Ciambrone must choose next step

Hello Kevin and Old Challenger glad to see you are still posting and trying to share knowledge and searching for more information! Computers been down for awhile! Kevin have you spoken to Joe lately???

Dear Kevin,
I went back and read all of your posts. You are right on the money as far as the information about Reactive Attachment Disorder goes. The trouble is, it takes a very intelligent person to understand this disorder and you my friend were trying to explain a very complex disorder to idiots. I don’t mean everyone that posted or commented but particularly those immature girls early on. That's how the State won it's case, it was simple, fill the jury with simpletons!
Living with a child with this disorder is simply a nightmare and especially if you don't have therapist that understand the complexities of this illness.
May God bless you for trying to shine a light on something that has been ignored for too long in this country. People wonder how serial killers and the like are created. The truth is, early abuse and neglect are the cause in many of these cases. Not that the Ciambrone’s are without blame, as they had to have some serious issues to let this get this far out of hand that this child is dead. Would you not agree?

I agree! As one that has had dealings with the system and understands the immense ramifications of parenting a child with severe attachment issues. Kevin was right on!

This person has the right idea.

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I know that this is a HUGE dream, but since it has been a personal dream of mine for a long time now… I’m going to go ahead and wish it out loud here to see if anyone here is in a position to help me in any way.

My dream is to obtain some free land so that I can open a FREE SAFE HAVEN for children and families living with Reactive Attachment Disorder (mostly adopted children) to retreat to when life is going really poorly and the family is not feeling safe in their own homes anymore. Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) have no conscience and are at risk of spending their adult years in prison if somebody doesn’t do something to try to reach them. Their best chance of survival is to get through the rest of their childhood without having another disruption in placement, so that they can see that SOMEBODY does love them unconditionally, and feels as if they are worth fighting for. Unfortunately, parents of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder get exhausted trying to parent these difficult children… and when the parents get tired, the children often rage a war of sorts on the entire family in order to gain more control.

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Children with RAD are often survivors of extreme physical and sexual abuse in their earlier years (in their birth-homes) and they are TERRIFIED to let their new families get close to them, for fear of being hurt once again. The closer the adoptive parent tries to get to these children, the more the child physically fights. RAD parents are often hit, kicked, bit, scratched, and spit on for attempting any type of physical closeness with their child. Many of these children get angry and rage, smashing walls, doors, and windows right out of the house. Some of these children even smear feces on family members to make them angry and to desperately attempt to push them away. Far too many of these children hurt small children and kill small animals if left unattended. To make things even worse for these families, many children with RAD can also be superficially charming around relatives, teachers, caseworkers, and even strangers… leading outsiders to believe that the parents are the ones with the problem and not the child. These parents need to be surrounded by other RAD parents who understand, and they need frequent breaks from the daily fights and breakage in their homes to survive raising these difficult children.

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My dream is to obtain the above property. This property is VERY rustic, and it should be... so that HOME always looks much better to these children. Our families would be washing and drying laundry and dishes the old fashioned way, growing their own food, and cooking outside on an open fire. This Safe Haven would be open three seasons out of the year and would be FREE to all RAD families who can travel to come to stay with us when they are in trouble… and needing the support of other RAD families.

The optimal outcome of creating such a place would be that HOPEFULLY these parents will go back home feeling a little more rested (because these children are superficially charming and will not usually rage a battle against their family members in the presence of outsiders,) and that the children would go home appreciating HOME and all of the modern conveniences that go along with being there (hot showers, microwave ovens, electronics, and flush toilets.)

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Our success would be measured in how busy we are at this Safe Haven. I have already watched far too many of our families disrupting adoptions and it saddens me… for the entire family as well as for the RAD child. So, to me… a busy Safe Haven would mean that my project is a complete success. If the families are coming back, that would mean that the child is still in their home… and that their parents are still TRYING to connect with them somehow.

My idea for this Safe Haven addresses FAMILY UNITY and TRUST ISSUES. We need to educate these parents more about RAD, so that they will learn that every day MUST be a new day with these children. In order for these families to survive… these parents are going to have to learn to forgive and forget and still continue to show affection to this child who often hurts them and sees them as THE ENEMY. These parents will have to be taught to play with these children, laugh with these children, and to keep TRYING to make more happy memories to outweigh all of the bad/sad ones. If we can get these families working and playing together as a team, the stress level in these families should be greatly reduced, which should also cut down on the risk of these children and parents being physically hurt during the really intense battles.

The children will benefit the most in the long run because their quality of life should greatly improve once they learn that they can trust their parents to always keep them safe, regardless of their behaviors. But the families will also benefit because as the child’s life gets easier, the quality of life for the entire family should also improve. If the child doesn’t have to leave the family unit for extended periods of time, the child’s chances of bonding with the family is also greater. The States should benefit some because they could refer troubled families to our Free Safe Haven, which would hopefully cut down on the cost of paying to send children into residential treatment facilities, and later... into our prison system. And lastly, my heart will benefit from being allowed the opportunity to do a little more good in this world.

Sometimes I would just drive around the West Michigan area looking at all of the vacant land… and I would wonder who owned it. Sometimes I would pull over to the side of the road and dream that someone would be kind enough to just give me 5 or 10 acres of their land so that I could attempt to do a little more good in this world. Then I found this property... and I thought, "This is the place!"

Today… I am putting it out there to the world.

Today... I am reaching out to see if there is some kind person out there who might be willing to buy this property... and just give it to us... so that we can continue to give to others.

Today… I am begging someone to help me get this project up and moving.

Kelly wrote:

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Children with RAD are often survivors of extreme physical and sexual abuse in their earlier years (in their birth-homes) and they are TERRIFIED to let their new families get close to them, for fear of being hurt once again. The closer the adoptive parent tries to get to these children, the more the child physically fights. RAD parents are often hit, kicked, bit, scratched, and spit on for attempting any type of physical closeness with their child. Many of these children get angry and rage, smashing walls, doors, and windows right out of the house. Some of these children even smear feces on family members to make them angry and to desperately attempt to push them away. Far too many of these children hurt small children and kill small animals if left unattended. To make things even worse for these families, many children with RAD can also be superficially charming around relatives, teachers, caseworkers, and even strangers… leading outsiders to believe that the parents are the ones with the problem and not the child. These parents need to be surrounded by other RAD parents who understand, and they need frequent breaks from the daily fights and breakage in their homes to survive raising these difficult children.

All I was ever trying to do was explain why the Ciambrone's ended up like they did.... The above posts explains beautifully why our entire community (by not understanding Lucas illness) contributed to the destruction of this family. I'm not saying this as an excuse to get anyone off or anything else but in truth as to what really happened in that home... I knew Joe and he would have never intentionally harmed anyone.... This case will always haunt me...