Honey I'll Be Home Late Tonight

Honey, I'll be late tonight, I'm tied up at the office working on the easton project. Go ahead and fix yourself something to eat, there's some pimento cheese I made last night in the fridge. Or you could heat yourself up a can of soup. Or there are some cheese filled weiners in the freezer. Don't forget there's a fresh baked peach pie in the pantry shelf, have some of that with a cold glass of milk for dessert. Now don't stay up too late. I'll tuck you in when I get home.

Love,
Mom
xoxoxox

P.S. It would be really helpful if you could do a few loads of laundry. xoxo

K, I'll be touching myself in your bed while I watch Dads nudy videos! Hope I dont find the homemades again!

lmao this is hilarious where is anon at ?

Honey, I am so sorry I wasn't able to make it home last night. I got tied up on the easton project at work and time completely escaped me. I hope you made yourself something to eat last night. I'm still at the office so what to do for dinner tonight? Well, there are several tins of Spam in the pantry as well as a container of Pringles Potato chips. You could make the spam salad, oh and there is also a can of olives in there. For dessert? You've probably already finished off the peach pie so look in the bread box and there's a brand new package of Mrs. Bairds Butter Rolls, pop one into the oven and complete it with a glass of cold milk. You can watch television for an hour but then I want you to go to bed afterward. Now I may be tied up here one more day but I will be sure to leave you a note with instructions for dinner. For breakfast tomorrow you could take some of that thick sliced bacon in the fridge, fry it up nice and crispy and scramble some eggs. I have a batch of homemade biscuit dough in the freezer, just thaw that out and bake up some big, flakey golden biscuits. Grandma's pear preserves are in the fridge, have some of those as well. Dont' forget your orange juice and by all means, don't forget your vitamins. I love you honey and hope to see you tomorrow.

Love,
Mom
xoxoxox

boneman wrote:

lmao this is hilarious where is anon at ?

Are you sure it's not me who wrote this?

Honey, I don't know if I'll ever get out of this office. They are pushing us to wrap this project up tonight, therefore I won't be home. Hopefully you've already had dinner and are in bed since school starts tomorrow. For breakfast there are a package of Mrs. Bairds little powdered sugar white donuts in the pantry. Get you a few of those, not all because you know how Mom likes her little white donuts, anyhow get you a few and make yourself a nice hot cup of tea with milk. That will get you going. Now for lunch, make yourself a bologna sandwich with mayonnaise, crisp lettuce, juicy tomato and some red onion. There are some homemade pickles in the pantry as well, Grandma Dorjowski's bread and buter pickles! Grab some of those, and in the bread box there is a fresh loaf of gluten free bread. Also grab a bag of Fritos. Now get yourself some fresh fruit out of the fridge and a slab of cheese. That will complete your lunch. Now for a snack after school there's almond butter in the pantry and some whole wheat crackers in the bread box, make you a few cracker sandwiches and a cold glass of milk.

For dinner, I'm having piping hot pizza delivered. Thick and crusty with melting cheese, spices, pepperonni and a two liter coke. Oh and I certainly haven't forgotten the cinnamon sticks. Now that should get you through tomorrow dear so I 'll check in tomorrow evening. Hopefully we'll be finisehd here at the office by that time.

Love,
Mom
xoxoxox

Dear Mom,
I have eaten just about everything in this house. All there is to do is watch tv, eat, play video games, eat, talk on the phone and eat. I've gained 12 pounds in the last week. So before you come home from that so called busy job of yours please pick up the following items from the grocery store. Ice cream, whipped cream, baked beans in the can, bacon, salt pork, orange juice, spam (yes I ate all 4 cans), three loaves of bread, 2 slabs of velveeta, case of cokes, hamburger meat, Patio frozen dinners, eggs, biscuits, honey buns, lays potato chips, cupcakes, tortilla chips, liquid cheese, bologna, pressed ham, olive loaf and the family size pack of hershey chocolate bars.

Also mom, the house is a mess and I'm sick of cooking for myself and having no one to talk to and the plumbing hasn't worked in a week. Mrs. Adkitson is getting tired of me using her restroom 7 times a day and sometimes she won't even answer her door. There are no clean dishes left, could you pick up paper plates? Also we ran out of cat litter last week so as you can guess there are lots of little things lying on the carpet.

Love,
gidget

All you topix topix topix
All your topix are belong to anon

Honey,
There's fresh, homemade pimento cheese in the fridge. I purchased a wheel of sharp cheddar cheese at the market and grated it very finely. Next I added homemade mayonaisse, then next pimentos. There's a fresh loaf of bread in the pantry. I suggest making a grilled pimento cheese sandwich with tomatoes. Help yourself to the german potato salad and baked beans. Also for dessert there is a delicious peach cobbler in the fridge that Mrs. Brown dropped off. Don't forget to drink your milk. I'll be home later. Love, Mom xoxoxox

I think we have a mentally ill person amongst us.

I think we have way more than one amongst us......

Anon and I are not ill.
It is her that we are worried about.

Honey,
It's been a long week and I really need a break. I'll be flying to Colorado for the weekend to do some skiing with some friends from work so you'll have to fend for yourself the next few days. Let's see...I've made several meals which you'll find in the refrigerator and freezer. Honey, please don't open to any stranger, espcially that weirdo Anon. Love, Mom xoxoxoxoxo

Dear Mom,
I regret to inform you that since you're never around, I've decided to have some company over. Don't call my boyfriend a weirdo, he's more like a FREAK if you know where I'm coming from. No, wait. You do know where I'm coming from. I heard you two last week. Anyway, we'll be using your bed tonight. I don't want my sheets sticky again, so we'll use your bed for having fun and my bed for snuggling up. Don't forget to wash them when you get back. Anon just told me to inform you that your cooking sucks, and that you need to spend more time in the kitchen where you belong. Sorry if I sound rushed, but he's got his hand up my skirt and it's hard to pay attention. Hmm, ok well I have to go, and don't get in any rush coming back!

Love,
Gidget

Is what 2 years into the future looks like.

Don't let this happen to your dogs.

Don't forget to spade and neuter them.

Don't think you're going to accomplish much when you "spade" a dog....fu cking dipshit.