Aspergers

Dear Aspie: How do I learn to Flirt?
Dear Aspie:
"I'm a 20 year old guy with Asperger's who'd really like to have some kind of romantic relationship, but I'm finding a lot of barriers in my path and I wonder if you could shed some light on my situation. I'm utterly at a loss to understand how to flirt... The suggestions I've been given set off alarm bells in my head of intrusive behavior and being otherwise imposing or even creepy, despite being told point blank that it's what I need to do.
I hardly need to tell you that sending "signals" of any kind is often difficult for people with Asperger's, and I'm no exception. Do you have any advice on how to learn to flirt, so I can stop (apparently) blindsiding women and start approaching them the way they expect to be approached?"
-Zaq
Read on for BeenThereDoneThat's response!
Dear Zaq:
I'll tell you a secret. Most NTs (I am not one, but I have a lot of friends who are) have exactly the same problem you have. A romantic relationship takes time. You don't try to get deeply involved with a on the first date. If you pick the right person (and that is really hard and it takes time) you won't have to "flirt." Especially if you're meeting women online, or going to bars it's really hard, and single women who go to bars usually aren't looking for a dating relationship.
You need to get yourself into a situation where you see and talk to the same again and again (I don't mean be pushy about it). School is a good place. Wrong Planet is a good, safe, online place, and church clubs are a good place. Flirting isn't the important part of a relationship anyway. Getting to know the other person so they want to be with you is more important.
Being a good listener is more important. Sometimes asking a about herself, and then sitting back and listening for an hour with an occasional question that's on the topic that she's talking about is a good technique. Women have the same fears as men (well, a little different, but basically the same), and there is no "right approach" to a woman, because not all women are the same.
And, if after all of this, on about the third date, you tell her you have feelings for her (and you really have to have feelings for her....it can't just be a line), and she says "get lost," or something like that, then smile, walk away, and start again. There are lots of women out there. I'd say the same thing if this letter were from a woman.(and if you read some of the forums on WP, you'll see that some women are just as concerned about meeting people as you are). You will not win every time. But it only takes one "yes."
- BeenThereDoneThat

i am married

You will be fine, just think of "real" and focus on your self.

Syndrome
Hurlbutt, K. & Chalmers, L.(2004). Employment and s with Asperger syndrome. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities, 19(4), 215-222.

Article Summary

As increasing numbers of children and s are identified as having either autism or Asperger syndrome, there will inevitably be more studies done to study specific employment issues. The authors solicited information from six s with Asperger syndrome (AS), a classification, which they used synonymously with high-functioning autism, to determine what they had experienced in the world of work. While the study makes no attempt to generalize this anecdotal information to all individuals with AS, it does present certain consistent themes for these six individuals.

One theme was that of frequent job changes, periods of unemployment, and working at jobs for which they were overqualified. Four of the six individuals had college degrees, and one of them had two masters degrees. Fairly typical is the case of Rosalind, a 43 year-old woman with an accounting degree and a fairly recent diagnosis of Asperger syndrome. She chose her college major despite having no real interest in the subject matter, did poorly in school, and after years of failed attempts at whatever job she could get, found some degree of enjoyment and success working in a pre-school for children with special needs.

These individuals all felt that they would have experienced a more consistent level of employment were it not for problems related to socialization and interpersonal communication with co-workers. Being too literal, asking too few or too many questions, and stressing over the unwritten rules of the workplace were reasons given for not being successful on a job. "Joe" shared the following: "I think that jobs usually are 80% social (conversation, lunch, breaks, chit-chat) and 20% work. People with autism are better the other way around."

Those who had been in supported employment programs reported that job coaches had been a tremendous help, particularly in regard to fostering communication. However, either with or without the services of a job coach, most agreed that whatever success they had came from a very clear understanding of employer expectations "in writing, explained in the minutest detail."

In several of the case studies, employment difficulties also had led to treatment for depression. This finding was based on the individual's self report of treatment so untreated depression among adolescents and s with Asperger syndrome could be very pervasive. The authors' conclusions provide an extremely helpful overview of the variety of difficulties that persons with AS or high-functioning Autism might experience. Structure, order, routines, and clear rules and assignments are keys to help promote vocational success.