Baffled husband tip-toes around new wife's moods

Offering to trim someone's toenails,unless they can't bend to do it them selves, sounds like a foot fetish or a scene out of Lolita. Did you do that before marriage? Reacting as if it's a criticism on personal appearance is almost as strange.
I guess I am not surprised you have both been married twice before. Weird.

LW1--You offered to do what?? I suspect you may be smothering Charlotte in an attempt to "pamper" her. Try backing off a bit. Or a lot!

LW3: Dear Abby gave good advice. More and more, graduation ceremonies are being held in larger venues where limited tickets aren't as big a problem as they once were. So, using the "limited tickets" argument may not hold water. Find a relative who can monitor her behavior and act in case she has an episode.(I have noticed that people tend to be more forgiving of inappropriate adult behavior if the person is noticeably mentally handicapped...as opposed to someone who "looks" normal but behaves badly.)

LW2: Where are your parents??? If any child of mine becomes a parent as a teen they will NOT be going out with friends again until my grandchild is in college or until they can afford to move out and live on their own dime. They will be one of three places: actively taking care of the baby, working to earn a living for the baby, or in school preparing to earn a better living for the baby.

With that said, this letter is a valuable lesson for girls - no matter how many strides we make toward equality of men and women, the fact remains that girls/women do not have the option to simply walk away from pregnancy/parenting. Girls need to be extremely careful about who they hop in the sack with in the first place and they need to protect themselves.

LW1: Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of, um, what again? Oh yeah, insanity.

Your wife seems to have made it clear that she finds your offers of beauty treatments insulting. Stop doing it. If you're desparate to pamper her, find another way - cook her a meal, for instance.

#1 EEEWWWWW!

2# There's nothing you can do. The kid is a loser. Your parents need to intervene, but it doesn't sound like they're doing their job.

3# Why should the trouble-making sister have any say? Give her the wrong date or time - after the graduation has taken place

I don't think you should lie about ticket availability unless that is the case. I would just not invite her to the ceremony and invite her to a post ceremony party. However, if you do that, you really can't invite anyone else to the ceremony, either- except maybe the grandparents.

Offered to cut toenails? Really?

I totally agree with the suspicion of a foot fetish for LW1 - and I suspect the wife was trying to be nice when she said she felt he was being critical. She didn't have the heart to tell him how creepy it is. And it is creepy.

I hope Baffled Husband had a pre-nup. Sounds like his new wife had an alternate agenda when they married.

L1: You are weird.

L2: Your brother is not a father. He's a punk who fathered a child. Big difference. You can't make him grow up. Be a great aunt to that baby and offer the mother whatever assistance you can, including promising to keep your loser brother away from the baby.

L3: Don't invite her. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean she has carte blanche to attend everything and create a scene. She isn't mentally ill. She's just so self-centered she has to make everything about her. I know "mentally ill" people and they don't behave that way. She'd be that way if she were "mentally healthy."

LW1: I dated my husband for three years. Many kind acts performed by a boyfriend were greatly appreciated and received kind acts in response, such as a favorite meal cooked expressly for him. Case in point was the repair of the pipe under my kitchen sink. However, once we were married, I admit to not gushing as much over such a repair to 'our house.' By the same means, he was in the military and if bought new fatiques and I sewed all the patches on he would treat me to a nice dinner out. As a wife I was lucky to get a thanks and he'd drag home his buddies' uniforms for me to sew. It was 'expected.' Being a spouse changes the rules. I would not want anyone cutting my nails by the way.

Re: the mentally ill sister should be kept from graduation. It is a big day for many kids, not just her relative, no way she should be allowed to ruin it for many.

AngelaMN wrote:

L3: Don't invite her. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean she has carte blanche to attend everything and create a scene. She isn't mentally ill. She's just so self-centered she has to make everything about her. I know "mentally ill" people and they don't behave that way. She'd be that way if she were "mentally healthy."

I have a 51-year old sister just like this. She loves being the center of attention. No matter what the occasion, she has an "episode" and demands to be taken home immediately. She freaks out until someone drives her home. Then she calls and demands to be picked up and brought back. She is only like this with family, not her friends. The last time she was at my home she embarrassed my son in front of everyone. She has not been invited back since.

Did anyone forget to ask is if LW1 has encouraged (or nagged)
Charlotte to see a doctor? Also, isn't 51 a common menopause age?

Is LW2 trying to stop her brother from getting himself beaten up
even worse than he has? If she can't rescue him, will she
befriend his baby's mother?

LW3 may as well not tell her sister about the graduation if
she can. Better to change the subject than make it forbidden
to someone that likely to make a rude scene.

L1: I agree. EWWWWWWWWWW! Very strange.

L2: The brother will probably regret his actions when he is older but now he's just an immature brat and will probably lose all respect of his child. The LW should be there for her niece/nephew.

L3: This woman probably will flip out that she even has a "watcher". I know, it's my projection b/c we don't know. I just wouldn't invite her to the ceremony. I hope the LW keeps the mantra to her sister "this isn't about you".

Cynthia wrote:

Re: the mentally ill sister should be kept from graduation. It is a big day for many kids, not just her relative, no way she should be allowed to ruin it for many.

I agree about keeping the unstable sister away from the graduation ceremony.

First of all, think of others. The ceremony is about honoring the class of kids. A disruption could spoil the special day for hundreds of people. If the family feels compelled to include the sister in events that trigger her outbursts then they should invite her to a party held later at their home.

Second, think of the sister. Imagine how she must feel about being thrust into situations where she cannot control herself. Spare her the shame and invite her to a quieter event that would be less challenging for her.

Even if Lw3'S sister is suffering from
the some type of post-traumatic stress
(and that's the kindest possibility),
it's better to let her do something else
during the ceremony than attend.

philosimphy wrote:

I totally agree with the suspicion of a foot fetish for LW1 - and I suspect the wife was trying to be nice when she said she felt he was being critical. She didn't have the heart to tell him how creepy it is. And it is creepy.

I can't believe how many of you are so uptight.

It's odd, yeah, but creepy? Gimme a break.

LW1: She married you for security, now she's having buyer's remorse & resents you.

Oh, and the toenails thing is a little too funky.

lw2 just needs to tell her sister, "sorry, they only gave us 2 tickets, so we cant' invite any more. see you at the party later."