Judge it!
"If you are full of doubt and questions and you feel something warm and sticky that smells sorta bad on your pants; the answer to your doubt and questions may be that you just took a dump in your drawers. Isn't that a wonderful thought? I think so too."
Albert Einstein
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"Hot dogs are my favorite food. I like great big juicy ones. I like to lick them to get the true flavor of 'em then I nibble on their ends then I will suck them down end first without chewing them or anything. They taste best that way, yum, yum!"
Elton John |
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"I believe that a woman with deeply held Christian values is a tremendous blessing to her husband. Having a humongous rack, a nice mouth and a smooth throat doesn't hurt a bit either".
Craven Morehead |
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"If you are really ugly and a real dorky looking guy and have scabs and sores all over your body and sweat a bunch and fart all the time and find it hard to get a date; try this...tape a gigantic banana to your thigh and then put on a real tight pair of jeans so that it shows a big bulge and stuff...you'll become real popular with the chicks if you do this; that's for sure!"
Donny Osmond |
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“Do you have people coming up to you and complaining of loud Celtic music coming out of your butt? Does the UPS man try to deliver packages to you that are addressed –‘ The Wee Little Man, 101 Dirt Road Lane, Urass’? If so you may have a leprechaun that’s taken up residence in your rectum”.
Pat McGroin |
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"Last night I went camping with my good friend Tad. I woke up this morning with a very sore bung and Vaseline all over my ass. Do you suppose that something "weird" may have happened while I was sleeping? Has this ever happened to you?"
Carl Sagan |
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"This nation, the one we call The United States of America, is here for all its' citizens, uh except for really stupid people and like people who are ugly and stuff like that. That is why it is the greatest nation on earth!"
Abraham Lincoln |
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"Here is a deep thought. If a train left Kansas City going West to Denver traveling at 100 miles per hour and another train left Denver traveling East (on the same track) at 50 miles per hour at the same time as the Kansas City train and the distance between Kansas City and Denver is 450 miles...how many acorns will be conductor on the train that left Kansas City be able to slam up his bung before the trains crash?"
Merle Haggard |
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"Something really strange happened to me last night. I was thinking about writing a book about a monster and stuff then I suddenly had to take a crap. Anyway as I was taking my dump I heard something metalic dropping in the stool. I looked down and saw that I had excreted 6 quarters, 3 dimes a nickle and 6 pennies, for a grand total of $2.13!!! That was so weird but it was enough for me to buy a Coke!!! Have you ever had that happen to you?"
Mary Shelley |
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"If you wish to change the world you must first change yourself. Yes that is so true. If you see someone that you really don't like - who really pisses you off - do as I do. Take a tire iron and beat the stupid bastard silly! That always makes me feel at peace with the world and at peace with myself".
Mahatma Gandhi |
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"I looked at the peanut, the simple peanut and thought what a marvel it was and devised many methods to extract all the good for humanity out of it that I could. The peanut now provides the world with peanut butter, cosmetics, bio-fuels and many other things. However the most benefit to humanity is to simply stuff it up your ass. I do that a bunch (in fact I have about dozen unshelled and salted peanuts shoved up my ass right now) and many other scientists and other ordinary people do the same thing. You should try it too, it's a real stress release".
George Washington Carver |
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"When ever the stess of my job gets to be really hard I will dress my rod up in a cute little cowboy costume and make it "ride the range"; if you know what I mean. I have videos of it and everything that can be seen in my Presidential Library. You should watch them some time and laugh. I do."
George W. Bush |
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Since: Oct 07
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Daily Horoscope for January 5
Taurus
Everything seems to be getting under your skin at the moment, but this is no excuse to lose your temper, and you know it. Better by far to be discreet and plough on steadily, without looking to the left or right. If you keep your feet on the ground and don't get discouraged, there are definitely fair winds that will blow you along. It's just a question of finding the right balance between confidence and commonsense.
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