No control over teen

So, I'm curious what parents are supposed to do with a kid they have no control over? Kid tried skipping shool, got ticket for it - got grounded. Not even trying in school - making him sit every night to study and he doesn't even care. Now I've found out he was smoking at bus stop. Kid is 14 and I've been beating my head against the wall.

Where do parents turn to get control?

My dearest friend had this same problem, so I can tell you what doesn't work. Not seeking professional help will definitely insure that the problem will get worse. Thinking that you can discipline your child into better behavior will not work, whether it is constructive discipline or corporal punishment, it will not work. My friend's husband was determined that money would not be spent to work on their child's problem, and guess what, the kid is now twenty-five, in and out of drug rehab (too late) and in and out of jail, and they have spent a fortune after the fact, when, if they had used the very excellent insurance the husband had through his employer, they could have spent a fraction of that money at the time when change was still achievable. Now their son is completely unemployable and they are stuck with him and his bad behavior forever in between his incarcerations. Seek professional help.

Thanks for not being hard on me. I'm tryi and at my wits end. We've seen a phych a few times since October. Trying different meds for ADHD, no other diagnosis since 7. I'll set up more appts.

Something's got to give. I don't want to see my kid give up and end up in jail.

Your kid is bored. You can't medicate boredom. But doctors will try to medicate if they have medication to give.

He needs someone to talk to that he can trust, who will help him identify some goals and give him some direction. Like a life coach. You might also consider getting him into some activities that will improve his self esteem. Like weight training, surfing, sailing, shooting ( really) or swimming. These will absorb his mind and energy and he will meet lots of good people. And drinking and drugging gets in the way, so he will avoid them.

You didn't mention, but I'm guessing you are Mom. He needs a positive male role model to look up to and to learn from, who will teach him responsibility, by example. As his parent, this is your responsibility.

Yes, I'm mom. His dad and my fiancé have both tried to steer him in positive directions. Actions vs consequences etc. Taking them to Disney or car shows bc that's what he loves...

I think he is bored, to an extent but on the other he has no concern over his actions. Burning crayons in the kitchen in the few mins after school I'm not home for an example...

The few activities he's started he quit bc it took an effort. I'll put more thought into that idea. Something that might get him interested.

RBCheney wrote:

Your kid is bored. You can't medicate boredom. But doctors will try to medicate if they have medication to give.

AND... for God's sake... PLEASE don't medicate him with prescription medication.

LISTEN TO ME!!!!

Give your kid a marijuana brownie every morning before school.

His entire life will change for the better... right before your eyes.

It takes just a pinch of cleaned weed for each brownie.

You don't want him getting stoned to the bone... you're just aiming for a medicinal dose.

It does wonders for "ADHD"... which is a made up diagnosis for children who have trouble coping with our artificial environment.

Years ago... children used up all their energy doing chores and working so their families could survive.

Today's children sit all day in school... then go home and sit in front of the tv or play video games.

Try the Marijuana... but don't talk about it to anyone else.

People can be nosy.

The right prescription medicine works wonders if it truly is ADD or ADHD. Most of these kids that have it and their parents resist end up smoking grass on their own to chill themselves out.

LProud wrote:

The right prescription medicine works wonders if it truly is ADD or ADHD. Most of these kids that have it and their parents resist end up smoking grass on their own to chill themselves out.

Prescription medications only POISON your body!!!

Big pharmacy PAYS the medical schools who teach doctors to prescribe their medications!!!

It is TOTALLY irresponsible to fill your children's bodies with artificial chemicals!!!

MILLIONS of people die every year as a direct result of taking pharmaceuticals!!!!

JUST SAY, "NO!".

Upset parent wrote:

So, I'm curious what parents are supposed to do with a kid they have no control over? Kid tried skipping shool, got ticket for it - got grounded. Not even trying in school - making him sit every night to study and he doesn't even care. Now I've found out he was smoking at bus stop. Kid is 14 and I've been beating my head against the wall.
Where do parents turn to get control?

Only Jesus can solve this problem. You need to solve your own problem first. Stop living in adultery and get saved. Jesus Christ came into the world to show us what God is like and tell us how to live.
Jesus is a 100% cure for the kid and you.

do not laugh wrote:

<quoted text>
Only Jesus can solve this problem. You need to solve your own problem first. Stop living in adultery and get saved. Jesus Christ came into the world to show us what God is like and tell us how to live.
Jesus is a 100% cure for the kid and you.

Hahahahahahahaha! Can't help it, that's funny. Jesus cured all those guys in prison too.

