It has been almost a year since we broke up, and the nights are growing longer without you. I never thought I would actually lose you. You were the most important thing in my life, and I let you slip away. We were together for 2 1/2 years.. You watched me grow up, and I watched you grow a little older. You knew me better than anyone, and the actual me. I'm so sorry that I have really bad anger problems.. I'm sorry I'm so flawed. You use to love everything about me, but everything has changed. You have someone knew, you have the family you always wanted. I hope she loves you more than anything, because I know she can never love you as much as I did. No one will ever love you like I did. In my eyes, you were the most beautifulest girl I had ever laid eyes on, you were the smartest, and the meanest. After all this time I have finally realized that you are exactly like me. I honestly played the victim for so long... Acting like you were the only psycho one, or the only one that was ever mean, but I truly know that you were only that way because I was. You put up with all of my shit; everything bad. I love you with all my heart, SRW.. And I'm sorry, so sorry that I do. I seriously tried to move on from you, but I just can't.. I believe that your first love is your true love, and you were my first. I've had other great people in my life that I could've loved, but I just can't. I tried, but my heart wouldn't let me. I think about you every single day, every single minute.. When we broke up officially, a piece of me died, and ever since that day more, and more pieces have died.. My memories of you are more like perfect dreams now, like some life I wish I had. All those days and nights seem so far away..
I've spent my last three birthdays with you, and this will be my first for you not to be there.. You're so distant now, and you're fading away slowly.. Pretty soon you'll only be a dream and long lost memory.. You're my anchor, and always will be. Here or there, forever and a day, I promise. Though, as of now you're more like "the anchor to my sea of agony." I've also been dreaming about you.. Well, the other night I had 3 dreams about you back-to-back, and in them we got back together, and you looked so happy.. I write this as if you'll ever be able to read this, but you won't.. Oh how I wish you could..
I've apologized to you so many times that I probably sound like a broken record, but I am utterly sorry.. so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, and I did.. I was young and stupid.. I knew I loved you, I just didn't know what I had until you were gone. I dream of the day you text me or randomly show up at my house and want me back.. I pretty much live in a fantasy world. I can't go anywhere without thinking of you, or reminisce on a memory we've had at that place, because everywhere I go, we went together. I can't even go to Bradley's baseball games because we use to go together. I can never love like I loved you, and I miss you more than I could ever miss anyone.. I need you in my life some way.. Even if we aren't together, I need you in my life.. I love you, SRW.. forever and a day.
Leo
