as an ok way to behave.
just a note

Yuba City, CA

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#15
Mar 13, 2010
 
abusivemomfl1158 wrote:
my problem is w my 17 daughter, she has been abusing me mental and physically, hits me, gets in my face calls me many names,tells me her deadbeat dad is a better parents then I have ever been in 10 years, told me I would be better dead. threatend me many times. I dont eat food or drinks in my house when I do I get sick. I have called police alot. She spent 3 days in Juvie hall. and released to me for more abuse to me... WHy? where in St Pete florida can I get help for me or can I throw her butt out. X hubby could care less, he sees her 1 time in 4 months I need help really bad and FAST before she kills me I am scared to sleep at nite
I know that you would like to give up but don't. Get professional help for yourself if she does not want to go with you. Don't wait. I know...my friend had to put locks on her bedroom door and kept a key with her at all times...it can be terrible.
Sadmom

Bronx, NY

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#16
Mar 18, 2010
 
My 13yr old son has been so defiant I can be a push over and only punish him for a day bit since He does what he wants and doesn't listen I have tried to b a little more strict. This morning I woke him up for shook and he acted like he was getting ready but went back to bed. I made him get up and under his breath he called me a bitch. I yelled at him and told him that was so wrong. His father and I have never been married and I am remarried now with 2 smaller children and his twin brother. His brother behaves and doesn't give me a hard time. It is so hard I don't know what to do to get respect from him. My heart just wants to break but I know he needs discipline but he keeps lashing out everytime I tell him to do something.
sadmom76

Lincoln, NE

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#17
Apr 8, 2010
 
My 15 year old daughter was blood curdling screaming in my face along with spitting. She then starts attacking me dug her claws into my forearms and she kicks me in my stomach, we fall on the couch where she starts pulling my hair and calling me slut and whore. Some how she managed to kick me 2 more times in stomach and more name calling. This is not like her the attacking any way. I need help any suggestions
abusivemomfl1158

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#18
Apr 9, 2010
 

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What is this world coming to? Our Kids run our lives and abuse us. Can you imagine what our parents would have DONE to us if we even said NO to taking out the Trash. Long enough say F U to them... I know I would not be here now. Sooo WHY do our KIDS do this to US and we let them get away with it? Any ideas? I was in ER for chest pains this week and my kid texted me and said Maybe I'll get my wish. That I would die
Talk about more upsetting.. oo I meant to make my name ABUSEDMOM1158 opps lol
nick

Redwood City, CA

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#19
Apr 16, 2010
 

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you ppl have no respect from your kids. I am 26 years old. If ida done any of that dumb shit I woulda:

1) gotten my ass beat up until the age of 12

2) had my probation officer called on me or gotten kicked out and forced to fend for myself.

3) gotten my stuff taken away

4) gotten grounded

You all seem to have lost respect & control of your being a parent. Be assertive, firm and consistent. Take away privileged and stuff. Have you all lost your backbones? Have fun with it and just think of all of the punishments you can come up with. The ones that seem over the top may be the ridiculous action necessary to take control of the reins again. Your a parent, not the friend.
nick

Redwood City, CA

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#20
Apr 16, 2010
 
Unhappy Mother wrote:
I have a 14 year old step son who is very difficult to deal with. He doesn't care about school and currently flunking 5 out of 6 classes. All he wants to do is hangout, go online, play games and talk on the phone with his girlfriend all night long. He called me a fuckin bitch yesterday and broke two of his brother trophies out of anger beacuse I cut off his phone at 9pm so that he can study of his finals. He also told me that I am not his mom and for me to get the fuck out of his room. This is a child I helped raised for 12 years. What should I do? My husband is afraid of loosing him so he hasn't done much to discipline him.
1) You take away all of his stupid little gadgets that he did not buy (most likely) since he has not earned these things, why should he have them...sense of entitlement=not good

2) The father has to be one with you and you one with he.

3) hold your ground, if he is under 18 then he can get into trouble for being a runaway. Probation was a big help to keep me in line somewhat. He will be less inclined to snap at you guys when you both talk to a probation officer regularly.

4) Throw the TV at him. That'll shut him up. Maybe dad needs to get into shape and give him an old fashion front-room ass whoopin. Start doing push-ups...teens can be strong for they're size.

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