Can God save a dying marriage?

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Hopeful

Troy, NY

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#1
Mar 24, 2012
 

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The bible says God does not like or approve of divorce. If I pray hard enough and am faithful to God and my spouse, can God fix the problems in my marriage? I know this is Topix and I know I'm asking a lot, but please respond honestly and with respect. I'm looking for others who have had these questions.
I hope so

Syracuse, NY

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Mar 24, 2012
 

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Well, I'm in the same boat. Last year "God" took away my wife's father. He was 74. She hasn't been the same since. No affection, no intimacy, not so much as a kiss goodnight, and an attitude that would make Gen. Patton proud. Have I prayed? Yes. For a year straight. Has it worked? Not one single bit. In fact, things have gotten worse. As much as I love my wife, I no longer "like" her the way she is. She's cold, callous, not interested in anything that includes "us" in the equation, no affection like I said, temper issues. Not at all the same person. The Bible was written by men, not God. It's merely a story book that was written to control people with scare tactics and allows the churches to do what they want in the name of the Bible. Do you really think there was an Adam and Eve? Science has proven beyond any doubt how life began. Do you really believe in Noah's ark? I ask you this; after Adam and Eve had 2 sons and one killed the other, just how did the population increase from just those 2 people, and then again after Noah's ark? It's scientifically impossible. Science has proven the incest leads to birth defects and sterile offspring. And just where did Cain get his wife? No mention of this.
It's all fiction. People need to get over this and quit wasting their time on it. Believe what you want but don't believe in the Bible. Heck, even the Gospels were written some 400 years after the fact. How could they be accurate after all that time? We all know how stories tend to change when told and retold. And why did the churches leave out certain Gospels that they didn't like? It's a scam.
To work on your marriage, sit down and figure out what's going on. Have things changed- like maybe you? Did you put on 100 lbs. since you got married? Do you or your spouse drink too much? Money troubles? Examine that problems honestly and sincerely to see if there's a solution. Did something happen in the past where you can pinpoint a change? Tell me more. I can at least give you the benefit of my experience. I'm going through it right now and have learned a great deal on how to handle some things.
I'll look for your posts and hopefully the flamers will stay on their own side of the fence out of respect for once.
Hopeful

Troy, NY

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#3
Mar 24, 2012
 

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Thanks for responding..as far as my faith, it's all that keeps me in this marriage. I have my faults, like anyone. Nothing has really changed except my own perception, I guess. A spouse is supposed to be your best friend. All we do is argue about money and our children. I don't know if we ever really had a connection, that's what I realize, now. There's no intimacy, no humor, no comfort. Just constant contention. I love my spouse, I care very much. Just wonder if this is what God had in mind.
Mall Owner

Troy, NY

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#4
Mar 24, 2012
 

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Hopeful wrote:
Thanks for responding..as far as my faith, it's all that keeps me in this marriage. I have my faults, like anyone. Nothing has really changed except my own perception, I guess. A spouse is supposed to be your best friend. All we do is argue about money and our children. I don't know if we ever really had a connection, that's what I realize, now. There's no intimacy, no humor, no comfort. Just constant contention. I love my spouse, I care very much. Just wonder if this is what God had in mind.
Watch the movie Fireproof. It has some good ideas on how to salvage a marriage, and it is geared toward people of faith.
Mall Owner

Troy, NY

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#5
Mar 24, 2012
 

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I hope so wrote:
Well, I'm in the same boat. Last year "God" took away my wife's father. He was 74. She hasn't been the same since. No affection, no intimacy, not so much as a kiss goodnight, and an attitude that would make Gen. Patton proud. Have I prayed? Yes. For a year straight. Has it worked? Not one single bit. In fact, things have gotten worse. As much as I love my wife, I no longer "like" her the way she is. She's cold, callous, not interested in anything that includes "us" in the equation, no affection like I said, temper issues. Not at all the same person. The Bible was written by men, not God. It's merely a story book that was written to control people with scare tactics and allows the churches to do what they want in the name of the Bible. Do you really think there was an Adam and Eve? Science has proven beyond any doubt how life began. Do you really believe in Noah's ark? I ask you this; after Adam and Eve had 2 sons and one killed the other, just how did the population increase from just those 2 people, and then again after Noah's ark? It's scientifically impossible. Science has proven the incest leads to birth defects and sterile offspring. And just where did Cain get his wife? No mention of this.
It's all fiction. People need to get over this and quit wasting their time on it. Believe what you want but don't believe in the Bible. Heck, even the Gospels were written some 400 years after the fact. How could they be accurate after all that time? We all know how stories tend to change when told and retold. And why did the churches leave out certain Gospels that they didn't like? It's a scam.
To work on your marriage, sit down and figure out what's going on. Have things changed- like maybe you? Did you put on 100 lbs. since you got married? Do you or your spouse drink too much? Money troubles? Examine that problems honestly and sincerely to see if there's a solution. Did something happen in the past where you can pinpoint a change? Tell me more. I can at least give you the benefit of my experience. I'm going through it right now and have learned a great deal on how to handle some things.
I'll look for your posts and hopefully the flamers will stay on their own side of the fence out of respect for once.
Your post is full of inaccuracies and is a blunt attack on Christians, and yet you end by asking the flamers to stay on their side of the fence out of respect. If you want respect, you should show it yourself!
yeahyeah

