is this as good as its ever going to be for me?

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tired of everything

United States

#1 Jun 11, 2013
Im 37 yrs old and it dont feel like anything will ever be good. Ive been through terrible abuse for a long time. Ive been beat up and raped. My husband just told me he wasnt happy anymore and wants to leave. Im a good person or at least i try very hard to be. I have a huge heart that only means it hurts worse i guess. Im tired of fighting life. Im tired of trying to make things work out for myself. I dont think its meant for me to be happy. I really dont so whats the point in going on? Im never going to be a somebody that might make someone happy. My life has been messed up since i was 13. Im just really tired of trying and trying. I look at these people that have good lives and i wonder if god is mad at me. Is there a reason god lets my heart hurt so much? I just feel done this time.
Catmando

Corinth, MS

#2 Jun 11, 2013
tired of everything wrote:
Im 37 yrs old and it dont feel like anything will ever be good. Ive been through terrible abuse for a long time. Ive been beat up and raped. My husband just told me he wasnt happy anymore and wants to leave. Im a good person or at least i try very hard to be. I have a huge heart that only means it hurts worse i guess. Im tired of fighting life. Im tired of trying to make things work out for myself. I dont think its meant for me to be happy. I really dont so whats the point in going on? Im never going to be a somebody that might make someone happy. My life has been messed up since i was 13. Im just really tired of trying and trying. I look at these people that have good lives and i wonder if god is mad at me. Is there a reason god lets my heart hurt so much? I just feel done this time.
God Is not mad at you. You have to make your on happiness . I have been in a similar situation and GOD brought me through it. Keep praying it will get better.
MsMom

Bellevue, WA

#3 Jun 11, 2013
Hunny, life os what you make of it. Listen, all of those other people you see that are "happy", im sure there have been many times that they were not. You can not change the past or the thing happened to you. What you have to do is focus on now and your future. There will always be rain. But when the sun finally comes out, it will shine so much brighter for you because you've seen so much rain. I wish you peace and happiness. Be strong my friend. Don't let life kick your a$$, kick life's a$$ and make your life better. It's deep inside you, find the courage and pull yourself outof this hole and find happiness!
match

Sorrento, LA

#4 Jun 11, 2013
sometimes volunteering to help others like the disabled can provide perspective about god hating you. some were born without use of you legs arms or mind or body and they have it rougher than you. god doesnt hate them or you!!
mp

Corinth, MS

#5 Jun 11, 2013
You sound like someone I know really well. If this is m-l-h I had no idea your marriage was turning for the worse. I had a miss call from my cousin( assuming this is you) if you need to talk please call me back. My door is always open for you. God dosent hate you. I promise. Maybe your going thru all this bc theirs something better awaiting you in your future. Even if this isn't my cuz just remember if god leads you to it, he'll lead you thru it! He never closes one door without opening another. I'll be praying for you to find peice with your situation.
HerpADerp

Booneville, MS

#6 Jun 11, 2013
Well, sweetheart, I have good news and I have bad news.

The good news is that it does get better. The bad news is that it gets worse, too.

Everyone experiences it, life's periods of ups and downs. Seems everything will be fine, say you just bought a very nice car. A couple weeks later, the car ends up having a screwup and it costs you a fortune to fix if it can be fixed.

Everyone goes through it. You are not alone. In the end, where you are at in your 37 years is roughly the same as everyone around that age. Some have it nicer, some have it worse, but most are about the same even if it is good in other areas than yours and worse in others areas, too.

Someday, maybe you'll find a good guy that loves you. You'll have a good many years with him, but even that bright spot will turn dark when you watch him age, get sick, waste away, and die.

Everything in life is up and down. It is the ride we all ride. In the end, almost all of us make it through for better or for worse.

If I can leave you with one impression it would be that you should ride the ride anyways. Sure, it means that even more bad times are ahead. It also means that other things that are so fantastic you never imagined them are ahead, too. Without riding the ride even with the scary parts you will never get to them.

I understand that you feel bad and my words may not have helped, but I hope they do. We all have sad times, some more than others. Please do not feel alone. If you need to talk to someone then do it. Even if you have nobody to talk to, there are plenty of people to talk to. Hospitals will listen and so will people on crisis lines. I know, they suck, and they have some kind of stigma associated. Nobody has to know you called for support.

Ride the ride, sweetheart. It's fun once you get the hang of it, even the bumpy parts.

