Adult step daughter from hell

Posted in the Fredericktown Forum

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West Bend, WI

#1 Aug 7, 2013
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. This is a second marriage for both . Marrying a man with a child was not a big concern as he only has 1 daughter who is an adult, married and has 2 children of their own. My problem is his daughter is an only child and is every bit as spoiled. She has gotten anything she wanted throughout her life. After my husband and I got engaged she turned into the daughter from hell. Before her dad met me he she controlled him completely. Daddy can u do this daddy can u get this. Since there was no one in his life he became her maid, babysitter, etc. even though she has a husband, it was like she had. 2 of them.

I believe after our engagement she felt she was losing her control over him. She continued to call him and ask him to do things for her as though there was no one else in his life. I believe it was to validate that she was still in control.

She came between us to a point where I had had enough. He did speak with her and let her know things have changed and he would not be at her beck and call no longer. He reminded her that she has her husband and her family and he now has a new wife. Needless to say she resents me and try's everything to come between us. She is jealous that her dad is also a step dad to my grown children and has additional grandchildren . They all have utmost respect for him.

After she said some pretty nasty things about my kids and grandchildren I had some pretty harsh words for her. Now I am not allowed to go to her house, only her dad is welcome without me. Well he won't have that so he no longer goes there. She won't even let him take his grandchildren so he can see them.

My husband let her know that it was her choice and if that is the way she wants then he will explain to the kids when they are older and let them know why he has not seen them.

It has been 2 years since he has seen her or the kids. We send the Xmas and. Birthday gift cards by mail.

It appears she has separation anxiety and refuses to accept she is no longer the woman in his life as she sees it.
The way I see it is it was like he was her husband, boyfriend and she is the woman scorned. She has lost her control and can't handle it. She is truly an adult step daughter from hell. She is using her children as pawns to hurt her dad.
Shame on you

United States

#2 Aug 7, 2013
Idk you or your stepdaughter however, but i find it ridiculous you take to ftown topix to talk about this. No one cares abt your family drama so dont air your dirty laundry for everyone to see. Talk to ur hubby and adult stepdaughter and fix ur issues like grown ups and not on social media.
Ftown

Farmington, MO

#3 Aug 7, 2013
"Talk to ur hubby and adult stepdaughter and fix ur issues like grown ups and not on social media."!
Hali

Bonne Terre, MO

#4 Aug 7, 2013
It does seem pretty immature on your part. You should realize that this woman has issues related to her father. Maybe try talking to her yourself or seek family counseling. Good luck!
noneya

Park Hills, MO

#5 Aug 7, 2013
Obviously this person is wanting to start drama with her step daughter or she wouldn't be posting something so personal on this site that is good for that purpose only.
Anon

Park Hills, MO

#6 Aug 7, 2013
Obviously all these replies are from spoiled adult women who treat their dads like boyfriends that they won't sleep with.

Or maybe they have slept with their dads, who knows?
hmmm

Saint Peters, MO

#7 Aug 8, 2013
It sounds more like you are the jealous wife of his and his daughter's relationship.
really?

United States

#8 Aug 8, 2013
I don't think she's jealous at all,I had a similar issue with my husband,but it wasn't only with one it was all of his kids,he was basically their slave,and since it had always been that way none of them were able to see that it wasn't right,it took several people looking in and telling him what they thought,he has been working to change the relationship ever since.i wish you the best of luck,you'll need it.
wtf

Ashburn, VA

#9 Aug 8, 2013
googd luck I can see how F'd up that would be.
u no it

Ashburn, VA

#10 Aug 8, 2013
It appears your new husband over doted on his daughter,and probably more so after the break up with mom. Your step daughter sounds like a very self-centered person. I not only feel for you,but her husband and children as well! It's sad that family members think they have to"mean more"than another. Love is love,there is no measurement for it! Either you love,or you don't! It's not I love you a little,or next,or whatever. And not allowing your husband to see his grandchildren,is down right unheard of! If it's been two years,I'd let it be. She made this decision,so let her live with it! And maybe,if the smartass posts have any been her,she might want to remember,her dad won't be around forever to make things right,or for her kids to know their grandpa! How disrespectful! Sounds like daddy needs to spank her grown up ass! JS
general

