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Am I the Only One

Ripley, TN

#1 Sep 22, 2010
Am I the only one that feels like they are trapped in a mariage the just feels destined to fail? And look at other people and think, I wonder what it would be like to be with them>>>>>> >>
Me too

Clinton, MS

#2 Sep 22, 2010
Problem with me is, my finances are all wrapped up in his. I can't really go buy another house because myd debt ratio would be too high because the house we share is in my name too. I don't want to rent because I have pets and most rental houses won't allow pets or will charge hundreds more a month to allow them. My husband and I are no more than roomies. We share bills. Period. We do not even share the same bedroom. We never go anywhere together. We do not have kids at home. I try to talk to him about it and he says let's be reasonable and do this the right way, and then it is left blowing in the wind. I know there is a happier way to live. I would like to be living it.
Intolerant2

Dyersburg, TN

#3 Sep 22, 2010
Good Lord. Either suck it up, get off the pity pot, and be a real spouse (I mean, why did you get married if you would ever want to be with other people?), or leave. No one is ever "trapped" in a marriage. "Trapped" just means you do not have enough of a backbone to leave if you truly want out. If you are getting on Topix posting about wondering what it would be like to be with other people, that is just lame and attention-seeking. No one controls your destiny but you and God. Life is what YOU make it. If you were committed to your spouse and really wanted your marriage to improve and last, you would never entertain that thought for longer than a couple of seconds, much-less get on a local, public message board whining about something so ridiculous. Grow up.
Well

Ripley, TN

#4 Sep 22, 2010
Me too wrote:
Problem with me is, my finances are all wrapped up in his. I can't really go buy another house because myd debt ratio would be too high because the house we share is in my name too. I don't want to rent because I have pets and most rental houses won't allow pets or will charge hundreds more a month to allow them. My husband and I are no more than roomies. We share bills. Period. We do not even share the same bedroom. We never go anywhere together. We do not have kids at home. I try to talk to him about it and he says let's be reasonable and do this the right way, and then it is left blowing in the wind. I know there is a happier way to live. I would like to be living it.
How old are you, & do you consider yourself attractive?
April Ramey Beasley

Memphis, TN

#5 Sep 22, 2010
I understand completely
Well

Ripley, TN

#6 Sep 22, 2010
Intolerant2 wrote:
Good Lord. Either suck it up, get off the pity pot, and be a real spouse (I mean, why did you get married if you would ever want to be with other people?), or leave. No one is ever "trapped" in a marriage. "Trapped" just means you do not have enough of a backbone to leave if you truly want out. If you are getting on Topix posting about wondering what it would be like to be with other people, that is just lame and attention-seeking. No one controls your destiny but you and God. Life is what YOU make it. If you were committed to your spouse and really wanted your marriage to improve and last, you would never entertain that thought for longer than a couple of seconds, much-less get on a local, public message board whining about something so ridiculous. Grow up.
It would be nice if life was as simple as you make it sound, She made very good points regarding financial situations. And sometimes two people can hook up to share financial responsibilities and help each other out of their current situation. And if two people are ok with that, then what does it hurt. If you do not have anything positive to contribute please refrain from posting.

If she is a beautiful attractive women with a beautiful heart and is unappreciated, I would be glad to see about us getting to know each other and help each other out!
Intolerant2

Dyersburg, TN

#7 Sep 22, 2010
Me too wrote:
Problem with me is, my finances are all wrapped up in his. I can't really go buy another house because myd debt ratio would be too high because the house we share is in my name too. I don't want to rent because I have pets and most rental houses won't allow pets or will charge hundreds more a month to allow them. My husband and I are no more than roomies. We share bills. Period. We do not even share the same bedroom. We never go anywhere together. We do not have kids at home. I try to talk to him about it and he says let's be reasonable and do this the right way, and then it is left blowing in the wind. I know there is a happier way to live. I would like to be living it.
Ok, so I've been here. Yes, you can rent a house or apartment having pets. I have done this at least 5 times in my life. To think you can't find a place to rent affordably that allows pets is just making excuses. You obviously haven't really checked into places. If your husband chose to say in the house that you are buying now, then he would have to refinance it in his name only within a certain time period or it would have to be sold. Either way, your name comes off. If that was court-ordered (and it should be if you have a decent lawyer), and he didn't do it, he would be in contempt. I do feel badly when a marriage ends up like this, but your life is what you make it at this point. You could still be unhappy and lonely, in this same situation, 20 years down the road, or you could be with someone who really loves you, appreciates you, and treats you like a wife. I was in a bad marriage for over a decade. It's very, very hard to make that step, but once you do get out and begin to live life again, you will most likely wonder why you ever stayed as long as you did. Good luck.
good grief

Dyersburg, TN

#8 Sep 22, 2010
Well wrote:
<quoted text>
It would be nice if life was as simple as you make it sound, She made very good points regarding financial situations. And sometimes two people can hook up to share financial responsibilities and help each other out of their current situation. And if two people are ok with that, then what does it hurt. If you do not have anything positive to contribute please refrain from posting.
If she is a beautiful attractive women with a beautiful heart and is unappreciated, I would be glad to see about us getting to know each other and help each other out!
And that's exactly why you posted here. Looking for someone to hook up with.
Intolerant2

