Why do men and women stray?

I can tell you from personal experience that I strayed because my wife showed no interest in me and instead lavished attention on a sibling's child. Before you crucify me, I do my best to show her love and affection. I'm complimentary and never object to what she wants or needs. I work hard every day and love her children as if they were mine.

Someone else made me feel I was worth something and soon two marriages will be over. I don't know if I should feel sad or glad.

If you're in such a loveless marriage, why wouldn't you divorce her AND THEN find someone else? If you truly cared for her, you wouldn't cheat on her.

But who wants to get divorced without making sure they have someone waiting in the wings?
I DO agree with you, but we ALL know how the game of cheating works.

ITs called weakness. If u have to have an affair without being honest to someone who u made a commitment to...its called a character fault, weakness, no backbone, stupidity...need I go on? Grop up. What goes around comes around and IT WILL HAPPEN TO U.

I think you all are missing the OP's point. His wife is showing attention to a child that's not theirs. I'd be upset, too. Husbands need TLC just like wives.

Sierra Nevada wrote:

I think you all are missing the OP's point. His wife is showing attention to a child that's not theirs. I'd be upset, too. Husbands need TLC just like wives.

took the words right out of my mouth. Marriage and family takes 2 parents. When the hubby isn't getting any attention from the wife he strays. Believe me I know. Been thinking about it going on 5 years now. And what does it matter if you cheat before you are divorced....you're still getting divorced one way or another. If the wife isn't providing, she's failing in her role. Too many people lay the blame at the man's feet.

There are just as many reasons for straying as there are people who do it. Invariably, they all invent some excuse to make themselves feel okay about doing it.

hmm wrote:

<quoted text>took the words right out of my mouth. Marriage and family takes 2 parents. When the hubby isn't getting any attention from the wife he strays. Believe me I know. Been thinking about it going on 5 years now. And what does it matter if you cheat before you are divorced....you're still getting divorced one way or another. If the wife isn't providing, she's failing in her role. Too many people lay the blame at the man's feet.

if that's what you tell yourself... But why cheat? Im sure it's all her fault and he has no part in it, right? Even if that's the case- maybe its just my beliefs and morals- but why not be honest with her, tell her it's not going to work out, and file for divorce-- then seek your attention from the other woman. At one time she was the love of your life, do you not at least owe her that much?

Men cheat cause they r dogs....women cheat cause their sluts
.nothing. more to say

2 cents wrote:

<quoted text>
if that's what you tell yourself... But why cheat? Im sure it's all her fault and he has no part in it, right? Even if that's the case- maybe its just my beliefs and morals- but why not be honest with her, tell her it's not going to work out, and file for divorce-- then seek your attention from the other woman. At one time she was the love of your life, do you not at least owe her that much?

At one time, I was the love of her life. Why can't she just honor her vows? Does she not at least owe me that much?

See....comments like that can go both ways. I have been honest with her for years and told her before we got married if she wasn't going to provide, I would seek it elsewhere. Back then she understood and was seemingly ok with that comment. Nowadays, not so much. I don't want a divorce but don't like having to have a huge argument everytime I need sex. After a month or so, I really don't give a damn if she's in the mood or not. Hell, we went 4-5 months one time. I said "F@ck it. I'm going out tonight and getting laid". And guess what...as I was putting on cologne and getting ready to leave, she pulls me onto the bed and we have sex. Why the HELL does it have to come to that before I get some?

With more and more people having to work longer hours or additional jobs to make ends meet, quite often one of the spouses is just going to be too physically or mentally exhausted to be in the mood.
That's what happened to my husband.
I started watching porn and bought some adult toys.
Soon, he joined me in watching and we started doing what they were doing on screen.
Don't watch it much anymore but we sure have a hot sex life again.

They were wrong to be in a relationship to begin with/the wrong reasons. Then drag the other person down until they jump ship. Dateing is the new talking to, and marriage the new date. No true commitment, the bonding of marriage no longer taken the way it should be. Marriage is bonding two lives, into one heart, one soul, God meant marriage to be for life. It's really sad that this bond is no longer. A man to his children, a mother to her children are the only thing left to compare what marriage is supposed to be. Even a parents love is no longer as important as it should be. There are too many disregarding how very important this is to having a happy life.