Guelph, Canada

#11 Oct 10, 2013
Ftown wrote:
"Talk to ur hubby and adult stepdaughter and fix ur issues like grown ups and not on social media."!
How Dare you say this to this woman. she has an issue and is being responsible in looking for answers and support. there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. she is doing the right thing.
YOU on the other hand are a selfish spoiled judgemental person who has no right to judge or comment. IF you are a step parent or step child i pity you and the others around you!!!!
another

Ashburn, VA

#12 Oct 10, 2013
Sounds like a very self centered child,that needed to grow up long ago. Like when she decided to have her own children and husband. Good for her,but not dad? I would hope my dad found another to live his life out with,and be happy! Ignore her,I've found killing them with kindness works rather well. Good luck to you!!
lion

Monticello, AR

#13 Oct 14, 2013
wow some of you people are ridiculous she's asking for advise sounds like your the ones looking for drama. you people are the ones that make this sight filth and bullying she's trying to make a crummy situation best it can be
another

Ashburn, VA

#14 Oct 15, 2013
Sounds to me like she is the one being bullied!JS
Agree

Pottstown, PA

#15 Jan 4, 2014
First if all these forums are for people to help one another so ignore those posting otherwise! I had been mom figure to my now 32yr old adult stepdaughter since she was 4 and her mom remarried. I raised her like my own and age was the only child until sge was 17 and I had a daughter. we were close, I was mom and she had her own children call me Grandmom. fir the past 4 years she has excluded us from here/their life as we said NO to hosting her child's Baptism (I had just been laid off) anyhow.. The extortion of grandchilren love to hurt steps is immature and now we were excluded from 2nd child's baptism! Pre hateful behavior.
Fast 500

Dexter, MO

#16 Jan 4, 2014
You do what you've been doing, living and enjoying your life. If your step daughter wants to use her kids or her dad it's on her, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. I wouldn't let her bring you down, if you do then she has more influence over the whole situation than you had imagined.
Brian B

United States

#17 Jan 5, 2014
You need to keep her out of YOUR life, notice I didn't say his.

She sounds like a nut, and people that crazy can't change.

Just minimize your contact with her, and STOP TRYING, she will never approve of you and you will continually beat yourself up.

You didn't marry her, you married him.
cnkjj

United States

#18 Jan 24, 2014
Father/Daughter relationship shouldn't change because of you!!! Its your opinion that he was like her Slave, maybe they were close and he was her rock. Considering they lost the mom/wife that they both loved. His daughter & grandchildren are his blood & he will resent you oneday for being estranged from them. if u had any respect for him you would never have insulted his daughter.

Since: Jan 10

United States

#19 Feb 11, 2014
cnkjj wrote:
Father/Daughter relationship shouldn't change because of you!!! Its your opinion that he was like her Slave, maybe they were close and he was her rock. Considering they lost the mom/wife that they both loved. His daughter & grandchildren are his blood & he will resent you oneday for being estranged from them. if u had any respect for him you would never have insulted his daughter.
Well said. No one gains anything by doing things like that. It just hurts the kids and no man should have to choose between his own child and a new wife. Both are am important part of his life and he should be able to love both them in his own way.
Blended families

Houston, TX

#20 Feb 11, 2014
I would give it time and focus on your marriage. Don't talk about this so much and just hope that one day their relationship can be reunitied the right way. And don't expect her to want you to be a part of her life. Allow your husband to see her because deep down inside, he probably misses her but doesn't want any hurt feelings with you. Make boundaries and make a plan that will work for you. If she will not allow you over then be ok with this and still allow your husband to make a home visit to her and the kids. Your husband might feel torn and doesn't know how to deal with this. Also don't make the visit to often because she has to realize that he is married and has a family that he needs to make time for. When he visits her, don't think about how she feels about you or your kids, just be happy for husband. And allow him to make peace with her. One day she will make peace with you, and if she doesn't, don't kill your mind over it. You can't change how she is, but you can change how you react and allow her to make you and your husband feel. Distance and balanced visits would be best till you both it's time to sit and talk. I am going through the same situation and people don't realize how hard blessed families are.

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