If they are truly sorry and make steps to better themselves. A romantic relationship can never again be possible, but forgiveness and willingness to be a friend to them from a distance isn't the worst thing as long as you know yourself well enough to know that you absolutely under no circumstances will return. Its more about the forgiveness than anything else.

I don't think so. If they abused you physically then they will find some other way to abuse you. If they hurt you once they will do it again. The best thing to do is to count your losses and leave.

Jayme you are a dunce. I guess you're "friends" with that guy you say beat the crap out of you. If a guy laid a hand on me he would be 6 feet under that's for sure. I don't get it. You wanted people to feel sorry for you when you left him for hurting you but now you're all best buds with him. You are really stupid. No man will change if they are abusive. If he was abusive in the past to others he will be abusive to you.

Jayme wrote:

If they are truly sorry and make steps to better themselves. A romantic relationship can never again be possible, but forgiveness and willingness to be a friend to them from a distance isn't the worst thing as long as you know yourself well enough to know that you absolutely under no circumstances will return. Its more about the forgiveness than anything else.

Maybe when he choked you, you lost some brain cells. How could you forgive someone who assaulted you? You are just leaving that doorway open for them to come in and hurt you again. I don't know you that well but from what I've read you should cut off all contact with this guy. He will find anyway possible to hurt you whether it is physically or not. It is not about forgiveness it is about self respect! If you have any at all you would not even worry about him and go on with your own life. The more you talk to him the more likely you will fall back into the trap. I bet he's sweet talking you now Jayme, saying he wants you back and will never hurt you. That's all a trap a game! If you keep playing into it he will lure you back into that abuse and next time you won't be so lucky to get away alive. If you didn't know he would abuse you when you moved down there, then what else do you not know about him? Jayme, abusers have ways of lying and hiding even when you are with them. If they slip up, they will do like when he choked you. Or worse. Don't let it happen. Simply cut the ties and go on before you wind up being another death due to domestic violence.

First off, it depends on the type of abuse you get from someone. There are many types of abuse. Secondly, if you know how to forgive and move on without them, then just being friendly is not so uncommon. A physically abusive relationship can cause the abuser to think they can do it again, for you have softened toward them and they may think you will allow them back. They may stalk and cause more damage. Physical abusive people will always do it again. If there are children involved, then being friendly toward the abusive spouse helps the children learn and helps their well-being. But, yes, being friends with an abusive spouse can work, depending on the attitude of the abuser. Many times, the abuser knows what they did and are sorry for it.

Cassie, you are a very intelligent and sweet girl and I do agree with most of your comment. I see where you are coming from, but there are parts I do disagree with. When children are involved and have witnessed many occasions of abuse then you should worry about their well being. I have 2 sons that have witnessed their father abusing me. That hurt worse than any abuse I have ever endured. I was lucky to get away, but I did try to keep a friendly bond with him for our children. The first time I left him, he did seem genuinely apologetic for what he had done to me. He had grown up in an abusive home and he wanted to change that cycle. We talked constantly for many weeks and I began to trust him more and began seeing the man I fell in love with. I went back to him and things were fine for a while and then he started abusing me again. For my children's sake as well as my own I left as soon as I could and didn't go back and never talk to him again. I have since found a better man in my life who treats me the way a woman deserves. He is also the Dad my kids never had. When the divorce proceedings began I sat down with my kids and explained to them that Mommy and Daddy couldn't get along and that although we didn't love each other that we loved them. I asked them if they wanted to spend time with their Father and both of them looked at me and with a serious face said "No Mommy we don't". I didn't pressure them into it, it was their decision. They were only 6 and 8 years old. I did want them to know their Father and one and only one time did I pressure them into going over there and my youngest screamed when his Grandmother came to get them. My oldest ran away and didn't come back until she had left. Never again did I make them see their Father. I feel that if the child is old enough to understand that you should get their opinion. Also if you have a joint custody there are ways to not have to deal with the ex. Every relationship is different, but no matter what no one deserves abuse. Respect yourself. Love yourself.

