Novato Special Response Team Activated to Arrest Parolee

These guys, if they ever show up at RICKY RATS' rat hole, requesting that he "just come out and talk to us" (RIGHT. Talk to us while you're in handcuffs and being patted down) are in for a rude awakening. Because RICKY RATS' doormat says "Come Back With A Warrant". That thing's pretty handy. There's no telling how many times the cops have come up to RICKY RATS' door, saw that, and just turned around and left...

RICKY RAT wrote:

RICKY RATS' doormat says "Come Back With A Warrant".

$19.95 on the Doormat Web Site. You can also get one that says "Wipe Your Paws". For dog people.

"Welcome" is pretty lame. Cause, a lot of people, like that Kirby vacuum salesman who came a'knockin the other day, aint that "wecome"...

And I tell him that I've already got a vacuum, and he's like "OH, PERFECT!!", part of his prearranged speal. No, that's not really "perfect". What would be "perfect" for him would be if I had no vacuum and my carpet was covered with like two inches of dirt...

RICKY RAT wrote:

And I tell him that I've already got a vacuum, and he's like "OH, PERFECT!!", part of his prearranged speal. No, that's not really "perfect". What would be "perfect" for him would be if I had no vacuum and my carpet was covered with like two inches of dirt...

You would'nt need a vacuum, You'd need a plow.

Commander Bunny wrote:

<quoted text>You would'nt need a vacuum, You'd need a plow.

Yeah. And I could grow corn. And wheat. And artichokes, strawberries, honeydew melons...

RICKY RAT wrote:

<quoted text>Yeah. And I could grow corn. And wheat. And artichokes, strawberries, honeydew melons...

Why not?
You got all the illegal workers You'll need to crop those fields livin' right next door.

Commander Bunny wrote:

<quoted text>Why not?
You got all the illegal workers You'll need to crop those fields livin' right next door.

Would I need to buy them lunch? Cause, I have to admit, one time I DID go down to Olive and grabbed three of em. For a little work that I couldn't find three white guys to help me with. And the ringleader of the three, who at around 4'10" was also the biggest, was telling me it was customary to furnish them with lunch...

RICKY RAT wrote:

<quoted text>Would I need to buy them lunch? Cause, I have to admit, one time I DID go down to Olive and grabbed three of em. For a little work that I couldn't find three white guys to help me with. And the ringleader of the three, who at around 4'10" was also the biggest, was telling me it was customary to furnish them with lunch...

True story. And I DID furnish them with lunch. Because I wasn't about to have three piszed off, hungry Mexicans working for me...

You're an enabler, a scourge to all Rodentry.
You really should have posted the ad on craigslist.

Boo-hiss sez the Bunny.

Aunt Bea would would be quite ashame of You young rodent.

Commander Bunny wrote:

You're an enabler, a scourge to all Rodentry.
You really should have posted the ad on craigslist.

But I REALLY DID try and find some white dudes. I drove around, and saw a number of them holding signs that said "Need work", "Will work for food", etc. And you know what? THAT'S A BUNCH OF BULL CRAP!! NONE OF THEM, WHEN I OFFERED, HAD ANY DESIRE TO DO ANY WORK!!! THEY SAID IT WAS MUCH EASIER JUST TO HOLD A SIGN UP!! AND PEOPLE WOULD GIVE THEM MONEY!! FOR NOT WORKING!!!

And here's a piece of advice I'd give to panhandlers who approach people asking them for money: Instead of saying "Hey, you got 50 cents you can spare?" say "Hey, you got 40 bucks you can spare". You're not going to get it unless you ask for it...

RICKY RAT wrote:

And here's a piece of advice I'd give to panhandlers who approach people asking them for money: Instead of saying "Hey, you got 50 cents you can spare?" say "Hey, you got 40 bucks you can spare?". You're not going to get it unless you ask for it...

I forgot that question mark. Read it now.

RICKY RAT wrote:

<quoted text>But I REALLY DID try and find some white dudes. I drove around, and saw a number of them holding signs that said "Need work", "Will work for food", etc. And you know what? THAT'S A BUNCH OF BULL CRAP!! NONE OF THEM, WHEN I OFFERED, HAD ANY DESIRE TO DO ANY WORK!!! THEY SAID IT WAS MUCH EASIER JUST TO HOLD A SIGN UP!! AND PEOPLE WOULD GIVE THEM MONEY!! FOR NOT WORKING!!!

OK, I can dig it, but I would helped You for gas and a place for Me and My doggie to crash.
Besides, if I were to come down there, I'm sure Dr.Zorders would lend a hand.

"Down there"......if I keep on slipping I'll give the warrens location away.

Commander Bunny wrote:

<quoted text>OK, I can dig it, but I would helped You for gas and a place for Me and My doggie to crash.
Besides, if I were to come down there, I'm sure Dr.Zorders would lend a hand.

Uhhhh...OK. Hey, Commander, if you want to come "down here" on Tuesday for the Grand Opening of Good Earth, we could hook up. And I'll tell you what. I'll buy you a bean sprout sandwich.

RICKY RAT wrote:

<quoted text>Uhhhh...OK. Hey, Commander, if you want to come "down here" on Tuesday for the Grand Opening of Good Earth, we could hook up. And I'll tell you what. I'll buy you a bean sprout sandwich.

That is, if I haven't been excommunicated from the Rodent Revolutionary Forces due to my blasphemous remarks about hiring illegal aliens...

RICKY RAT wrote:

<quoted text>That is, if I haven't been excommunicated from the Rodent Revolutionary Forces due to my blasphemous remarks about hiring illegal aliens...

Naaah, what I'll probably get is reduction in rank to Rodent E-1, a couple months in the brig and something else, that woulda been funny, but I really don't have time to think it up, cause I'm running late for work as it is...