Does anyone have any good jokes to tell?

Why isn't 11 (eleven) pronounced onety one?

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

bump

They found out the other day that diahrea is hereditary. It runs in your genes.

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. A few day's later he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a
caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co

that was a good one ghost,lmfao!!!!!!!!!!

D Lawson-gunzmith-

[I VOTED!]

“WHERE HAVE ALL THE HEROS GONE”
Joined: Oct 13, 2007
Comments: 303
Burning Springs
ISP Location: Somerset, KY

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#15
Oct 28, 2007

a porcupine has all the pricks on the outside

I LIKE ISSUN=THIS UN......

mushroom and olive walk in a bar. Olive says to mushroom Want to get a drink? Mushroom says why not I'm a fun guy. Fungi

what do u call a gay indian? Answer ABRAVE SUCKER

there is a guy his favorite bar is called SALLY"S LEG"S so he goes there the bar is closed .he waits outside for it to open.he was waiting a long time & a cop got suspicious, came over to him,an asked what are you doing? the guy replies," im waiting for SALLY"S LEG"S to open so i can get a drink......

Jimmy D Lawson-gunzmith- wrote:

a porcupine has all the pricks on the outside

FUNNEY

Jimmy D Lawson-gunzmith- wrote:

boil the hell out of it

good one

GIGGLE wrote:

Bed sheets
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard,(barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."
Happy Halloween

LOL

There was a man down stairs watching T.V and then he herd a voice saying "Its coming its coming"
The man got really scared but he just carryed on watching T.V
Then he herd it again "Its coming its coming"
The man got SUPER scared so he ran out of the house.
"Its coming its coming" The voice still said.
Then.......
PLOP!!!
Then the voice said "Its here its here"
lol

whys a gun bettern a womern......cause you kan put a silencer on a gun....har har har har har haw haw

Clay county drivers...Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click device.

Stop me if you heard this one..........Jimmy Lawson can get a hard on!

Chris Hansen wrote:

Stop me if you heard this one..........Jimmy Lawson can get a hard on!

you think about that a lot,dont you?