OP, do the right thing and get legitimate, professional help for your son. Talk to your school counselors. They can direct you to a legitimate therapist for both of you. Get his dad in there too.

As a mother to a child with ADHD who is very active outside of school. Plays video games and watches TV only occasionally. You apparently have absoluteyly no experience with ADHD! Made up diagnosis? And pray tell me what medical school you went to! You and people like you make me soo mad!! When you are a parent of a child with a learning disability, which that is, then you can talk. You have no idea how hard of a decision it is to medicate your child. But whe you have exhausted EVERY other possibility, from behaviour modification, to rewards to punishments to who knows what else and when all else fails and you conceed to try the lowest dose of medication you possibly can, and you have a dr. that is not pushing it you see what works. And your reward is when your child comes to you and says "Mom I can focus now. I feel much better." And is now getting excellent conduct marks in school and much better grades. And you are suggesting creating MORE problems by wanting to put our kids on drugs!! Have you never heard the term gateway drug? You are an absolute moron!

Who's to accuse me of not being saved. Seriously?
Idiots such as Heavy always have ignorant responses.

I've sought the 'schools help'- with no help.
I've sought help from a psychiatrist - who is helping with different meds, along with therapy and behaviour mod. It's been a while since he's seen the dr.

It is exhausting to see a good hearted kid make bad decisions or not even care.

Thanks for always screwing up a thread. Maybe that's why people turn to FB to lower the amount ignorant replies.

Heavy you are an idiot wrote:

As a mother to a child with ADHD who is very active outside of school. Plays video games and watches TV only occasionally. You apparently have absoluteyly no experience with ADHD! Made up diagnosis? And pray tell me what medical school you went to! You and people like you make me soo mad!! When you are a parent of a child with a learning disability, which that is, then you can talk. You have no idea how hard of a decision it is to medicate your child. But whe you have exhausted EVERY other possibility, from behaviour modification, to rewards to punishments to who knows what else and when all else fails and you conceed to try the lowest dose of medication you possibly can, and you have a dr. that is not pushing it you see what works. And your reward is when your child comes to you and says "Mom I can focus now. I feel much better." And is now getting excellent conduct marks in school and much better grades. And you are suggesting creating MORE problems by wanting to put our kids on drugs!! Have you never heard the term gateway drug? You are an absolute moron!

Ummm... I speak from FIRST HAND experience!!!

Where do YOU get YOUR information from???

Doctors educated by pharmaceutical companies????

Why do you continue to put your faith into a system that continuously lies to you????

They care NOTHING about you... or your child.

There is NOTHING wrong with your children!!!!

It's this SYSTEM we live in!!!!

It is un-natural and causes stress!!!

Do NOT medicate your children so they can deal with this madness!!!

END THE MADNESS!!!!!

I hate to say this, but you might be the cause of the problem. Many kids reject a change in the mother-father relationship by acting out and rebelling. I don't know what your situation was, but in my case the kid was wanting to cause a wedge between us.

You can handle this in three ways (perhaps more). One is to ignore the problem. It will eventually cure itself, but the downside effects will be life long.

Another is to actively seek help for the kid with professional help. If the kids objective is to reject you, this won't work, if you let it.

Another is to give the problem to your fiance, and make him make a choice, the kid or you.

Finally, just leave. That will make you fiance miserable, but it might help the kid.

Let's not get distracted with Heavy Fed. He is lonely and wants to be the center of the conversation. He has a daughter they say he has nothing to do with, so he has no place in their conversation. Don't get distracted.

He didn't raise his child or take responsibility, so he has no place in the conversation. He has mommy issues. His mom was a big him on the ice house circuit if you know what I mean, so now he is a lifelong bachelor. Ignore him.

TBL wrote:

Ignore him.

Yep... you've been doing SUCH a good job of that... for YEARS.

LOL

Turn to God - not saying you are a bad person, not saying your problems will disappear, but for your own sake and sanity turn to God - I've been where you are! My situation hasn't changed much, but the way I react/handle it, etc has never been better. Good Luck.

imo wrote:

Turn to God - not saying you are a bad person, not saying your problems will disappear, but for your own sake and sanity turn to God - I've been where you are! My situation hasn't changed much, but the way I react/handle it, etc has never been better. Good Luck.

As I mentioned before, there are lots of saved souls in prison. Get the kid some real help and leave the religious nuts to their love-fests.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/ca...

Interesting article on child psychopathy. Probably not OPs problem, but a good read.