Since: Jun 09

Madison, WI

#67877 May 31, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
We have *definitely* done number 3. Like "This is not to be mean or controlling, it's so you can function in the real world and not have people who live with you hate you. And so you don't end up a crazy cat lady on Hoarders."
Came to light last night when we were at camp with her that she may not have made as many friends/gotten along last year as she would have us to believe, which isn't terribly surprising.
Her friend from school, H, is working at camp for the first time this year and got there before we did and introduced herself to some of her fellow teenage workers. Came up that H had gotten the job through SIL and these other kids were like "Oh, crap,*she's* coming here again this year?" So H tells us this when SIL's in the bathroom or whatever. H is now our snitch. We told her that if SIL is making enemies left and right again, find out why and we'll talk to her. SIL means well, I know, but the clingyness, immaturity, and flair for drama is a losing combination. We know she doesn't have many friends (and H is one of the ones that ditched her on prom night), but we don't have a whole lot of insight to help her, beyond what we see at home.
The more you talk about this, the more it sounds like you've tried just about everything.

Since: Jun 09

Madison, WI

#67878 May 31, 2012

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#67879 May 31, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>This has been a topic here among the co-workers every now and then. Some of them have at times, taken time off from work to go chaperone a field trip. I, at present, have no intention of ever doing that. They like to give me shit about that, tongue in cheek, about how I don't love my kids or my kids will be disappointed. But the fact is, my parents never chaperoned any kind of school function and I never felt like I was missing out on anything.
I know we have talked about this on here before, too. I think it is important for the kids (all kids, not just yours) to see dads involved, too. Plus, I think it's ok for us, as parents, to go a little out of our comfort zone every once in a while and do something new with our kids.

I do realize, though, that my husband gets more vacation time than many people. If you only get a week off, then of course you would want to spend that entire week with your whole family. But if you have extra vacation days, just know that the schools really appreciate dads helping out. Communities work best when as many people pitch in as possible.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#67880 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
I know we have talked about this on here before, too. I think it is important for the kids (all kids, not just yours) to see dads involved, too. Plus, I think it's ok for us, as parents, to go a little out of our comfort zone every once in a while and do something new with our kids.
I do realize, though, that my husband gets more vacation time than many people. If you only get a week off, then of course you would want to spend that entire week with your whole family. But if you have extra vacation days, just know that the schools really appreciate dads helping out. Communities work best when as many people pitch in as possible.
I hated field trips. I mean I liked spending time with Chris and experiencing things with him, but if I went with then I would have to be around/responsible for/involved with other kids, and I think we all know by now how I feel about "other" kids. I went on some, but his dad went on a lot of them. He had the time and he didn't mind the other kids. <shrug> Chris was just fine with it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#67881 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
I know we have talked about this on here before, too. I think it is important for the kids (all kids, not just yours) to see dads involved, too. Plus, I think it's ok for us, as parents, to go a little out of our comfort zone every once in a while and do something new with our kids.
I do realize, though, that my husband gets more vacation time than many people. If you only get a week off, then of course you would want to spend that entire week with your whole family. But if you have extra vacation days, just know that the schools really appreciate dads helping out. Communities work best when as many people pitch in as possible.
You're looking at it as a dad/participation thing. I'm looking at it as a parent/work thing. I don't expect my wife to take time off for this stuff either. I've simply always viewed that kind of thing as the realm of the stay at home parent. If a situation should arise where there was a planned field trip but they don't have enough available parents volunteering to help and the field trip was in jeopardy, I could see myself volunteering. But only as a last resort.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#67882 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
I know we have talked about this on here before, too. I think it is important for the kids (all kids, not just yours) to see dads involved, too. Plus, I think it's ok for us, as parents, to go a little out of our comfort zone every once in a while and do something new with our kids.
I do realize, though, that my husband gets more vacation time than many people. If you only get a week off, then of course you would want to spend that entire week with your whole family. But if you have extra vacation days, just know that the schools really appreciate dads helping out. Communities work best when as many people pitch in as possible.
There are other ways to be involved and to pitch in other than using up a vacation day to go on field trips.

I've gone in a few times for holiday parties where we do activities for an hour or two, but that just requires a long lunch.

I also went to a 3 hour multicultural night, where they had a variety of activities, but that was on after work.

I go to book fairs with them at night. They also have a carnival, that we go to. There's musical performances I attend too.

I have 28 or 29 vacation days, which sounds like a lot, but it's really not when you think about it. 1 day I have to use for good friday (it's mandatory). Every year I have to use 3 or 4 to be at home or take care of something because my wife can't. I usually use a day or 2 for my wife and I to go on a day trip when the kids are at school. I have to use 4 or 5 to take off the week after Christmas (again it's mandatory). I'm usually sick 2 or 3 days a year. That right there is anywhere from 10 to 15 days right there.