Dyersburg, TN

#9 Sep 22, 2010
Well wrote:
<quoted text>
It would be nice if life was as simple as you make it sound, She made very good points regarding financial situations. And sometimes two people can hook up to share financial responsibilities and help each other out of their current situation. And if two people are ok with that, then what does it hurt. If you do not have anything positive to contribute please refrain from posting.
If she is a beautiful attractive women with a beautiful heart and is unappreciated, I would be glad to see about us getting to know each other and help each other out!
You sound like your heart is kinda in the right place, but (just coming from a woman's perspective), I wouldn't be so obvious about asking about attractiveness, looks, etc. Get to know someone. Meet publicly for coffee or a Coke. You'll find out if you are attracted to her without asking. Also, I know life isn't that simple, and I KNOW it's hard to get out of a bad marriage. Objectively though, if someone really wants out, they need to get out. It does neither spouse a favor by cheating or longing for other people. I am a go-getter, and it took me over 10 years to leave. I understand... but life can be so much happier than this, unless this person continues to look at other people in the next relationship, and the next, etc... Just because you are in a bad marriage doesn't mean you should daydream about other people or cheat. Either turn off your opposite sex radar and work on your marriage, or take the steps you need to and get out. That's all I'm saying. Good luck you all.
Intolerant2

Dyersburg, TN

#10 Sep 22, 2010
Well wrote:
<quoted text>
If you do not have anything positive to contribute please refrain from posting.
If she is a beautiful attractive women with a beautiful heart and is unappreciated, I would be glad to see about us getting to know each other and help each other out!
What you are saying is buzz off so you can try to sweet talk a lonely woman (who you obviously hope is attractive) so you can have a fling with her either online or in person? A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart who longs for a real man and relationship sure doesn't need to hook up with a vulture like you. Now, I'm out. I hope you don't find your thrill you are looking for in one of these people. This turns my stomach. Blech!
Well

Ripley, TN

#11 Sep 22, 2010
Intolerant2 wrote:
<quoted text> You sound like your heart is kinda in the right place, but (just coming from a woman's perspective), I wouldn't be so obvious about asking about attractiveness, looks, etc. Get to know someone. Meet publicly for coffee or a Coke. You'll find out if you are attracted to her without asking. Also, I know life isn't that simple, and I KNOW it's hard to get out of a bad marriage. Objectively though, if someone really wants out, they need to get out. It does neither spouse a favor by cheating or longing for other people. I am a go-getter, and it took me over 10 years to leave. I understand... but life can be so much happier than this, unless this person continues to look at other people in the next relationship, and the next, etc... Just because you are in a bad marriage doesn't mean you should daydream about other people or cheat. Either turn off your opposite sex radar and work on your marriage, or take the steps you need to and get out. That's all I'm saying. Good luck you all.
I don't want to come across as pathetic or anything, and I think I am a prety strong person. I guess we tend to want someone there as a security blancket because we don't want to be alone or go through this alone. I didn't mean to focus on "attractive" so much.....but the attraction aspect is important. Sometimes we just need someone to help us through things. At this point...I guess I wasn't considering it cheating since there is absolutely NOTHING there..........I could be wrong about looking at it that way. It is hard not to think about wanting a relationship with a women (GOOD relationship and friendship, and I'll be honest SEX ....haven't had for over 2 years!!!) I don't even remeber what it was like to be in love or be with a women, or have someone truely care about me. Is it so wrong to want to LOVE someone so much that you can't stand to be away from them, and when you are with them they are as necessary as breathing.........that's what I am looking for. Someone I would die for, be willing to donate my heart for to save her life..........I just don't believe such a thing exists for me. Think of me as you may..... but I am a genuine person.......in need of a good woman that want's to be loved and cared for, and needs someone to care about her that much, that the thought of being apart TRUELY hurts..........this day and age people make fun of this way of thinking, but deep down, even those people want the same thing. Don't we all :)
Well

Ripley, TN

#12 Sep 22, 2010
Intolerant2 wrote:
<quoted text>
What you are saying is buzz off so you can try to sweet talk a lonely woman (who you obviously hope is attractive) so you can have a fling with her either online or in person? A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart who longs for a real man and relationship sure doesn't need to hook up with a vulture like you. Now, I'm out. I hope you don't find your thrill you are looking for in one of these people. This turns my stomach. Blech!
Not at all, I am sorry I came across that way........I am brave on this keyboard, but too shy in person to do anything about it.......I am nobody special.......I am just searching.......I am sure this isn't the best place to search, but I don't think I am the only lost soul out there. Please do not miss-understand my intentions, I am merely venting, sharing, reaching out...I obviously don't know what to do, or always say the right things (or write them) but I do have a good heart, and yes I am oh so lonely looking to fill a void, possibly the wrong way. But I am taking a chance, because if I don't, I will be stuck in the same situation that I am now! Right or wrong I am not trying to justify anything, I am just taking a small leap, a huge risk.....and laying it on the line...
Me too