May God bless you, and I hope you smile soon. Smiling is fun.
Hhmm

Duluth, GA

#7 Jun 12, 2013
Girl, I don't know you but I had to do a double take. Other than a couple different things I've actually been living the same life. Been down the same paths. God has truly had to carry me through a whole lot of my years from a very young age to present. Seems that the older I get the worse things become. I don't know how some of the years have came and gone. I probably could write a very long book on things and that have tried to fall on my head! And lately it's been so tuff I've thought the worst, even though I am ashamed to say! Anyway just want you to know you are not alone. If you will pray for me I will pray for you! I've often even ask God, why me? And no answer, just tuffer trials! Have fought the devil long and hard. I decided to finally change my perspective in life, at this 37th birthday I have coming in my near future! I've demanded the devil to get it all out of his system and happen to be laying upon a might prayer cloth anointed by some faith filled people! No I don't claim to be anything but human, but I do know God! And I'm gonna strive and keep climbing my ladder and I will not let go! People didn't break me the first thirty seven and I'm sure a lot stronger to face the next thirty seven!! So bring it on devil!! I'm very experienced in fighting and winning!! No need for anyone to stop now! God Bless
decent

Sorrento, LA

#8 Jun 12, 2013
you'll be fine in the long run if you stay away from mean people
mee

Tupelo, MS

#9 Jun 12, 2013
Stay away from men for a while and find out who you are and what makes you happy, once that's figured out maybe you can start looking for the "right" man for you, he's out there!
guest

Corinth, MS

#10 Jun 12, 2013
Stay away from scum, both male and female. Purge them from your life. Don't associate with trash. Trash rubs off on everything it touches... like a plague.
happy lady

Saltillo, MS

#11 Jun 12, 2013
You are responsible for your own happiness ; that is not someone else's responsibility.
You need to leave relationships alone until you fix your perception of yourself & your life. You live like a victim,with victim mentatlity (probly for good reason) so you are attracting predators!
You would do well to start some mental health counseling. Read your Bible & follow God's instructions on how to live,talk,dress,act,and even think. Before you know it,you & God will have you transformed into a "new creature" by the "renewing of your mind"!
God love you!
Native American

Corinth, MS

#12 Jun 12, 2013
You must look within to find happiness...forgive yourself then others that have wronged you. Each nite just before you start to fall asleep tell yourself till you fall asleep, tomorrow is going to be a good day. This way you go to sleep with positive in your mind not negative. Old Indian saying is; If you awake in the morning and can't find something to be thankful for, the problem lies within you.
tired

Duluth, GA

#13 Jun 13, 2013
happy lady wrote:
You are responsible for your own happiness ; that is not someone else's responsibility.
You need to leave relationships alone until you fix your perception of yourself & your life. You live like a victim,with victim mentatlity (probly for good reason) so you are attracting predators!
You would do well to start some mental health counseling. Read your Bible & follow God's instructions on how to live,talk,dress,act,and even think. Before you know it,you & God will have you transformed into a "new creature" by the "renewing of your mind"!
God love you!
Youre right... I do have a victim mentality. I hate that about myself. Thats going to change and yes i would love too for god to be the center of my life. Thanks for the advice!
happy lady

Saltillo, MS

#14 Jun 13, 2013
tired wrote:
<quoted text>
Youre right... I do have a victim mentality. I hate that about myself. Thats going to change and yes i would love too for god to be the center of my life. Thanks for the advice!
God can not only change you & the perception of yourself but he can heal the past wounds & scars, when you COMPLETELY give yourself to Him & His way of life. I am a testament of that: molested from so early in life,I dont remember when it started,til started my period at age 12 - I guess granpa was afraid of getting me pregnant; and I never told anybody,no even now (he's dead). Then a string of sexual relationships (yep, I was a 'ho'),some of those relationships were abusive,party constantly,ect..
BUT GOD!!!
Now,my history of abuse doesnt bother me at all ; it rarely crosses my mind. Nor am I ashamed of my past, cuz it just shows how big & forgiving & life changing my God & the Holy Ghost is!!
Jac Legg