That leaves me as little as 13 discretionary days. I wouldn't use one to go on a field trip, especially when I have 3 boys and if I went for one, they'd want me to do so for all of them.

In two more years, I'll get 5 more days of vacation time (and then one more day every year after that), and even then I doubt I'd do so. There are other ways to be involved.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#67883 May 31, 2012
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
I hated field trips. I mean I liked spending time with Chris and experiencing things with him, but if I went with then I would have to be around/responsible for/involved with other kids, and I think we all know by now how I feel about "other" kids. I went on some, but his dad went on a lot of them. He had the time and he didn't mind the other kids. <shrug> Chris was just fine with it.
There's that too. I don't really like the idea of being responsible for / in charge of other people's children. If other people's kids are misbehaving, I prefer to simply get their parent than to take action myself.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#67884 May 31, 2012
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>I hated field trips. I mean I liked spending time with Chris and experiencing things with him, but if I went with then I would have to be around/responsible for/involved with other kids, and I think we all know by now how I feel about "other" kids. I went on some, but his dad went on a lot of them. He had the time and he didn't mind the other kids. <shrug> Chris was just fine with it.
I think that if all or even most of the parents actually took turns, then it wouldn't fall on the same parents all the time. Around here the kids only go on one day-long field trip a year.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#67885 May 31, 2012
There are like 8 (4th, Christmas, Thanksgiving, stuff like that) or so other days that I get off for holidays that don't come out of my vacation time bucket, but those aren't discretionary days, that I can use whenever I want.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#67886 May 31, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>There are other ways to be involved and to pitch in other than using up a vacation day to go on field trips.

I've gone in a few times for holiday parties where we do activities for an hour or two, but that just requires a long lunch.

I also went to a 3 hour multicultural night, where they had a variety of activities, but that was on after work.

I go to book fairs with them at night. They also have a carnival, that we go to. There's musical performances I attend too.

I have 28 or 29 vacation days, which sounds like a lot, but it's really not when you think about it. 1 day I have to use for good friday (it's mandatory). Every year I have to use 3 or 4 to be at home or take care of something because my wife can't. I usually use a day or 2 for my wife and I to go on a day trip when the kids are at school. I have to use 4 or 5 to take off the week after Christmas (again it's mandatory). I'm usually sick 2 or 3 days a year. That right there is anywhere from 10 to 15 days right there.

That leaves me as little as 13 discretionary days. I wouldn't use one to go on a field trip, especially when I have 3 boys and if I went for one, they'd want me to do so for all of them.

In two more years, I'll get 5 more days of vacation time (and then one more day every year after that), and even then I doubt I'd do so. There are other ways to be involved.
Do you go with your family or do you volunteer to help?

Helping at the parties is the same as going on a field trip, IMO. It is taking time to go into the school and help the teacher supervise an activity that needs more adult attention.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#67887 May 31, 2012
I think that I would take a vacation day to chaperone on a field trip if it was an emergency or my kid *really* wanted me to come.

I've had a few pangs of guilt this school year because I was unable to take time off to help. I just happened to be off on a day the librarian needed help with L's class, so I volunteered to help out. I felt it was the least I could do, since so many other parents had stepped up when asked.

I look forward to 10-12 more years of similar situations.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#67888 May 31, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>There's that too. I don't really like the idea of being responsible for / in charge of other people's children. If other people's kids are misbehaving, I prefer to simply get their parent than to take action myself.
I think that's what the teachers liked about my participation with the loaners. I was a caregiver and not a parent, and already in that mode. After the first couple trips the girls said the other kids would ask if I was going. They liked me.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#67889 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you go with your family or do you volunteer to help?
Helping at the parties is the same as going on a field trip, IMO. It is taking time to go into the school and help the teacher supervise an activity that needs more adult attention.
You view it from the perspective of time spent at the school helping. We are viewing it from the perspective of time taken off from work. Helping at a party that does not require me to take a day off from work is not the same as chaperoning a field trip that does.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#67890 May 31, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text> wouldn't use one to go on a field trip, especially when I have 3 boys and if I went for one, they'd want me to do so for all of them.

.
Do you always do exactly the same thing with all three of your kids? Do you take them out separately based on their interests or say that you are doing X activity with your oldest and when the next turns that age you will take him to do that activity, just the two of you.

I'm not accusing here, just opening a new line of questioning up to everyone. My parents didn't do the same activities with all of us (like chaperone all our field trips just because they chaperoned for one of us), but we knew not to expect exact equal treatment. We still got fair treatment.