Madison, MS

#13 Sep 22, 2010
Well, I guess it does sound like making excuses...but seriously. I have looked in MY small TOWN and the rent is higher if you can even find a place. I am talking several dogs and a couple cats. I would rather buy a house. I am a mature person and I have been married a long time. The only excuses I have ever really made was the excuses to stay with spouse until kids were on their own. I am not wanting to leave because of another person, so whichever post that was? you are kinda off base.
It has taken me several years to decide this is what I want. I am working on it too. It does really suck because we are not really living together now. So I am alone most of the time. I think people do stay in relationships just so they won't be alone. I haven't done any favors for anyone to stay like this though.
"Am I the only one". Just think it through like I am. I have a job and my own insurance. It isn't like I have to stay married. The house was on the market for a little over a year. I knew that would be my out, but it didn't sell. SO STUCK I AM for now.
I do consider myself good looking. I sure do. ha
Am I the Only One

Ripley, TN

#14 Sep 22, 2010
Me too wrote:
Well, I guess it does sound like making excuses...but seriously. I have looked in MY small TOWN and the rent is higher if you can even find a place. I am talking several dogs and a couple cats. I would rather buy a house. I am a mature person and I have been married a long time. The only excuses I have ever really made was the excuses to stay with spouse until kids were on their own. I am not wanting to leave because of another person, so whichever post that was? you are kinda off base.
It has taken me several years to decide this is what I want. I am working on it too. It does really suck because we are not really living together now. So I am alone most of the time. I think people do stay in relationships just so they won't be alone. I haven't done any favors for anyone to stay like this though.
"Am I the only one". Just think it through like I am. I have a job and my own insurance. It isn't like I have to stay married. The house was on the market for a little over a year. I knew that would be my out, but it didn't sell. SO STUCK I AM for now.
I do consider myself good looking. I sure do. ha
I am 40, I think I am better than average looking........I don't want to be trapped like this until my kids are out on their own..........I have been thinking about it for a long long long time, trying to figure out my best possible move in this grand chess game of life......It's hard for a guy to just move on, the problem is I love her in some ways, but she does not love me any more (primarily my fault I am sure), I know that. She stays with me because she is trapped too! What to do???? Finances are a big deal........right now, it's tough.
Guest

Dyersburg, TN

#15 Sep 22, 2010
There seems to be so many lonely people. Even if you are married or in a relationship that's "complicated", it IS easier to get on here and vent. Unfortunately, there's also alot of ignoramuses here too, lol. I wish there was a better way to network AND stay anonomous. The way I look at it, we're all people and you can't have too many friends.
Therapeuticallys peaking

Jackson, TN

#16 Sep 22, 2010
Feelings follow actions. Behave as if you are "in love" and the feelings will return. Be the person you want your spouse to be. Make it work for your kids' sakes--until they are grown.

The only way this would not happen is if there is abuse or an addiction involved. But you didn't mention that so I assume not.
Janet

Memphis, TN

#17 Sep 22, 2010
Are your initials BA? If so, get out of that mess girl.
Am I the Only One wrote:
Am I the only one that feels like they are trapped in a mariage the just feels destined to fail? And look at other people and think, I wonder what it would be like to be with them>>>>>> >>
Help

Henderson, TN

#18 Sep 22, 2010
If you are in an unhappy marriage, then back up, think about why you got married and what attracted you to each other. Talk to your spouse, communicate, find common ground and keep that little ember burning. There are always things you can't control, but belive me divorce is not always the answer. Kids hurt, families hurt, just reflect back and try to be friends, don't give up, take the first step.....love your spouses. I miss mine and our kids do too!
Yeah

Dyersburg, TN

#19 Sep 22, 2010
Well wrote:
<quoted text>
Not at all, I am sorry I came across that way........I am brave on this keyboard, but too shy in person to do anything about it.......I am nobody special.......I am just searching.......I am sure this isn't the best place to search, but I don't think I am the only lost soul out there. Please do not miss-understand my intentions, I am merely venting, sharing, reaching out...I obviously don't know what to do, or always say the right things (or write them) but I do have a good heart, and yes I am oh so lonely looking to fill a void, possibly the wrong way. But I am taking a chance, because if I don't, I will be stuck in the same situation that I am now! Right or wrong I am not trying to justify anything, I am just taking a small leap, a huge risk.....and laying it on the line...
Hey, I'd like to talk to you. Will you email me at sweetdburgchic@gmail.com?
anonamous man

United States

#20 Sep 22, 2010
Me too wrote:
Problem with me is, my finances are all wrapped up in his. I can't really go buy another house because myd debt ratio would be too high because the house we share is in my name too. I don't want to rent because I have pets and most rental houses won't allow pets or will charge hundreds more a month to allow them. My husband and I are no more than roomies. We share bills. Period. We do not even share the same bedroom. We never go anywhere together. We do not have kids at home. I try to talk to him about it and he says let's be reasonable and do this the right way, and then it is left blowing in the wind. I know there is a happier way to live. I would like to be living it.
. I will be at java cafe at 7 am on thursday if you want to talk.

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