Abby 9-9

SINGLES LIVE ALONE IN SAFETY WITH AID OF SIMPLE DECEPTION

DEAR ABBY: "Cautious Bachelorette" (July 16) asked you how she should respond to a workman who asks if she lives alone. Having worked 30 years in a maximum security prison, I can assure your readers that criminals gravitate toward jobs that provide access to people's homes as a way of scouting victims, so "Bachelorette's" concern is well-founded.

I advise single women to keep a few articles of men's clothing, such as a jacket, work boots and other items, visible in their homes. They can be purchased inexpensively at a yard sale or local thrift shop. When a stranger is invited into her home, she can simply pick up one of the articles stating, "Here, let me get John's coat out of your way." It does provide a very real deterrent to criminals or others looking for a single woman to victimize.-- RONALD A., WASHINGTON STATE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS (RETIRED)

DEAR RONALD: My readers agreed that setting the stage (with an invisible housemate) is an effective way to give the impression to outsiders that you do not live alone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Take a suggestion from a senior citizen who has lived alone for many years -- and it applies not only to females, but also to males of any age. Singles should purchase articles of the opposite sex and display them prominently in their homes so they can be seen by any stranger who comes into their homes. That way, the question, "Do you live alone?" doesn't come up.-- SAFE SENIOR CITIZEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend "Cautious Bachelorette" purchase a male beta fish. They take very little time and energy to care for. Name him Fred, or some other masculine name. That way, when she's asked if she lives alone, she can honestly say, "No. Fred lives with me." If people inquire deeper, she can say that they have a close one-on-one relationship, and he is very dependable. She could even add that he is a professional swimmer without fibbing. That way she will be able to have a truthful reply for any who ask.-- FRED'S HOUSEMATE

DEAR ABBY: I live alone and I keep a men's magazine on my coffee table, a second set of towels in my bathroom and even went to the thrift store and bought a bathrobe that hangs on a hook behind the bathroom door. Also, my table is always set for two, and I always speak in terms of "we" whenever I have a stranger in my home.-- SINGLE BUT CAUTIOUS IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's how I give the illusion of not living alone. I have two deck chairs set out and often leave things outside like a shovel, my brother's flip-flops, or I toss a baseball cap onto the porch swing.-- LONGTIME READER IN EL CERRITO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 24 years, but the last several years were extremely difficult. We have separated, but have not filed the paperwork yet. I would like to begin moving forward with my life. It has been six months and there will be no reconciliation.

Recently, someone who knows my circumstances asked me out on a date. Would it be inappropriate for me to go, or to date in general?-- DATING DILEMMA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: If you are truly ready to move forward with your life, file the paperwork first. Even divorces that start amicably can become messy to some degree. Filing the paperwork first will make it less so.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It's time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. May God make yours a blessed feast.

L1- I like the idea of Fred. Otherwise, that was 5 minutes I'll never get back.
L2- No. Don't date him. You're still married, but too lazy to file the paperwork. Get your own crap together before you foist it off on someone else.

I leave things lying around as well. Huge strap-on sits on the coffee table. Femdom porn sits on top of the TV. The riding crop and leather straps are in a pile in the corner.

Scares (most) men right outta there.

There's something I find curious. I'm usually home alone when service people come to the house. I have never been asked if I'm single or married by any of them. They come in, do the job & leave. Maybe because I use Angie's List & know of reputable service companies.

1 No I dont live alone, theirs me, Smith and Wesson.

2 If you want to move forward, get rid of the yoke from your past.

Andie J wrote:

There's something I find curious. I'm usually home alone when service people come to the house. I have never been asked if I'm single or married by any of them. They come in, do the job & leave. Maybe because I use Angie's List & know of reputable service companies.

The only "service" people I have used are locksmiths and utility employees. THey've just been every day sorts of people. They've also been focused enough on their job that they didn't give a shit about me.

Anyone who has the fear of allowing a stranger into their home should read "The Gift of Fear," which will help teach a person to get in tune win their instincts.

I've never had this problem because even when I did live alone, my boyfriend stayed over so much that he had his own toothbrush, etc. and a shelf for clothes.