Duluth, GA

#15 Jun 13, 2013
Don't know u but I'm praying for u.
A Southern Belle

Corinth, MS

#16 Jun 14, 2013
tired of everything wrote:
Im 37 yrs old and it dont feel like anything will ever be good. Ive been through terrible abuse for a long time. Ive been beat up and raped. My husband just told me he wasnt happy anymore and wants to leave. Im a good person or at least i try very hard to be. I have a huge heart that only means it hurts worse i guess. Im tired of fighting life. Im tired of trying to make things work out for myself. I dont think its meant for me to be happy. I really dont so whats the point in going on? Im never going to be a somebody that might make someone happy. My life has been messed up since i was 13. Im just really tired of trying and trying. I look at these people that have good lives and i wonder if god is mad at me. Is there a reason god lets my heart hurt so much? I just feel done this time.
I know exactly how you feel and when I'm like that none of the advice like these people gave you helps because I know better. It is true that some just have it better than others. It is a fact! No matter what some do they just cant catch a break. You can pray all you want but it does not help. I am not depressed and I have things to be thankful for but that doesnt mean sh*t about what you are referring to. I always thought God needed humor in his life is why I was put here to watch. Who knows? I've been punished throughtout life for being a trusting person. I also was not born rich for my family to hand me everything throughout life. Now people can say what they want but it is true that some just have it better. The way I make it through is by only looking at me..Never comparing myself to others..I tell myself "This is my life. However it may be its mine and I have to learn to deal with it in a way that works for me." Some days are better than others..And no I do not believe EVERYONE has a bad day..Some have it all! True! Why God chooses certain ones to live certain lives, I'll never know, but you can bet that usually its the strongest ones that have it the hardest! So just ask yourself how am "I" going to make it through this and what am "I" gonna do to find some happiness in the day. Screw everyone else because usually in the long run they want stick around anyway. I've found that my animals are therapeutic for me. As far as a man, I think I've finally met a nice one but I'm moving slow with him. I want to make sure this time. And as far as the past goes, dont twell on it but sure as hell dont forget it either because if you do you are subject to encountering the pain again. Good Luck to you...
tired

Hollywood, FL

#17 Jun 14, 2013
A Southern Belle wrote:
<quoted text>I know exactly how you feel and when I'm like that none of the advice like these people gave you helps because I know better. It is true that some just have it better than others. It is a fact! No matter what some do they just cant catch a break. You can pray all you want but it does not help. I am not depressed and I have things to be thankful for but that doesnt mean sh*t about what you are referring to. I always thought God needed humor in his life is why I was put here to watch. Who knows? I've been punished throughtout life for being a trusting person. I also was not born rich for my family to hand me everything throughout life. Now people can say what they want but it is true that some just have it better. The way I make it through is by only looking at me..Never comparing myself to others..I tell myself "This is my life. However it may be its mine and I have to learn to deal with it in a way that works for me." Some days are better than others..And no I do not believe EVERYONE has a bad day..Some have it all! True! Why God chooses certain ones to live certain lives, I'll never know, but you can bet that usually its the strongest ones that have it the hardest! So just ask yourself how am "I" going to make it through this and what am "I" gonna do to find some happiness in the day. Screw everyone else because usually in the long run they want stick around anyway. I've found that my animals are therapeutic for me. As far as a man, I think I've finally met a nice one but I'm moving slow with him. I want to make sure this time. And as far as the past goes, dont twell on it but sure as hell dont forget it either because if you do you are subject to encountering the pain again. Good Luck to you...
I hv the trust problem too. I trust way to easy. I give everybody my trust. What they say is what i believe and so far i end up getting hurt either emotionally or physically. I will be glad when i get to that point where i dont trust anybody. I have things to be thankful for and i am thankful but i cant enjoy these things because all the bad crapp has always got me surrounded. I just dont understand why god is ignoring me. I pray to the point of begging him to help me but nothing ever eases up. If i could just find out what exactly my purpose is here on earth, it might help me understand my life better.
....

United States

#18 Jun 16, 2013
Okay so I know that this seems like a ruff time to you but I've been raped by someone's dad. I use to think why did god let this happen to me. But now since its been 5 months since the when I got raped, I learned through my spirit that u use that as a testimony for other people. I know it's bad. I know how that feels. And yes it is very stressful. But all u can do is let god have it. Get to a alter and pray. Let god have it. You'll thank me for that later. P.S. this just came from a 14 yearold;)
guest

Corinth, MS

#20 Jul 3, 2013
Yep
wtf

Kingsport, TN

#21 Jul 4, 2013
tired of everything wrote:
Im 37 yrs old and it dont feel like anything will ever be good. Ive been through terrible abuse for a long time. Ive been beat up and raped. My husband just told me he wasnt happy anymore and wants to leave. Im a good person or at least i try very hard to be. I have a huge heart that only means it hurts worse i guess. Im tired of fighting life. Im tired of trying to make things work out for myself. I dont think its meant for me to be happy. I really dont so whats the point in going on? Im never going to be a somebody that might make someone happy. My life has been messed up since i was 13. Im just really tired of trying and trying. I look at these people that have good lives and i wonder if god is mad at me. Is there a reason god lets my heart hurt so much? I just feel done this time.
i know this is going to sound rude or like i am attacking you with word and that is not the way i mean what i am bout to say but anyway. sounds like you are drowning yourself in self pity. you are making yourself a victom. you are letting things bring you down when you should be letting it make you stronger. stop dwelling on shit and get over it make life what you want it to be. if what you are doing dont make you happy then stop doing what you are doing try something else. and i think you feel like you need a man so you settle for whoever or whatever comes along but you can do bad by yourself you dont need help doing bad so if your man dont make you happy and dont help you and beats on you or whatever put his ass to the curb. if your man says he aint happy let him go cause holding on to him is just going to make you feel worse about you than you already do.

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