wow

United States

#108 Jan 17, 2012
PAUHG9 wrote:
<quoted text>
And yet again advice given by someone that can't relate to any part of this topic. Just let it go. I could at least accept an opinion from someone who gone through this situation.
I have been in your same situation, My dad died when I was ten years old. Our mother stayed alone and lonely for fifteen years! If I had it to do over I would encourage her to find someone to share her life with very early on, My Mom was a young vibrant 40 year old woman that should not have went thru the best part of her life alone because she thought it would bother us kids, I love my Mom dearly she is my best friend, I have all the respect for her in the world..I am not a selfish child..If you love someone you should want whats best for them, being alone is not best!!!!Be happy for your mother if she can find some happiness, Its a blessing. She still loves your Dad. But can you imagine spending day after day alone its not a good thing...Its been 29 years since my dad died my mother has finally remarried she is very very happy but she could have spent alot more time being happy if she would have had some support from her kids, Honestly Im not being mean If you really love your mom support her let her be happy and be happy for her..God bless you and your family, I pray that find comfort.
Glenn

Sour Lake, TX

#109 Mar 14, 2012
I think it should be up to the individual to decide when they are ready to get back into the dating scene and start dating again. Some people may have need of grieving for longer periods of time and some may not. I recently lost my spouse of 39 yrs. She was a great lady and I loved her very much. But for the last year her health had been failing and I was doing a lot of things by myself. I have met a lady two months after her passing. I am not replacing my wife, I just refuse to die at the same time. She would want me to be happy. I have been grieving for about a year now due to her health. So I feel that I am ready. It is no elses buisness anyhow. I am 56 years old and I will not be told by my Children pr anyone else what I should do. I feel good about my girlfriend.
Drift

Hayden, AL

#110 Apr 1, 2012
Glenn, go for it !!! Very similar story here. I'm 56, lost my wife of almost 30 yrs after a 1-1/2 yr progression of cancer. We had no children. She was my best friend and soulmate! I'm starting to adjust to the "differentness" .. I have been thinking, it may take me another six months or so to start looking. I kind of hope I don't have to , maybe it will just happen !
sillyduck

Worcester, MA

#111 May 4, 2012
I'm a single (divorced) woman using a dating site to meet available men. I have just been approached by a man who's wife died a month ago. I'm not sure what to think. He's very open about his feelings and admits his grief process has just begun. He talks openly about his deceased wife and their relationship. He seems sincere and states he knows there is no replacement for her but he does want to be happy again. I'm concerned that I could be his rebound and will be in her shadow if I let this continue. He seems to think her spirit has guided him to me. She died suddenly and there were no children. Any thoughts?
ol joe

Gilbert, WV

#112 May 5, 2012
pauhg9 wrote:
my mother started dating someone only 6 months after my fathers death they were married 39 years. As far as i am concered she was probably interested in this guy all along. I am 37 years old and I loved my father deeply I still have great respect for him even if she does not. She used to be my best friend but not any longer I will hate her forever for this and refuse to meet this man as long as i am alive. This post is for all of the widows and widowers that think your the only ones affected. This is the result
you need to grow up. people get lonly after a life time with some1
they luv.kids grow up get married life goes on. would you let mom or dad move in with you and the wife for the rest of they life. i think not. so u need to rethink this
Lovingmylife

Cleveland, OH

#113 May 6, 2012
I married my high school sweetheart. After 24 years of marriage, he died unexpectedly. After all that I had gone through, both good and bad times, I swore that would never begin another relationship. A mutual friend of many years, began to encourage me to live and love myself. I began to do just that. As time went on are feelings began to change for one another. I am thankful that my two adult children are happy for me. Do they want a stepfather? No, and I respect that. Try hard not to judge others; just love them through it. So whether it's been 6 months, 9 months, a year or more; love you!!!!
Drift

Tuscaloosa, AL

#114 May 18, 2012
sillyduck wrote:
I'm a single (divorced) woman using a dating site to meet available men. I have just been approached by a man who's wife died a month ago. I'm not sure what to think. He's very open about his feelings and admits his grief process has just begun. He talks openly about his deceased wife and their relationship. He seems sincere and states he knows there is no replacement for her but he does want to be happy again. I'm concerned that I could be his rebound and will be in her shadow if I let this continue. He seems to think her spirit has guided him to me. She died suddenly and there were no children. Any thoughts?
It's been 1-1/2 years since my wife of almost 30 years died. I'm just starting to feel acceptance & peace with the reality of single life! I can only speak for myself, My wife was my soulmate and if I would have started dating soon after her death it would have been to run from the reality of loseing her ! A Rebound indeed!( and it would not have worked) nothing can fix this reality of life except time and God!
West Virginia Girl

Charleston, WV

#115 May 21, 2012
to all who have lost someone they love; did they make you happy? how long do you think they would've waited(not being hateful)? would they want you to WAIT? I KNOW they wouldn't want you on a dating site (there are too many freaks out there!)...meet,date,(maybe) LOVE(eventually) locally.Don't take unnecessary chances....GOOD LUCK!!!
Beth

Halifax, Canada

#116 May 29, 2012
Dear PAUHG9
I totally agree with you love and I hear hurt not hate from you and that is so normal. I to think a year is a respectful time to wait and then the MOM or DAD should take the time to tell your children no matter what age how they are feeling and I know the children will start to understand a little better. The fact you are considering thier feelings will make them feel better about your actions. You are not asking for permission just acknowledging your loneliness and respecting how they may feel .After all it was thier parent and they loved them to.Do not listen to anyone saying you are selfish.You are just fine and still grieving. Take Care.I hope things worked out good for you and your Mom.
been there both ways