New York, NY

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#6
Mar 24, 2012
 

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I honestly don't think "God" is an answer to your marriage problems. Like " I hope so" said above the best thing to do is take stock in yourself and your marriage. You can't really take stock of your partner because no one truly knows another, so that's something your spouse has to be willing to do, for him, for you and for the marriage.
I'm not a big believer in having faith in God per say, but I am a big believer in having faith in myself and the people I love. If your partner truly wants to help fix whats broken between you then your best bet is to sit down and try and have an honest and open conversation together where you can both state your "grievances" with each other and yourselves. Many times it's our unhappiness with and within our selves that sours a relationship.
People grow apart and change. Some people get bored with the repetitiveness of everyday life within a long term relationship. It just happens, no rhyme or reason to it really. Many people don't realize that if you don't love yourself and aren't happy with yourself your certainly not going to be able to love and be happy with someone else.
I suggest that you look within yourself and find out if your happy with you and love you, only then can you move forward and find happiness within your marriage, and if you can't work things out, then at least you've taken your first steps in the direction of being happy with just you and have a stronger "foot hold" to being on your own again. My best to you and your marriage!
OUA812

United States

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#7
Mar 24, 2012
 
I would put no faith whatsoever in religion to solve anything, but do what you will.
Hopeful

Troy, NY

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#8
Mar 24, 2012
 
If I put my Christianity aside, that would pretty much solve everything...but I can't. It's a quandary because I don't want to displease God. But, the fact of the matter is, my spouse and I are never on the same page regarding anything. Is this normal? I want my spouse to be my best friend, the one I want to talk to, the one I laugh with. I don't know that I believe that a marriage should be so much work and conflict; shouldn't a marriage be a comfort? Shouldn't life be easier, even in hard times, if we're together? I'm not talking about being in love, I'm talking about a cohesion, complimentary to eachother. I don't know.
yeahyeah

New York, NY

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#9
Mar 24, 2012
 
That would be lovely, truly it would. My husband and I have something like that, but it's never been 100% cohesive. We've certainly had our "rough" patches, but we always manage to come back together.
People, even those incredibly alike, are different. Conflict is bound to arise. I stand by what I said above. Talk to your partner. Have you before? If so, how does he feel about the situation?
As far as displeasing God, I'm just not sure how to answer that because I've never included that in my relationship. To me it's between my partner and I. I guess if I were in your shoes I would worry less about what God thinks and worry more about what you want and need. It's not mentally healthy to stay in a relationship that your basically alone in and I certainly can't see God wanting you to stay in an unhappy marriage for him. Many people will tell you different, but I think that if God is love than how could he want anything other than love and happiness for you? And if your not getting, and not going to get that in your marriage then it's unhealthy for you to stay.
Best of luck!!
I hope so