My issue is when my wife an I were dating we had sex about 5 times a week. I know that with a family that is out of the question and I don't expect it 5 times a week, but maybe once a week. Not her, she gives me the "is that all you think about", my answer is hell yeah. They throw it on you all the time, then when your married they hold it for ransome.
That may not be a good reason to stray but it's how it happens. Lack of sex leads to agravation and loss of love.

wrong wrote:

My issue is when my wife an I were dating we had sex about 5 times a week. I know that with a family that is out of the question and I don't expect it 5 times a week, but maybe once a week. Not her, she gives me the "is that all you think about", my answer is hell yeah. They throw it on you all the time, then when your married they hold it for ransome.
That may not be a good reason to stray but it's how it happens. Lack of sex leads to agravation and loss of love.

Then you get the feeling of rejection and then hurt, anger and so on. Been there done that. I gave my wife all the affection and attention she needed and she still strayed. That's one of those situations, what can ya do!!

I could be anyone wrote:

I can tell you from personal experience that I strayed because my wife showed no interest in me and instead lavished attention on a sibling's child. Before you crucify me, I do my best to show her love and affection. I'm complimentary and never object to what she wants or needs. I work hard every day and love her children as if they were mine.
Someone else made me feel I was worth something and soon two marriages will be over. I don't know if I should feel sad or glad.

SAD...! That decision is what has been in several topix. In a way you are saying that you are contributing to the problem. Stand back and look at how many it effects. There will always be temptation, don't react to it and it builds a stronger bond between you and your spouse. Those that cave to temptation have to live with the wrong that they created. That's not a good, responsible decision. Just think on that. The grass is not greener. It is just what you want to see in your mind to justify physical actions.

what wrote:

If you're in such a loveless marriage, why wouldn't you divorce her AND THEN find someone else? If you truly cared for her, you wouldn't cheat on her.

Good response.

hmmmm wrote:

But who wants to get divorced without making sure they have someone waiting in the wings?
I DO agree with you, but we ALL know how the game of cheating works.

That is entirely the wrong way to look at it. If that is what you keep looming over you, somebody in mind? It is absolutely impossible to give the other person 100%. That is what it takes to truly love and have fulfillment inside. Never!.. leave to see how it would be on the other side. It takes being alone to be happy with yourself. In no way depending on a person to do that. Then you can offer your heart. Stop and think, do you really think it would be wise to choose another from lust or temptation with no respect for your current relationship? One thing will change, you will be next to loose. Think on it.

Weak wrote:

ITs called weakness. If u have to have an affair without being honest to someone who u made a commitment to...its called a character fault, weakness, no backbone, stupidity...need I go on? Grop up. What goes around comes around and IT WILL HAPPEN TO U.

Point well made!

Sierra Nevada wrote:

I think you all are missing the OP's point. His wife is showing attention to a child that's not theirs. I'd be upset, too. Husbands need TLC just like wives.

I hate to say it again. Nevada, the problem is what I have said. Both are to blame in diff ways. First the wife because she does need to be more attentive to her man. She has to see that before it can change. The husband may be more successful if he's 100% focused to the relationship. He will not know unless he does that. Thoughts can't be of another, then it's not fair to himself and will never know what the heart can achieve. Try it. You will be amazed right away how good the relationship will grow.

hmm wrote:

<quoted text>
took the words right out of my mouth. Marriage and family takes 2 parents. When the hubby isn't getting any attention from the wife he strays. Believe me I know. Been thinking about it going on 5 years now. And what does it matter if you cheat before you are divorced....you're still getting divorced one way or another. If the wife isn't providing, she's failing in her role. Too many people lay the blame at the man's feet.

The blame is not always one way, it takes both. If you cross that line, you have already made the choice. Really, it would impossible to realisticly believe you are"the one", if a person is putting it out there for you is just saying your next. It is always bad to persue an individual with no character. You will be no diff than the next to come along.