Men Are Just Happier People.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they
want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite
foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

SO, Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy
reading it.

LMAO! Thanks for the laugh today louisiana_woman!

you are very welcome

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine."

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

louisiana_woman wrote:

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine."
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

That has to be the mosthonest and completely correct statements that I have ever read lol

well i have to say when i read it ...........i thought oh someone has the words right finally lol

shameless1 wrote:

<quoted text>
That has to be the mosthonest and completely correct statements that I have ever read lol

that has to be the best thing ive read in a long time. if only every man could read this he could save himself so much trouble! im going to print this out and stick it on the fridge where its sure to be seen.

I have tried for two days to get my husband to read this .He always says afterwhile .LOL. You know just like they say about the Garbage ,the yard ,etc..LOL

Octopus wrote:

I have tried for two days to get my husband to read this .He always says afterwhile .LOL. You know just like they say about the Garbage ,the yard ,etc..LOL

Go do what you told Crawfish is good to do and quit being two faced. You sit on your bu-- too and does that mean you can type MORON to others!! What disrespect you have and you have no right telling others to do something that you don't do!!! I don't even know Crawfish is good but that was uncalled for your manners. You just aren't concerned but some were.

aintgot2 wrote:

<quoted text>Go do what you told Crawfish is good to do and quit being two faced. You sit on your bu-- too and does that mean you can type MORON to others!! What disrespect you have and you have no right telling others to do something that you don't do!!! I don't even know Crawfish is good but that was uncalled for your manners. You just aren't concerned but some were.

Sweetie, I do have a job. Please take your mess somewhere else.

Octopus wrote:

<quoted text>Sweetie, I do have a job. Please take your mess somewhere else.

Thank you sweetie, didn't think you could heed your instructions to others well!! I don't think caring about lives was a mess. Thank you so much for all your again two faced comments. I aintgot2 by the way. Should be thinking about what to cook huh???