Syracuse, NY

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#10
Mar 25, 2012
 

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Mall Owner wrote:
<quoted text>
Your post is full of inaccuracies and is a blunt attack on Christians, and yet you end by asking the flamers to stay on their side of the fence out of respect. If you want respect, you should show it yourself!
No it's not. I've read the Bible several times and different versions of it as well. There are far too many loop holes that can't be bridged. It is not an attack on Christians. It's simply a revelation that the Bible is not true and was written by mere mortals. Who was standing there taking notes when Adam was created? And why doesn't the new testament agree with the old testament? Are you aware the Eve was NOT Adam's first wife according to some interpretations of the Bible? Why was this omitted in the newer versions?
I'm sorry if you disagree with me but I respect your right to do so. If you can back-up what the Bible tells us, I'm consider it. But in the mean time it's a poor way of gauging how you should live your life. In the old testament it says that a man who lies with another man is an abomonation and should be put to death. Do you agree with this? Is the Bible telling us to kill all gay men? But isn't that against the commandments? SO what is right. This is must one example. The books are full of this kind of thing.
This person needs to review their options and shortcomings in her marriage. She needs to take a self inventory and evaluate where things might be weak and need shoring up. She and her spouse should try writing letters to each other in a calm, serene fashion so that exact thoughts can be put down without fear of being interupted or questioned. This is a good beginning. God supposedly gave all of us a good head on our shoulders so that we could solve our own problems. This is why some people have the brains to become doctors and other are carpenters. God doesn't want to babysit us. He want us to take care of ourselves.
Now, you'll notice that I apparently have a belief in God. I do. I just question the validity of a book that was supposedly written by the hand of God and why it's so "edited" to suit the churches needs. Truly, it's no different than reading a newspaper that's slanted in one direction if you know what I mean.
I still wish this person luck in pursuing a happy marriage. Exploring the shortcomings of a marriage is at least one step in the right direction. Admitting your part in the downfall of a marriage is another part of it. But if your partner is not a willing participant, well, it's pretty much over already.
Yup

Syracuse, NY

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#11
Mar 25, 2012
 

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PRAY for BRAINS.

It's YOUR failed marriage. NOT God's.

Life is short... you can spend it being hurt, crazy, and miserable, or you can choose something else.

NOBODY needs to live a life of misery.

Religion has such a powerful detrimental impact on people, and it has for thousands of years. It developed as a mechanism of social control and it has remained that right on down to this day.

FREE YOURSELF. You'll be very glad you did.
KeepYourFaith

Ogdensburg, NY

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#12
Mar 25, 2012
 
The lord brought you together as a couple, but that doesn't mean you are destined to stay together forever. Use prayer for some understanding and clarity, but don't expect God to show you all the answers. Continue to pray. It can help you, it has helped me through the hardest of times.

I know God has a plan for us, and sometimes we don't understand it. But if we sway from the plan things go awry. Don't fight destiny, let it happen. God wants us all to be happy and healthy, and if your marriage isn't helping you achieve those things then you have to let it go.
RePUKElicans

New York, NY

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#13
Mar 25, 2012
 

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Come on! its 2012!! your GOD does not nor ever did exist. study Darwin and maybe you can find a solution to your life's evolutionary process. just because you were tought such non-sense doesent mean you have to follow. there is truth out there in the form of SCIENCE... just think outside the box
Mall Owner

Troy, NY

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#14
Mar 25, 2012
 

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I hope so wrote:
<quoted text>
No it's not. I've read the Bible several times and different versions of it as well. There are far too many loop holes that can't be bridged. It is not an attack on Christians. It's simply a revelation that the Bible is not true and was written by mere mortals. Who was standing there taking notes when Adam was created? And why doesn't the new testament agree with the old testament? Are you aware the Eve was NOT Adam's first wife according to some interpretations of the Bible? Why was this omitted in the newer versions?
I'm sorry if you disagree with me but I respect your right to do so. If you can back-up what the Bible tells us, I'm consider it. But in the mean time it's a poor way of gauging how you should live your life. In the old testament it says that a man who lies with another man is an abomonation and should be put to death. Do you agree with this? Is the Bible telling us to kill all gay men? But isn't that against the commandments? SO what is right. This is must one example. The books are full of this kind of thing.
This person needs to review their options and shortcomings in her marriage. She needs to take a self inventory and evaluate where things might be weak and need shoring up. She and her spouse should try writing letters to each other in a calm, serene fashion so that exact thoughts can be put down without fear of being interupted or questioned. This is a good beginning. God supposedly gave all of us a good head on our shoulders so that we could solve our own problems. This is why some people have the brains to become doctors and other are carpenters. God doesn't want to babysit us. He want us to take care of ourselves.
Now, you'll notice that I apparently have a belief in God. I do. I just question the validity of a book that was supposedly written by the hand of God and why it's so "edited" to suit the churches needs. Truly, it's no different than reading a newspaper that's slanted in one direction if you know what I mean.
I still wish this person luck in pursuing a happy marriage. Exploring the shortcomings of a marriage is at least one step in the right direction. Admitting your part in the downfall of a marriage is another part of it. But if your partner is not a willing participant, well, it's pretty much over already.
To properly address your post will require more room than I think will be read by people. Let me give some brief statements, and I can elaborate if you want more.

What do you mean by saying the Old and New Testaments don't agree?