I actually have a feeling I know who started this thread, because it does seem as though its aimed at the fact that I've been kind enough to still be friends with the guy and forgive him from a distance. There's only really one way to know much about that... and thats if I talk to you. You're starting to reveal yourself, pot stirrer, and u should know I've planted some not so true information in a few suspected people (different for each) that if it comes out... I'll know who did it.

that would have to be half of topix that reads everything you wrote. ive seen where you put that he choked you on here and that you were thinking of taking him back. this poll may not have been aimed at you. not everything is about you. you are not the only person to have been in a bad relationship. maybe they wanted to know cause they are going through that too. even if someone you know did do this you should talk to that person instead of complaining about it on here. if i were you i'd just go to that person you suspect and call them out. too bad you put that post cause you could have played dumb and then found out.

been there wrote:

Cassie, you are a very intelligent and sweet girl and I do agree with most of your comment. I see where you are coming from, but there are parts I do disagree with. When children are involved and have witnessed many occasions of abuse then you should worry about their well being. I have 2 sons that have witnessed their father abusing me. That hurt worse than any abuse I have ever endured. I was lucky to get away, but I did try to keep a friendly bond with him for our children. The first time I left him, he did seem genuinely apologetic for what he had done to me. He had grown up in an abusive home and he wanted to change that cycle. We talked constantly for many weeks and I began to trust him more and began seeing the man I fell in love with. I went back to him and things were fine for a while and then he started abusing me again. For my children's sake as well as my own I left as soon as I could and didn't go back and never talk to him again. I have since found a better man in my life who treats me the way a woman deserves. He is also the Dad my kids never had. When the divorce proceedings began I sat down with my kids and explained to them that Mommy and Daddy couldn't get along and that although we didn't love each other that we loved them. I asked them if they wanted to spend time with their Father and both of them looked at me and with a serious face said "No Mommy we don't". I didn't pressure them into it, it was their decision. They were only 6 and 8 years old. I did want them to know their Father and one and only one time did I pressure them into going over there and my youngest screamed when his Grandmother came to get them. My oldest ran away and didn't come back until she had left. Never again did I make them see their Father. I feel that if the child is old enough to understand that you should get their opinion. Also if you have a joint custody there are ways to not have to deal with the ex. Every relationship is different, but no matter what no one deserves abuse. Respect yourself. Love yourself.

I agree with you. As I said before, a physical abuser will never change, its usually bred into them. I do believe the children, if old enough to decide, should be given the opportunity to decide things for themselves. However, I do not believe in telling the children anything bad about their father. There are many women that cut down the father to the children and it comes back to bite them in the future. Just telling them that you didnt get along and that they could see that for themselves, should be the only thing that needs to be said...other than you both love them. Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can say that would make them not be afraid of him, for they have seen his abusive side and are scared of it. But keeping a friendly tone when talking about him, or a friendly, calm tone when talking to him in front of them, may help them to get over their fear of him.

Jayme, I dont think you are the only one that has been abused. This topic will fit a lot of people and makes for a good discussion. Possibly you are the only one that talks more about it and what happened. I suffered a lot of mental abuse from Ron, but on the title of this Topic, I can say, yes, I can still be friends with him. Thankfully, he is not the physically abusive type, but abuse comes in all sorts of different ways. I would never take him back, but I learned to forgive, and time has helped me to get over it and move on with my life. It takes two to still be friends, and as far as I go, I no longer have any animosity toward him. But I also am no longer his security blanket. He can do for himself...friendship only goes so far.

I am the 'whatever' who wrote those two posts. I am not the one who started this topic. All you have to do is read and see someone named 'wondering' wrote it. Jayme, I don't have to talk to you to know every little detail about your life, you do that yourself by posting on here. You are the one who posted he choked you. You also posted you were considering taking him back. And judging by your first post I figured you meant him. Now by saying you "planted some not so true information in a few suspected people" makes me doubt the truth in the incident. Did he really choke you or did you get upset that he dumped you or wasn't up to your standards? I got my information straight from your posts on here. I don't have to stalk you on your sites or talk to you personally. So if that's all a lie then you are a liar yourself.

