Old Fart Football

If you don't understand Football, this JOKE probably won't make any sense.

Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says,'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says,'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied,'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says
'Touchdown, tie score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aaaaah. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'

Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains and squeezes real hard. Still... nothing.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got.

Ugh Oh! He accidentally poops a loaf on the bed.

The wife says,'What the hell was that?'

The old man says,'Half time, switch sides!'

this is my first time sayin stuff in here and my beer just went threw my nose when i read that.you people are nuts lol

Well... Thank You for seeing the COMEDY.

Way too many people on here, come here... with nothing but a grudge of some sort on their shoulders.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

If the world were full of nothing but comedians... this planet would be a safer place to live.
City Slicker ( 1949 -

The economy is so bad.....

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in
the mail.

It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind
the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked
"Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading
higher than GM.

The economy is so bad Obama met with three small businesses to
discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer, and Citigroup.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their
nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans were caught
sneaking into Mexico.

The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad people in Africa are donating money to
Americans.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on
anymore.

The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

And finally... Congress finally investigated the Bernard Madoff scandal:

Oh great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear was investigated by the
people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

Outstanding........ LMAO

1 and 2 were my favorites.

Love making tips for Seniors...

1 Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle

3. Set the mood with lighting.(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice..

1 and 8

:)

Anyone else got a favorite joke?

Come on Gang... hit us with your favorite.

TY

Where are you getting those? I would love to email them to my friends.

Totally great - you made my day!

momforyouth12953 wrote:

Where are you getting those? I would love to email them to my friends.
Totally great - you made my day!

mom, you can copy and paste the text from the forum into your email:

left mouse click on the beginning of the text you want to copy and hold it down

"swipe" down to the end of the text you want to copy, while holding down the left mouse button

when it's all highlighted (blue) release the left mouse button

go back to any part of the highlighted text and right click on the mouse and release the button

choose "copy" from the popup menu that appears

open up a new email, right click anywhere in the empty body of the email and choose "paste" from the popup menu

presto! address and send your email!

THAT'LL BE 20 BUCKS! HAHAHA

Thanks bogey-man where can I send the money do you accept pay pal!!! Thanks again you are awesome - is awesome ok to say these days? LOL!!!

A true peacenick hippie from the late 60's early 70's would have said:

Bogey... you are far out man!

yes i do paypal! HAHAHA glad i could help!

City Slicker wrote:

A true peacenick hippie from the late 60's early 70's would have said:
Bogey... you are far out man!

how about "you are really bitchin', man?" HAHAHA

bogey-man wrote:

yes i do paypal! HAHAHA glad i could help!

Bogey must have been one of those *Flower Power * kids. Always looking for an easy buck.

Maybe he was one of those *Hairy Krunchnahs* that became part of the Squeegie Society in Toronto?

:)

City Slicker wrote:

<quoted text>
Bogey must have been one of those *Flower Power * kids. Always looking for an easy buck.
Maybe he was one of those *Hairy Krunchnahs* that became part of the Squeegie Society in Toronto?
:)

nope too young for that good stuff, i was born in 1959. i remember the 60's, the moon landing, etc, but not much of the late 70's!

I was born in 1949... you have alot of catching up to do. I did not have the luxury of 3 flavored rolling paper. LOL

momforyouth12953 wrote:

Thanks bogey-man where can I send the money do you accept pay pal!!! Thanks again you are awesome - is awesome ok to say these days? LOL!!!

Just don't take her check!!

Hello wrote:

<quoted text>
Just don't take her check!!

What is that suppose to mean?

That last one was really my post forgot to sign in and why would someone from CA post here, maybe they were from here

<oldie but a goodie>

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said,'I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive.'

'How much?' asked Grandpa.

'$10.00 a pill,' Answered the son.

'I don't care,' said Grandpa,'I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow.'

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said,'I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.

'I know,' said Grandpa.'The hundred is from Grandma...'