The Old Testament is more accurately called the Old Covenant. This is a record of a covenant God made with a specific group of people. It was a religious and civil covenant. That covenant is no longer in effect, so the speficic civil and religious codes are no longer in effect. This covenant helped reveal God's standards of holiness, which do no change. Finally, the Old Covenent served as an archetype for the New Covenant.

You used the example of homosexuality. The Old Covenant death penalty was in effect for the Jewish people in this covenant. It also reveals God's standard of holiness: homosexuality is bad. Finally, it serves as an archetype. God doesn't want us to execute gay people, but He is warning us that the wage of sin is death, and so sinners who remain unrepentant will suffer eternal death.
Mall Owner

Troy, NY

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#15
Mar 25, 2012
 

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KeepYourFaith wrote:
The lord brought you together as a couple, but that doesn't mean you are destined to stay together forever. Use prayer for some understanding and clarity, but don't expect God to show you all the answers. Continue to pray. It can help you, it has helped me through the hardest of times.
I know God has a plan for us, and sometimes we don't understand it. But if we sway from the plan things go awry. Don't fight destiny, let it happen. God wants us all to be happy and healthy, and if your marriage isn't helping you achieve those things then you have to let it go.
The Bible does not say that God wants us all to do whatever it takes for us to be happy and healthy. It does say that He hates divorce, that when you are married the two become one flesh, and that marriage is a lifelong covenant. Therefore, to say that God wants you to divorce if it makes you happy is a direct contradiction of what His word teaches. God has given you the freewill to reject Him and live life the way you want, but don't excuse it by pretending that He sanctions your sin.
Mall Owner

Troy, NY

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#16
Mar 25, 2012
 

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RePUKElicans wrote:
Come on! its 2012!! your GOD does not nor ever did exist. study Darwin and maybe you can find a solution to your life's evolutionary process. just because you were tought such non-sense doesent mean you have to follow. there is truth out there in the form of SCIENCE... just think outside the box
Come on, God exists. Study the Bible and maybe you can find a solution to your life. Just because you were taught not to believe in God doesn't mean you have to follow. Truth is out there, and one day we will all see it. Just have faith and think outside the box!
ihatehair

Syracuse, NY

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#17
Mar 25, 2012
 
There is a God, and yes he can and will save you and your wife, he knows your needs, be careful of those who will tell you that God has no place in your life,saten is also alive and well, remember saten wants you to suffer for ever, do you remember the first time you asked your wife out on a date ? can you remember the day , and the words you said the day you asked your wife to marry you? Can you remember the day you and your wife said I Do ? God was with you on those days and will be with you even when things seem bad. Your wife is hurting inside, she lost her Dad and really needs you more then ever in her life, remember we all deal with death in our own way ,and she is doing it her way as hard as that may seem, love her hold her ask her what you can do for her, ask her to think about your wedding day, your first date,and why she fell in love with you! Yes there is a God,he is with you always listen to him and he will help you but you need to help yourself also,love your wife hold her, talk to her and not a lawyer, only those that fear the Lords being well tell you he is only in our minds,Pray not for yourself but for your wife that she can find pease !
ihatehair

Syracuse, NY

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#18
Mar 25, 2012
 
Yup wrote:
PRAY for BRAINS.
It's YOUR failed marriage. NOT God's.
Life is short... you can spend it being hurt, crazy, and miserable, or you can choose something else.
NOBODY needs to live a life of misery.
Religion has such a powerful detrimental impact on people, and it has for thousands of years. It developed as a mechanism of social control and it has remained that right on down to this day.
FREE YOURSELF. You'll be very glad you did.


live a life of misery this guy is looking for help !and to say that religion is detrimental, you must be so unhappy, I do agree with you when you say life is short , but you must keep in mind that our time hear is a test, God has gave to us the tools we need to survive and if we pass that test we will have eternal life,if you want to go to hell keep doing what your doing, we dont get any do-overs the choice is yours and yours alone !
OUA812

United States

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#19
Mar 25, 2012
 

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Religion is nothing more than a bastion for the weak-willed.

It is a disease. Let it go.
ihatehair

Syracuse, NY

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#20
Mar 25, 2012
 

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OUA812 wrote:
Religion is nothing more than a bastion for the weak-willed.
It is a disease. Let it go.
weak-willed , I think not ! as long as there are those that don't accept the creator and do satens work then you and you alone are telling me the Bible is right and you need God, God bless you when you are judged then saten will get his just reward, YOUR SOUL!

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