When we turned 16, my Dad took each of us on a business trip with him. I got to go to China. My brother went to Toronto (Dad wasn't working in China at that point). We have talked about it and he didn't feel short changed, but just took it as its own experience. My little bro declined his trip because he hates flying, but it was still offered to him.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#67891 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you go with your family or do you volunteer to help?
Helping at the parties is the same as going on a field trip, IMO. It is taking time to go into the school and help the teacher supervise an activity that needs more adult attention.
The only time I helped was when I went to a thanksgiving party, where I helped, because my wife couldn't make it. We did crafts in the classroom and then did activities and played games in the gymnasium.

However, if it's all about helping the teacher, it shouldn't matter what your gender is. So long as the teacher is getting help. Since my wife didn't work until last week, between the two of us, if someone is going to help, it would be her. It would be silly for me to use a vacation day to help, while she sat at home. I think the same holds true for other families.

She has helped many, many times, and probably way more than most parents do. She also sends in supplies and prizes for the prize boxes to teachers. So, I think as a unit, we do our fair share, without my having to take off from work.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#67892 May 31, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You view it from the perspective of time spent at the school helping. We are viewing it from the perspective of time taken off from work. Helping at a party that does not require me to take a day off from work is not the same as chaperoning a field trip that does.
That's the only important view, imo.
If you are a working stiff, you're a working stiff. I wouldn't expect people to take time off from work. Heck, I never got more than two weeks vacation when I was working for others, and I didn't use that limited time for field trips, I used it for family time and trips.
The important part is showing kids that school isn't just someplace they go to learn, but something that the parents support and are willing to be at least SOME part of the experience.
Bear's parents never attended any of his magic shows, his plays in school, the races when he was biking, and not one member of his family showed up for the graduation. He was the FIRST male on his mom's side to receive a high school diploma. Nobody even cared.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#67893 May 31, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You view it from the perspective of time spent at the school helping. We are viewing it from the perspective of time taken off from work. Helping at a party that does not require me to take a day off from work is not the same as chaperoning a field trip that does.
Do you volunteer in your kid's class at all? Or in the evenings, when they have family events, but need parent volunteers to run them?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#67894 May 31, 2012
I'm firmly in Camp Tonka on this. Vacation days are for vacations.
:)

My parents never chaperoned anything and I was not indifferent about it, I was GLAD.

Sub, regardless of your attempted rationalization, you get a sh1tload of vacation days.
;)
And Christmas, etc. are holidays and are in a whole separate category.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#67895 May 31, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you always do exactly the same thing with all three of your kids? Do you take them out separately based on their interests or say that you are doing X activity with your oldest and when the next turns that age you will take him to do that activity, just the two of you.
I'm not accusing here, just opening a new line of questioning up to everyone. My parents didn't do the same activities with all of us (like chaperone all our field trips just because they chaperoned for one of us), but we knew not to expect exact equal treatment. We still got fair treatment.
When we turned 16, my Dad took each of us on a business trip with him. I got to go to China. My brother went to Toronto (Dad wasn't working in China at that point). We have talked about it and he didn't feel short changed, but just took it as its own experience. My little bro declined his trip because he hates flying, but it was still offered to him.
I sometimes give them rides on my motorcycle if we are going to the park or somewhere close by, and they take turns, and keep tabs. Itís a big deal to them.

However, itís also not about doing the same exact thing. Rather, if I took a vacation day and went on a field trip with one, the other two would want me to take a day off and go on some field trip with them, regardless of where they were going, kind of like your father did with you.

The bottom line is that it would be 3 vacation days.

Also, if itís all about helping the teacher, my wife can go, if sheís not busy. I donít think the teacher cares what the sex is of the person helping her or that it somehow enhances the experience if itís a man helping as opposed to a woman.

Or since my wife has gone to many of these things and far more than most parents have, a parent of some other kid can go. She herself wouldnít want me using a vacation day. Sheíd rather have me home an extra day during the week of thanksgiving or whatever,Ďcause Iím that pleasant to be around, lol.

:)

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#67896 May 31, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
L1: I like Prudie's answer. My knee-jerk reaction is to think what a bunch of insensitive losers the LW has around her, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that her loved ones have begun the grieving process. The whole situation is sad, but could be so much worse.

L2: So she dresses hoochie and then gets pissed when you check out the goods? Something isn't adding up. Go with Prudie's advice, but tread very carefully.

L3: Run, don't walk, to a new therapist.

L4: Tell your family about Jews for Jesus. All kidding aside, do you really think this is something you can - or should - hide from them for the rest of your life?

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