What EVERY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW about a Woman!

9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.(Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome..(! I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot'- that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F@!K YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Things that will help out the Modern Male in most situations regarding their wife..

Warning guys, ALWAYS us a pitiful, calm and humbling voice.

1: "yes Dear"
2: "it is my fault Dear"
3: "I am so sorry Dear, it will never happen again"
4: "take all the time ya want Dear"
5: "I promise ya it ain't mine"
6: "I don't know how that got there"
7: "Yes Dear, it will never happen again"

REMEMBER: If you panic and can not remember how to respond or if you feel like a Deer/Dear in the Headlights of a fast approaching car, always refer to #1.

I was a lad of 18 when my daddy, God rest his soul, whispered these words of GREAT WISDOM to me..

"Son this is indeed a MAN's WORLD, but only if a woman it to be!!"

Now after 35 years of marriage to my Bride, I can attest to the fact that no truer words have ever been spoken except those few spoken by my dad in that moment of time.

Another time I asked my dad, "dad do you understand mom".. In response he uttered these words, "boy ya mother and I have been married 37 years and I am yet to figure her out".

He said that women are like allot like the wind. Where the wind will blow from the West and once ya get used to it blowing from the West, it will do a 180 and then come at ya from the East.

He then told me, "but son if you ever figure out a way to understand women, make darn sure I'm the first one ya tell".

Well my dad's gone now but his words of wisdom still lingers in my ears.

I can honestly say that after being married to my Bride of 35 years, I have failed in my task of understanding women. However I keep trying which is the Spice of Life as far as I am concerned..