I agree Claudia, anger and resentment only make you ill. Why should we feel ill over something someone else done to us. I have had two abusive husbands but they were abusive in totally different ways. I still like men I guess just not those men. LOL I have decided to go the other way though and am very happy with my abusive girlfriend just kidding.

That information is true. I find it dumb that because I say I planted some stuff to catch my backstabbers/stalkers/haters that you assume I'd lie about someone hurting me. I wouldn't EVER lie about something like that. I DON'T lie about anything normally, and I think admitting that I planted stuff says I'm almost too honest. I can't tell anyone what I planted b/c then they'd know and that'd undo the purpose... You ppl are always trying to discredit me, but I know the truth. You don't have to ever believe a word I say, you actually don't even have to ever RESPOND to anything I say. That'd work just fine with me.

ill stop posting when you stop posting

and besides jayme why not go to those you planted the seed in and have a talk with them. plant for information and then sit back and watch. eh its a thought. whatever is right though you do post a lot about your life on here so its hard to determine who said it or started it.

I do think Jayme got choked. I do think Jayme got hurt. I understand her "fighting back" at those who continually bash at her. Anyone would stand up for themselves. Jayme, "Whatever" is right. I dont know you, but I feel I do by what all you have written on Topix about yourself and your life. You have to admit that you have told all about yourself in various topics. When I first came on Topix, I loved all your comments about everything. I agree, people bashed you for commenting on so many topics, but that is only because you know so many people. I hated that for you, for your comments are just as valuable as any one elses. But now, I can read hate in your heart and I think you need to work on that. I also believe people need to LAY OFF you. Sometimes I think they are just egging you on because you are going to defend yourself...anybody would. Even if you found out who was doing the bashing, it would not quit. I bet most of them dont even know you personally, but have only learned of you by what all you have posted about yourself.

I am extremely sorry for you that you had to go thru what you did with your man. No woman should ever have to go thru that, but unfortunately, there are some pretty sorry men out there. Not only with the physical abuse, but the mental abuse hurts us and breaks our hearts over someone we loved very dearly. A breaking heart is one of the worst pains anyone can go thru. I dont know which is worse, losing someone close to us thru death..when they wont be around for us to see anymore, or losing someone close to our heart thru divorce..when they are around and we cant have them anymore. Only time, prayers and forgiveness can help us thru either instance and help us to move on to the next chapter in our lives.

I made this poll because I just got out of a very bad relationship. I didn't make it for Jamie and I am glad for her advice. I was with this guy for 3 years and I really care about him and worry about him and wanted to know if it was possible to be friends or if I was crazy to consider it. I wanted an opinion and it looks like Jamie is the only one who understands what I am going through. Thank you Jamie. I am sorry you went through a bad relationship. Glad you are doing better girl

yeah right....sure you made it for yourself. JAYME (not Jamie) even said that she knows who you are. probably one of her so called friends that is jealous of her. no im a friend of hers i dont really like her but even im getting tired of this

then jayme if you think you know who it is you should attack them. thats all im saying i actually am dying to find out who did this. i want to see blood

I wasn't physically abused by my last ex .. but he mentally abused me .. and I have even tried to stay "friendly" with him .. he emailed me one day and asked about a mutual friend of ours and when I didn't have an answer for him (because I haven't seen him either) he went right back to down grading me and our relationship .. our relationship had nothing to do with the conversation and our relationship has been over for 2 years .. idk why I even bothered trying to be nice .. some ppl never change and wanna hurt u even when u r no longer in their life .. that day I blocked him so that he can never email me from that email address again .. my advice is to be very careful, even if its not a romantic relationship, some ppl NEVER change ..