United States

#117 Jun 9, 2012
PAUHG9 wrote:
There is nothing selfish about my attitude. She is not the only one affected by my fathers death. If anything i think she is selfish for not thinking of him who loved and supported her all of her life. For her to try to replace him with the next sap in that short amount of time is disrepectful and if that makes her happy fine. I dont have to live with it. She just has to deal with that just like she is trying to force me to deal with it. For the record I've known quite of few people in this same situation that reacted the same way. Until your faced with that situation you can't relate.
been both ways my father passed away i had mixed feelings toward mom dating but i figured she be better with some one good too her than setting alone and maybe coming too something that wasnt good at all like commiting suicide because of the hurt and pain they have by setting and thinking about things being alone is a major hurt and family dont help they not there all the time too hear about things and things cant be discussed with family that can be discussed with a stranger at the time. Now i have lost my wife and i understand even more how she felt at that time believe me the suicide thought will cross your mind. When setting there all alone at home you turn expect them too be there they not/ you go too bed they not there too talk too or lay up agianist/you go somewhere turn too say look at that they not there/she will never forget your father 39 yrs thats a promise but the alone part will take a toll on her that noone should ever have too endour. So this the way too look at it see your kids have a grandma that can tell them about there grandpa or be waiting on a phone call saying you need too come make arrangments for the funeral your mother took her life last night its your choice so think real hard about it. oh and dont think they would tell you about that thought and dont say they wouldnt been alot of ppl that has said that and it happen god bless and hope you get through this for you and her sake
been there both ways

United States

#118 Jun 9, 2012
its up too the person there self when you are ready you will know could be quick could be late thats up too you and your feelings
Momlosttocancer

White House, TN

#119 Jun 12, 2012
I understand your feelings of betrayal by your mother. I felt this way when my stepfather started dating after my mom passed. They were married almost all my life and I list my dad 15 years ago. They had divorced when I was 1. My stepdad and mom married when I was 3. I had so many feelings of hurt and betrayal. But I also realized that by focusing on my anger toward my dad I wasn't focusing on mourning my mother. I decided that what was going on in his life was encompassing my life and I had to let it go. I did and have worked through a lot of my own feelings and am now getting in a better place with my dad by my side. I know he loved her and she was my best friend and I cared for get through parkinsons and through a year long battle with cancer. Including moving my mom and dad in and caring for her til her last breath in my home! I have list both parents and am so blessed to gave another and am not going to let some idea some of how long is long enough take away my only parent left. Even at 35 I need my parent however God brought him into my life. There is no right amount of time and a death should teach us all that we don't know how much time is left! So please don't waste it! Don't waste time with the parent that you have left. It will hurt no matter how long they wait. You have to work through your pain and stop avoiding by blaming.
Missing Mom

Manchester, NH

#120 Jun 19, 2012
I agree if you want to date after your spouse dies, I think you shouldn't be selfish and date right away and replace that loved one before the rest of the family has had time to grieve. If a spouse replaces there lost spouse very quickly. It shows disrespect to the ones that are still grieving. At least let the family get over some mile stones. Don't be so selfish as to not take into consideration the feelings of the children. When a parent express how happy they are they met someone so soon after a spouse dies. It is heart wrenching for the children who can't replace them so quickly and are still grieving and have not even spread her ashes yet. I know from first hand my mother died and my father started dating within a few months and when i tried to talk to him about how uneasy i feel about him talk about how happy he is and it hasn't even been six months. So disrespecfull for that parent not to care how his kids are hurting. I say you should wait at least a year to let things settle and a few things to pass like there Birthday, mother or faters day, that six month mark and if those all fall so close together, it is very hard. Don't be so selfish and try to think of the people that loved the person that died. I don't think a year is asking too much for people to heal a little instead of pouring salt on an open cut, cause that cut will never heal.
Lynn

Charlottesville, VA

#121 Jun 20, 2012
Get those drawyers off and get out there immediately.
sweetheart

Beckley, WV

#122 Jun 21, 2012
im sorry but i honestly dont think i could move on that quick after my spouse dies i mean i would have to have years or maybe not move on at all
lovingmylife

Cleveland, OH

#123 Jun 21, 2012
sweetheart wrote:
im sorry but i honestly dont think i could move on that quick after my spouse dies i mean i would have to have years or maybe not move on at all
Honestly, you don't know what you will and will not do until you have to face the situation. I swore that I would never move on at all. I am not trying to get married or live with anyone right now. But, I am enjoying the companionship and the opportunity to learn who I am as a individual. I think that's what makes a big difference in the decision making in moving on. LEARN, LOVE and DATE yourself and everything else will fall into place.
Lynn

Charlottesville, VA

#124 Jun 22, 2012
Buy yourself a good motorcycle and go out there to see the good Ole USA. Stay in motels and don't camp. Carry a pistol and a spare credit card. Have fun! Life is short.
Drift

United States

#125 Jun 25, 2012
Lynn i have a bike and have been doing some traveling , camping etc. why stay in motels rather than camp? Just asking.
Tank

Charlottesville, VA

#126 Jun 25, 2012
Harley Girl wrote:
<quoted text> Now what kind of question is that? Why wouldn't they want you to be happy?! Especially after being married that long. They obviously loved each other! Wouldn't you want your spouse to be happy? Whether it be alone or with someone I'd want my husband to be happy. Life's to short not to be happy!
Why don't you let him be happy now?
Lynn

Charlottesville, VA

#127 Jun 25, 2012
Drift wrote:
Lynn i have a bike and have been doing some traveling , camping etc. why stay in motels rather than camp? Just asking.
Slept outside for a year in Vietnam. Promised myself I would never do that again. Still don't like creepy crawlers.

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