AngelaMN wrote:

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The only "service" people I have used are locksmiths and utility employees. THey've just been every day sorts of people. They've also been focused enough on their job that they didn't give a shit about me.
Anyone who has the fear of allowing a stranger into their home should read "The Gift of Fear," which will help teach a person to get in tune win their instincts.

I didn't really think about that stuff either. I don't think anything about my house ever screamed 'a single chick lives here', either. Maybe the master suite a little, but everything else I own is pretty neutral and un-girly.

I added Gift of Fear to my Kindle wish list...it's only $6.39! I'm enjoying "Mennonite", so I trust your judgement. Until you recommend a Twilight book or something. ;-)

Matilda77 wrote:

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I didn't really think about that stuff either. I don't think anything about my house ever screamed 'a single chick lives here', either. Maybe the master suite a little, but everything else I own is pretty neutral and un-girly.
I added Gift of Fear to my Kindle wish list...it's only $6.39! I'm enjoying "Mennonite", so I trust your judgement. Until you recommend a Twilight book or something. ;-)

Next, I want you to read Beauty, by Anne Roquelaure (sp?). Anne RIce's alter ego.

(Kidding -- google and you'll see what it's all about.)

I guess we NOW know what the parents whose top worries are 1. kidnapping, 2. school snipers, 3. terrorists, 4. dangerous strangers, and 5. drugs worried about before they found a mate and had children.

Matilda77 wrote:

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I didn't really think about that stuff either. I don't think anything about my house ever screamed 'a single chick lives here', either. Maybe the master suite a little, but everything else I own is pretty neutral and un-girly.

You bring up a good point.

If someone is up to no good and they enter someone's home and it looks like a flower shop threw up in it, is one pair of workboots in the corner really going to fool them?

Andie J wrote:

L1- I like the idea of Fred. Otherwise, that was 5 minutes I'll never get back.

Interesting. I thought Fred's housemate was an idiot while hte rest of them gave good ideas.

No repair person ever asked me if I lived alone, but when I did live alone in NYC, my answering machine had a matter-of-fact sounding outgoing message with just a number and "we will return your call" rather than "I will return your call."

Pet peeve (hah!): it's a Betta fish, not a beta.

And it's pronounced bet-ta, not bay-ta.

My PSA for the day.

AngelaMN wrote:

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Next, I want you to read Beauty, by Anne Roquelaure (sp?). Anne RIce's alter ego.
(Kidding -- google and you'll see what it's all about.)

That is one of the very few books that I have actually thrown out. Marilyn French's The Women's Room is another.

PE, I threw it out as well -- the entire trilogy.

I also threw away "The Nanny Diaries."

PEllen wrote:

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That is one of the very few books that I have actually thrown out. Marilyn French's The Women's Room is another.

I read all three when I was big into Anne Rice. Really the first erotica that I'd read, and I was single at the time...Let's just say they helped my fantasy life enough that I have kept them. They will be put up on the high shelf once the girls start reading, tho.

AngelaMN wrote:

PE, I threw it out as well -- the entire trilogy.
I also threw away "The Nanny Diaries."

Threw out? You people ever heard of craigslist? Ebay? Goodwill? Freecycle?

Mister Tonka wrote:

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Threw out? You people ever heard of craigslist? Ebay? Goodwill? Freecycle?

It's just a book. I'm not going to deal with posting it online and dealing with shipping. And the Beauty series can't go to Goodwill -- it was hardcore, super kinky erotica.

Ive given away AWESOME antique furniture via twincitiesfreemarket.org . I'm not going to feel guilty over throwing away four books (Nanny Diaries was so horrible, no one should read it, was my opinion) in my life.

L1: Proposed response: "No, my boyfriend wasn't willing to work around my genital herpes and dumped me? Want some lemonade?"

I'm sorry, but I have to nominate the betta fish response for the Dear Abby Stupid Letter Hall of Fame.

L2: I say go for it. Just make sure when you go out with your new beau that the Cheaters guy is not lurking nearby. If he catches you that could really ding your divorce settlement.