Alcoholism

Help. Someone I love is an alcoholic, and they refuse to quit. What am I supposed to do? I love then very much, but I don't want to live that way. At the same time, I don't want to lose them.

its very hard to love an alcoholic that doesnt want to quit, i am also in love with one and they say they want to stop but they never do. I have offered to go with them to get help but until they decide to quit you gotta ask yourself if the pain of watching them tear not only their world apart but also yours is truly worth it. I pray for you whoever you are it is very hard, i know.

ive been married to an alcoholic for 6 years. It really is tough, as hard as it is, focus on yourself and not them, go to an alanon meeting, they help, they really do. I used to think it was so unfair when people told me i should go to them, bc helloooo im not the one with the problem, but in fact, alcoholism is a family disease and in alot of ways i became sicker than him.i mean, i was crazy how i tried to control it, i knew i couldnt yet i still tried to anyways.they do have to stop and want to on their on, my husband has been sober for six months now, so dont lose hope, you can love an alcoholic but it isnt easy. I almost left so many times bc i hated living that way, but the awesome thing is you dont have to, go to ALANON! and not just one or two meetings, go as much as possible. it works if you work it. and maybe when they see you are helping yourself they will do the same. your in my prayers!

hurtin wrote:

Help. Someone I love is an alcoholic, and they refuse to quit. What am I supposed to do? I love then very much, but I don't want to live that way. At the same time, I don't want to lose them.

Leave them. No one will stop until they are finished and you leaving may or may not help them get to a point where they want to stop. If you stay, you are only enabling them.

me too wrote:

its very hard to love an alcoholic that doesnt want to quit, i am also in love with one and they say they want to stop but they never do. I have offered to go with them to get help but until they decide to quit you gotta ask yourself if the pain of watching them tear not only their world apart but also yours is truly worth it. I pray for you whoever you are it is very hard, i know.

Thank you.:( I pray for you too.

been there wrote:

ive been married to an alcoholic for 6 years. It really is tough, as hard as it is, focus on yourself and not them, go to an alanon meeting, they help, they really do. I used to think it was so unfair when people told me i should go to them, bc helloooo im not the one with the problem, but in fact, alcoholism is a family disease and in alot of ways i became sicker than him.i mean, i was crazy how i tried to control it, i knew i couldnt yet i still tried to anyways.they do have to stop and want to on their on, my husband has been sober for six months now, so dont lose hope, you can love an alcoholic but it isnt easy. I almost left so many times bc i hated living that way, but the awesome thing is you dont have to, go to ALANON! and not just one or two meetings, go as much as possible. it works if you work it. and maybe when they see you are helping yourself they will do the same. your in my prayers!

I really need to go to alanon. Thank you for the suggestion

rainbow brite wrote:

<quoted text>Leave them. No one will stop until they are finished and you leaving may or may not help them get to a point where they want to stop. If you stay, you are only enabling them.

I know. I am enabling them by not standing firm on the fact that they have to quit if they are going to be in my life.

The only way an alcoholic will ever quit is when the suffering gets bad enough. I quit because I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Staying with a drunk will only keep them sick. Some people will never quit until they die. Very sad, but true.

Leave if you can. Sometimes we just can't bring ourselves to leave, in which case we have to stop enabling them and learn to love them without letting them affect our lives. Alanon is great. Helps a lot. If you can't or don't want to go, a lot of their literature is available online, as is the Big Book, AA's guide to sobriety. You can read it for free online, and you should read the section "to wives", as it would apply to you whether you're actually married or not.

been there wrote:

Leave if you can. Sometimes we just can't bring ourselves to leave, in which case we have to stop enabling them and learn to love them without letting them affect our lives. Alanon is great. Helps a lot. If you can't or don't want to go, a lot of their literature is available online, as is the Big Book, AA's guide to sobriety. You can read it for free online, and you should read the section "to wives", as it would apply to you whether you're actually married or not.

Not the same as the previous been there poster! Sorry, didn't mean to steal your username!:)

been there wrote:

Leave if you can. Sometimes we just can't bring ourselves to leave, in which case we have to stop enabling them and learn to love them without letting them affect our lives. Alanon is great. Helps a lot. If you can't or don't want to go, a lot of their literature is available online, as is the Big Book, AA's guide to sobriety. You can read it for free online, and you should read the section "to wives", as it would apply to you whether you're actually married or not.

Thank you. I need Alanon. I'm going to check it out for sure. I really appreciate the input

I have a drinking problem, I admit. But now I have no choice but to stop. Found out I'm pregnant.

alone wrote:

I have a drinking problem, I admit. But now I have no choice but to stop. Found out I'm pregnant.

It's hard to do alone. possible DT's. How do you plan to do it? Willpower alone makes for a white-knuckle ride.

I've been clean for years now. I know it's hard to stop.

I was a drunk for a long time my wife left me i ended up in jail and it still took a while to beat the addiction but i know if i didnt lose everything it would have never gave me the will power to quit

hurtin wrote:

<quoted text>
Thank you. I need Alanon. I'm going to check it out for sure. I really appreciate the input

Don't!!! What ever you do, don't join Alanon------It a part of AA, and AA is a CULT!!!

well i made the choice to leave, i cannot take the pain anymore. it hurts very bad and i have begged all i can he says he wants to stop but he keeps stopping at the liquor store so i had to stop watching it. I love him dearly but until he loves himself i had to walk away. i pray for those of you who suffer from anyones disease but there is help out there.

torn wrote:

well i made the choice to leave, i cannot take the pain anymore. it hurts very bad and i have begged all i can he says he wants to stop but he keeps stopping at the liquor store so i had to stop watching it. I love him dearly but until he loves himself i had to walk away. i pray for those of you who suffer from anyones disease but there is help out there.

It isn't a hopeless disease. I quit drinking many years ago. I am sorry you are suffering. I hope if your husband or boyfriend will not quit that God puts someone in your life that will be what you need and deserve. All people deserve happiness and need to stop allowing other people to hold them hostage with their self destructive behavior.

The best books I ever read on addiction/alcoholism are written by dr. Abraham Twerski. I highly recommend them these books for the alcoholic/addict or a family member trying to understand addiction/alcoholism.

I don't go to alanon anymore, but I went for a while, and it really helped me be able to have a normal life, in spite of my husband's drinking. I also attended AA meetings as support for my husband quite frequently, and honestly, going to AA meetings helped me even more than Alanon did. I learned so many things there that I could apply to my life, even though I never have been much of a drinker. The 12 steps are something that almost everyone can apply to their lives. It's a good program if you work it. I definately never got the impression that it was a cult or anything. They were usually pretty careful to keep it non-religious in the groups I went to.